Chapter 5 #2
“Yeah.” He kissed the top of her head. “You taught me that being strong doesn't mean never being scared. You made me want to be the kind of man who deserves someone like you.”
“You already are that man.” Rachel's hand found his over her arm, their fingers tangling together. “You've always been him.”
They lapsed into comfortable silence again, watching the sun begin to paint the sky.
“Jack?” Rachel's voice was muffled against his shirt.
“Yeah?”
“I need to tell you something.” She pulled back enough to look at him, and he saw a mix of nervousness and determination in her eyes. “About what I've been thinking.”
Jack's heart kicked up its pace. He wasn’t sure what her expression held. “You can tell me anything,” he said. “You know that.”
Rachel took a shaky breath. “I've been thinking about us. About the future. About what happens when you leave.”
“Okay.”
“And I realized something.” Her hands moved to rest on his shoulders. “I've spent so much of my life being afraid. Afraid of being hurt, afraid of losing the people I love. But being with you taught me that fear doesn't have to control me.”
Jack wasn't sure where she was going with this, but he could see the courage it was taking her to say it.
“I thought I wanted to wait,” she continued. “For everything… for us to be older, more settled. For you to finish the Academy, for me to finish college. For all the perfect moments and perfect timing.”
Jack's throat went dry. “And now?”
“I don't want to wait anymore.” Rachel's eyes locked on his. “Not for the things that matter. Not for you.”
The air between them felt charged, heavy with meaning. Jack's hands tightened on her waist, his mind racing to understand what she was saying.
“I turned eighteen two weeks ago,” she said. “And I've been thinking about what I want. Not what I'm supposed to want, or what's proper, or what anyone else thinks I should do. What I want.”
“What do you want?” Jack's voice came out barely above a whisper.
“I’ve always wanted you to be my first.” The words hung in the air between them, brave and vulnerable all at once. “I want it to be you, Jack. Not someday, not eventually. You. Now. Before you leave.”
Jack's heart hammered against his ribs. He'd thought about this—of course he had. He was eighteen and in love with a beautiful girl who meant everything to him. But he'd also been so careful, so conscious of Rachel's needs. He'd never wanted to push or for her to feel pressured or scared.
“Are you sure?” he asked, searching her face. “Because Rach, I can wait. I will wait. As long as you need.”
“I know you would.” Her smile was soft. “That's why I want this. Because you've never pressured me, never made me feel like I owed you anything. Everything between us has been my choice and at my pace. And this is my choice too.”
Jack cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. “I don't want you to do this because you're scared of losing me. Or because you think it'll keep us together.”
“That's not why.” Rachel covered his hands with hers. “I'm doing this because I love you. Because I trust you. Because I want our first time to be because we feel cherished and wanted. Because we’re in love.”
“I do love you,” Jack said, his voice rough with emotion. “More than I know how to say.”
“Then show me.” Rachel leaned in, her lips brushing against his. “I want our firsts to be with each other.”
Jack kissed her then, pouring everything he felt into it. Love and desire and promise and protection all tangled together. When they finally pulled apart, both breathing hard, he rested his forehead against hers.
“Not here,” he said. “You deserve better than that. Our first time should be—”
“Right here.”
Jack blinked at the certainty in her statement. “Here?”
She smiled, and just like always, he felt the punch in his heart.
“I want it to be at our special place. Let’s make it memorable and even more special.”
“Yeah.” He kissed her again, softer this time. “But Rach, I need you to be sure. Really sure. Because once we do this, I can't take it back. I won't want to take it back. But I need to know you won't regret it.”
“I won't.” Her voice was steady, her eyes clear. “I've never been more sure of anything. I want this. I want you. I want us to have this before we separate.”
Jack pulled her close again, holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world.
Because she was. Their lips met in a slow dance of tongues tangling as their hands roamed freely.
They’d made it to third base many times, but this was the first time she shed her bathing suit, and his gaze roved over her soft skin and delicate curves.
He quickly followed, his fingers fumbling with the condom he had in his wallet.
He made sure she was ready, and with eyes locked, they spoke with only looks.
He balanced his body over hers. With fingers linked, he held her hands by the side of her head and thrust gently, watching every nuance of her face.
If she seemed in pain or uncomfortable, he would have stopped in an instant.
His hands moved with reverent care, gliding over the curves he'd spent hours exploring in the past, always stopping before they got too carried away. He memorized the little sounds she gasped when his fingers readied her, wanting to ensure that she wanted this as much as he did.
Rachel's breath caught, her eyes fluttering closed as his touch grew bolder. But when she opened them again, they were clear and sure, filled with trust and desire and something that looked a lot like forever.
She gave him adoration and love as he rocked her body with his, becoming one. Soon they shared releases, and he couldn’t think of anything better to experience than the joining of their bodies as well as their hearts.
The sun painted the sky in brilliant oranges and purples as they came together, the world narrowing to just the two of them on their private stretch of beach. Every touch was a promise, and their every whispered words were vows.
They kissed, slow and deep, tongues tangling as he drank her in. Rachel's hands slid up his chest to curl around his neck, pulling him closer. When he grabbed their blanket and pulled it over their cooling bodies, she smiled as her fingers threaded through his hair.
Jack held Rachel against his chest as their breathing slowed. She fit perfectly there, her head tucked beneath his chin, her hand resting over his heart that beat only for her.
“Okay?” he murmured into her hair.
“More than okay.” Her voice was soft, content. “Perfect.”
They lay wrapped together as the stars emerged one by one above them, the gentle rhythm of the waves providing a soundtrack to their whispered words.
“I love you,” she whispered against his lips.
“I love you too.”
“I meant what I said,” Rachel spoke into the growing darkness. “About forever.”
“So did I.” Jack pressed a kiss to her temple. “Four years is nothing. We can do four years.”
“We can do anything,” she agreed, snuggling closer. “As long as we're us.”
Jack tightened his arms around her, breathing in the salt air and the scent of her shampoo, committing this moment to memory. Their beach. Their blanket. Their stars. Their forever was beginning right here, right now.
They slipped their bathing suits back on before sitting to watch more stars begin to appear in the darkening sky.
Jack knew they needed to head back soon.
Shiloh would expect Rachel home, and he needed to finish packing for tomorrow, knowing his parents would want their time with him.
But he was reluctant to let this moment end, to break the bubble of peace they'd created here on their beach.
“I promise we’ll always have this.” He sealed it with a kiss, tender and full of everything words couldn't quite capture.
They gathered their things, shaking sand from the blanket and stuffing it into the beach bag. Jack kept Rachel's hand in his as they walked back toward where his truck was parked, the scrapbook tucked safely under his arm.
“Jack?” Rachel stopped before they reached his vehicle.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” She looked up at him, her eyes reflecting the moonlight. “For tonight. For every night. For making me feel brave enough to want this.”
Jack pulled her close one more time, savoring the feel of her against him. “Thank you for trusting me with it. With all of it.”
As they drove back toward Shiloh and Joseph’s house, Rachel's hand stayed in his, Jack thought of the final goodbye he knew would tear him apart even as he walked toward his future.
But he also thought about the scrapbook beside him, filled with proof that they'd already survived so much. About Rachel's courage in claiming what she wanted. About the promise they'd made to each other here on their beach.
Jack glanced over at Rachel, seeing her profile illuminated by the dashboard lights. She caught him looking and smiled, that beautiful smile that had captivated him since the first moment he’d seen her.
Four years suddenly seemed both impossibly long and remarkably short. Long enough to test them, short enough to endure. Yeah, they could do four years. And on the other side of those four years was everything they'd dreamed about.