Chapter 15 #2
Rachel wanted to push harder, to make Lisa promise to talk to someone, to extract some kind of commitment that the girl would protect herself. But she also knew that pressuring her would only drive Lisa away.
“Of course,” Rachel said, standing as well. “But my door is always open. If you need to talk, if something happens, or if you just need a safe place, you can come to me. Anytime.”
Lisa nodded, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “Thank you, Ms. Ayers.”
Rachel watched her leave, then sank back into the chair and pressed her fingers to her temples.
The conversation had dredged up old memories of Isaiah's controlling presence, the way he'd made her and Shiloh feel trapped, and the fear that had permeated every moment of their lives before they'd escaped.
But this was different. Lisa wasn't trapped in an isolated community. She had resources, people who cared about her, and a school full of adults who could intervene. The question was whether Lisa would let them help before things got worse.
Rachel headed toward the parking lot, her mind torn between Terrance, Lisa, David, and Jack. The afternoon sun was warm on her face as she crossed the asphalt, her mind still turning over the conversation with Lisa.
“Ms. Ayers!”
Rachel turned to see Terrance jogging toward her from the athletic complex. He was still in his practice clothes, his hair damp with sweat.
Rachel's hand tightened on her bag, but she stood her ground. “Terrance.”
He stopped a few feet away, his hands shoved in his pockets. “I wanted to apologize. For real this time.” His voice was quieter now, lacking the edge it had carried in the hallway. “What I did… grabbing Lisa like that… Christ, it was wrong. I know it was wrong.”
Rachel studied his face. He looked genuinely contrite, his eyes downcast, his shoulders slumped. “Then why did you do it?”
“I don't know.” Terrance's jaw clenched. “I just got so angry. I saw this guy talking to her at lunch, and he was standing too close, and she was smiling, and I just... I couldn't think straight. All I could feel was this rage, and before I knew it, I had her cornered, and I was yelling.”
“That's not an excuse,” Rachel said firmly.
“I know. I know it's not.” Terrance looked up at her, and for a moment, she saw the fear underneath the bravado.
“I feel like I'm losing control, Ms. Ayers.
Like I have this anger inside me all the time now, and I can't make it stop.
Everything sets me off. My dad's on my back about scholarships, Coach is pushing us harder than ever, and I just feel like I'm going to explode.”
“Terrance, have you talked to anyone about these mood swings?” Rachel asked. “A counselor? Your parents?”
“My dad would just tell me to toughen up.” Terrance's laugh was bitter. “And a counselor? What would I even say? 'Hey, sometimes I get so mad I want to punch walls, and I took it out on my girlfriend?' They'd think I was crazy.”
“You're not crazy,” Rachel said. “But you do need help. What you're describing… the anger, the mood swings, the feeling like you can't control yourself… all of those are things that can be addressed. But you have to be willing to ask for help.”
Terrance nodded slowly. “I'll think about it.”
“And in the meantime, you need to give Lisa space,” Rachel continued. “What happened today was serious. She needs time to process, and you need to prove through your actions, not just your words, that you're going to do better.”
“I love her,” he said quietly. “I don't want to lose her.”
“Then respect her enough to get your anger under control before it destroys what you have.” Rachel's voice was kind but firm.
“And Terrance? If I see or hear about you grabbing her again, cornering her, or treating her with anything less than respect, I will involve the school administration and your parents. Do you understand?”
“Yes, ma'am.” His voice was small and contrite.
Rachel watched him walk back toward the athletic complex, his shoulders hunched, his gait heavy. She stood in the parking lot for another moment, the pieces of the puzzle turning over in her mind.
Something was wrong with him. Something beyond just teenage stress and relationship drama.
The behavioral changes, the anger, the impulsivity…
it all pointed to something deeper. Rachel climbed into her car and started the engine, but she didn't pull out of the parking lot right away.
She sat there, hands on the steering wheel, staring at the brick facade of the school.
Terrance had apologized, and it had seemed sincere. But Rachel had learned a long time ago that sincerity didn't equal safety. That good intentions didn't prevent harm. That sometimes the people who hurt you most were the ones who genuinely didn't mean to.
She thought about Lisa, about the way the girl had defended her boyfriend even while cradling her injured wrist. About the hope in her voice when she'd said everything would go back to normal after the season.
Rachel knew that hope. Had lived it herself. The hope that Jack would return… but return to her. Sometimes that hope was as painful as the loss.
But as a teacher, she would keep an eye on Terrance and not hesitate to talk to David, his coach, if she saw or heard of any other problems. Rachel finally pulled out of the parking lot, and as she drove home, she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd just witnessed something important.
Terrance wasn't evil. Lisa had been right about that. But evil wasn't the only thing that could cause harm. Sometimes pressure, stress, and whatever else was affecting his behavior could be just as dangerous.
And Rachel was determined to keep watch on “whatever else” was before anyone got hurt.