Chapter 23
Practice was over, and Jack headed to Rachel's apartment. He was so anxious to see her that he'd come straight from the field, not bothering to stop at home to shower first. Now, standing on her stoop, he realized that probably wasn't the smartest move.
Rachel opened the door and welcomed him with a smile. Jack couldn't help but notice the way her brows drew together, and her nose wrinkled slightly.
“I know, I know, I came straight here,” Jack said, grimacing.
Rachel laughed softly. “If you've got an extra shirt, you can shower while I finish dinner.”
Jack wasn't about to argue. He ran back down to his SUV, grabbed his gym bag from his vehicle, and headed back up the stairs two at a time.
The bathroom was small, barely big enough to turn around in, but it was clean and organized in a way that was distinctly Rachel.
Jack turned on the shower and stripped off his practice clothes while the water heated.
As steam began to fill the space, he glanced around at her things.
A hairbrush on the counter. Bottles of shampoo and conditioner lined up neatly in the shower caddy.
A bathrobe hanging on the back of the door.
Makeup organized in a small basket by the sink.
She had made the tiny space her own, and Jack realized something that hit him square in the chest. She'd lived her life without him. Changed and grown and built a whole world that he hadn't been part of.
But standing here now, in her bathroom with the mirror fogging up and the smell of her soap in the air, Jack knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what he wanted.
He wanted his toothbrush next to hers. He wanted to see her things mixed with his on the bathroom counter.
And in his own attic apartment, he wanted her to have a toothbrush next to his.
Jack quickly showered, scrubbing away the sweat and dirt from practice. When he came out, dressed in clean clothes, he found Rachel setting the table. The scent of garlic, tomatoes, and herbs coming from the small kitchen made his stomach growl.
“Smells incredible,” Jack said, coming up behind her.
Rachel glanced over her shoulder with a smile. “It's just pasta. Nothing fancy.”
“It's perfect.”
They sat at her small table, barely big enough for two, and Rachel served simple pasta with marinara sauce and a salad. Jack took his first bite and groaned. “Okay,” Jack said after a few minutes, setting down his fork. “You need to tell me what’s going on.”
Rachel's expression shifted, the worry creeping back into her eyes. She told him about the poetry assignment and how concerned she was when she read the two papers. Standing, she retrieved them from her purse and let him read them. “I felt sure that they were from Robbie, Carson, or Ben. Before you ask, it was just because they also had behavioral changes. All three are furtive and don’t meet my eyes. They seem… weighted.”
“What did you determine?”
“I don't know what they witnessed, but I took a chance and talked to Carson.”
Jack’s eyes widened, and his fork halted on its way to his mouth.
“He admitted that a friend talked to him, but he promised not to tell anyone.” She leaned forward, her gaze pinning Jack.
“Whatever it is, they're scared enough to keep quiet about it. And Carson is carrying the added weight of guilt, knowing he probably should talk to you or Colt, but gave his word.”
“Fuck.” Jack sighed, and set his fork down. “What did you tell them?” Jack asked.
“I told Carson that I wanted to help. I reminded him that he didn't have to carry it alone.” Rachel looked up at Jack. “Did you get a chance to talk to them at practice?”
Jack leaned back in his chair. “Since I'm new to coaching them, I made sure that all the boys know they can call on me at any time for any reason. I didn’t want to stare at Carson, but I couldn’t help but notice he kept his head down for almost the whole time I was talking.
I’m going to talk to him more tonight at home. ”
“That's good.” Her shoulders relaxed slightly.
“I want to be there,” he continued, his voice steady and sure. “Not only for coaching but to make sure they grow into the young men I know they can be.”
Rachel's eyes softened, and she reached across the table to squeeze his hand. “Thank you.”
“Thank you, babe. You’re the one who noticed something to begin with.”
They finished eating and cleaned up together, moving around the small kitchen in a rhythm that felt natural despite the years apart. When the dishes were done, they sat on the sofa. Jack pulled her close, and she settled against him, her head resting on his shoulder.
For a while, they just sat, comfortable in the quiet. Jack could feel the weight of unspoken things pressing down on his chest. He knew this was his chance with Rachel, but he still wanted to take things slow. I owe that to her.
She shifted slightly, tilting her head to look up at him. “Can I ask you about your dating life while we were separated?”
Jack's stomach tightened. He'd known this subject would come up sometime, but that didn't make it any easier. “You can ask me anything.”
“Are you uncomfortable talking about it?” Rachel's voice was gentle, careful.
“I am,” he admitted. “Really uncomfortable.”
Rachel pulled back slightly so she could see his face better. “I don't want to know who you slept with, or how many women you slept with, but I want to know if there was anyone important. Anyone you fell in love with.”
“No.” The denial rushed from Jack so forcefully that Rachel blinked as she jumped slightly.
“Sorry, sorry.” He pulled her closer to him. “I just… it’s just… important that you know I was never in love with anyone else. Never.”
“O…kay,” she whispered, her gaze locked onto him.
He took a long breath, then let it out slowly, choosing his words carefully. “While I was based out of California… there wasn't anyone special.”
“Really?” Rachel's eyebrows lifted in surprise.
“Really.” Jack ran his hand through his damp hair. “I went out a few times, sure. But nothing that mattered. Nothing that usually lasted more than a date or two. I dated one woman for about a month, but that was the longest. It turned out I was her rebound from a broken engagement—”
“Oh!”
“Nah, it’s all good. Honestly, I think I was just killing time with her. There were no feelings.”
Rachel was quiet for a moment, processing. “What about at the Academy?”
Here it was. The moment Jack had been dreading, but with Rachel’s eyes on him, he could only be honest. “There was somebody at the Academy… a friend… that I dated… sort of… off and on…”
“And?” Rachel's voice was steady, but Jack could see the tension in her jaw.
“I discovered it was no easier to try to date somebody there than when you and I had tried to make things work.” Jack's voice dropped lower, the old frustration bleeding through.
“We were both struggling with the demands of the place.
Both trying to survive. And I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't going to work. And I had no feelings for her other than friendship.”
Jack paused, then made himself ask the question he'd been avoiding. “How do you feel about that?”
Rachel shrugged, but the gesture wasn't as casual as she probably wanted it to be.
“I don't know what to say. It sucks that you broke up with me just to date someone else even though you said it was because you didn't have enough time. It seems like you just wanted someone different. Like I wasn’t enough…”
The words hit Jack like a punch to the gut. “Rachel, no—”
“But that was years ago and water under the bridge,” Rachel said quickly, her tone shifting to something lighter, but perhaps forced.
Jack felt like an asshole. She was taking it well on the surface, but he could see the hurt underneath, like an old wound he'd reopened just by being honest.
In full disclosure, he needed to tell her everything. “This other student and I continued to… damn… we were on and off for a while. She was stationed somewhere else, but our paths crossed occasionally. By then, we knew it wasn’t anything… more than just… um…”
Rachel went very still. “So more like a… fuck buddy?”
Jack winced, then shrugged. “She was a friend back then, but yeah, I guess that's what you could say.” Now he really felt like shit. The words hung in the air between them, stark and true.
“What about you?” He was desperate to shift the focus, while knowing it was a petty maneuver. But he honestly wanted to understand where Rachel had been while he was stumbling through his own mistakes.
“I didn't date much in college,” she said quietly. “No one seemed to be as good as you, and I honestly thought you'd come back to me.”
“Jesus, Rachel.” Jack's voice cracked. “Now I really feel like a jerk.”
Rachel scoffed, but there was no humor in it.
“No, don't,” she said softly. “We needed time away from each other to grow into who we are. You and I started dating as soon as I got here in high school. I needed time by myself. And it’s not like I’ve been a nun since college.
” She sighed. “I dated when I taught in Williamsburg, before coming back here. But when the position opened here, I wanted to come home, so we broke up. There was a teacher at the middle school when I first came back to the Shore. He was a good guy. A really good guy. But his father had a heart attack so he felt he needed to move back to Tennessee to be with his family.” She shrugged.
“Like you… it filled a need, but I wasn’t in love with him. ”
Jack hated hearing that there was someone special.
That she’d been with someone else, letting someone else touch her, her giving someone else the smiles and the laughter that he'd always thought of as his made his chest tight and his jaw clench.
But he had no right to feel that way, not after what he'd just admitted.
Rachel leaned over and kissed him softly, her lips warm against his. “You were my first kiss and my first time making love.”
His throat went tight. He remembered that night in vivid detail. The way she had looked at him with trust and love and a vulnerability that had nearly undone him.
“Same for me, and if I have my way,” he whispered against her mouth, “I'll be your last.” He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her and holding on like she might disappear if he let go. “That's all I want, Rach. You're all I want.”
They kissed again, deeper this time, and Jack poured everything he couldn't say into it. All the regret, all the longing, all the determination to never let her go again.
When they finally broke apart, both breathing hard, he rested his forehead against hers. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly. “For all of it. For leaving, for hurting you, for being an idiot who didn't realize what he had until it was gone.”
“We're here now. That's what matters.”
Jack nodded, his chest still tight but lighter somehow. They were together now. Again. And he was going to spend every day proving that he deserved the chance she was giving him.
They continued to kiss, but Jack still wanted to take things slow. Glancing at the clock, he sighed. “I should probably head home,” he said reluctantly. “I need to talk to Carson.”
She nodded but didn't move from where she was tucked against his side. “I know.”
He stood and pulled her up with him, then walked to the door with his arm around her shoulders. He kissed her one more time on the threshold, slow and sweet and full of promise. “I'll call you tomorrow.”
Rachel smiled up at him, and Jack felt his heart turn over in his chest.
He drove home with the taste of her still on his lips, and the feeling of her in his arms burned into his memory. And for the first time in years, Jack felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be.