Chapter Twelve #3
Cruz appeared at the top of the stairs five minutes later, no announcement, no ceremony, just t the absolute certainty that he was exactly where he meant to be.
He moved past me into the bedroom—close enough that I could smell the mix of soap and something greener that was just Cruz—then sat down on the edge of the bed to pull off his boots.
I stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him without speaking. He’d been here three weeks. Had slept in this bed every night, had woken up beside me every morning, had gradually shifted from the careful distance of week one to the proximity that meant he now had a side.
His side of the bed. The right, near the window, where the morning light hit first. Where his phone charger lived on the nightstand, where his book sat face-down on the pillow, where the dent in the mattress had started to form from the weight of his body night after night.
He finished with his boots, then lay down on his side—not facing me, not facing away, just settled into the space with the attention that came from knowing exactly how much room he needed.
He was asleep in under three minutes—breathing evening out, shoulders loosening, the tension that lived in his jaw gradually fading as consciousness slipped away.
I lay down on my side—the left, away from the window, where I’d slept before Cruz arrived—and stared at the ceiling while my mind turned over the phrase “his side of the bed” and what that meant for a man who had slept alone for thirty-two years.
The ceiling was exactly what it had always been—white paint slightly yellowed at the edges, a hairline crack that ran from the light fixture to the corner of the room, the shadows created from afternoon light hitting the eastern window. Nothing had changed. Everything had changed.
Beside me, Cruz slept with one arm across his chest, his face turned slightly toward the window, his breathing slow and even in the quiet room.
His side of the bed. The phrase kept circling—not quite landing, not quite resolving, just turning over and over in my mind while the afternoon stretched toward evening around us.
I closed my eyes eventually, not because I was tired—though I was, bone-deep and completely—but because looking at the ceiling meant thinking about the phrase, and thinking about the phrase meant acknowledging what it actually meant.
Cruz had a side of the bed. Had a coffee cup in the dish rack. Had boots by the back door and a tactical jacket on the hook and had a way of moving through the kitchen that meant I no longer had to think about where I put things down.
He had fixed the drainage channel without being asked.
Had recalibrated the grow-light timer without making a production of it.
Had made actual food—not the utilitarian rotation I’d been surviving on, but something with garlic and heat and multiple components, the kind of cooking that required someone to give a damn.
He had a side of the bed. And somewhere in the three weeks since he’d walked through my front door, I’d stopped thinking of it as mine alone.
* * * *
“What about Rodrigo Maximus?” Cruz asked, completely straight-faced, from across the kitchen table.
He was cutting an apple into precise eighths, each slice exactly the same width as the last, his knife moving through the fruit with the same attention that made everything he did look like it belonged in a military demonstration.
I looked up from the greenhouse inventory I’d been pretending to check for the past twenty minutes. “Rodrigo Maximus,” I repeated, keeping my voice level with an effort that would have impressed my drill instructor. “As in, the child’s first and middle name would be Rodrigo Maximus.”
Cruz nodded, his expression giving away nothing. “Strong,” he said. “Memorable. Easy to spell.”
“Easy to beat up at recess, you mean,” I said, setting down my pencil with careful attention. “Rodrigo Maximus sounds like the villain in a children’s cartoon. The one who gets hit with anvils and giant mallets while the audience laughs.”
Cruz considered this for a moment, his knife pausing mid-slice. “We could reverse it,” he said. “Maximus Rodrigo. More dignified that way.”
I stared at him across the table, trying to work out if he was actually serious or if this was some kind of elaborate test I was failing by the second.
Cruz’s face remained perfectly neutral—no tell, no micro-expression, nothing that would indicate whether “Rodrigo Maximus” was a genuine suggestion or the opening move in whatever game we were playing.
“I’ll put it on the list,” I said finally, picking up my pencil again. “Right after ‘Kid Who Gets His Lunch Money Stolen’ and just before ‘Future Therapy Patient.’”
Cruz’s mouth curved slightly—not quite a smile, but close enough that I counted it as a win. He finished with the apple, arranging the slices on a plate with geometric precision, then pushed it toward my side of the table without comment.
The name banter had started three days ago—Cruz tossing suggestions across the dinner table the way other men tossed opinions about the weather, casually and constantly, with a straight face I could never fully read.
Some were reasonable—James, Michael, the kind of names that wouldn’t get a child beaten up in the schoolyard.
Others were clearly deliberate provocations—names with seventeen consonants and no vowels, or cultural references so obscure I had to look them up, or the kind of joke that only landed if you’d spent time in military barracks.
I’d responded in kind—had matched him name for name, had kept my expression carefully neutral when he suggested things that made no sense, had filed each exchange in the category of “things Cruz does that I don’t understand, but can’t stop noticing.”
“Or Hawk,” Cruz said now, reaching for his coffee with careful attention. “Just Hawk. No last name needed.”
I set down my pencil again, giving him my full attention. “Hawk,” I repeated. “Just Hawk. Like Cher or Madonna or that guy from the action movies who never takes off his sunglasses.”
Cruz nodded, his expression still perfectly serious. “Strong,” he said again. “Memorable. People remember a name like Hawk.”
“People also remember the name ‘Most Likely to Get Expelled,’” I pointed out. “That doesn’t make it a good choice for a birth certificate.”
“Hawk Reyes has a certain ring to it,” Cruz continued, like I hadn’t spoken. “Or Hawk Cruz, if we’re going with the other option. Either way, it’s distinctive.”
I leaned back in my chair, studying him across the table. “You realize that if we name this child Hawk, he’s going to spend his entire life explaining that no, his parents weren’t hippies, they were just really committed to the bit.”
“Or military,” Cruz said, taking another sip of coffee. “Hawk sounds like a call sign. The kind they give to the guy who’s too good to need a real name.”
I made a mental note to never, under any circumstances, let Cruz name anything that would require paperwork. “I’ll add it to the list,” I said. “Right after ‘Future Identity Crisis‘ and just before ‘Definitely Getting a Therapist at Sixteen.’”
Cruz’s mouth curved again—the same not-quite-smile that had appeared when I’d shot down Rodrigo Maximus. He reached for the apple plate, selected a slice with careful attention, then ate it in three precise bites.
The game continued through dinner—Cruz suggesting names, me shooting them down, both of us maintaining the careful distance that had become our default.
Somewhere around the third exchange, I’d started to suspect that at least sixty percent of the bad ones were a test—not of my naming preferences, but of something else I couldn’t quite name.
The question was what, exactly, Cruz was testing me for.
Patience? Commitment? Willingness to consider options I wouldn’t have thought of myself?
Or something simpler—whether I’d say “we” when talking about the future, whether I’d use “our” instead of “my,” whether I’d acknowledge that the child growing under my hand belonged to both of us, not just the person currently carrying it.
“Diego,” Cruz said suddenly, breaking the pattern we’d established.
Not a joke name or a cultural reference or something that would get a child beaten up at recess.
Just Diego—a real name, a normal name, the kind of thing you could put on a birth certificate without the nurse looking at you sideways.
I went quiet for a beat too long, the name sitting between us like something with weight. Diego. Strong, but not aggressive. Memorable, but not a performance. The kind of name that belonged to a person, not a character in an action movie.
“It’s fine,” I said finally, the words coming out more clipped than I’d intended. “Not terrible. Better than Hawk, at least.”
Cruz nodded once, his eyes on my face rather than the name, and something passed between us that I couldn’t quite name—not quite understanding, not quite acknowledgment, but something adjacent to both that made my chest tight for a second.
He filed it away without comment—just reached for another apple slice and changed the subject to the greenhouse drainage, which he’d apparently finished sealing while I was checking soil pH in tray twelve.
The banter continued through dessert—Cruz suggesting increasingly ridiculous names, me shooting them down with decreasing conviction, both of us maintaining the careful distance that had become our default.
But somewhere around “Thunderbolt Justice”—delivered with complete sincerity while Cruz cut a second apple into eighths—the humor started to thin at the edges.
What was underneath became briefly, uncomfortably visible—two men sitting across a kitchen table from each other, talking about what to name a child, in a house where one of them had boots by the back door and the other had stopped noticing them.