Chapter 15
Fifteen
I could feel his eyes bearing down on me as I pretended to be asleep. I’d awaken the minute he walked back into the loft and plopped down on the side of the bed as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Too afraid to open my eyes and see lipstick smearing or a change in clothes that usually came from men who snuck out of the house in the wee hours of the morning and returned before their housemate woke.
I tried ridding myself of the thoughts but the woman from last night and her involvement with Bello simply wouldn’t let up. Unable to continue my charade as he continued to stare holes right into me, I started to shift my position in bed to signal my wake up. I couldn’t last much longer.
“Hi,” I yawned, stretching my arm, not ending until at least one of my fingers made contact with his dark, lovely skin.
Those dark eyes that had been focused on me for some time now, finally left me. His soundlessness was alarming, causing my eyes to widen until they were open completely. I sat up, clenching the cover at my chest. Although I was clothed in a t-shirt of his, I felt naked the second Bello’s eyes fell on me, again.
“What’s the matter?” I followed with.
“Does Melonie know?” Words snaked from his lips, finally.
“About us? No. No she doesn’t and the fact has been haunting,” I started but was cut off.
“I’m not talking about us. Does Melonie know?”
“About what?” I was clueless.
“About the van? I’ve seen it, Brisk.” Humbled to his core I witnessed the crackling of his beautiful chords as he spoke to me.
At that moment, I understood. I understood what he was asking and why he was asking it. Yet, I didn’t have the power or the confidence to respond, because I, too, had been quickly humbled. The high he’d had me on for the last two days vanished and I was left with the lung-damaging smoke and fogginess. I said nothing as I scooted toward the top of the bed and allowed my back to slam against the cloth headboard.
“Brisk, why didn’t you tell me ?” Bello pried at the center of his chest.
Nothing. I had nothing to say. There were so many reasons why and they were all quite valid. But, I was still trying to digest the fact that my safety had been compromised while I slept peacefully just upstairs. I felt violated, beyond measures, though it wasn’t the case. I was certain that Bello meant well, but I couldn’t process someone discovering my truths without having the chance to give it to them myself.
In this case, though, I had no plans of telling Bello anything about my living situation. Not until I’d used the money that Melonie had given me to get on my feet and begin a new life. Not until I felt like I could stand on my own two feet and finally switch off the survival mode I’d been in since fourteen. Not until I was stable and I could finally laugh about the rough few years I had starting.
“Say something!” Bello demanded.
“I have nothing to say, Bello. You’ve figured it all out it seems,” I tossed over my shoulder with a shrug as my heart split into pieces. “If you don’t mind, I’ll take my keys, now.”
I’d scooched to the side of the bed and stood to my feet. My heart was begging me to stay, but my feet just wouldn’t stop moving once they hit the floor. Instead of heading for the large closet with all the gifts Bello had brought me, I grabbed my tattered pieces from the entry closet and pulled on a pair of tights.
Bello’s footsteps were slow and calculated, but boisterous in the quiet loft, nonetheless. Totally out of my element, I counted them as my eyes began to tingle from the burning that started just behind them and worked its way through. The thick layer of saltiness that formed in the corners fell, lubricating my bottom lashes before hitting the top of my cheeks and sliding down my face.
Not bothering to grab a pair of socks, I settled on the pink slides for my feet. I slid into them with ease. The remainder of my belongings were scattered in the process, causing me to drop to my knees in an attempt to collect them all.
“Brisk, baby, what are you doing?” Bello called from behind me.
Unable to face him with the remnants of my tears at my chin and running down my chest, I remained forward but stopped to respond. My heart wouldn’t allow me to ignore him. Neither would my head. In this short amount of time, Bello meant too much to me. I’d never genuinely enjoyed every second with any human other than Melonie.
Yet, he was here and making me utterly happy to the point that my cheeks burned with happiness and my body threatened to burst from pure joy. He’d seen the better parts of me, ones that were intentionally revealed. Now, he’d seen the depths of me and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel.
The last thing I wanted was for him to see me as anyone other than the person he’d been getting to know over the last few days because it would obstruct his view and his goal would never be the same. Instead of falling head over heels for me, he’d be more focused on saving me but I didn’t need saving nor sympathy. I needed love.
“Brisk.” Even the way he said my name was… different .
“I don’t want your sympathy, Bello,” I fussed, still collecting my things.
“I hadn’t planned on giving it to you.”
“Then, why are you right here right now? Huh?”
Finally, I snapped my body until it was standing as tall as it could, allowing the clothes I’d collected to fall onto the floor, again. My body spun, doing a one-eighty and ending with my eyes on his. The pain within them mirrored mine. Before I was able to get out another word, my face was in the palms of his hands where I witnessed the glossiness of his orbs, too.
“Just don’t go, aight? I’m not judging you. I’m not sympathizing with you. I’m not thinking any differently of you. And, maybe I should’ve come at you from another angle or some shit. I don’t know. I’m just fucked up, Brisk. Mmmm, kay? I’m fucked up knowing that life served you a bag of bullshit and you’re making that shit look good, love.
“That shit broke my fucking heart when I swung them doors open. I’ve never had my shit broken by anything or anyone except my mother when she found a brick of hard in my basement. And not even that felt worse than this. So forgive me if I addressed this the wrong way. I’m just trying to tame this shit inside of me that has me ready to lay something down behind you!”
Thick, gooey snot trickled down my nose as I listened to Bello speak from his heart. I’d known he meant well to begin with but him discovering my secret sealed me with a bitterness that wasn’t his fault. I simply didn’t want him or anyone to know my situation. It wasn’t ideal, but it was life for me.
“I’m homeless, Bello,” I confessed for the first time, ever. Of course, Melonie knew but she’d used so many clues to figure it out. I’d never given her a straight answer. Hearing it come from my mouth felt like having a dagger pierce my chest. Though painful, it was my reality.
“But… but, it’s not the end of the world.” I gargled, choking on every word that came from my throat.
“It’s the end of that world for you,” he declared, pulling me in for a warm embrace.
“I don’t understand,” Crying into the depths of his shoulder, I admitted.
“Tomorrow, we’re going to find you an apartment. Any apartment you want as long as it’s in Channing City.”
Pulling back, I wiped my face as best I could, but there was no use. The tears simply kept flowing. “I can’t let you do that for me.”
“You won’t be letting me do anything, love.”
“Melonie saved a lot of money from shopping and gave it to me. She wanted me out of the van and this was her chance. I don’t want to take that from her.”
“Then, don’t. But, we can still go check out a few spots tomorrow. Whatever you need that the money she gave you doesn’t cover, I got.”
“Technically, it’s your money, anyway.”
“Once money leaves my hand, it’s no longer mine.”
“Tomorrow is not good for me,” I finally gave in and told him.
“Why not?”
“I have to work,” I sighed, pulling back even further and rubbing my head at the thought of returning to work the next day - or in a few hours being that it was already morning.
“If the job makes you feel like that… quit!” Bello fussed.
The idea hadn’t crossed my mind, but it was tempting hearing him say it out loud. WIth the money that Melonie had given me, I could certainly afford to, now. With the job gone, it would give me time to focus on finding something better.
“I don’t know. I’ve never not worked. Since fourteen, I’ve had a job. I’ve hated them all, but they’ve kept food in my mouth and clothes on my back.”
“What’s your dream job, Brisk? Meaning, if you could choose any job in the world to have, what would it be? I’m going to make it my personal mission to get you there,” Bello continued as he took me by the hand and led me into the living room.
He sat me on his lap and began wiping my face as we both waited for my response. I thought long and hard before giving him one, hoping that I didn’t sound as silly as I felt.
“I don’t have a dream job, Bello. I don’t dream of working at all, especially not out of necessity. I dream of enjoying my days and anticipating my nights because they’re filled with bliss, instead of dreading the rising of the sun because it means the beginning of a new work day. To be totally honest, I hate working and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m simply surviving and for now, work is necessary to do so,” my palms perspired as I revealed my truth. I drew circles in the middle of one, waiting for a snicker or the combatting of my logic.
“Then, I don’t think you should work, Brisk,” swiping the fallen curls from my face, he agreed with me.
“Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. I don’t have a choice.”
“That’s why I’m here. To make shit easy. And, I’m giving you another choice. Right now. Just tell me, what else is it that you want to do? Besides work? ”
“I want to go to college. Just to feel like a normal person for once.”
“College is a good idea, love,” Bello rallied for me.
“Even if not college, I want a secondary education. I had the time of my life restoring my van to its current condition, which sparked my interest in interior design. You can get a degree in interior design. Did you know?”
“I didn’t, baby,” with a smile in his eyes, he told me.
“You can,” I nodded.
“Then, you should get one.”
“Maybe I will.”
“You will, love.”
Leaning in, Bello brushed his lips against mine, “You will. In fact, I have just what you’ll need to get started.”
My feet hit the floor again as he stood on his feet. With our fingers intertwined, he guided me through the loft and to the closet where my gifts ran the length of the floor. I hadn’t looked in any of them other than the ones that he requested, but I planned to get around to it as soon as I came down from the whirlwind I was currently in.
Bello leaned forward, right hand still in mine, and pulled two white boxes from the bag that was tagged with the six. He handed me one before grabbing a third, extremely small box from the bag. Too caught up in his gloriousness, I didn’t examine the boxes until we were seated in the front, again.
“MacBook?” I screeched, “Stop it! It’s like a dream for almost anyone!”
“An iPad Pro and a pencil, too. You have no excuse to fail any of those classes you’ll be taking whenever school starts, again,” he warned with a finger as I tore into the boxes.
“I don’t know, Bello. I’d need to get some type of financial aid or something and I’m sure it wouldn’t kick in, in time.”
“Like I said before, love, I’m here to make your life simpler. The minute I stop doing that, drop my ass with a quickness. I’m the only source of financial aid you’ll need from this point on. I’ll set up an account for your monthly expenses. All you have to do is tell me exactly what you need and the money will be there.”
“But, why?” I didn’t understand.
“Because you’ve been carrying this load far too long and it was given to you far too soon. I’m here now. You can give it all to me to bear.”
As much as I wanted to pinch my skin to see if this was real, I didn’t. Because, even though it didn’t seem so, I knew that it was. And, it wasn’t luck. It was life-shifting in my favor for once. For that, I was grateful.