Chapter 18
Eighteen
Melonie: Are you okay? I found a spot for you. Please call me back. I love you.
Waking to the first notification of the day being from my best friend, whom I’d been avoiding for the last five days while living in utter bliss with her uncle was the type of betrayal that I didn’t feel like I could come back from. Redemption felt too far-fetched at this point. I’d never earn it.
Not with Melonie . Her heart was too pure and her intentions were too good. I felt like the ungrateful, slutty friend that needed to be outcasted immediately, especially with her uncle pulling his semen-covered chocolate from my insides as I read the message. There was nothing I wanted to do more than run and hide in the furthest corner of the world until I could look at her pretty face, again.
“I’m going for a shower. You joining me?” Bello asked, making his way to the bathroom.
My slipperiness coated his shaft, which bounced with each step that he took. As much as I wanted to deny him, I couldn’t. Bello had done nothing wrong. It was me. I was the culprit. So, with a wet tail, I slipped out of his bed from underneath his sheets and joined him in his shower. The water was already running and he was already in when I opened the door.
“What’s the matter, baby?” Bello pulled me underneath the water with him.
The knotless braids that he’d paid for me to get installed had been lifesavers. After complaining about how much I hated combing my hair after every sweaty sex session or impromptu shower, he suggested I put it in braids. I’d never had them before because I could never afford them, but they were everything. The convenience was enough to get me back in the salon chair, again.
“I just feel awful, Bello. I can’t face Melonie, yet, but I miss her so much. I’ve never gone this long without talking to her, at least. She knows something is up with me. I know she does.”
“Then tell her what’s up.”
“I can’t do that to her, Bello.”
“I don’t understand, Brisk. If you don’t want to, I will. You’re not the only one involved. She’s not going to be feeling me keeping this a secret from her, either. I have no earthly reason. You’re a consenting adult and so am I. What’s the issue?”
“I’m just not ready,” I revealed, grabbing the loofa from the wall.
“Prolonging this won’t make you any more prepared than you are now, baby.”
“I’m just trying to figure this all out, Bello. You don’t understand how much of a friend Melonie has been to me.”
“I don’t, but how much of a friend are you being to her right now? Keeping this fat ass secret from her when you literally don’t have to.” His frustration was apparent in his voice and the way he stepped away from me to reach the other end of the shower.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Because you’re making it more complicated than it has to be. If you’d told her the first day or the next day or even the day that you begged me to take your virginity, this shit wouldn’t feel so damn wrong to you. Because it’s not.”
“You don’t understand, Bello,” I replied.
“You’re right. I don’t,” he nodded, keeping his distance as he began to make suds of the soap on his towel.
For the remainder of the shower, Bello was silent, leaving me with my thoughts. Really , he didn’t understand. The lone fact that I didn’t believe Melonie would do the same thing to me as my friend kept me quiet and contemplating my decision to take things with Bello to any level other than friendship. It was foul and totally out of order on my behalf.
“Turn around,” Bello spoke for the first time since he’d put the unnecessary space between us.
Doing as instructed, I turned until my back was facing him. He removed the loofa from my hand and brushed it over my back. From the top of my neck to the crack of my butt, Bello scrubbed. The care he took of me caused such a deep sense of gratitude that it brought tears to my eyes.
“Is this how it feels to fight?” I probed.
Bello sneered from behind but remained silent otherwise.
“I don’t like it.”
After he finished washing my back, he rinsed his body as I watched, soundlessly. His long limbs then stepped out of the shower as he held the door open. The urge to call after him stalked me, but I didn’t know exactly what to say. So, I said nothing and allowed him to leave the shower in peace.
When I finally decided to exit the shower twenty minutes later, my skin had wrinkled and the fog on the mirror was thick as honey. Though I felt refreshed, my thoughts were still jumbled. All that time in the shower hoping I’d come up with a solution, and I’d come out at square one just as I’d gone in.
I need to get some fresh air . It dawned on me that Bello and I had been glued at the hips since the night of my birthday. Though desired, his presence was clouding my judgment. With him around, I simply couldn’t think straight or make sound decisions. If I was going to break the news to my best friend that I was sleeping with her uncle, then I needed to clear my head before that happened. And, until it did, I simply couldn’t continue laying in his bed.
Bello’s loft was eerily quiet when I stepped out of the bathroom. Instead of simply calling his name to pinpoint his location, I walked the entire residence to find him. My search was in vain and my suspicion was confirmed. He’d left.
Gathering my emotions, I took off for the closet where my belongings were still scattered on the floor. I collected them and tossed them in the new designer overnight bag that Bello had gifted me. It was gorgeous but too expensive for my taste. However, I wasn’t complaining because it wasn’t my pockets taking the hit.
After packing my things from the closet, there was still so much room left. I used it to remove any traces of me from the loft. Once everything was in place, it reminded me of when I walked in for the first time.
Bello,
Taking some time to think. I won’t be long, but don’t wait up for me tonight.
Brisk.
The note that I left on the fridge read. The last thing I wanted was Bello to worry. I wanted nothing more than to free my thoughts and it simply wasn’t going to happen in the confinement of his home.
With the heaviest of hearts, I secured the loft and shut the door behind me. I didn’t need forever, but I certainly needed some time to sort through my thoughts and the foreign feeling I was suffering from at the moment. And, being in the loft with Bello painting my insides every night, loving on me crazily, and being everything that I could’ve dreamed of in a man, that wouldn’t happen for me.
When I opened my eyes, darkness still surrounded me. I cleared the sleep from them by wiping them with a balled fist and a bit of pressure. The bed I’d missed so much had welcomed me without regret. I slept like a baby in my safety net.
Bzzzzz.
Bzzzzz.
Bzzzzz.
Bzzzzz.
My cell buzzed, reminding me of how I’d been awakened in the first place. That buzzing was haunting me in my sleep. I would bet my bottom dollar that it hadn’t stopped since I closed my eyes hours ago.
The buzzing subsided just as I grabbed it from the countertop across from my bed. The slew of notifications would’ve been surprising a few weeks ago, but not now. The heart emoji that I’d used to save Bello’s number lit my screen up. From missed calls to facetime calls and text messages. There were too many notifications to count and just when I started to try, another text came in.
Bello:
Babe, where the fuck you at? It’s dark out.
Come home.
I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight.
Love, I’m missing you. Where you at?
The gray bubbles were consistent, every thirty to forty-five minutes, Bello had sent another one. My heart danced in my chest as I read the messages that had come in as I slept. It was obvious that Bello was feeling a way about my absence, but I felt that we could both use the space.
Just as I started to respond to his last message, another call came through. With my read receipts on, he knew exactly when I opened them. Instead of ignoring him this time, I opened the back of my camper and stepped out. I parked my rear on the edge of the bumper and made myself comfortable for the uncomfortable conversation that was sure to happen.
Peering out into the hills, I answered. “Hello.”
“You sound too far away. Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”
“Bello,” I tried.
“Where are you, Brisk?”
“Bello, I’m fine. I just needed some time to clear my thoughts.”
“You had to take all of your shit to do that?” He huffed on the other end, obviously pacing his loft.
“No, but I did. I don’t know why, either, so please don’t ask.”
“Is it because I yelled at you?” Pity was in his tenor.
“No.”
“Because we fought a little?” He was desperate, needing someone besides me to blame for leaving but it was no one’s fault other than mine.
“No, Bello.”
“Then tell me why Brisk? Tell me why I’m alone right now because I’m not feeling that shit, baby.”
“Because, I felt we both needed the space, Bello.”
“You needed the space. I don’t need shit… but you. So, tell me where you are.”
“I can’t do that Bello. And, you’re right. I needed the space to clear my head and figure out how to go about this Melonie situation the right way.” I stared at my toes as they dangled from the camper.
“There’s only one way and that’s to just tell her.”
“It’s not that simple!” I found myself doing something I rarely did. I yelled.
Bello was stunned into silence, forcing me to continue the conversation on my own.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, “I just feel incredibly stressed, Bello. Until I make this right with Melonie, I won’t be able to lay in your bed as if I don’t have a care in the world because I do. Her name is Melonie and she doesn’t deserve what I’m doing to her.”
“But I do?” Bello posed.
“No, no you don’t. That’s what makes this so complicated.”
I wasn’t only letting Melonie down, but I was letting Bello down, too. I understood that, which only piled onto my stress. He was ready to introduce me to his family as his girlfriend, yet I was still trying to process how much differently I’d be seen after the cat was out of the bag.
“Come here, baby,” he pleaded.
“I can’t Bello. Just give me the night, okay?”
Hesitantly, he sucked the skin of his teeth before replying, “First thing in the morning, Brisk. Be here. One night!”
“One night,” I reiterated.