Chapter 6
The brisk wind hit us in the face as soon as we stepped outside and we automatically pulled our coats up around our chins. As December neared, the temperature dropped more and more each day. It wouldn’t be long before we would have our first real snowfall of the season.
“That was, wow, something,” he said, half-laughing to himself as we walked back toward the salon. We’d left his truck there when we finished dinner so we could get a walk in before we ate pie. I was going to suggest we go to the park and check out the tree again, but I was afraid standing in the gazebo meant another kiss I wasn’t sure I was prepared for. I might yearn for it, but I wasn’t prepared for it.
“That’s Ivy for you,” I agreed, turning left again. A snowflake fell and landed on my nose. “I guess we’re closer to that first big snow than I thought.” We walked in silence for another block and I paused, my breath hitching in my throat.
“Did you forget something?” he asked, laying his hand at the small of my back. It got all tingly there, but I ignored it to focus on his question.
“No, except my manners. It never crossed my mind that you might want to stay and help Ivy with the decorating. I know you love Christmas.”
He tossed his head back and laughed. When he righted it again, his lips landed on mine for a short brush of flesh. “Thanks, but no thanks. I love Christmas, but that was something else entirely.”
I twined my fingers in his and started walking again. The snow was coming down harder with each passing minute and I wanted to get back to the salon. “You got that right. Ivy loves Christmas. I mean loves, loves, loves Christmas. Don’t worry, by morning Shep will have helped her pick and choose what to put up so it’s tasteful and not tacky, but without him, that place would look like a Christmas village on steroids.” I glanced up at the sky. “I didn’t think it was supposed to snow tonight.”
He shrugged. “Me either, but hey, it’s Michigan in almost December. What were you and Shep laughing about?” His voice was tinged with jealousy and I worked hard not to laugh.
“Dude, he’s married,” I said, shoulder bumping him as we walked.
“Doesn’t mean he’s dead,” he answered in kind.
“Shep has had eyes for no one but Ivy for over twenty years. You don’t need to worry. Actually, the reason we were laughing is just another reason for you not to worry.”
“She’s pregnant,” he answered before I could say it.
My mouth dropped agape and he laughed, closing it with his finger. “What? I work with a lot of pregnant women. I’ve seen that look before. It’s this underlying layer of exhaustion with a touch of green around the gills.”
“You’re spot on,” I chuckled. “She has suffered from morning sickness the last few weeks, but she said it’s starting to improve. Shep was telling me he had an asthma attack when she told him she was pregnant.”
“Wait, so you were laughing at a guy because he had an asthma attack?” He stopped and spun me toward him.
I laid my hand on his chest and noticed something hard under my palm. He must have something in his jacket pocket. “No, I was laughing because I would expect Shep to have an asthma attack when he found out he was going to be a dad.” He stood there, his mouth still open, his eyes still confused, and dare I say there was a hint of anger brewing in them. I blew out a breath. “Okay, that really sounds bad. I understand why you’re upset now.”
He lifted a brow and nodded. “I mean, I didn’t have you pegged as that kind of person, Addie.”
I kept hold of his hand and started the walk again. The breeze was blowing the snow into my face and I wanted to get inside. “I’m not that kind of person, and I’m irritated that you would think I was.” There was a touch of anger in my own voice. “I’ll explain when we’re inside and warm. That is if you want to come inside with a person like me.”
“Addie, I didn’t mean it that way.”
Unamused laughter fell from my lips while I unlocked the door. “Not sure what other way you could have meant it. Maybe, on second thought, you should head home before it gets too snowy.”
I pushed the door open and he came in behind me, shaking the snow off his head and grasping my arm lightly. “I’d rather you explained it to me. I promise not to judge you, again.”
I shook the snow off my coat and sighed. “Fine. Come on up.” I motioned him toward the stairs, and at the top, I unlocked the apartment door. I flipped the lights on for him and he set the pie on the table then hung his coat up. He stood there awkwardly and I couldn’t be mad at him, even if I was irritated. He heard what he heard and only I knew the rest of the story. I walked to him and untied his tie then flipped the top button open on his shirt.
“Sorry, you looked closed off and uncomfortable. Why don’t you grab a seat on the couch and I’ll get the pie?”
I brushed past him into the kitchen and he grabbed my arm. “I feel like I spend a lot of time apologizing to you, Addie, but I’m sorry. It came out all wrong.”
I offered a calm smile and nodded once. “It’s fine. You heard what you heard. I’ll explain since you’re new to Bells Pass. I can’t expect you to automatically know everyone’s history.”
“True, but I can try not to jump on things I don’t understand so quickly.”
“Fair enough.”
He wandered into the living room and sat on the couch, his head tipping one way and then the other as he stared at the wall opposite the couch. A TV hung there, almost the full length of the wall. When I carried the pie in, he pointed at it. “Big enough for you? We might be able to cut that beam out to get you a bigger one,” he said, tongue in cheek.
I sat and handed him a plate. “Thought about it,” I agreed as I took a bite of the pie and moaned in satisfaction. “Oh, man, that’s so good,” I hissed. “But it’s a load-bearing beam so I had to settle for the seventy-five incher. Sad, I know.”
“Heartbreaking,” he agreed.
“Saddest part is, I rarely have time to watch it.”
He laughed and shook his head. “Then why did you buy it?”
“I didn’t,” I explained, tucking my leg under me. “I won it at a raffle. Trust me, I’d never buy anything that obnoxious on purpose.”
He chuckled and took a bite of the pie. When he swallowed he pointed at it with his fork. “Oh, my gourd, that’s amazing.”
“Oh, my gourd?” I asked, a brow up.
“Kids,” he explained. “I had to break myself of the habit of using God.”
“Ahhh, right, impressionable and all that.”
We finished the pie and when my plate was empty, I slid it onto the table. “The Shep thing goes like this. He has been a brittle asthmatic all his life. If it weren’t for Ivy, he probably would have died about five times, but she was always there to jab him with an Epi-Pen and call for help. He was one of those kids who always joked about it. Like a teacher would ask him to pass out test papers and he’d say, Sorry, I’d probably die today and Ivy isn’t here. Things like that,” I explained and he nodded. “He’s improved over the years as he learned to control it better, but big emotional events always set him off. I wasn’t sure he’d be able to get married last year because he couldn’t stop wheezing. Mason finally had to hit him with an Epi-Pen to get him through the ceremony.”
He lowered his brow. “Seriously?”
I snortled with laughter and brushed my hand at him. “No, I’m kidding, but it was on the table as an option and we all had one in our pocket in case he went down. The truth is, the next big attack could be his last. We all know it. They both know it. They could choose to live their lives afraid of that day, but instead, they choose to live and do the best they can to prevent it. The thing is, if you can’t laugh about it then you can only cry about it, and they refuse to cry about it. Maybe me laughing tonight sounded callous to your ears, but I wasn’t laughing at him, I really was laughing with him. We’re a tight-knit community here and we all know each other and each other’s nuances. I get that you don’t, so instead of being upset or offended, just ask the honest question. I’d rather explain it to you than be irritated you thought less of me for something taken out of context.”
He nodded once. “You’re right. I agree with you one hundred percent. I definitely flew off the handle there without thinking it out. It won’t happen again. The last week has thrown me and I’m looking at things all wrong now. I’m not feeling namaste at all and that makes me even more anxious.”
I rubbed his shoulder quietly for a moment to calm him. “Forget about it, okay. You know now and we can move on. Also, if you ever find him in bad shape, you’ll know what to do. That said, thank you for dinner tonight. I love Dave Malone’s but haven’t been there in a long time.”
“You definitely could have colored me surprised with that place. It was like eating on the set of Happy Days. The food was fantastic as well.”
“I still can’t believe you didn’t order the buffalo burger.” I shook my head sadly. “You missed out.”
His lips tipped up in amusement. “I’m not sure what you heard about us in Wyoming …”
I leaned back on the couch and tossed my head to the side. “All I’m saying is, your face didn’t say you hated it when you ate half of my burger.”
“I’m always open to sharing,” he said, laughing when I punched him lightly.
“Sharing? You basically snarfed down half my burger while I was talking to the waiter.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have been making eyes at the waiter then. Maybe your eyes should have been on your plate.”
I rolled said eyes to the ceiling in exasperation. “Yes, because our ninety-year-old waiter was a real threat to your manhood.”
He guffawed as he turned to see me better. “He wasn’t a day over sixty-five and he was checking you out.”
“How do you know?” I asked curiously. “Your face was buried in my burger.”
“I know because he was looking at you the same way I was whenever you weren’t looking.” His hand came up to grasp a piece of flyaway hair. “Your hair is so soft and silky. All I want to do is run my hands through it and feel it against my skin. It distracted me the entire night.”
Mission accomplished, I thought while I smoothed it down and gave him a lip tilt. “I was thinking about dying it, but Heather said I couldn’t.”
“You can do anything you want to, but why would you want to? Your hair is amazing. I’ve never seen hair so soft and beautiful before.”
“I guess the answer is, I’m a ginger and gingers don’t have souls,” I joked as he let his fingers slide into the silkiness.
“I don’t buy that old wives tale. If anything, you have too much soul. You’re an old soul and I wouldn’t want you to change that. Besides, your hair adds to the mystery and uniqueness that is you.”
“You’re saying I should never underestimate the power of uniqueness?”
He shook his head. “Never. You’re beautiful, Addie, just the way you are. Don’t go changing for anyone.”
“Unless I want to?”
He nodded once and smiled sheepishly. “Unless you want to.”
“Stylists have a tendency to mess with their hair all the time. I’ve never been one to do that, but Heather? Oh boy, she has a new look every week.”
“Maybe that means you’re already comfortable with who you are.”
I nodded, my eyes hooded. “Maybe. Considering I have a bunch of weddings coming up, I think I’ll leave it alone for now. Oh!” I exclaimed, nearly jumping off the couch. “Did I tell you?”
“Tell me what?” he asked, holding his hands out to keep me from falling over.
“That my mom and Stan got engaged at Thanksgiving dinner!” I clapped happily, my excitement still at top tier level about it.
He grasped my hand and ran his thumb over the top of it. “That’s wonderful, Addie. Stan sounds like a great guy.”
I nodded eagerly. “He is. He’s older than my mom by a few years, but she’s been alone since before I was born. My dad ditched on her when she was six months pregnant with me. She never dated or got involved with men when I was growing up.”
“Why do you think that is? Was it because of your dad?”
I leaned back into the couch again while he held my hand. “No. Well, sure, I guess maybe his desertion was part of it. They met in Saginaw when my mom was training to be a nurse. My dad was Irish by way of Britain. They moved here to Bells Pass after she finished her nursing degree. She had gotten a job at the hospital here and before long, she found herself pregnant. He promised to marry her and they started a life here, but something in him couldn’t handle the idea of a wife and kid. He ditched one day while she was at work.”
He frowned and brought my hand to his lips to brush a kiss across my knuckles. “That doesn’t reflect on you, Addie.”
“I suppose not since I wasn’t even born yet, but it does reflect on his character, which is part of me. After he left it was just Mom and me. She worked full-time and took care of me the rest of the time. She didn’t really have time to date, not that guys didn’t try. By the time I was old enough for her to think about it, I was too old.”
He shook his head in confusion. “Say that again?”
“I guess what I mean is, by the time I was old enough for her to feel comfortable dating again, I was too impressionable. I was a young lady and she didn’t want a parade of guys coming through the house. I can’t say for sure she didn’t have someone on the side somewhere, but I never saw him. She had activities she would do a few evenings a week, but she was always a lady and never brought anyone home. Now, in hindsight, I appreciate that a lot. I know I’m luckier than a lot of kids with single parents who have those awkward morning-after breakfasts.”
He grimaced and nodded. “Yeah, I had a few friends who often dealt with that situation. I’m glad your mom understood the importance of keeping you sheltered from it.”
“It was hard, you know. She was raising me as a single mom with no male influence in my life. I didn’t even have a grandpa or an uncle to go to. Mom had some work friends who always invited us to dinner and we were good friends with a few of them. I knew I could always go to them for help, but that wasn’t the same as going to them for advice.”
“I’m sorry, it had to be hard growing up and feeling excluded from something most kids had.”
I stared at his hand holding mine rather than make eye contact. “I never wanted for anything. Mom worked as a nurse for a few years and then went on to school to get her Bachelor’s in nursing degree. Once she had that, she worked a few more years and eventually she became a nurse anesthetist.”
“A nurse what now?” he asked, chuckling at the look on my face.
“A nurse anesthetist. She works with an anesthesiologist in surgery.”
“Oh, right. That’s pretty high up the ranks of nursing, right?”
I nodded and shrugged. “Mom’s a go-getter. I didn’t luck out when it came to brainpower the way she did.”
“What does that mean, Addie?” he asked, resting my hand on his knee. Heat radiated from under his khakis, and his sinewy muscles were corded and tight. I forced my mind to halt that train of thought before I started drooling.
I sighed and rested my head on the couch, fatigue setting in after a long day. “I guess it just means I’m not wired that way. I struggled in school with math and science. I can do basic everyday stuff, but you start asking me to do anything too complicated and my brain stops working. I love cosmetology, but I also love business. They were both something I was good at.”
His hand came up to stroke my jaw tenderly. “We all have our strengths and weaknesses. That doesn’t mean we’re less than someone else. It just means we have different strengths. That’s what makes the world go ‘round.”
“Maybe I take after my dad instead of my mom,” I pondered.
“Do you spend a lot of time with him now?”
My double D chest jiggled as I giggled sarcastically.
“So that’s a no,” he answered for himself.
I held my hands out, palms up. “Ellis, I don’t even know his name. I have no idea who he is. He’s not on my birth certificate.”
His brow lowered. “But your mom knew who he was. Why wouldn’t she list him, or at the very least tell you his name.”
“She didn’t want anything to do with him after he left. By leaving him off my birth certificate, he wasn’t required to pay child support or be part of our lives. Also, I would never know who he was.”
He turned and grasped my knee with a tender firmness. “I guess I can see that, but why wouldn’t she tell you his name?”
“By the time I was old enough to understand the situation, she knew me well enough to know I would look for him. She doesn’t want anything to do with him and if I knew his name, I’d find him. It would probably take me less than an hour online to track him down.”
He bit his lower lip and stared at his hand holding my knee. He looked up, then back down, and then up again. “Okay, but he’s your father and you kind of have a right to know.”
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. “I don’t disagree with you. She thinks she’s protecting me by keeping his identity a secret.”
“No, she’s not,” he said softly, but with a sharp edge to his tone. “She’s protecting herself while robbing you of a relationship you might benefit from. She’s being selfish because she doesn’t want to deal with all the feelings and baggage having him come back into your lives would bring. She’s being a coward by assuming he has nothing to offer you because he walked away.” One eye opened and I pinned it on him. He sighed and held up his hand. “I’m sorry. There I go judging again.”
I rolled my head back and forth on the couch. “No, you’re making an observation. One that is spot on. I often ponder the same things. I want to find him, but mostly for the sole reason I could have half-siblings out there somewhere. I could have a whole family out there, and while he may not want me to be part of it, at the very least I would have a better understanding of who I am. I could maybe get some basic medical information about my family genetics and common diseases on his side of the family. Right now, I’m blind when it comes to all of that. I don’t think it’s fair, but she won’t budge. I’ve tried.”
He shook his head and bit his bottom lip. “You’re an adult now, Addie. I can’t tell you what to do, but if you feel strongly about this, maybe you need to talk to her again. Explain the reasons why you want to find him and talk it through with her. Maybe you can come to some mutual agreements about how far you’re willing to allow him into your life and where you draw the line.”
I stood and walked to the window, looking out over the streets of Bells Pass. “I’ve been considering it a lot lately. I feel lonely a lot of the time and knowing I have another family out there somewhere might be comforting.” I shrugged with a sigh and focused my eyes on the streetlight on the corner. “The snow is really coming down. I think we may have our first real snowfall of the season.”
He came up behind me and peered over my shoulder. “You’re right, this snow may stick around now. It’s almost December and it has certainly been cold enough.”
I chuckled as I leaned into his chest. “Part of me is thrilled to watch the snow come down and know the Christmas tree in the park is going to be magical, but the rest of me is thinking about how I will feel at the end of February.”
He rubbed my arms languidly up and down, sending chills through me at his touch. I wanted to turn my head and let him lay his lips on mine, but I didn’t. I knew it was a bad idea, even if I was already addicted to the way his lips felt on mine. “The dilemma every Midwesterner faces in the winter. Hey, I have an idea. Are you game or are you too tired?”
I turned from the window into his chest and rested my hands there. I loved how his muscles rippled at my touch every single time as though he was as affected by me as I was by him. “I’m game. What do you have in mind?”
He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine gently, but didn’t linger, unfortunately. I suddenly had a thing for his lips. “It’s a surprise.”