Chapter 13
Jamie
“You look good with a tan,” I say to Ian as he opens the door. “Did you get a one on your arse too, like your brother?”
“Fuck you, Jamie.”
I close the door and head into the living room, where my sister and niece are waiting.
“Welcome back, hon,” I say, kissing them both on the forehead. “Did you have a good time?”
“It was amazing! I’ve never been anywhere like that before.”
I smile sadly, because I know what that means.
“We’ll go back,” Ian interjects. “Maybe even with Jamie.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you. I’d rather not watch your public displays of affection all day, nor do I want to share a wall with you and listen to strange noises that make me want to break down your door and hit you in the face.”
“I was talking about my daughter.”
I laugh, and Ian gets pissed off.
“Fuck you. I don’t even know why I’m talking to you.”
“It’s not my fault if you gave my niece my name. Don’t complain if there is any confusion.”
Ian leaves and disappears into the kitchen, while I stay with the women of my life.
“I’ve missed her so much,” Riley says, holding Jamie close.
“I can only imagine.”
“It was good to be there, to relax and enjoy life. But I also couldn’t wait to come back to her.”
This. This is a mother. She knows what it’s like to be a mother, and she can’t stay away from her daughter even for a few days. I wonder how my sister became the incredible woman she is today.
“So? What’s up? Any news?”
“Who, me?” I tense up immediately. “Why would there be?”
Riley studies me.
“Nothing happened. Not at all. Everything… so… normal.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m more than okay.”
“You are so on edge.”
“That’s not true.”
“It’s because of the game? I know you guys sucked, but I had no doubt. I wasn’t there,” Ian says, coming back to us.
“You are not so irreplaceable, O’Connor.”
“You have lost.”
“Shit happens.”
“They kicked you out before the end of the first half.”
“Really, Jamie?” Riley asks. “How come?”
“I was just tired. It happens to the best of us. Besides, how the fuck do you know?”
“Ryan.”
“Of course. That little fucker.”
“Hey! Watch your mouth!”
I turn around; Ryan is standing at the front door.
“When did you get in?” Ian asks.
“I have the keys, remember?”
“I gave them for emergencies. When we’re at home, I’d appreciate it if you’d at least knock.”
“Such a fuss.” Ryan comes towards us, stops in front of Riley, hugs her and kisses her cheek. “You’re beautiful.”
“Enough!” Ian protests. “What are you doing here?” Ian then asks.
“You came to pick up Jamie when I wasn’t home. I wanted to say goodbye.”
“So you’re only here for Jamie?”
“Also for her beautiful mother.”
“You are about to be locked in the basement, I warn you.”
“I have missed these bickering sessions,” my sister says.
“This is nothing. I’ve got ten days’ worth of backlog. I’ll bounce back quickly; I need to get back on track.”
Ian and Ryan kick off another one of their fights to prove who is the bigger arsehole between the two of them. My sister laughs, now perfectly comfortable in the O’Connor chaos. I watch the scene a few steps away, knowing I’m not really part of it.
“What the fuck, Ryan! I told you to pick me up!” Nick’s voice comes through the door.
“Don’t you have your own car?” Ryan retorts.
“We both had to come here, and you live in my fucking neighbourhood!” Nick replies.
“It would be more accurate to say that you live in my fucking neighbourhood,” Ryan points out.
“At most, that’s Chris’ neighbourhood,” Ian clarifies. “That’s you, Ryan, living at her place.”
“Mine, hers… What difference does it make?”
Ian turns to Nick. “Couldn’t you at least knock?”
“I have the keys,” Nick says, holding them up.
“That’s for… Oh, fuck you both!”
Apparently, nobody uses the doorbell, probably because everyone has a key except me. Why should I have one? I’m not part of the family, and this is just one more confirmation of that.
Now Nick has joined the discussion too. The three brothers are talking, making an absurd amount of noise, and I feel like my head is going to explode. I only stopped by to say hello to my sister, yet here I am, once again witnessing the O’Connor’s dominance.
There is no room for anyone else when they are around.
I sit on the sofa, resting my elbow on my knee and pressing my fingers to my throbbing forehead. A moment later, my sister sits down beside me.
“Are you sure you can leave Jamie in his hands?” I ask, nodding towards Nick, who has drifted away from the discussion and is now holding my niece.
“What’s wrong?” she asks instead, touching my arm.
“I missed you.”
“That’s all?”
I nod.
“You know you’re part of the family, right, Jamie?”
This is my sister. She always seems to know everything, especially when it comes to me. No one else in the world understands me the way she does. Maybe it’s because, until now, it’s always just been the two of us. She raised me, knows all my secrets and fears, and has always loved and protected me.
I owe her everything.
I’ll never love anyone the way I love her.
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
“This is what I see and feel,” she says.
I turn to her. “Are you happy?”
She gives me a tender smile. “I am.”
“Then that’s all that matters.”
“I care about your happiness, too.” She strokes my cheek with her fingers.
“If you are happy, then I’m happy.”
“Your happiness can’t depend on mine.”
“I already have everything, Riley. What more could I possibly ask for?”
She gives me that look and speaks to me in the way only she can. “I can’t help you if you don’t let me in.”
I lay my hand over hers. “You’ve already done so much. It’s time for you to stop hiding me in your room and holding me all night.”
I never wanted to tell her this. I don’t want to cloud her happiness with the grey storm hanging over me, the one that presses down and keeps me from feeling the sun’s warmth and light.
“I won’t hide you from anyone anymore, because you don’t need me to. But I will always be here to hold you and remind you how great you are. And I know that one day you’ll meet someone you’ll trust to do the same.”