Chapter 21
Jamie
“Are you here to mess with me?” Nick asks as I approach him on the bleachers.
“Not at all.”
“You’re not fooling me. Do you know something I don’t?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Are you here to warn me? Or did they send you just because we’re friends and thought I’d cry?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
He drops into the seat beside me.
“They’re going to kick me out, aren’t they?”
“What? Jesus, no!”
“Thank God.”
“Not that I’ve heard, anyway.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“I don’t think they’d tell me. Not straight away, like.”
“I’m fucked.”
“You should roar something at your lad,” I say, nodding at the pitch. I stand, give a sharp whistle, then flop back down. “Ah, would you ever cop on!”
“He’s my fly-half.”
“Then you do have something to worry about.”
“I knew you only came here to wreck my head.”
“I just came to see how you were getting on.”
“You came to gloat.”
“I had a bit of free time, thought I’d swing by.”
“Free time, is it? You sure you’ve nothing better to be doing?”
They’re dead. All three of them.
Nick can’t hide his laughter.
“You’re a shower of bloody bastards.”
“I’ve no idea what you’re on about.”
“Nick, don’t insult me.”
“So…”
“Ah, fuck off.”
“You’re nervous. Do you have a romantic date?”
“I doubt you know anything about romance.”
“Don’t underestimate my charm and savoir-faire.”
“Do you speak French now, too? Casey is working miracles with you.”
Nick smiles. “Sometimes we make our own miracles.”
“If you could work miracles, your team wouldn’t suck so much.”
“What I’m saying is, the key is in ourselves.”
“I liked you better before, you know? Love doesn’t suit you.”
“Love is great. You should give it a try.”
“I could run you over with my car when you leave the facility.”
“Ah, Jamie. I knew this moment would come. I just thought you’d look for somewhere far away from the family.”
“I might not wait for you to leave; it would take too long. Maybe in the locker room…”
“Are you done?”
“I’ve only just started.”
“Maybe you should focus your energy on something else.”
I get up, annoyed. “I’ll leave you with your bunch of losers. It’s your team, so that tracks.”
“Does that make you feel better?” Nick calls after me as I walk away.
“What?”
“Cracking jokes. Poking at people so you don’t have to admit how scared you are of taking anything seriously.”
I turn towards him. “Are you really trying to analyse me?”
“I don’t need to,” he replies, standing up and stepping closer. “There’s just something familiar about you. You were the one who brought it up a long time ago.”
“I told you so many things…”
“True, and every one of them was useful.”
“Glad to have been helpful.”
“I wish I could be of some use, too.”
“Go out there and break your fly-half’s leg so you’re forced to find a replacement.”
“Jamie…”
I huff.
“You don’t have to do this with me.”
“I know. You’re a dickhead. Not even trying to open your head and sort it out would help.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Actually, no. I regret coming here and wasting my time now.”
“If you came to me, it means you’re in really deep shit.”
“I’m grand.”
“Yeah, I can see that.”
“I don’t need your advice or your bullshit. I don’t need anything.”
“That’s probably true. You definitely don’t need my advice or my bullshit — not mine or my brothers’. But there is one thing you do need.”
“What?”
“A doctor.”
Maybe if I don’t breathe, it’ll hurt less.
“And we both know I don’t mean just any doctor.”
Fuck. That hurts just the same.
“There’s only one doctor who can really understand what’s wrong. He’s the only one you’ll ever let in, and the only one who can heal you.”