Chapter 39
Jamie
After a restless sleep filled with absurd nightmares, I roll onto my right side, sensing a presence beside me.
My eyes fly open, and I see the Doctor sitting on the bed next to me, his back against the headboard, his head tipped forward so that it brushes mine.
I shift to ease my aching bones, and as I move, he wakes at once.
“Welcome back.”
“How long did I sleep?”
He checks his watch. “Three hours, give or take. How do you feel?”
“Still shitty.”
“Figured as much. Fever’s down, but not enough. You’re still a mess.”
“Good thing I know a doctor who makes house calls.”
“Then you’re not feeling so bad if you’ve got the strength to fuck with me.”
“I pulled out all my reserves to get this shit out of me.”
“You could’ve kept them.”
I lift my head a little and look at him. “You stayed here?”
“Where should I go? I’m at home.”
“I mean… close to me.”
“Oh.” The Doctor flinches and pulls back. “Sorry. I know you don’t like this kind of thing.”
“Maybe I like it now.”
“Are you delirious again?”
“Maybe.”
“Can you manage to eat? I can make you something.”
“No. My throat is closed and my chest hurts.”
“At least drink?”
I wince, and as I hesitate, the Doctor takes a bottle of water from the nightstand, uncaps it, and hands it to me. “Come on, Captain,” he says, encouraging me.
I take the bottle and drink a few sips, each one scratching my throat. The Doctor watches me with concern, then gently takes the bottle from my hand and sets it back.
“It’s only the flu.”
“I know, but you’ve only got it because of me.”
“Ah, stop. It’s on me. If I hadn’t been such a dick…”
“True.”
“I didn’t mean to be.”
He nods but still won’t look at me.
“It just sort of happened.”
“Because you’re someone who takes and then legs it.”
“Actually, I thought I’d given something as well.”
“Do you think this is the time for that?”
“I’m not used to this. It’s new. I don’t know if I can do it.”
“I get that, but you could’ve told me. You could’ve explained why this is so out of the question for you.”
“You know my rules,” I say, sharper than I mean to.
“You never mentioned that one.”
“I thought it was implied.”
“Not for me. I’d rather be told.”
“So I’ll be clearer next time.”
“N-next time?” he stammers, searching my face.
“If you want to see me again.”
“I brought you back to my house. You’re in my bed, you’re stark naked, and…”
“What?” I instinctively lift the blanket.
“You were soaked, and I’ve nothing here that’d fit you.”
“Grand excuse. And you loved undressing me.”
“You’re an arsehole.”
“And I’m dying with the flu. You should pity me.”
The Doctor sighs heavily, then asks, “Should I tell someone?”
“Mmm?”
“Well, you’re sick, you’re in my house, maybe someone is looking for you and…”
Without thinking, I reach out and catch his hand. He glances down at our hands, holds it there for a moment, then looks back at my face.
“You. Just you.”
Something shifts in his eyes again. There’s a ripple of words there now, and a hundred questions, but I know he won’t voice any of them.
I try to shrug it off, as if I didn’t mean what I said. “I just don’t like being seen like this.”
“Of course. Never show your vulnerability.”
“Never.”
“Well, I’ve seen you now,” he says softly. “Now I know that even you come apart sometimes.”
Ah, Doctor. You’d best not be here when I finally fall for real.
As I drift back into a painful sleep, the world blurs at the edges, and I’m caught between wanting to die peacefully and holding on out of sheer stubbornness. Time slips by in a hazy fog until a voice cuts through it and pulls me back.
“So you are alive.”
I jerk my eyes open, disoriented. The room feels… off somehow, like something’s shifted.
“You’ve not moved in an age.”
“What the hell…?”
“He’s gone to work.”
“Ah. Right,” I say, the disappointment sharper than I mean it to be.
“He called me at six in the morning. Six in the bleeding morning. Can you credit that?”
“I have no idea what you’re on about…”
“No one would take his shift. He tried to swap it, but the useless shower wouldn’t lift a finger.”
“Useless shower?” I repeat, still lost.
“They do nothing for him at all in that kip of a hospital. Him, on the other hand…”
“He kills himself for the lot of them,” I finish.
“He has no life at all. They’re bleeding him dry.”
“Of course he has a life.”
He gives me a slow, pitying look, like I’ve missed the point entirely.
“You shouldn’t be talking about him like that, you know. He is your father.”
“I know very well who he is. But do you? Do you really know, man?”
“What do you mean?”
“Ah, forget it. You wouldn’t understand. Anyway, I’m here to look after you now.”
“You?”
“And believe me, I’m not the worst thing that could happen to you.”
“Look, kid, I don’t need a nurse.”
“True enough. You need a doctor.”
There isn’t a hint of humour in his voice.
I don’t need a doctor; I need my Doctor.
“I promised my dad I’d stay with you, make sure you eat, and take your medicine. Look, I have the list.”
He pulls a folded bit of paper from his pocket.
“I’m grand. I may as well head home.” I start to jump out of bed, then remember I’m naked.
“Please don’t. I have no desire to see anything… embarrassing.”
I let out an exasperated snort. “Why did he call you?”
“Would you rather it were someone else?” Evan sits on the edge of the bed. “He trusts me.”
I stare at him, hesitant.
“He knows I’d never tell anyone.”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding and sink back against the headboard.
“Because that’s how it works for you, is it?”
“I can’t talk to you about it, and anyway, it’s none of your business.”
“You’re talking about my dad. And my dad is my business.”
“You don’t seem to care that much about him when you’re taking the piss out of him in front of everyone.”
Evan sighs heavily, as if he’s still deciding whether to say anything. “He’s not like my mum.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Mum is tough. No one can break her. She always lands on her feet, and even if she goes down, she gets back up on her own, even with a broken ankle.”
“I don’t—”
“He’s different.”
I’m not sure I like this kid talking to me like this about his father.
“He gets hurt a lot. I get the feeling you’re a bone-breaker, Jamie. My dad is not a fast healer.”
“I don’t think that’s the case…”
“Why? Because I’m a kid?”
“Because it’s not respectful.”
“I’ve seen lads like you, you know. And he falls for it every time.”
“Your dad doesn’t need a duty solicitor. He’s a grown man; he can make his own decisions. You should stay out of it.”
“My dad only listens to one thing. And I don’t think you even know what I’m on about.”
He’s right, but I can’t admit it.
“You’re making him sound like a spineless idiot.”
“He’s not an idiot. He’s a good man, and he’s kind. He never says no to anyone, he’s always ready to help, and he’s not the sort to ever throw in the towel.”
“Is this, by any chance, a ‘you need to stay away from my dad’ talk?”
“Are you two dating? Or are you just hiding here, away from prying eyes?”
“Now you’re out of line.”
“What are you after, Jamie?”
“I don’t know, okay?” I snap, my voice going up. “This whatever this is… I didn’t even go looking for it!”
“Well, you’d better figure it out fast, before he gets hurt.”
“So you’re just assuming he’ll be the one who loses?”
“He’s always the one who loses everything.”
I believe him, though I’m not sure why.
“And I swear to you, if you break his heart, I will break every bone in your body and make sure you never set foot on the pitch again. I don’t care if you’re bigger and stronger than me, I’ll find a way.”
He shoots to his feet and looms over me, looking down like he knows a hundred things I don’t — and maybe he does. After all, Evan is the Doctor’s son; it could hardly be any other way.
“You’re the only loser here, Captain,” he says, dismissive, before turning and walking out of the room.
I hear him rattling around in the kitchen while I remain sitting up in bed, my back pressed against the headboard, my head spinning and throbbing, and my chest so tight it feels as if my ribs might splinter under the pressure.