Chapter 65
Martin
Why are you reacting like this? Right now, you look as if you might fall apart here, like everything inside you could shatter in front of me.
Why can’t you just be happy for someone else’s happiness?
What’s going on with you, Captain? Why won’t you let me in?
You keep putting up walls between us, making me think you’re just another arsehole.
But now, your eyes are asking me for help, anything that might ease your pain.
You’re silently begging me, over and over again.
Let me help. I can’t work miracles, but I can listen and understand.
I know I can love. Maybe I didn’t realise it until you looked at me, or took my hand, or smiled at me the way only you do.
Or until you kissed me, or we slept together.
But now I know. When you walked past me, I recognised you.
I understood. Now I just need you to understand it too.
I move slowly, my pulse racing, taking advantage of the fact that everyone’s focused on Ian and Riley. I approach Jamie, who is gasping for breath by the living room door.
“Are you okay?” I ask, searching his gaze.
“No.”
He told the truth. That’s one step, Doctor. Now it’s up to you to keep going.
“Do you want me to drive you home?”
“No.”
Now I have to make a move. I just hope it’s the right one.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?”
He lifts his head, finally meeting my eyes. A storm of emotion flickers there; words are unnecessary. His expression alone lays his heart bare.
“This is not just casual. I never thought that for a moment,” he says, a little breathless.
“Okay.”
“I don’t know why I said that.”
“It doesn’t matter. She’s your sister, and you have the right to say whatever you want.”
“Don’t. Don’t apologise for the shit I say.”
“All right, you were an arsehole.”
“I wanted to come with you tonight.”
I can’t help but grin like an idiot.
“I always want to go where you go, and that’s not normal. And this is not just an obsession.”
“What is it, then?”
“Something worse.”
“Should I be worried?”
“Yes.”
Jamie reaches out with a trembling hand and gently touches my face, his eyes searching mine.
“You’re a tough guy, Doctor.”
“Me? Are you sure?”
“Fuck, yes. And… I like that. I like you.”
“I like you too.”
“You’re not a secret. I want that to be clear. I don’t want to hide you.”
“Okay.”
He rises from the door and draws me close, holding me tightly, his arms trembling with need.
“You don’t need to prove it to me right away…
“Shut up, Doctor,” he says with a smile, then kisses me in Chris and Ryan’s living room, in front of everyone.
“Ah, for fuck’s sake!” someone says, but I don’t care. My Captain is kissing me, and I wouldn’t stop this moment for anything — not even if a meteorite crashed into Chris’s living room right now.
Jamie pulls away and gently brushes my lower lip with his thumb.
“Right, pay up. Fifty euros,” my son says behind me.
I turn, confused.
“What dumb luck!” Ryan groans, reaching into his pocket.
“What the hell…?”
“Thanks, Dad. Well done.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I won, that’s what.”
“Did you make a bet?”
“Fuck yes. Thanks to you — and you as well, Captain — I’ll really celebrate tonight. Ah, Mum,” he turns to Chris, “you too, go on.”
“Chris?”
“I got a bit carried away with it,” she says.
Jamie laughs beside me. I can’t decide whether to go along with the craziness or be annoyed.
“Don’t look at us like that, Doctor,” Ryan protests. “And you, Jamie — what the fuck? You could’ve at least waited until you were outside my door before giving in.”
“Um… Nick?” Casey’s voice slips between the others. She holds out her hand to him in a silent request. Nick snorts, pulls a note from his pocket, and drops it into Casey’s outstretched palm.
“You too?” I ask, surprised.
“I had nothing to do with it.” Evan raises his hands.
“We bet on Riley and Ian,” Casey announces.
“What?” Ian sputters.
“Oh, please. How long did you think you could keep this secret? I knew right away, but Nick insisted you would tell him if that was the case. Poor, deluded man.”
Nick snorts in annoyance.
“What a shitty family,” my son says, making everyone burst out laughing.
I laugh too — what else can I do? Jamie puts a hand on my shoulder, quietly asking me to let him go.
I watch him walk over to Riley, lift her into his arms, and hug her.
She can’t hide her feelings, and honestly, it gets to me a little too.
Not because I’m overly sensitive, but because my Captain has just taken another step forward, and I hope there will be many more.
“Will you take me home with you?” Jamie asks when everyone is ready to go.
“Two minutes. Actually, less,” I reply without thinking.
He laughs and shakes his head. “We can wait a little longer.”
I slip my hand into my jeans pocket and pull out my car keys. “Wait for me outside. I’ll be right there.”
Jamie takes the keys from me and heads out to say goodbye to the others. I walk over to Evan to let him know I’m leaving.
“Thanks for letting me win,” Evan says.
“Am I your father or not?”
“Are you leaving?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, thank goodness.”
“Well, thank you. You could at least pretend to be sad.”
“I’m just waiting for someone to finally leave this house so I can get out. You know, I’ve got a thing…”
“You’re impossible.”
“I’m cool, what can I do?”
I shake my head, certain this is Ryan’s influence.
“Now I have to try to convince Nick to leave.”
“Talk to you tomorrow?”
“Maybe,” he says with a shrug.
I head for the front door, where Ian stands with his arms crossed, leaning against the wood, watching me like he’s been waiting.
“Will you take care of him?” he asks, point-blank.
“Oh, I…”
“He’s letting you in, you know. He doesn’t let anyone in. Not even Riley, sometimes.”
“I don’t think you…”
“You’re not one to throw in the towel, are you?”
“No. I’m not.”
“Don’t give up, Doctor. I don’t think he’ll let anyone get that close again.”
“I have no intention of doing that.”
“He’s a brother to me, you know. And not just because he’s actually my wife’s brother.”
“I know.”
“I really love him. I just wish he’d love himself a little more.”
“I would like that too.”
Ian gives me a sad, crooked smile. “Then you’re really in it.”
“More than I could have imagined.”
“I know you’ll do your best; otherwise, he wouldn’t have trusted you. He feels people; he feels everything. And if you managed to get close, it means you’re the one he was waiting for.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, Doctor.”
I smile back at Ian, open the front door, hurry to my car, and slide into the driver’s seat.
“Sorry, I got held up.”
“It’s okay.”
“Shall we go?”
“I’m ready to go home,” he says.
The word home fills me with a sudden, overwhelming sense of belonging.
“Good.”
I start the car, back out of Chris’s driveway, and drive home slowly.
“Doctor?”
“Mmm?”
“Will you read to me tonight?”
I let out a shaky breath, thick with emotion.
“That’s all I ask.”