Chapter 81
Martin
I get out of the car and walk slowly up the drive. Before I can knock, the door opens, almost like it’s been waiting for me.
“Hey.” He smiles, tense.
“Hi.”
“Come on in.”
As I step inside, a wave of anxiety hits me. Being back here reminds me of how badly things ended last time.
His hands rest on my shoulders. “You’re nervous.”
“Nah.”
He leans in, his face inches from mine.
“Just a little bit. It’s strange to be here again.”
Jamie stands right in front of me.
“Last time…”
“I will never feel sorry enough for that morning,” he says.
I force a smile.
“I only treated you like shit because I felt like shit. I needed to unload everything on you. And I fucked up. I hurt you — in the worst way.
“It’s okay. It’s in the past now.”
“That time I told you that I wanted you here was because I wanted you in my bed. I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling. I didn’t even know how to explain it to myself. But now I do. I have to tell you the truth.”
I nod, nervous.
“I want you in my life, Martin.”
“I want to be in your life, Jamie.”
He slides his hands along my face, draws me close, and kisses me. Instantly, I’m calm again.
“Now that we’ve cleared this up, how about a walk on the beach? It’s still light out, and the weather’s perfect.”
“Anything you want.”
“Anything I want, Doctor?” He takes a slow breath. “I already have it.”
We slip off our shoes and walk quietly along the beach. Jamie pulls his sweatshirt hood over his head—whether to shield himself from the wind or to hide from sight, I’m not sure.
Ever since he came to my house that night and opened up about his life, he seems smaller, less intimidating, and far too fragile.
He hasn’t played in two weeks. Officially, he has mono.
I signed his medical certificate myself, and I just hope I won’t get in trouble for it.
Unofficially, he’s completely broken, and I have no idea if or when he’ll recover.
He invited me over today. He wants to have dinner, and even though he didn’t say it, I know he hopes I’ll stay the night.
I came straight from the hospital after a thirty-six-hour shift. Even though I’m exhausted, I rushed to him because I don’t want him to be on his own any longer than he has to be.
“You could use some air, Doctor.”
“Mmm?”
“You always have that pale complexion of someone who stays indoors too long. I remember thinking that in the past, wishing I could bring you here, to the sea, and let the sunlight give you some colour.”
“So you had it all planned?”
He smiles. “Not really. Let’s just say it was one of my many fantasies.”
“I didn’t think I was one to inspire fantasies.”
“You see many things, Doctor, but you don’t see yourself.”
I stop and look at him. “Like you.”
“A nice pair of idiots.”
“Some would think so.”
“And you care what others think?”
“I only care what you think.”
Jamie sighs, takes my hand, and laces his fingers through mine, gently pulling me to walk with him. The beach is almost empty, except for a few distracted athletes and a couple walking their dog.
“I think I am in love with you.”
I stop in my tracks again.
“And don’t make that face, you know I am.”
“Hearing it has a different effect.”
He moves closer and takes my other hand, holding both of mine tightly between us.
“I am in love with you.”
“That’s even better.”
“I don’t want there to be any doubt.”
“There is none.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m capable of it. Loving you.”
“There is no right or wrong way to love.”
“I’m afraid mine is all wrong and that I’ll end up hurting you.”
“The fact that you’re afraid of that already says a lot about your love, Captain.”
He pulls me closer, wraps one arm around me, and I feel his breath brush my lips.
“What planet are you from, Dr Kane?”
“I don’t know which planet I’m from, but I know which one I want to stay on.”