Chapter 8
“Oh my goodness that food was good.” Janae’s delight in her meal warmed Adam. The delicious sounds she’d made while eating kept him captivated throughout their dinner.
He realized that one of the things he’d always enjoyed about Janae was her ability to live out loud, not caring about what anyone thought.
He might not have engaged much with her when they were in school, but that didn’t mean he didn’t notice her every single time she stepped into a room or laughed out loud, or put someone in their place when they’d crossed the line. He’d noticed it all.
Considering their years apart while they lived separate lives, he was so pleased to see that life hadn’t stomped out her fire.
“I know you didn’t get this from the diner.”
He chuckled softly before he took a sip of his bottled water.
“No. There’s this new place called Island Soul up in Tannersville. I’ve wanted to try since I came home.”
“It’s just before you get to the Crossings Mall, right?”
He nodded, loving the easy way they were sitting on the tailgate of his truck. He’d added an air mattress to it for cushion, and had a stepladder available to help her get into the back of the pickup with ease.
They’d sat on the edge of the tailgate in the parking lot, looking out over I-80 as their view.
“Yeah, I’ve seen it, but I haven’t had a chance to stop in yet.
Also, I’m always a little leery about ethnic food spots out here.
They usually don’t have that authentic taste to them.
The last time I had good Caribbean food was when Vanessa, Cree, and I went up to New York City to celebrate the second anniversary of our Savvy, Sexy, and Single Club. ”
He stopped chewing on his chicken patty long enough to look up at her. “Your what now?”
“It’s a sort of support group the girls and I created when Cree and I met Vanessa at the community center’s divorce support group two years ago.”
“Wait, are you talking about the one where the old dude in the plaid shirt still talks about his wife that left him twelve years ago?”
Her shoulders shook with amusement as she nodded. “The very one and the same. How do you know about it? Did you ever attend a meeting?”
“Nah,” he answered. “Although, if I had, transitioning from married to divorced might’ve gone a whole lot easier for me.
The community center is right across the street from the church.
You know my mama is tuned in to the church gossip like the CIA is to foreign threats.
Nothing happens without her knowing about it. ”
She took up another forkful of the rice and peas, savoring it before she spoke again.
“Was your divorce difficult?”
He waited a moment. Not because he didn’t want to answer, he was fine with sharing anything Janae wanted to ask of him. But he had been such a different person then. It was almost impossible for him to connect with the man who’d felt trapped in the life his father had created for him.
“I married for all the wrong reasons. I was in love with my wife, but not in the deep way that I believe you should be if you wanna tackle marriage together. Our lives were very separate. She did her thing in high society and I did mine on the court. The only time we were really together was for public events.”
He ripped off a piece of coco bread, needing to find something to do with his hands for fear of reaching out for Janae. The fact that she’d even agreed to eat with him was a win. He didn’t want to push it by trying to make a physical connection she wasn’t ready for.
“The straw that broke the camel’s back was, she came home one day telling me her parents thought it was time for us to have children.”
“That’s an odd way of saying she was ready to start a family.”
“Yeah, but not just because of the way she phrased it, but also because if we’d spent three weeks together in the previous six months, that was saying a lot.
It suddenly struck me that we’d been apart for so long and I hadn’t missed her.
Why would I want a baby with someone whose absence didn’t mean anything to me? ”
He wiped his mouth before shifting to look at her.
“I wanted to have a baby with someone who loved me. And I knew in that moment that neither of us loved each other enough to procreate. We’d lived our lives too far apart for that to be a possibility.
The next day, I sat her down and asked for a divorce. ”
Her eyes softened in the glow of the amber lights in the parking lot. For all of Janae’s fire, it was this soft, caring look of hers that was fast becoming his favorite. He’d seen it years ago outside the guidance counselor’s office on one of the rare occasions she acknowledged his presence.
He’d seen it again when she’d stopped to intervene with his father at the radiology department. Now he was seeing it for a third time while they sat together sharing a meal. Like before, she stripped away any desire he had to hide behind his armor. It made him want to bare his soul to her.
“I’m sorry, Adam.”
He lifted his hand slowly, allowing his fingers to trace her high cheekbone and then her jaw. Those same fingers ached to keep moving until they were touching her full lips.
“For what? I’m the one who made the decision to marry for status instead of love. It’s not your fault I ended up falling on my face.”
“No.” She shook her head, dislodging his fingers from her skin, replacing the inviting warmth that was growing within him with an unwanted chill. “It’s not. That doesn’t mean I can’t have compassion for your circumstances. You deserved better from yourself and your wife.”
He couldn’t help but smile at the fact that she hadn’t let him off the hook for his culpability in the situation. But that was Janae, telling it like it is from her first breath drawn.
“I did.” He put his food container down to turn toward her. That’s what I’m trying to do now. Make better choices for myself, surround myself with people that care about me and who will let me care about them.”
Her smile broadened, and the sight of it warmed him again, tugging at a part of him he’d kept hidden for too long.
His marriage was clinical, and there was no room for the warmth and genuine smiles that made you want to find a way to stand in the resulting glow for always.
“Well, you’ve certainly got the taking care of people part down pat.” Janae pointed to the food containers strewn around the truck bed. “This was top-tier service, Adam.”
“Was it now?”
She nodded. “I have no complaints.”
“Good,” he replied. “Does that mean you might let me take you out on a real date after this?”
Her eyes were alight with amusement as she looked up at him and opened her mouth to answer.
A set of chimes filled the air and she looked down at her watch with resignation.
When her eyes returned to his there was remorse there, and he could see her closing the doors on the carefree exchange between them.
“That’s my alarm. I’ve got about twenty minutes left on my break. Reality is calling.”
And at the most inopportune time too. Wasn’t that just his luck?
“Let me pack up a bit and I’ll walk you back inside.”
“Sounds like a plan, sir.”
He turned around to grab their finished food and pack up the trash. When he’d finished and fixed his eyes on hers, she was pulling out her wallet, opening up the billfold, and plucking out several bills.
He watched her with confusion, wondering what she was doing, then she extended the folded bills in his direction.
“I hope this will cover my end. It’s all the cash I have on me right now.”
Oh hell to the nah.
“You’re joking, right?”
Her features were straight and he couldn’t detect a hint of amusement anywhere on her face.
“If it’s not enough, let me know and I’ll stop by the ATM on my way home in the morning.”
With his jaw tight and teeth clenched, he pushed her name across his lips.
“Janae, don’t ruin a good time by insulting me.”
“Insulting you? I’m lost here, Adam. What’s going on?”
He wanted to be angry, but deep down there was a sad ache in his heart when he realized why Janae was trying to repay his kindness in cash.
“Janae. I brought you dinner for a few reasons. First, I wanted to do something nice for you. You extended my father a courtesy and helped deescalate a potentially explosive situation in that hallway.”
He stepped closer to her, closing his hand over hers, pushing it, and her money, down.
“Second,” he continued, “because I wanted to spend time with you, and I figured if you were hungry, you might not fight me so much about it.”
He watched her carefully, enjoying the fact that he had her full attention. Leaning down slowly, he placed a feathery kiss just shy of her mouth, and a shiver of excitement flashed through him when he felt her press her body instinctively into his.
“Third, it is my pleasure to spend time in your presence. The only repayment I want for any kindness I extend to you is your thorough enjoyment of it.”
She swallowed, staring up at him, and he had to admit that his ego was doing a little two-step at the knowledge that he’d made the formidable Janae Sanders speechless.
“My enjoyment?” Her voice was quiet, devoid of the usual sharpness. “That’s all you want?”
“That’s all any man you decide to share your time with should want. If a man thinks you owe him something in return, he isn’t worth your time.”
She glanced away for a moment before looking at him again, as if she’d needed a moment to collect herself.
“I’m sorry, Adam. I didn’t mean to offend you. Thank you for your hospitality.”
“You’re welcome.” His reply was genuine. Sitting here in her presence for the better part of an hour had been exactly what he’d been hoping for since they’d reconnected.
Her lush curves called to him, but it was the vulnerability in her eyes, the thing that told him she didn’t expect people to do nice things for her, that made him want to shower her with so much attention that it washed away whatever lingering doubts she had about him.
She stepped back, but his hand was still covering hers, and he wasn’t ready to let her go just yet. Not before he said his piece.
“Janae, if you choose to spend any more time with me, you need to get used to me always checking to make sure you’re good. It’s what you deserve. Just seems to me like you’ve spent so much time looking out for others, you don’t know what it means to have someone look out for you.”
He stepped back, closing the tailgate of his truck before locking it with a push of the key fob in his pocket.
“And Janae”—she looked up at him again with wonder in her eyes, waiting for whatever he had to say to slip from his lips—“you are worthy of that.”
She took in a breath. In front of anyone else, they probably wouldn’t have noticed it.
He was sure that to make it as a supervisor in her field, she’d had to learn long ago to stay calm even when everything was falling apart.
The slight tremor of her bottom lip, however, was her tell that those simple words rocked her to her core.
He’d made a tiny chip in that stronghold she surrounded herself with though he wasn’t anywhere near getting past her defenses. Janae was too strong and too guarded for that. But maybe, just maybe, if he showed her that he could be consistent, she might invite him in the tiniest bit.
“Come, let me walk you back.”
Janae went back to stocking supplies. It was rote work, something she did without thinking. Considering Adam had short-circuited her brain with his smooth talk, kind deeds, and nice words, she needed to fall back on instinct and repetition right now.
Janae could spot a player a mile away. Slick dudes who ran game steered clear of her because Janae Sanders did not play.
She’d fallen for the okeydoke once and had the scars to prove it.
She’d learned to weed out the empty words and sweet platitudes of shallow men who meant her no good would often try to tempt her with.
There were too many men in the world that felt a plus-size woman was an easy target because she was desperate for companionship. She was supposed to accept any old thing that came her way.
Suitors who tried this learned quickly that Janae was not desperate, nor was she about to put up with their crap. But therein lay the problem when it came to Adam Henderson.
He’d meant everything he’d said to her tonight. She’d felt his truth as his words seeped into her, filtering into her head and soul. She could see it in the depths of his eyes and feel it in the gentleness of his touch.
She’d never spent enough time around Adam in the past to know if he was that deep or not. This version of him, though, it was grounded in experience and thoughtfulness, and whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not, she desired more of it, more of him.
The most troubling thing about this encounter she found herself struggling with was, if Adam wasn’t lying about wanting nothing more than her enjoyment, how was she supposed to turn down an offer like that?
That was her problem. She wanted to enjoy the hell out of Adam himself. If he were ever to become aware of that fact, what lengths would he go to just to see her enjoy herself with him to the fullest?
Inquiring minds certainly did want to know.