Chapter 32 Forgive Me
FORGIVE ME
Lumi-
For a moment, his expression is one of stunned silence. That flicker of disbelief is swallowed whole by hunger so raw it’s intimidating to look at—the look of a monster terrified of his own power, yet desperate to hand me the leash.
“Our bedroom,” he says quietly. “If we’re going to do this, if you want me bound, it should be somewhere you feel safe.”
My heart hammers in my chest as I follow him down the hall.
The bedroom is dim, lit only by the dying embers in the fireplace. He stands at the foot of the bed, and for the first time since I’ve known him, he looks... uncertain. The air around him hums with a frantic, bottled-up chill, warring with the warmth of the hearth.
“How do you want me?” His voice is barely above a whisper.
I swallow hard. “On the bed. On your back.”
He moves without hesitation, settling against the blankets. His massive frame takes up nearly the entire space, antlers scraping lightly against the headboard.
“The vines,” I say. “Can you... make them yourself?”
His eyes widen slightly. He understands what I’m asking him to do. If he creates them, if he binds himself—it’s his submission, not the bonds.
Slowly, he nods.
Frost begins to spread from his fingertips, unfurling like lace—spiraling down his arms, pooling at his wrists, then shooting upward—wrapping around the base of his antlers in thick, crystalline vines. The ice groans under the tension of his strength, a cage made of his own breath and blood.
His arms are hauled back and anchored to the thick roots of his crown, bared behind his head like an offering. It’s a beautiful, terrible symmetry of ice and muscle... power and surrender.
“Your legs,” I whisper.
He hesitates for only a heartbeat before more vines snake down his body. They coil around his ankles, stretching toward the bedposts. With a flick of his magic, they pull tight, spreading his legs wide.
He’s completely restrained now. A king of winter, pinned by his own frost, and beneath the jagged, frozen vines he made himself, he’s trembling.
“Lumi,” His voice cracks. “If this is too much. If you change your mind—”
“I won’t.” I climb onto the bed, kneeling beside him. My hand hovers over his chest. “But if you need me to stop, you tell me, okay?”
He nods.
I reach out slowly, placing one hand on his chest. His heart is racing beneath my palm.
“I’ve never...” I trail off, unsure how to say it. “You’ve touched me so many times, but I’ve never really gotten to touch you.”
“I know,” His voice is strained. “I was afraid—”
“I know what you were afraid of.” I lean down, pressing a kiss to the center of his chest, right over his pounding heart. “But I’m not afraid, Andrik.”
I kiss lower, tracing the hard lines of his ribs before my lips dip into the hollow of his stomach.
When I reach his hip, I pause. There’s a sharp indent there—where muscle meets bone. The V-line disappears beneath his waistband. Curious, I press my lips to the spot.
He jerks so hard the vines groan against his antlers, the ice shrieking in protest. The sound he makes goes straight to my core.
“Did that hurt?” I pull back immediately.
“No.” His voice is ragged. “Veyr’kai, Lumi, you know no one’s ever—that’s—”
He can’t finish the sentence.
I lick over the spot, and his hips buck off the bed. Frost explodes across his shoulders, in a chaotic bloom racing down his arms. His bindings creak under the sudden, violent snap of his weight.
“Lumi—”
“Sensitive?” I smile against his skin.
He gasps as I trace the line of his hip, learning every spot that makes his breath hitch.
I take my time as I work my way up his body. The hollow of his throat makes him whimper. The inside of his wrists—where the vines lash him to his antlers—makes his entire body go rigid, his pulse hammering against the icy bonds like a trapped bird.
It’s when I reach his face that the air changes. He’s trying to sheathe his fangs, probably ashamed of the way he marked me earlier. A bead of venom, thick, slow, and dangerously sweet, pools at the corner of his mouth, threatening to spill.
I remember what it felt like the first time, in the forest. That warm, pulsating flood that made everything feel... better.
“Can I...?” I trail off, fingertips brushing his lower lip.
His pupils blow wide. “Lumi, I am trying so hard—”
I don’t let him finish it.
I lean in and carefully take one fang between my lips.
The reaction is immediate. His whole body convulses—a desperate sound tears from his throat, something between a growl and a plea. Ice explodes across the bedframe in a violent burst, and vines pull so firmly against his antlers that he gasps from the pressure.
It floods my tongue—syrupy heat that scorches through me like liquid fire.
My skin flushes. My pulse thunders in my ears. Everything sharpens and softens at once; the world narrows to the taste of him.
I pull back just enough to look into his eyes.
They’re black, completely blown, swallowing the blue until his gaze is nothing but a dark, endless void.
Crystals crawl up the headboard behind him, fracturing the wood in crooked, silver veins.
“Does that feel good?” I whisper.
He doesn’t even try to speak. He just stares at me with those wild, dark eyes.
I lean in again, but this time, I suck the whole length of his fang into my mouth, swirling my tongue over the smooth surface.
“Veyr’thral ves’korum—” The words break into a shattered moan as his head jerks back, pulling hard against the restraints. (You own me.)
The sharp tug makes him shudder, and I realize—every time he moves, he pulls against his antlers, and it’s driving him insane.
My gaze shifts down, watching the way his chest heaves.
“You’re so beautiful like this,” I murmur.
His eyes snap to mine, “Thaev’kai ves l?n... draeth ves tharin.” (I’m begging you... take what’s already yours.)
“Shh.” I press a finger to his lips. “You wanted to prove you want me. That it’s not just the bond, right?”
He nods frantically.
“Then let me touch you.” My hand drifts lower down his chest. “Let me see you.”
I reach the waistband of his pants.
He’s straining against the fabric. I can see the outline of him—thick, hard, pressing uncomfortably against the leather.
My breath catches.
I’ve never... I mean, I know what’s under there, logically. But I’ve never actually seen it.
Slowly, I loosen the ties. He’s breathing so hard he sounds like he’s going to hyperventilate.
When I finally peel the fabric away, I—
Oh.
He’s... it’s beautiful.
I don’t know what I expected. Something monstrous, maybe. Alien. But this—
Pale blue like the rest of the skin underneath his fur. Flushed darker at the head, almost indigo, and it’s glowing.
Holy shit. He’s bigger than I thought possible. No wonder he was stretching me with his tail. This thing is never going to fit.
There are raised ridges spiraling up his length in an intricate pattern, like snowflakes carved into his skin.
And near the base—
“What is that?” I whisper, fingertips hovering over the thick swell.
He’s panting, jaw flexed, eyes flickering beneath half-lowered lashes.
“Vreskaeth—the... I can’t think of your word.”
“A knot?” I guess, brushing my fingers along the rim of it. It’s not fully swollen yet, but I can feel the potential.
A sharp, choked sound punches from his chest, “Yes.”
I run my hand up his length slowly, studying the shape of him. The ridges catch under my palm, and he surges beneath the bonds.
“Nai’thar veskae,” He growls. “I can’t,” he whispers next, head thrown back.
“Lumi,” he moans my name like it hurts to say it.
“Please, I’m burning. Varkh. Varkh. I can’t—”
I slide my hand back over his length, catching several of his patterns.
“Sael?n, please.” His breath shudders. “Let me touch you, just once. I’ll be still, I swear. I’ll be good. I’m begging you.”
I lean down and press a kiss just below his navel.
“I’ve got you, Sael?n,” I murmur.
His breath catches when I curl my fingers around him, slowly stroking up and down. His hips jerk into my grip, and beads of pale blue liquid trickle down the tip.
Curious, I swipe my thumb through it. He whimpers as I bring it to my lips.
His whole body goes rigid.
“Kaer?n ves’l?nha—ves’l?nha—ves’l?nha.” (My seed is yours—yours—yours.)
The taste hits me instantly, cool, with a sharp edge of cinnamon. It spreads across my tongue like spiced honey.
When I look up at him, his eyes are squeezed shut, jaw clenched so tight it looks like he’s going to shatter his teeth.
“Andrik,” I whisper. “Look at me.”
His eyes open slowly.
“I’m going to taste you,” I say softly. “Okay?”
“Lumi, no. I won’t last. I can’t—”
“I know.” I lean down, my breath ghosting over him. “That’s the point.”
He growls low in his throat, fists clenched above his head, the frost vines on his wrists tugging taut as he strains not to move.
I start slow, a kiss at the top, then another to the underside, where one of the designs begins.
His claws shoot out, scraping against his antlers.
I trace my tongue along one of the snowflake patterns, following the ridge up the length of his cock.
“Sael?n. Thal’kisha. Lúmina’ka—please. Let me give it to you. Let me finish.” His voice is cracked open, pleading. “I’ll do anything. I’ll burn for you.”
I swirl my tongue around the head, catching another drop of his pre-come.
“What is this called for you?” I ask, tracing the cool slickness with my finger.
“Kaersin,” He rasps through gritted teeth. “Thren’kae... thren’kae... thren’kae...” (Please... please... please...)
His wrists wrench helplessly against the vines he conjured himself, ice biting into his skin, refusing to release him.
“Sael?n,” he gasps, “please don’t varkh.”
I swirl my tongue again. Another drop. Another whimper.
“I’m yours. I belong to you. Let me show you—please let me show you.”
Andrik pov-