Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
AINSLEY
My hands won't stop shaking.
I press them flat against my thighs, trying to still the tremor, but it doesn't work.
My palms are damp with sweat, and my heart is hammering so hard I can feel it in my throat.
I stare out the window at the passing trees, trying to focus on anything other than the rising panic clawing its way up my chest.
What if they hate me?
The thought loops through my mind on repeat, relentless and vicious. What if they take one look at me and see exactly what I am, a broken, used-up single mom who's brought nothing but danger and chaos into their sons' lives?
"You okay back there?" Jax's voice cuts through the spiral, gentle but concerned.
I force my lips into something that might pass for a smile and nod, even though I'm pretty sure I'm about to throw up. "Yeah. I'm fine."
Knox turns in the passenger seat, his hazel eyes narrowing as they sweep over me. He sees too much. He always does.
"You're a terrible liar," he says, his voice low and gruff.
"I'm not lying," I protest, but my voice comes out thin and unconvincing.
"Baby." Knox's tone drops into that register that usually makes my knees weak, but right now it just makes me want to cry. "Your hands are shaking, and you've been chewing on your bottom lip for the last ten minutes. You're nervous."
I look down at Owen in his car seat beside me.
He's babbling happily, completely oblivious to the fact that his mother is spiraling into a full-blown panic attack.
He's playing with the little toy truck Jax gave him this morning, making engine noises with his mouth, his chubby fingers gripping the wheels.
He's so innocent. So trusting.
And I'm about to drag him into a situation where we might not be wanted.
"I'm just…" I trail off, my throat tightening. I don't know how to put it into words without sounding pathetic.
"Just what?" Jax prompts, his voice still gentle.
The words tumble out before I can stop them. "What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm not good enough for you? What if they think I'm just some… some broken single mom who's using you guys?"
The truck slows.
My stomach drops.
"What are you doing?" I ask, panic spiking as Jax pulls over to the side of the road.
He puts the truck in park and turns to face me fully. Knox does the same, both of them looking at me with an intensity that makes my chest ache.
"Listen to me," Jax says, his green eyes locking onto mine. "My parents are going to love you. They're going to love Owen. And if they don't, which they will, then fuck 'em."
"Jax.”
"I'm serious, Ainsley." His voice is firm, leaving no room for argument. "You're ours. That's not up for debate. Not by them, not by anyone."
Knox reaches back and takes my hand, his thumb brushing over my knuckles in slow, soothing strokes. "You're not broken. You're not using us. You're the best thing that's ever happened to us, and my parents are going to see that the second they meet you."
"But what if…”
"No what-ifs," Knox says, his voice leaving no room for doubt. "You're family now. And the Carters take care of family."
I swallow hard, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I want to believe them. God, I want to believe them so badly it hurts.
"Okay," I whisper.
"Okay?" Jax asks, his expression softening.
"Okay," I repeat, nodding.
Jax grins and puts the truck back in drive. "Good. Now let's go meet the family."
The Carter family home is beautiful.
That's the first thing I notice as Jax pulls into the driveway, a large, two-story house with a wraparound porch and a perfectly manicured lawn. There are flower beds lining the walkway, bursting with color, and a swing hanging from a massive oak tree in the front yard.
It looks like something out of a magazine.
It looks like a home .
My chest tightens, and for a moment, I can't breathe. This is the kind of place I used to dream about as a kid, the kind of place where families gathered for Sunday dinners and kids played in the yard and everyone was safe and loved.
It's everything I never had.
And now I'm supposed to walk in there and pretend I belong.
"They're already here," Knox mutters, eyeing the row of motorcycles parked in the driveway.
"Who?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Revolver and Blade," Jax says. "Mom's sisters are married to them. They're good guys. You'll like them."
I nod, even though my stomach is doing somersaults.
Jax gets out first, then Knox. Knox opens my door and helps me out, his hand steady and warm against mine. Jax unbuckles Owen from his car seat, and Owen immediately reaches for Knox, his little arms outstretched.
Knox takes him without hesitation, settling him on his hip like it's the most natural thing in the world.
"Ready?" Jax asks, taking my hand.
"No," I admit.
He grins. "Too bad."
Before I can protest, the front door swings open, and a woman steps out onto the porch.
My breath catches.
It's her.
The woman from that first night at the clubhouse. The nurse. She's stunning, plus-size, with curves that would make any woman jealous, and a face that radiates warmth and kindness. Her dark hair is pulled back in a loose bun, and she's wearing jeans and a soft blue sweater that brings out her eyes.
"Jax! Knox!" she calls, her voice bright and full of joy.
"Hey, Mom," Jax says, grinning.
She hurries down the porch steps, and I watch as she pulls Jax into a tight hug, then does the same to Knox, careful not to squish Owen in the process.
My world stops.
Mom.
She's their mom.
The nurse who healed my wounds. The woman who examined my broken ribs and bruised body with such gentleness. The one who showed me kindness when I had nothing left. She's Jax and Knox's mother.
Then her eyes land on me, and recognition flickers across her face.
"Ainsley?" she says softly, like she's placing a memory. Then her expression shifts, understanding dawning. "Oh, sweetheart. You remember me."
I nod, unable to speak. My throat feels tight, and my hands are shaking again.
"From that first night," she says, stepping closer. "You were so scared. So hurt."
"You were kind," I whisper. "You didn't have to be, but you were. You checked my ribs. You were so gentle."
She smiles, and it's the same warm, maternal smile I remember from that terrifying night. "Of course I was. When my boys bring home someone they care about, I'm going to meet her. And when I saw you that night, so frightened, so protective of your baby, your body covered in bruises, I knew."
"Knew what?" I ask.
"That you were special. That you mattered to them." She opens her arms. "Can I give you a hug? A real one this time?"
This time, I don't hesitate. I step into her embrace, and it's warm and soft and maternal in a way I've never experienced. She smells like vanilla and comfort, and when she holds me, something inside me cracks open.
"I'm Bella," she says, pulling back to look at me. Her hands are still on my shoulders, and her eyes are shining with genuine warmth. "And I am so happy to finally meet you properly."
"You… you are?" I stammer, my voice cracking.
"Of course I am!" she says, laughing. "My boys have been talking about you nonstop. And this little angel must be Owen."
She reaches out and gently touches Owen's cheek. He giggles and leans into her touch, and something inside me cracks wide open.
"He's beautiful," Bella says, her voice soft. "Just beautiful."
"Thank you," I whisper, tears threatening to spill over.
"Come on," she says, looping her arm through mine. "Everyone's inside. They're dying to meet you."
The inside of the house is just as warm and inviting as the outside.
There are family photos lining the walls, pictures of Jax and Knox as kids, pictures of Bella and a man I assume is Switch, pictures of what looks like family gatherings and holidays. The living room has a massive sectional couch, and the smell of something delicious is wafting from the kitchen.
It smells like home.
"Switch! They're here!" Bella calls.
A man steps out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish towel.
He's tall, taller than Jax and Knox, with broad shoulders and a presence that commands attention. His dark hair is streaked with gray, and his eyes are sharp and assessing.
This is Switch. The MC Treasurer. The man who helped build the Iron Reapers from the ground up.
And he's looking right at me.
My heart pounds in my chest, and I have to fight the urge to take a step back.
"So this is her," he says, his voice deep and gruff.
I swallow hard. "Yes, sir."
He raises an eyebrow. "Sir? What am I, a drill sergeant?"
"I… I didn't mean.”
He laughs, a deep, booming sound that fills the room. "Relax, kid. I'm just messing with you."
He steps forward and extends his hand. "Switch Carter. It's good to finally meet you."
I shake his hand, and his grip is firm but not crushing. "It's good to meet you too," I say quietly.
He looks over at Jax and Knox, then back at me. "My boys have been different since they met you. In a good way."
"They have?" I ask, surprised.
"Oh yeah," he says, grinning. "Used to be they couldn't commit to the same bar for a weekend. Now look at 'em. Settled down with a woman and a kid. Never thought I'd see the day."
"Dad," Jax groans.
"What? I'm just saying."
Knox rolls his eyes, but there's a small smile tugging at his lips.
I watch the exchange, my chest tightening. They're so comfortable here. So relaxed. It's a side of them I've never seen before, playful, teasing, integrated into this family in a way that makes my heart ache.
"Come on," Bella says, guiding me toward the living room. "Let me introduce you to everyone."
The living room is full of people.
Two women who look like younger versions of Bella are sitting on the couch, and two men, both wearing Iron Reapers cuts, are standing near the fireplace.
My stomach twists. There are so many of them. So many people to impress. So many people who could decide I'm not good enough.
"This is my sister Brooke," Bella says, gesturing to the older of the two women. "And her husband, Revolver."