Chapter 2
Bo
“Are you seriously driving in this weather out in the middle of buttfuck nowhere?” Rafe just had to call me right when I’m looking for my turn…in the middle of buttfuck nowhere. But I’m not going to concede the point here.
“Bro, it’s not even snowing anymore.” I take in the white world around me. The roads are pretty clear for the amount of snow lining the Canadian prairies highway. White capped mountains are in the background. It’s so peaceful here.
“Ya, but it will be snowing soon.”
“Thanks, jackass.” I drum my fingers along the wheel, eyes scanning for a small sign that’s supposed to lead me to a private residence. “This can’t be right…”
“What are you mumbling about? Are you already lost? Is this really even worth it?”
“Hey. Aren’t you usually the quiet one? Brooding somewhere in the corner?”
“Ya, well, you caught me on a good day.”
“Good day? Ha—Oh shit. I think I missed my exit.”
“Where are you going anyway?” He asks me just as I pull a U-ey to head back the other way. Now that I know where the turn off is, I won’t miss it again. If only I could learn life lessons as quickly.
“I gotta get this bat for my nephew.”
“You’re driving hours outside the city for a bat? You know we have a thousand of those just lying around, right? You know…pro baseball players and all.”
“Ya, ya, dumbass. This is a special edition bat from my nephew’s hero, Donnie Ruth.”
“Didn’t know the kid was into the greats.”
“He is. And if I can get this bat for him, it’ll…” I stop, not wanting to actually let it all out. “It’ll make his year.”
“Sounds like you’re his favorite uncle.”
“Something like that. What are you doing for the holidays?”
I hear some rustling through the line and the crack of a can. “Oh, you know. Same old.”
“Finding a dark cave to brood in?”
“Something like that.” He jokes back to me. “Nah, man. Hitting the gym. Gotta work off the carbs from the Christmas party last night. How come you didn’t show up?”
My ass cheeks clench at the innocent question about the Christmas party. “Just busy. Had to get up early for this drive. That’s all.”
“Mhmm.” He doesn’t believe me. Nor should he. But at last year’s Christmas party I hit an all time low. A low so low that I don’t know my brain knows how to comprehend the lowness.
“She wasn’t there.”
Fuck. He totally knows. He probably witnessed the whole embarrassing episode from last year. And I couldn’t feel like a bigger loser.
Even though he knows I don’t want to talk about, he doesn’t let up. “You could probably apologize. I hear those work sometimes.”
I was wrong. I definitely feel like a bigger loser now. Can a guy win at losing? Because that’s me right now.
“Ya…for some things. Not this.” I reach my exit and pull off down the dirt road. The bumps jarring me in my seat just a little. It’ll all be worth it.
“Fuck. What’d you do, bro?”
I can’t tell him. For so many reasons. One, he won’t get it.
No one will. It runs too deep. Some people might think nothing of it even, but that would be the worst thing to happen.
For someone to tell me that it wasn’t that bad.
It was worse than bad. I still remember the look on her face.
And two, I’m so fucking ashamed of how I acted that I can’t allow myself to talk about it.
I can hardly bring myself to think about it.
“That bad, eh?”
“Worse. Worse than anything you could possibly imagine.”
A loud breath rushes through my speakers at his long exhale. “Well, at least it’s a good thing you didn’t do something stupid to someone important, like the owner’s sister.”
“You’re such a fucktard.”
“Just trying to make you feel better about yourself. That’s what I’m here for.”
“Thanks for that,” I mutter with sarcasm just as I pull up in front of a large mansion tucked away behind a grove of looming trees.
“This is it,” I say more to myself than to Rafe. “Wish me luck.”
“Don’t fuck it up, Bo.”
Yup. Sounds about right.