Chapter 9
Maisy
“What are you talking about Bo?” I have to see his face, read his eyes, to understand what’s going on, so I turn around in his arms.
We’re face to face, and my arms are folded in half and squashed against his chest.
“I’m so sorry about Christmas. Please forgive me.” His voice is saturated with remorse.
“Oh. That.”
“I don’t even remember everything I said to you.”
I remember. Verbatim. Why does he want to talk about this now? We were about to have our moment. I was about to give in to all my cravings.
But he’s not done talking yet. “I just remember that I said some really crude comments to you about your body. How I wanted to…fuck you so badly it hurt.”
The space between my legs clenches as he repeats the words I vividly remember.
“I told you all the ways I wanted to…take you.” He rubs a circle on my back. “You didn’t deserve that. Didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I understand why you left.”
Instantly my hand glides up his chest and pushes him back an inch. “Excuse me? You think I left you?”
“Ya. I get it. I was an ass.”
“Bo. Let’s get one thing straight. You ghosted me. You talked me up all night, got me all worked up, told me to meet you in your hotel room, and then you didn’t show up.”
“What?”
“Your fake surprise is pretty good.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Maisy? You’re mad that I didn’t show up?”
“What the fuck do you think, Bo? You finally made a move. I was ready. And then you backed out.”
“Wh-wh-wait. What do you mean you were ready? So you’re not mad about all the things I said?”
“I mean,” I shrug, “At first I was thrown off by it because you’ve never talked so openly about how you wanted me. But then I realized you were about to give me everything—almost everything—I’ve ever wanted. So I was in.”
“Everything you’ve ever wanted? You were in?” He’s dumbfounded, which has been cute on him in the past, but right now, I’m more than a little peeved.
“Yes, Bo. I was in. And then you ghosted me. Your friend. You didn’t talk to me for a whole fucking year.”
“Because I was so embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed about what?”
“About making my move in such a slimy way.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was drunk. I shouldn’t have made that move while I was drunk. You deserve so much better than that.”
“I know. You’re right. I do.”
His hands are still wrapped around my body, his fingers digging into my flesh. I can feel the intensity like a heatwave emanating off of him.
“Why’d you do it then?”
“I was looking for some kind of escape. You were a safe place. That was the day I found out my dad had been cheating on my mom and had another family.”
“What…?”
“I haven’t told anyone this.”
“Oh my God, Bo. You should have told me. Or at least Blake. You can’t bear this alone. That’s awful.”
“It is. But it’s not an excuse for what I did.”
“No. It’s really not. But at least it puts some perspective on it. You never get drunk like that. And you’ve never treated me like that. Why didn’t you just show up? Why didn’t you apologize?”
“This is the brutal part, Maisy.” He turns on his back, raking a hand through his hair.
“I just couldn’t face you. You’re so pure and perfect.
You’re like an angel. And I felt totally ashamed of myself.
My family. Everything. Everything I knew from before was a lie.
I didn’t even know who I was for this past year. ”
I push up on one elbow. “You’re a good person, Bo.”
“How can you still say that?” He covers his eyes and I see a tear drip out of the corner.
I reach over to wipe it away.
“I’m not crying,” he mumbles.
“I know. Just a snowflake.” I pry his hand off his eyes and force him to look at me. And even though he broke my heart with what he did, I know how his remorse is genuine. And I can’t hurt him just because he hurt me. That’s not love.
“You’re a good person, Bo. Good people sometimes do bad things. And good people still get lost sometimes. You’ve been finding yourself and putting yourself back together this year. I know you.” I rub my palm over his heart. “This is good, Bo.”
“I don’t deserve you, Maisy. You’re the one who’s good.” He rolls back over me, capturing me in his arms, holding me like he never wants to let me go.
And that’s when I realize, this is what I actually wanted. All of him.