10. Kade
10
Kade
Few things are more terrifying to see in this dimly lit room than Mars Floyd. But here he is. In the flesh for the first time in however many months.
“So, my management tells me to get lost from L.A. for a couple of days, you know, leave the people wanting more,” he explains to the room lit up by flashlights like we’re on a camping trip or something. “They booked me a little trip out East, and what do you know , it’s Gia’s family’s inn.”
Harriet sits next to Mars’s chair and is leaning so close to him that she’s almost in his lap. “That’s quite a shock, isn’t it?”
I feed a couple of logs to the growing fire in the hearth to get it warmer in here. We’re biding time while Gia goes to figure out the generator situation. I offered to go with her, but she wanted to be alone. Said she had to get her head clear. I can’t blame her for not wanting me to join because whatever happened before the power flickered off the first time turned my brain to mush, too .
Still, going with her would have been much more preferable to me having to listen to Mars Floyd regale the room with the tale of how he made it to Blue Flag and drove through the blizzard himself to get here, only to find he was standing across from his ex-girlfriend. Some might call that a sign. I call it stupid.
Staying busy will help me avoid saying something stupid—more stupid than, “I’m not your mate,” after Mars greeted me with his big, stupid smile and a “Kade, how’ve you been, mate?”
Bryn has tasked me with staying quiet, and I’m making that my full-time job for now.
Mars sighs. “Well, to tell you the truth, I’m not entirely surprised. See, my management has been quite bent out of shape since Gia and I broke up.”
Since he broke up with Gia, he must mean. Broke her heart.
“They like the whole power couple image, and I have to admit, it was fun while it lasted, but you know… wasn’t meant to be,” Mars goes on.
Bryn huffs. “Sure do. They’ve nagged me about it in the past.”
“Oh, you poor thing, love, I’m sorry about that,” Mars clucks.
Bryn smiles. She might be on Gia’s side entirely about the breakup, but even she isn’t immune to Mars’s accent and the way he calls her “love.” Makes me sick.
“Anyway, I think their intention was to… reunite us. Which is silly, really.”
“Why’s it silly?” I ask.
“What’s that, mate?”
I’m not your mate . I look up from the fire that’s starting to blaze. “Why is it silly that you and Gia would reunite?” That’s the last thing I want in the world: Gia and Mars to become a couple again. But I can’t stand how he talks about the situation like it’s a joke.
Bryn tries to interrupt. “I'm Sorry about him. He’s on duty, you know, on the clock, so he’s in his protector mode.”
My sister, above anyone else, knows my dislike of Mars. I kept it quiet from Gia, not wanting to step on her toes or make her feel like I never trusted her to know what was best for her. She’s a grown woman, after all. But in the privacy of twin conversations between Bryn and me, I let my opinion free and wild.
Bryn eventually told me to zip it and be happy for Gia, so I did. But I know she can still see me seething whenever I merely hear the guy’s name.
The smile on Mars’s face doesn’t falter. “Well, what Gia and I had is done. We just couldn’t make it work.”
“You couldn’t, right?” I clarify. “You ended things if I recall correctly.”
Mars lifts his chin. “Well, yes, but that was because I couldn’t fulfill what she asked of me.”
“For you to slow down and spend time with her? Seems like a very basic requirement of a relationship.”
“Yeesh, Kade, you’re going for the jugular,” Andrew says.
Of course, I am. When it comes to Mars, I’ll go for more than that.
“Yes, I… I’m not proud of my lack of maturity in the situation.” He looks down at the plate of food in his lap and starts to push around the cubes of squash. “I’ve done some growing since then.”
Something in my back tightens, and it’s not a phantom pain from my injury. It’s fear and anticipation. Perhaps his arrival at the Lantern is an accident. Perhaps he truly didn’t know that he would be running into Gia this Christmas. Fine. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt there. But he’s still here . And if Mars has done the growing he says he has, knows he wasn’t the man Gia deserved, will he try again?
Worse, will Gia give in to him?
Mars goes quiet for one blessed minute to focus on eating. He scoops up a forkful of risotto and sticks it into his mouth. Even in the meager light, his expression morphs into one of abject awe. “Oh my… Abigail .”
Abigail pokes her head out of the kitchen. She’s wearing a headlamp while she cleans up, but given the smells from the kitchen, I think she’s working on whipping up some after-dinner snacks. “Yes?”
“This risotto is incredible. I mean, everything on my plate is incredible, but really, you’re a savant.”
“Oh, thank you,” she says through a giggle. I bet if I wasn’t blinded by the light on her head, I’d see her clearly blushing. Am I the only one who sees through this guy’s charming antics? Am I the only one who remembers how Gia walked around like a zombie for a month after their breakup? “You let me know when you’re ready for dessert, all right?”
“Will do,” he says. His eyes linger on the kitchen door much after it closes. “What’s her story, hm?”
“You have no respect, do you?” I grumble.
“ Kade ,” Bryn hisses.
“What was that, mate?” Mars asks, oblivious to my remark.
I stand from my crouched position in front of the fire and brush off the fronts of my jeans. Maybe it’d be a good thing to take his eyes off Gia and put them on Abigail. I could protect Gia that way.
Aw, who am I kidding? It’s not about protecting Gia. My motives aren’t that pure. It’s about keeping her for myself. “I think she’s single, right, Bryn?”
Bryn narrows her eyes at me. “I think so.”
“And looking!” I add with flare and a corny smile that I let fall immediately when Mars is no longer looking at me. But Bryn is. She’s trying to read me. Too bad I’m not an open book. Haven’t been in over a decade.
“Is that right?” Mars says, his voice curling lower. “Hm.”
“Kade, take a seat, you’re making me nervous,” Harold says grouchily.
I go to the chair by the Christmas tree that’s tucked out of the fray. Somewhere I don’t have to participate in the conversation if I don’t want to. Across the room, Bryn continues to watch me. I can’t tell if she’s frustrated with me or concerned. And this is why I like to keep to myself. Ever since my injury, people are always looking at me. First, it was to try and tell if I was in pain, if I was lying about being okay. Then, it became about every feeling I ever have. No one just takes my word for it. They just assume there’s much more behind the few words I choose to say.
And they’re right. Which makes me even more frustrated most of the time.
“My girlfriend loves your new album,” Andrew changes the subject of the conversation in the absolutely wrong direction.
Mars nearly jumps out of his seat at the attention. This man and his ego…“Is that right?”
“I thought she was a fan of Gia’s.” I can’t help myself.
Andrew snorts. “She likes both. You can like more than one musical artist, Kade.”
“She have any particular tracks that she likes? ”
“Uh, she keeps sending me TikToks with that one song playing. The slow one, the one that’s?—”
“‘Daylily,’ that’s ‘Daylily,’” Mars says quickly with a snap of his fingers. “When we went viral on that one, my label went absolutely daffy.”
“Absolutely daffy,” I repeat in a stupid voice under my breath.
And this time, I don’t get away with it. “You got a problem with me, mate?” Mars calls out across the room.
Everyone’s eyes are on me. Normally, I’d say, “Nothing,” or “Never mind,” but the darkness of the room is like a shield or a security blanket. Whatever. I’m going to say it. “Yeah, I do, actually.”
Mars lets out a “pah” of surprise. “Well, whatever for? I thought we were cool.”
I smile. “We’ve never been cool, Mars.”
“Okay, Kade, that’s enough,” Bryn snaps, then tries to laugh it off. “I’m sorry about my brother. He’s tired, and sometimes that makes him a bit loopy. Right, Kade?”
“Why are you placating to him, Bryn?” I ask. “He’s not with Gia anymore. He’s just a man.”
The corners of Mars’s eyes tighten. I’ve hit him where it hurts.
“I don’t need to pretend to like you anymore,” I continue. “Especially not now that you’ve written an entire album about your breakup with Gia.”
Mars guffaws. “That’s not even close to the truth.”
“It’s not? Really? You release it out of the blue on the last night of the North American leg of Gia’s tour?—”
“The timing had nothing to do with her,” he argues.
“Anyone up for chess?” Ahmad perks up in an attempt to change the subject, but no one bites.
I push myself to the edge of my chair and lean on my knees. “You wouldn’t be nearly as popular as you are now if not for Gia. If you didn’t ride her coattails and use her for?—”
“I did not use her, and I’m—” Mars stops himself. I’ve hit him where it hurts and… I have to be honest; it seems his anger is earnest. “I could say the same of you. Using your connection to Gia for a job.”
I laugh. “That’s weak, dude. Would you say the same of Bryn?”
“Don’t rope me into this,” my sister says.
“I’m trying to show you how utterly preposterous your argument is!” Mars exclaims, shooting to his feet.
I can’t take his smoke and mirrors any longer. I match him, standing up. He might have the fame, but I’ve got the height. Tall Guy for the win. “You mean to tell me that you genuinely cared for Gia?”
“Of course I did.”
Rage burns through me. “I have a hard time believing that. Because if you actually cared, if you actually saw her and understood just how lucky you were to be loved by her, you would have moved heaven and earth to be with her. Because that’s what she deserves. And if you didn’t see that, I don’t think for a second what you felt for her was true.”
The room is absolutely silent, including Mars. Then the lights jerk back on.
No one exclaims in surprise or celebration.
There’s just silence.
At first, I’m confused, but then I realize I haven’t won the argument. I’ve admitted to myself and to a room of people how I see Gia. That none of what I said was about Mars at all. It was all about me .
I swallow. “I mean…”
I glance at Bryn. She has her lips pursed tightly together, eyes wide. Then, I turn back to Mars. “What I meant ?— ”
“Oh, mate… I think you meant every word you said,” he says, triumphant in a way that isn’t necessarily mean, which for some reason makes me angrier.
The back door shudders open suddenly, and Gia emerges, bundled up in every way imaginable and covered in snow. A cold wind whips through the room, quelling the heat in my cheeks.
Gia slams the door behind her. “All right!” she shouts, though it’s muffled by her scarf.
Everyone remains quiet as she rips off her hat and unwinds her scarf from around her face. “I got the generator started for the—” She’s out of breath from stomping through the snow. “The main house, but the cabins—” She runs her hands through her chestnut curls, trying to tame them. “They still don’t have power, so we’ll need everyone to stay in here tonight, and tomorrow I’ll try again.” She places her hands on her hips and puts on a big smile. “We’ll be fine.”
No one says anything, least of all me.
“What’s going on?” Gia asks. “Is everyone okay?”
The silence is broken by Mars laughing to himself. He touches his cheek and shakes his head. “This whole situation is sort of stranger than fiction, isn’t it?”
Gia rolls her eyes. “You’re telling me. Now… what’s that smell?” She sniffs the air. “Cinnamon-roasted nuts? Yum .”
Gia trudges through the living room and disappears into the kitchen.
I can hear people blinking as they stare at me, waiting for me to say something, anything to expound upon what I’ve said. Fat chance I’ll be doing that. “Come on, Ahmad. I’ll play you in chess.”
Conversation over. To everyone’s credit, they move on. Andrew picks up talking about the album with Mars, Harriet and Harold bicker, and Abigail waltzes in with trays of roasted almonds and eggnog with Gia’s help. Blessedly, no one says anything to Gia.
And Bryn… Bryn watches me, waiting for me to give her something, anything, to confirm or deny what I’ve said.
Not tonight. I’d like to say not ever .
But I’ve said too much, and now all bets are off.