16. Kade
16
Kade
I lean my head against the frosty windowpane, a golden glow streaming across my face. It’s a white Christmas, after all, but it’s the first sunny day we’ve had in a while. I think the snow might actually start melting today. The faint sound of classic Christmas songs underscores the chatter of the common room around me, everyone excitedly trading gifts and drinking hot cocoa.
I was barely able to eat breakfast, though Abigail’s pancakes are in a league all their own.
Since last night, I’ve been sated by something else.
Gia.
Since I kissed her last night, she has filled my aching mind and my chest and my belly, too. The adoration I have for her is something I might be able to live off of. I have never known a feeling like this, one so tremendous and devastating at once.
I replay the kiss again, her murmur of “Merry Christmas,” the string of kisses that followed, and her soft voice saying, “We should go to bed.” Neither of us moved from the piano bench for another half hour after that .
I smile to myself, remembering how Gia was the strong one, the one to say it was time to go to bed. “And when we wake up, we’ll know it wasn’t a dream.”
She’s right. This morning, I now know that none of what happened last night was a dream. I had planned to wrap her up in my arms the second I saw her and remind myself of the way she felt up against my body, but I was too shy for that. Instead, we’ve been dancing around each other, stealing glances, exchanging smiles that then make my heart beat out of control.
In fact, just thinking about her smile makes me clutch at my chest.
Cool it, Kade…
As if on cue, I hear a floorboard creaking near me. I look up from the window, and my eyes immediately meet Gia’s—her big, brown, gorgeous eyes. She holds a small, wrapped package over her navel and smiles shyly. Gia and shy were never words I thought went together until I learned how she’s been hiding all these big feelings from me for all this time.
“Am I interrupting?” Gia asks.
I glance back to the window and then at her. “Uh, yeah, I’m watching how fast the snow melts. I can’t have any distractions.”
Thankfully, Gia picks up on my joke. Her eyes squinch together, and a big grin spreads over her face as she giggles. Her head tips forward, and several loose curls fall over her forehead. “I’m sorry, this won’t take long then.”
I stand up a bit straighter and move my hand to my front pocket. I have a gift for her too.
The room seems to shrink around us, awkwardness and exhilaration compounding at once. I know people are watching us, but I don’t really care. Not anymore. The only person I care to be seen by is Gia, and here she is, right in front of me.
Treating me like I’m the only person in the world that matters.
“You look nice,” I say, the words stilted coming out of my mouth. I don’t want to cross a line and scare her off, but nice barely covers the subject.
Gia tilts her hips side to side, causing the skirt of her red and green plaid dress to shift. "Do you like it?”
“Yes, very much.” I inhale, gathering my courage. Everything that needed to be said was already said. I took my chance being vulnerable last night, and it paid off. Why would I draw the line there? “But I like the woman wearing the dress a whole lot more.”
Gia smiles up at me, blushing slightly. “Um, I have a gift for you.”
I slide my hand into my pocket and fish out the small jewelry box. “I have a gift for you too.”
“It’s like it’s Christmas or something,” she says with a snort.
I chuckle as we exchange our gifts. Gia’s gift to me is in a small, thin box, donned with a red bow.
“Jewelry, Kade? Wow, you must like me,” she says, examining the box.
My turn to blush. Like is too weak a word for how I feel about her. I undo the ribbon on the box and open it. Inside is a baseball card in a plastic sleeve, a picture of Joe DiMaggio emphasized by his signature across the front. I gape. “Gia, this is a?—”
“Nineteen thirty-nine Play Ball issue Joe DiMaggio?” Gia says. “Yeah, it is.”
“But these go for…” I swallow. Thousands of dollars.
Gia takes a step closer to me. “It’s Christmas. ”
“Yes, but this is too much.”
She shakes her head. “It’s not.” Her eyes glimmer, suggesting she wants to say more. But she doesn’t.
My heart pounds. I swallow. The gift I got her wasn’t cheap, but it wasn’t… this . I close the box and slide it into my pocket. “I’ll treasure it. Thank you.”
Gia cups the jewelry box in her hands. Her thumb follows the seam of it before pushing it open. Her brows rise as she takes in the necklace in the box.
I chew on my lower lip. “Do you like it?”
“It’s a bumblebee,” she says as if it’s the correct response.
I flush all of a sudden. Maybe it’s silly, a reference to her first big song. She’s probably tired of all the references. “Yeah, a little on the nose, I know, but?—”
“I love it, Kade.”
It’s suddenly very hot in here.
“Would you put it on me?” Gia asks.
“H-here?”
She laughs. “Yes, here. Why not?”
I glance at the living room of other guests. My eyes connect with Bryn’s. She’s watching, her face warm and loving as ever. Did Gia tell her what happened last night?
And Bryn is not the only one watching. Everyone is watching, all with matching looks of anticipation and admiration. I guess I really did let the cat out of the bag on my feelings the night Mars arrived. I was trying to give him what for and ended up spilling my guts right here on the carpet.
It would be embarrassing if Gia wasn’t smiling at me. So close to me I can smell her spicy perfume.
I take a deep breath. “Okay.”
Gia hands me the box and I get a look at the little anatomically correct golden bumblebee I bought for her. She’s hard to shop for since she can have anything she ever wanted with a wave of her hands or her credit card, but I saw this in a shop while we were on tour and knew it would look nice against her caramel skin, sitting in the notch of her collar bone.
Gia turns for me as I remove the delicate chain and charm from the box. I lift it over her head as she moves her skeins of dark hair off the back of her neck. I have faced much scarier moments than putting a necklace on a woman and yet I am having a hard time keeping my hands from shaking as I snap the clasp into place. She is so near. So close. And my whole body buzzes with knowing.
“There,” I say as I place the locked necklace delicately at the nape of her neck.
Gia turns back to face me, her hand against the bumblebee. She smiles at me, warming my insides. “Thank you, Kade.”
“You’re welcome,” I mutter in response.
Our eyes are caught in one another’s, neither of us moving or speaking, though there seems to be only one right thing to do. Her pretty lips are poised just for me once again, but with everyone looking on…
I lean in and brush my lips against her cheek. Gia’s hand lands against my ribs, inviting me to linger there a bit longer than I would for any average cheek kiss.
As I pull away, Abigail bursts with a jeering, “Oh my gosh, just kiss her !”
I run a hand over my face bashfully.
“Come on, mate, you know you want to!” Mars yells in support, his arm slung around Abigail’s shoulders.
Gia and I exchange a brief look before looking away again, both of us blushing and laughing nervously. Much different than that forced kiss under the mistletoe a couple days ago that felt like pulling teeth to do it.
Everyone is encouraging us now, including Bryn, whose hands are folded in a prayer position up against her cheek as she smiles on like she’s proud.
I think she is proud.
Gia’s hand tightens on my shirt. “Kade, you don’t have?—”
No, I do have to. And I want to. I throw all caution to the wind. When it comes to Gia, I am no longer measured or planned, or restrained. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close to me like I did the night before, and kiss her for everyone to see.
The room erupts with celebration, but all that exists is my mouth on Gia’s, her hands gripping me, her body melting into mine.
I break my mouth from hers. Not because I want the kiss to end but because I have something to say that can’t wait. “Gia?”
“What, Kade?” she asks through a smile, words landing against my lips.
“I’m all in. You and me. Okay?”
Her hands slide around my back, holding me tight. She nods. “Me too.”
I tangle my fingers through her hair and kiss her again, so hard I lift her up off the floor and spin her around for all to see.
Best Christmas ever.
I am coasting on adrenaline all morning with Gia at my side. Even Mars doesn’t annoy me the way he usually does .
“You aren’t weirded out?” Andrew asks Bryn as we all languish on the couches together.
Bryn hasn’t stopped smiling, either. “Are you kidding? Gia’s already my sister. I can’t think of anyone better for my brother.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Bryn,” Gia teases, though she nestles herself tighter under my arm. “We haven’t even been on a date yet.”
My sister continues to gush, “Let me be optimistic.”
I am, too. More than optimistic.
“Oh, miss, I’m afraid you’ve just stepped under the mistletoe…” Mars drawls as Abigail passes through the doorway from the front hall. He’s been lingering there, waiting for her.
Abigail gasps in fluster. “I—no, you set me up!”
Gia perks up beside me. “Karma!”
Mars puts his arm up on the door frame, blocking Abigail in. “Rules are rules, Abigail.”
Abigail is wide-eyed as she looks at Gia. “I can’t, I mean, you two?—”
Placing a hand on my chest, Gia shrugs. “You live your life, girl.”
I can’t shake the pride I feel at Gia choosing me.
“So, what do you say, Abigail? You’ve got permission, and we’ve got mistletoe,” Mars says with that effortlessly charming smile I don’t hate looking at for once.
Abigail is quiet for a long moment before springing on Mars and kissing him ferociously. He stumbles back against the doorframe, and the two of them go at it for far too long for the rest of us to be comfortable.
“You’re really okay with it?” I whisper to Gia.
She slides her hand up to my cheek. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
I’ll do whatever I can to fit myself to Gia. I’ve waited too long to have her to mess this up. I meant it when I said I’m all in. Sure, I want to do the dating thing, the falling in love thing, but I want the marriage thing and the kids thing, too. The family thing. One thing at a time, Kade .
Bryn, Gia, and I have already made a little weird family out in Los Angeles, away from Blue Flag.
The only thing that would make this Christmas better would be if Gia’s parents were here.
Something stabs at my chest.
I wish my parents were here too. I can’t ever have my mom again, but my dad…
I can’t believe I’m going to say it, but he could be here. He’s alive. I hope well. I don’t know, though. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from letting Gia know about my feelings, it's that life is too short. I’ve been stubborn for too long.
I told Bryn that one day, we’d reach out to Dad.
That one day has come sooner than I ever could have anticipated.
Slipping away from the festivities is harder than anticipated, mostly because being next to Gia out in the open is intoxicating. I didn’t realize how much energy I was spending on keeping all these feelings locked up inside, nursing them so as not to destroy myself. Now, it’s so easy my head feels light.
However, I manage to get away. Just a minute to step out on the front porch and pull out my phone.
The crisp winter air bites at my cheeks as I find my dad’s phone number. I don’t know if it works anymore. I’d be shocked if he changed it. I’ve never had the heart to delete it.
My eyes well with tears I didn’t know I had for him. I’ve pushed away so much of what matters for so long. No one is perfect. I know I’m not— and life is hard . But it’s more beautiful when you allow it to be. All it took was one night at the piano with Gia to teach me that.
With a trembling finger, I tap the contact and press the phone to my ear.
Each ring echoes louder the longer no one picks up.
I get the impersonal robot-voicemail. I’m shocked at how devastated I am.
Finally, the call goes to voicemail, the automated voice cold and impersonal. I almost hang up before the beep but allow it to go through. I breathe out and watch the cloud disperse through the air. And then I speak.
"Hi, Dad. It’s me, Kade.” My voice catches. I find myself smiling. "I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and see how you’re doing." I pause, unsure of what else to say, before adding, "Bryn and I are in Blue Flag. Staying at the Lantern with Gia and her folks and… anyway, we’d love to catch up." Catch up feels like a weird phrase to use when it comes to reconnecting with one’s father. “Anyway. Call me sometime.”
I end the call, a mixture of relief and uncertainty settling in my chest. Before it can hurt too much, I feel two arms threading around my chest, pulling me into an embrace.
Gia .
“What are you doing out here in the cold?” she mutters into my back.
I press my hand over hers, lift it to my mouth, and kiss her cold knuckles. “Taking it all in.”
She pulls on my hand, turning me to face her. “Come inside before you catch something.”
“I’ve already caught something, I think. ”
Gia’s forehead scrunches in confusion.
I grab her by the waist and throw her over my shoulder, relishing her screams of laughter as I carry her back into the inn.