Chapter 5
Nora
Six weeks is a long time to live with a secret this big.
Of course, Lena and Kassy know I went home with Jake.
They just don’t know he turned out to be Jinx, Sons of Rage’s sergeant-at-arms. I didn’t tell them because I can’t take the chance of one of them spilling the beans.
If word got back to my dad about that, there’s no telling how he would react.
I’m actually pretty terrified of that happening.
But I can’t quite bring myself to regret meeting Jake and going home with him that night.
For one glorious night, I got to be just Nora, not Nora Rivers, daughter of the infamous leader of an outlaw biker club.
That night, I was just another woman bar hopping with friends, who let a tall, dark, and handsome stranger buy her a drink.
I made polite conversation, flirted, and had sex for the first time.
I was with a man who treated me with respect and gave me wonderful orgasms. And I did it all on my own terms. It had been my choice.
After a lifetime of being controlled and smothered, it felt liberating.
So yeah, I flew close to the flames and didn’t get burned.
If that’s my only chance to experience something pure and sweet, so be it.
I came away with a sore body and a secret and that’s more than I ever thought I’d have.
And this is a secret I’ve got to keep, because I don’t want to start a war between the two clubs.
The Sons and Hyenas might end up going to war at some point.
Hell, they might already be at war for all I know.
But I don’t want their beef with each other to have anything to do with me.
It’s Tuesday when my father ruins my life at the dinner table. My brothers are both there to bear witness to my destruction. We’re most of the way through the meal I cooked when my father clears his throat and leans back in his chair.
I glance up to see him looking at me. I straighten up because I’ve learned that when my father is paying attention to me, it’s never a good thing.
Spark goes still because he’s bright enough to know something important is about to happen.
Brave keeps eating. He’s watching, but unsure if this exchange is going to be attention-worthy.
“I’ve been thinkin’ about your future, Nora,” my father announces.
I respond politely, “So you’ve decided to let me take that job at the place Lena works at?”
“No. You know I don’t like you hanging around that slut.”
I open my mouth to object, but he pushes on before I can get the words out.
“You’re twenty-two now. You’re not gettin’ any younger. It’s high time you started thinkin’ about settling down and giving me grandsons.”
I’m shocked by his words. “You want me to get married? I’m not even dating anyone.”
“It don’t matter. You can cook, clean, and do as you’re told. You’d make some brother a fine old lady.”
“I don’t want to get married. I want to get a job, earn an income for myself and experience life before I settle down and start popping out babies.”
“You ain’t never supported yourself a day in your life. You live in my house and it’s my money that pays for your clothes and food. Let’s not pretend you’re some kind of independent woman, capable of supporting yourself.”
His words feel like a slap in the face. I’ve been trying to get him to let me get a job since I turned sixteen. He’s always refused, so making out like I’m a burden is rich.
“I want to work for a while before I worry about finding someone to settle down with,” I say in a halting tone. Worry twists in my gut because this man has never listened to what I want a day in my life.
“Forget about working. That’ll be up to your husband to decide.”
I throw my hands out in a gesture of exasperation. “What husband?”
“I’ve picked one of our own for you to marry. He’s a good and loyal brother. He’s been with the club longer than I have.”
I stammer, “You honestly think it’s okay to pick who I marry?”
“Stripe said he would take you as his old lady. He’ll treat you right.”
I just stare at my dad, shaking my head without meaning to.
I know who Stripe is. He’s around fifty years old, doesn’t shower very often, and doesn’t believe in brushing his teeth.
Between the body odor and bad breath, the stench is unbearable.
He’s rude, short-tempered, and arrogant.
I’ve seen him backhand a club girl, knocking her on her ass for pouring his beer wrong.
They call him Stripe because he has a white streak in his hair.
They should have given him the name Skunk, that would have made more sense.
“What in the hell kind of idea is that?” I say before I can stop myself. “Do you even like me? Why would you want me to marry him?”
My father’s face settles into a stubborn expression. “I thought we’d worked past your fuckin’ defiant phase.” His voice is deep and has a dangerous edge that I recognize all too well.
“But—” I start.
“You don’t tell me no. Not ever,” he states firmly. “I’m your father and what I say goes. Stripe might be a harsh man, but he’s solid. He doesn’t put up with bullshit out of women. Do as he says, and you’ll be treated well because you’re my daughter and he respects me.”
“I deserve more than a survival situation,” I state quietly. “What about dating, falling in love, and making a family with a man of my choosing? Isn’t that how it’s done? Women don’t have arranged marriages, not in California in modern times.”
“You can do all that shit with Stripe,” he says stubbornly. “If you’re good to him, Stripe’ll take you out on dates. He’ll treat you exactly as nice as you treat him.”
“But he’s so much older than me. We don’t really know each other, so how can we be sure we’re compatible?” I could say a lot more about Stripe, but I go with the options least likely to get my father in a rage.
“Compatibility is you being a good wife and doing what he says. Everything else will fall into place,” he states firmly.
“You can get to know each other after the wedding.” He picks his fork back up like the matter is closed, because in his head it is.
“He’s a loyal brother, a good earner, and he asked for you all respectful like.
I promised you to him. You need to come to terms with that as soon as possible. ”
I’m desperately grasping for a way to get him to change his mind or at least pump the brakes on the idea.
“Can I have some time to adjust to the idea?” I ask.
“Course you can. Think it over if you like. Get used to the idea. You could do a whole lot worse than Stripe.”
***
Two days later, I’m in the clubhouse when Stripe approaches me with an engagement ring.
I know better than to turn him down, especially with other brothers watching.
After that he starts coming by the house to see me.
It seems like every time I turn around, he’s standing there, quietly wanting what he already sees as his.
My father looks all kinds of pleased that he’s hanging around so much. And my brothers both treat our relationship like it’s settled business. Anytime I try to talk about it, they all act like I’m being dramatic.
Three days later, my father tells me over breakfast that he’s proud of how well I’ve been treating Stripe.
Then he adds, “The wedding’s gonna be held at the clubhouse.
Stripe is breakin’ out his suit for the occasion.
” Shooting me a pointed look, he adds, “If you don’t get busy picking out a dress, I’ll send one of the club girls to do it for you. ”
Spark adds, “Stripe’s old lady patch is already being made. He’ll have you in a property cut in no time.” He makes it sound like a good thing, something romantic that I should be looking forward to.
I can’t believe how quickly my life has spun out of control. I’m barely eating, and with all the stress my period is late. I really can’t take this.
“I just don’t think I’m ready for all the responsibilities that come with being married,” I say.
My father’s voice turns cold. “Don’t humiliate our family, Nora. I’ve given you time to get used to the idea of being Stripe’s old lady. Instead of getting to know him, you’ve been dragging your feet.”
Brave walks up to me later that night and tells me, “You should quit making gettin’ married harder than it has to be. You’re being selfish and only thinkin’ about yourself.”
I roll my eyes at my stupid brother. “This has nothing to do with you, Brave. Get back in your lane and stay there.”
I’m not convinced that Brave understands the magnitude of what’s going on here. It’s okay for him. No one ever decided on his life. My brothers were always allowed to do as they pleased.
I learned a long time ago that to argue with my father is pointless. He always wins. Maybe I just need to accept my fate. I tell myself I can clean Stripe up, get him to be nicer by spoiling him with attention and good food. I almost believe it, right up until the morning everything changes.
Sitting on the toilet scrolling through my phone, I check my calendar.
That’s when I realize that I’m not just late, I’m late late.
I know I’m under a lot of stress, but on the occasions I’ve been late before, it was only by a day or two.
And back then, I hadn’t had sex so had no reason to be worried.
Thinking back to that night with Jinx, I realize we didn’t use protection.
Honestly, I was so happy to be having sex, I didn’t even think about it.
How could I have been so stupid?
I get dressed and text my father that I’m going to buy vitamins and hair supplies.
He’s preoccupied with whatever is going on in his world, so he barely responds.
I pack my messenger bag full of everything I can’t live without and leave before he can assign a prospect to escort me.
I go to the nearest pharmacy, buy a pregnancy test, and take it in the restroom.
Sitting in the stall, I take the test and set it on the top of the toilet paper dispenser while I clean up and right my clothing.
The seconds tick by slowly, seeming like hours.
While I anxiously await the test doing its job, I can’t help but think about Jinx.
I could be carrying his child right now.
Something about the idea of that sparks warm feelings instead of disappointment.
I imagine what his son would look like, a little mini-Jinx, no doubt.
I find myself smiling at the thought of it, in spite of how badly it would wreck my life.
And just when did I start thinking of him as Jinx instead of Jake?
I stand up and grab the test strip. Two lines slowly emerge.
They’re clear as can be, leaving no question in my mind.
I’m pregnant with Jinx’s child. Be it a boy or a girl, I’m not getting rid of it.
My father will lose his mind. He’ll probably blame every guy in the club and try to beat the name of the father out of me.
If he ever finds out the truth, it’ll be game over for both me and Jinx.
He’ll see it as sleeping with the enemy.
I should be panicking right now. Somehow all the worry and fear gets pushed aside, in favor of a stubborn certainty.
I’m having this baby. I am not even sorry.
I lay my hand against my flat stomach. And for one second, I feel fierce and ready to fight the world for this unexpected child growing in my belly.
Even if I didn’t already have doubts, there’s no way I can go through with the marriage to Stripe now. If he found out I was pregnant with another man’s child, he’d kill me. And the only way to hide the fact is to sleep with him so he might think it’s his. The thought of that disgusts me.
I have to leave. I have a little pile of money from working online gigs. I’m not just running to save myself. I’m running for two now. And I’m not going to let anyone, or anything get in the way.
My father made the mistake of letting me out without a prospect watching over me. This oversight feels like a gift from the gods, so I’m going to make good use of it. I’ve got my cell phone, tablet, charger, and wallet. I’m going to turn off my phone and remove the battery the second I am clear.
I walk out of the pharmacy and get into my car. My father let me have this little used car because a daughter running errands is useful. I’ll eventually have to ditch it because they know the plate number. But it will get me across the county line in the meantime, though only if I’m quick about it.
Knowing I never have to go back to my father’s house is the best feeling in the entire world even though I have no idea what the future will bring.
I back out of the parking space at the pharmacy and speed away, intent upon putting as much distance between myself and my family as possible.
In this moment, I’m freer than I have been in my entire life.
No one is looking over my shoulder, telling me what to do, making subtle threats about upholding the family honor or else.
It’s just me and a tank of gas and a little one to protect.
I make it almost to the county road before I catch sight of them in the rearview mirror.
Two motorcycles with the Hyenas’ logo are speeding up behind me.
It’s two prospects from my father’s club, likely the prospects he sent to escort me.
They’re riding hard and fast, trying to close the distance between us.
I hit the accelerator and speed up. Even though my hands are shaking, I grip the wheel and push the pedal all the way down.