Chapter 18
Nora
I wake up in Jinx’s bed at the clubhouse.
He has one arm draped over my hip and my back is pressed against his front.
I feel warm, protected and cherished. The clock on the bedside table says it’s seven AM.
And for a second, my sleep-addled brain doesn’t remember what happened last night.
Then as the fog lifts, it all comes crashing back through my brain.
My father tried to shoot Jinx, but Jinx was faster with a gun. My father died, Brave lost his mind and Spark surrendered to the Sons. As surreal as all that sounds it all happened. I know because I was there. I saw it all with my own eyes.
I’ve wished for twenty-two years that he would stop treating me like shit and daydreamed about being free of his control, but I never once wished him dead.
Watching the blood spread out beneath him while Spark pressed both hands to a bullet wound that wouldn’t stop bleeding was a horrific sight that I never imagined I would see.
Jinx wakes beside me. I can tell because his hand flexes on my stomach and his breathing changes.
He’s lying very still, clearly waiting for me to wake up or to talk first. The same hand resting against my belly held the gun that killed my father last night.
That thought swarms around my head for a few seconds.
“I wish my father hadn’t reached for his gun, Jinx.”
“Me too, sweetness,” he says quietly. “I know that was hard for you to see. He didn’t leave me a choice. If I’d been a second slower, our baby would be growin’ up without a father.”
“I know.” That’s the terrible part. “It was self-defense. There were witnesses and I was one of them. I’m not angry at you, Jinx. I’m angry at him. My father was a monster, and he shouldn’t have put you in that position.”
“It’s okay to grieve for him. He was your father after all,” Jinx says patiently.
I prop myself up on one arm and glance over my shoulder at him. “I didn’t know a person could grieve something they hated so much.”
He wraps his arms around me as I roll over to face him, pulling me close to his chest. “Emotions are complicated, darlin’. They’re never right or wrong, they just are what they are.”
I lie there in the morning sunlight, with my cheek against his chest. “Do you think they gave him a proper burial?” I ask.
Jinx glances down, clearly surprised by my question. “Probably, at least according to what they see as proper. Are you lookin’ for a gravesite to visit?”
I freeze for a second before answering. “No. It’s not that. I just wonder where he is and what they did with him. Is that morbid?”
“No, of course not. It’s a logical question. I think that wherever they buried him, Spark knows where it is. He probably marked it temporarily. When things cool down, I’ll ask him about it for you.”
“I think I just need to feel some closure,” I stammer, unsure what I’m really thinking.
He leans down and kisses the top of my head. “Let’s get a shower. We need to make an early start today if you want to see your brothers off.”
“I wouldn’t miss it,” I tell him.
Jinx climbs out of bed, all naked and glorious, like an inked god.
A few seconds after entering the restroom, I hear the shower pop on.
Following him, we get in together, and he is so kind and gentle with me that it makes me want to cry.
He works up a lather. His hands are so careful.
This is the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for me.
Standing under the water, I let him wash my hair. His hands feel gigantic, rough, and his knuckles are raw from fighting for me last night. I relax into his care, knowing there will never be another man for me. It’s Jinx or nothing.
When he’s finished, I turn around and slip my arms around his waist. When I lay my cheek against his massive chest, I can hear and feel his heart beating.
The same hands that pulled the trigger last night are soothing my grief and will hold our baby one day.
Somehow, I can reconcile all that in my brain and it’s okay.
“Thank you, for coming for me. And for doing what had to be done and for understanding how messed up this all is.”
“This situation is extremely messed up. But you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. You’re gonna get through this. I promise.”
I talk myself into believing his words are true as we get dressed and head upstairs to the main part of the clubhouse.
We sit down at the long family table for breakfast. Queenie and Rock are there with their sons and their wives.
Their mood is subdued but they are nowhere near as weirded out as I am about what happened.
I can hear them quietly talking about last night as they eat their food. Rock clears his throat and says, “Miss Nora. I want to say how sorry we are that your old man didn’t make it. We didn’t go there with the intention of killin’ anyone.”
“I know that better than most. I saw what went down with my own eyes. My father went for his weapon, and Jinx did what he had to do to protect himself. I don’t blame anyone, least of all the father of my child.”
“It was a poor decision to be sure,” Rock murmurs, looking down at his plate.
Jinx disappears and comes back with a plate of food from the buffet table they’ve set up in the back of the room.
I murmur, “Thanks, babe.” But the best I can manage is to push the food around my plate. My appetite is nonexistent this morning.
Queenie leans forward looking at me with those eyes that miss nothing. “You need to eat, honey.”
“The food’s wonderful, like always. I’m just not hungry,” I respond.
“You’re eating for two now, so do the best you can.”
“Okay, I’ll try.” I eat a few bites of egg, nibble the corner off a piece of dry toast, and chase it with orange juice.
Jinx leaves and reappears with a steaming mug of what smells like coffee. When I glance up at him, he smiles, “Decaf. I know how much you love your morning coffee.”
I tear up as I pull the cup closer. “Thank you, babe.”
I can’t believe that with everything going on, he remembered I can’t have the real stuff. Dr. Marsh had told me it was okay in moderation, but after my scare, it might be an idea to stay off the caffeine as it wasn’t helping my anxiety.
Wrapping both hands around the cup I bring it to my lips and take a sip of the warm brew. The familiar taste hits the spot, and I can’t stop sipping until I drain the last drop. It doesn’t make anything right again, but it makes me feel a tad better than I did before.
Rock clears his throat again. The club’s founder doesn’t usually say much.
So, him speaking twice in one meal is noteworthy.
It’s not me he’s addressing this time, it’s the club officers.
“You gentlemen are ridin’ out to negotiate the surrender of the Hyenas this mornin’,” he says, looking at Jasper, Slate, Onyx, and then at Jinx.
“I’ve buried more brothers than I care to count over the years.
So, I’m gonna give you the only piece of wisdom that ever did me any good.
Don’t ever strip away the last of a man’s pride.
Always leave him with a face-saving way out.
‘Cause if you don’t, they’ll come back to soothe their savage ego. ”
Jasper snaps, “Are you sayin’ we should cut them some slack, old man?”
Rock pins his oldest son with a glare that would make a normal man panic and run but Jasper just looks him in the eye, waiting for an answer to his question.
“What I’m saying is the Hyenas lost their club president, their road captain is laid up in the hospital, their cartel connection is gone.
Their club princess rejected them and now they have lost the territory they hoped to make their own.
That’s a lot for any man to bear. If you go to their clubhouse and humiliate them, you’ll turn a run of the mill club war into a blood feud.
One that outlives every man at this table and takes some of you and your sons with it.
Ain’t no sane person wants that kind of karma following them around their whole life. ”
Jasper lowers his eyes. “Yes, sir.”
His eyes settle on me. “Let ‘em save face. Let ‘em keep their patches and their pride. A little empathy and respect don’t cost you a thing. And it’ll save you lives in the long run.”
Rock has the kind of wisdom that most people only dream about having. I think about that the whole ride over to the Hyenas’ clubhouse. And he’s a hundred percent right about treating others like you would want to be treated.
***
We come in twenty-two strong and they meet us in their parking lot.
I’m guessing some of them abandoned the club because there were more brothers than this.
Half of them are bruised, bandaged or still bleeding.
The flag over their clubhouse is at half-mast for my father.
Spark stands out front with Brave at his shoulder.
Both of them look older and more hardened after last night.
Jasper steps forward and does most of the talking. He sticks to Rock’s advice, moderating his tone and speaking respectfully.
“We don’t want to make this harder than it has to be,” he announces. “We came to negotiate a surrender. Is that still on the table? If not, we go back to makin’ war with each other.”
Spark’s rough voice responds, “Yeah, it’s still on the table, but we have a few demands.”
Jasper’s chin comes up. “State them plainly.”
“You hand over the Hyena called Rash and our cartel liaison.”
Jasper speaks up again, “I can see fit to return your men, but we have some stipulations of our own.” Pausing for a second, he continues, “Moving forward, I want your club to stay at least a hundred miles clear of Sons territory in every direction. That means no visiting family, no rides through, and you don’t so much as buy gas here.
You swear to that and we can all ride home, without any more senseless loss of life. ”
Spark’s jaw works. I can see him thinking. “Do you agree to my terms?”
“That all on our end?” Spark shoots back.
Spark’s eyes find me, and his expression softens.
“Nora, when Pa died, the deal with Stripe died with him. That means you can come home. Brave and me would look after you. You don’t have to stay with the people who killed our father.”
“No.” The word shoots out of my mouth before I even think.
Jinx follows up with his own statement, “Nora’s my old lady by choice. She’s not part of this negotiation.”
I step forward, willing the brothers to see how serious I am.
“I’m not coming home, Spark. I have a home and a family with the Sons.
I know that’s not what dad or you want for me but it’s what I want for myself.
Jinx takes good care of me, and we have a baby coming in the spring.
Unlike you and Brave, he doesn’t see me as a commodity that can be bought or sold or traded. ” I press my hand flat to my stomach.
“These fuckers killed our old man. How can you bed down with one of them and give birth to his child?”
I look at Brave, who is clearly still angry about how our father died.
“Dad didn’t die because of the Sons. He died because he tried to kill the father of his own grandchild.
He’s the one who started this war and kept it going.
None of us wanted to see him die. I just wanted him to leave me the hell alone. ”
Spark tries again, “Nora, I know you’re bitter about what went down but we can work this out. We’re family.”
“Sorry, Spark. I’m not trading the life I chose for the one that almost killed me. Not even for the two of you.”
Spark nods. I can tell by the look on his face that he’s disappointed but understands. “I figured you might say that,” he says. “But you’re family. So, I had to try.” He closes the distance between us and pulls me into a hug, carefully. He murmurs, “Be happy, Sis. One of us ought to get to be.”
I move forward and hug Brave too, because he’s my brother too. I can tell he’s hurting over our father’s death.
His body goes stiff and he doesn’t hug me back. Just before I step away his mouth comes close to my ear and he whispers, “This is all your fault. Pa’s blood is on your hands. I won’t ever forget what you did. Not fuckin’ ever.”
I pull back and look into his cold eyes, realizing there’s nothing I can say or do to make this right for him. I take a few steps back because Brave scares me. He really does.
Jinx and Spark write the terms of their deal on a piece of paper and sign it. With everything being typed and electronically signed these days, their little handwritten agreement seems almost primitive by comparison.
We ride out with the Sons’ brotherhood at our backs.
The two of us veer off. Jinx pulls off at a scenic overlook.
We walk out onto a precipice with benches overlooking the whole valley.
We grab a seat and enjoy the fall view of leaves turning shades of brown, orange and red. A gentle breeze caresses my cheeks.
For a long moment neither of us says a word.
“You went still when you hugged Brave,” he says. “The look on your face worried me.”
“Yeah, he said it’s my fault. That my father’s blood is on my hands, and he won’t ever forget what I did.” Glancing up at Jinx, I add, “Brave scares me sometimes. He doesn’t always have a firm grasp on his behavior like you and Spark do.”
Jinx is quiet for so long that I think he’s not going to comment. Then he cups my cheek in one hand and lays his other hand flat against my stomach.
“Listen to me, darlin’,” he says gazing intently into my eyes. “Your brother is grievin’ and he’s lookin’ for somewhere to blame. He’s wrong about this being your fault. None of this is on you. Not one single drop.”
I nod. “Yeah, I know.”
“And no Hyena will get within striking distance of you or our baby ever again, especially not those brothers of yours. Trust me on that, sweetness. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure the two of you are safe and happy.”
I tear up but this time it’s in a good way. Jinx put himself between danger and me repeatedly. I know that I can trust him in ways I could never trust my brothers. He’s my future and they’re my past. It’s as simple as that.
When Jinx’s lips come down on mine, I forget all about my hapless brothers and press myself closer, seeking his warmth.