Chapter 6 Raven
Raven
I don’t sleep for longer than a couple of hours before waking up. With the anomaly in this room sleeping only a few feet away, snoring ever so comfortably, I’m restless.
Each time I close my eyes and fall back under, this insomnia continues to eat at me. By the fourth time I open my eyes, I give up altogether.
Moving to sit up, the bed creaks. Holding my breath, I look toward Jinx and wonder if he sleeps as light as some of these other guys.
He continues snoring away, undisturbed.
I’m adding another reason to my list of why he’s the absolute worst at keeping me safe.
Standing, I shuffle through the darkness. Fetching a hoodie and shoving my feet into my sneakers, I slip out of the room.
The clubhouse is quiet, dead to the world. I’m jealous of all the people who are tucked in bed, sleeping with ease.
Reaching the bar, I glance over the few souls who have to be awake to keep watch. They look as tired as I do.
The scent of coffee grounds drifts behind the bar, and I’m tempted to follow along to fill myself a cup. Unfortunately, I don’t need fuel to keep me up. I need something that’ll knock me out.
Ghost sits in the corner, the screen of his laptop glowing as he continuously tries to get into Crimson Road’s system. Ever since he returned, he’s been set on getting back to work.
From the blonde hair hanging off the edge of the seat across him, I’m impressed by Eloise’s dedication to remaining by his side.
Keeping silent, I move on, heading toward my destination. The less attention I bring my way, the better. Though I’m not entirely sure I should be concerned.
Besides Judge and Jinx, would anyone try to stop me from leaving? The awful voice in the back of my head that likes to taunt me promises me that they won’t.
Warden sits at the bar, his phone in his hand. As he stares at the screen, his face is pinched. Unfortunately, on the opposite side of him is exactly what I’ve come to fetch.
Feeling too exhausted to let my mood sour because of my thoughts, I’m forced to approach.
His eyes lift at my arrival, and his brows furrow before the device buzzes. He drops his gaze before scowling. Flipping the phone upside down, it thumps hard against the bar.
Seems I’m not the only one having a rough night.
“Don’t ask for a drink.” Muttering the words, I try to add a little humor to them.
He looks too miserable to even notice. His shoulder slumps before his spine follows.
Pursing my lips, I realize that if I stand here waiting for him to leave, it won’t happen. I have more of a chance watching him slowly fall over the bar, melting into it.
I don’t typically deal with sad guys. Should I ask him if he’s okay? Talking usually helps, I think. Though it also makes people feel worse. I can’t handle worse, right now.
Maybe I can help him out a little.
“You… uh, want to go look at the stars?”
He cocks a brow at me, confused.
“I need a smoke and some fresh air. If I go outside on my own, I’ll get chewed out. Jinx is asleep, and you’re one of the better ones.” Muttering the words, I avoid his eyes when I notice the surprise flicker across his face.
This is why I don’t try to be nice.
Kneeling down, I move around bottles until I reach my stash. Another secret I keep from my sister.
“Either way, I’m leaving.” Popping back up, I feel his eyes on my hands. “I’ll even let you take a hit.”
He’s on his feet without a second passing. Judge may have said no drinking, but he never mentioned anything about smoking specific things.
We pop out of the clubhouse and put enough distance between us and the building without drawing attention. Flopping down in the grass, I use the moonlight to prepare what will soon be my savior.
“Judge and Ripper are going to kick your ass if they find out you have that.” He leans back and sighs. “Stubborn old dudes.”
“It’s legal. Not my fault, they aren’t fun.” Finally, lighting the end, I inhale deeply, but the smoke hardly eases my stiff muscles. “They hear you call them old, they’ll tear you a new one, too. Also, they’re not even in their forties yet. Don’t call them old.”
I guess maybe I’d call them old. But isn’t Warden in his early thirties?
Our conversation falls off as I enjoy the first few inhales. Once the effects start kicking in, I lean back and let out a sigh.
“So, what’s happening with you?” Knowing well enough that I don’t want to start thinking about the heavy thoughts that are weighing me down, I put my attention on him.
Something was going on with his phone. Tomorrow, he’s leading the ride to Crimson Road. Nothing else comes to mind.
He grunts, hardly giving me much to work with.
“Scared of dying?” Passing him the joint, I notice his nose scrunch.
Taking a longer drag, his eyes move to the sky, and he searches. For what, I’ve got no clue. There aren’t any answers up there. I’ve done more than enough searching to know that as a fact.
“When it comes to scratches and bruises, I don’t mind them. I mean, if I’m hurt, Leah’s always there to take care of me.” He sighs, and the smoke puffs out in front of us. “I’ve always stayed out of the path of danger. Real danger, you know? She gets all twisted up if I bleed.”
Right. Leah. The woman’s sweet, and she’s always here to get her hands dirty whenever we get injured. Perks of having a paramedic on our crew. So, she’s the one who has him all bothered.
“She doesn’t want me to go.” Handing it back, he pulls his knees to his chest and sighs. “She begged me to stay. Got all worked up about it. Just said she wouldn’t forgive me if I left.”
In this life, the club is always the top priority. No matter if we’re scared or if we’re angry, we have to do what we have to.
It’s a shame I can’t relate. Ever since Penelope dragged us here, Judge made it his goal to keep us away from the violence. It’s a strike to my pride, but it’s not like the violence only happens outside of Steelwood. Sometimes, it hides within it, too.
Still, my only experience with dealing with violence toward someone I love, I can say that I didn’t run. I took care of it, the best way a girl my age could at the time.
Minutes pass, and the uncomfortable weight remains.
“She’ll be here with us the entire time you’re gone.
We’ll take care of her.” Finishing off the last hit, I flick it into the grass and watch the golden orange disappear into nothing.
“Everything will be fine, just as it always is. Get hurt badly enough, and she’ll be all over you. Just don’t die, yeah?”
He snorts and shakes his head. “Sure. Don’t die. Got it.”
I wish I could give him a better answer. We’re in this to survive. Some of us were born with the instinct to avoid death, and some of us have learned how to face it directly and come out on top.
Warden’s… soft. Sure, he’s got his talents, but his blood is still warm. He doesn’t hate as much as a lot of us do. His heart still beats normally.
Noticing my stare, he grimaces. “You’re freaking me out.”
Right. First, I’m nice. Now I’m thinking about people. He’s got a point. Today has been an off day for me. I’m doing all kinds of things I’d never imagine myself doing.
My eyes drag back to the beautiful sky. It’s a shame a view like this can only be seen while the world sleeps.
“So… What’s going on with you?” He pauses for a moment before scoffing, not even trying to find a way to carefully word his concern. “You look terrible.”
I feel it, too.
“Jinx.” An easy answer, one that leaves me quicker than it should. Lying back, I flop into the grass. “He’s the kind of man who just brings misfortune to those he’s near. I’m his target; therefore, I am suffering.”
Suffering isn’t the only thing I’m feeling. There’s confusion wrapped around my head. Arousal, too, but that’s none of Warden’s business. He’s opening a can of trouble, and tonight was the craziest part of it.
Jerking him off doesn’t even top it off. It’s the fact that he looked at me, really looked at me, and reacted the way he had. For the first time in my life, I felt… wanted. Before I knew it, I was too caught up in whatever the hell was happening between us to slow down.
“Why’d you think he offered to watch over you? Heard he was the only one.”
I don’t have a clue. If I have to guess, he got bored of pissing me off by breaking stuff and annoying the hell out of me. This is a level up from our usual routine.
“Don’t know. He’ll be out of my hair soon enough.” Looking at the stars, I watch as they twinkle. Not a single cloud in the sky. Perfect for getting lost in all of this. “Then everything can go back to normal.”
Something scratches under my skin at my chest, an obvious loneliness that I try not to give any attention to. It always comes by whenever someone tries to get close to me. I guess even when that person is forced to, I feel a twinge in my chest.
“I’m ready for normal.” Flopping down next to me, a low laugh leaves him. “This is stupid. We’re about to go straight into the heart of this madness, and here I am looking at fucking stars.”
I gave my first handjob and enjoyed it. The kiss, too. Gave away a lot of firsts today.
A laugh leaves me, my chest slowly feeling lighter and lighter. “Right? So fucking stupid.”
Our chuckles slowly die out before he sighs. “I should call her. Tell her I love her and all that, just in case someone shoots me. They’ll definitely try. I doubt they all have terrible aims.”
Closing my eyes, I shake my head before the weight of gravity targets my eyelids. “Now that’s stupid.”
They’ve been hooking up for how long? Pretty sure a love confession is the last thing she’d want to hear.
“If you die, you’ll make her feel worse. Trust me.” Mumbling the words, I’m met with silence. Better to be quiet than to hear him fumbling with his phone and breaking down if she rejects him.
I don’t need him ruining my high with that emotional shit. Hell, I’m trying my best not to think about my own feelings.
I’ve spent my whole life locking down certain ones to make sure I’m never weak. One guy wants to meddle, and all my work is coming undone.
Frustrating.
Knowing I should get up and make my way back to my room, the grass feels comfortable against my back. Each wisp of summer wind against every inch of exposed skin is my own definition of peace.
Warden continues to mutter his concerns, but after so many words, they sound further and further away until they disappear completely, and I’m finally out.