The Munch #2
Jo?o’s palm grazed my fingers, a discreet reminder that he was two seconds from losing his shit.
But he wouldn’t show it, and I wouldn’t make him.
I followed stiffly behind him through the maze of people until we approached the back of the bar, where a hallway led to an office.
Jo?o opened the door and stepped aside to let me in.
Without hesitation, I entered, my heart jumping when the door clicked shut.
“Gisele…imagine my shock when I walk into a munch my friends organized and I find you chatting with one of my best friends.”
Oh, my Lord. Why would You forsake me? His best friend?
“I had no idea. However, I’m free to do what I like with my time. You and I are just getting to know each other.” Best to display my defense early and forcefully, even if my voice quaked at the end of the sentence.
“Getting to know each other? Interesting.” The vein in his neck was now competing against the calmness of his gaze. I knew better than to trust that calmness. Where was that man, Deacon? He seemed like a puppy next to Jo?o right now.
Heat emanated from him, penetrating my own skin and permeating the room. His cologne, subtle but alluring, had me ready to throw myself into his arms and rain kisses on his face until he forgave me. But forgive me for what? Jo?o wasn’t my man; he wasn’t my Dom.
“You and I might have been getting to know each other, but our intentions were very clear. My intention was clear. I wanted—want you. Want you for more than just dates,” Jo?o said with power behind each word, no matter how softly he laid them at my feet.
“I… You know how different our goals are, Jo?o, please. Don’t you see?
I…want to explore this side of my life I never dared, even if just for a season, even if it’s for a few months.
I want this. And I…I feel selfish because I want you too, but I have a goal in life.
I want a man that can walk the path of Christ with me.
You don’t go to church. That is not your thing, and I would never ask you to do that, but I have to stay true to myself.
” My chest hollowed as I described our truth, so bare between us that I felt naked afterward. Naked and cold.
“You didn’t give me a chance…” he whispered, barely audible, but the words hit me like daggers, making me stumble back.
Swift and dangerous, Jo?o moved toward me, the hard planes of his body pushing me against the office wall until there was no space left for Jesus between us, his arms bracketed against each side of my face.
God help me, but my entire body woke up. My skin had never felt so tight, so real. Cold and hot shudders traveled through my arms and legs. Heat coalesced between my thighs and behind my rib cage. Air, precious air, deserted me.
“So you want to be dominated? Do you want me to dominate you? Or will anybody work?” Jo?o asked, his gaze studying every expression.
His chest tickled my own, my nipples hardened under my padded bra and shirt, and I wished I had nothing on so that he could feel how he affected me.
Could he see my chest erratically pumping at this proximity?
“I…I want you,” I said as simply as I could because that was what worked between us.
“Nah, you had me, but you decided this was more important. And I get it. I really do; kink is my life. So how could I be hurt by you choosing to want this side of me and not my heart?” His breath smelled like whiskey and broken promises, and I wanted to kiss away all the hurt he hid from me.
“How can it be this serious if you haven’t even touched me…
kissed me?” There was no filter; everything tumbled out of me.
My body dissolved against his. He dropped one arm from the wall, his fingers trailing slowly along my jaw, skimming down the column of my neck, then curling under my chin.
My breath caught. With the slightest pressure, he tilted my face to his, and suddenly, there was nothing else to look at but him.
“Merda. So this is what you wanted? For me to fuck you on the first date? For me to take my liberties even though you clearly are a very, very good Christian girl, mi boa menina? You don’t want my kisses. And you certainly don’t want my touch.”
“Yes, I do…I do.” Goodness, he had me begging, and I wasn’t ashamed of it.
I undulated my hips against his lower half to find him straining hard against his pants.
A sharp hiss slipped between my teeth, and Jo?o’s eyes squeezed shut, lashes fanning against his cheek like soft, dark blades.
How had I missed those pretty lashes? When he looked up again, dark obsidian orbs punched through me — raw, ravenous.
I flinched as if I could dodge the hunger burning in his eyes.
“Nah…you don’t want this. You don’t want my dick.” At the words, he pressed his length against me, the heavy heat cradled at the bottom of my belly. I chased the contact, getting on my tippy toes to feel him there.
There.
“Mmm.” A sound emerged from deep down in my core.
He pulled back before I reached my goal and I almost screamed.
“Because this dick, this mouth, these hands will ruin you. If I let you taste…there is no church-going simp nigga that will ever compare to me, and then what? Who’ll take care of your pussy and your heart once you’re done with your little kink experiment? ”
Experiment, I… This was too much. I had no words. I just wanted a taste of his lips; nothing else mattered.
“Jo?o, this is not an experiment. This…this is important. I don’t want to live not knowing how it feels to explore this side of me.”
“Okay, and when you explore it, are you gonna stuff it back into a neat box and put it away? When you find a new church and a new man to guide you in the path of God, will you say goodbye to all of this and go back to pretending this is unimportant to you?” Jo?o’s lethal gaze scorched every inch of my skin.
Only his touch would make it better, I was certain.
“It seems to be working for you…the compartmentalizing, I mean. You seem to leave your need for love and affection in a box and focus on your kink, so there. We’re two sides of the same coin.
” I wasn’t certain where the venom came from but it coated every word, hurling it at him in quiet recrimination.
“Ahh, claws. I knew you had them in you.” He pressed his hard length against me once more, the brief contact calculated to drive me wild.
But I held my ground, no matter how ruined my underwear was by the flood he caused and how much I wanted it off and him inside me, filling me until there were no words left between us.
“Come by the club. I’ll get you in. And you can get your season.” Jo?o stepped back away from me and all the air escaped my lungs. The heat in the room simmered down as a draft of cold sneaked up around me.
“Will you…are you gonna be my Dom?” I asked, dreading the answer. Jo?o swaggered over to the door, his broad back and shoulders tense. He faced me once more, his expression void of any emotion.
“I explained my boundaries loud and clear to you. And you know what I want from you. When you’re ready for that, let me know. In the meantime, do your exploring,” Jo?o said, then disappeared through the door, leaving me to pick up the pieces of what could have been but never would be.