The Vetting #2
Futility filled my days. Why fight if I was feeling like this? Despondency did not make for a good leader. Low spirits spread like crabgrass, and our community didn’t need that type of perennial weed in their midst.
Maybe this was a sign for change. A call for a pivot.
“I know you’re all frustrated about my inaction, but I’m assessing the threat, and I need to decide if we’re for real gonna battle one of the biggest street players right now. Is it truly worth the privacy and safety of our community? We can always rebuild…”
“The fuck you mean, we can rebuild? This is your club. Our club. Why would we let LaSalle push us out of our own space? This entire land is ours, Jo?o. What the fuck happened with you since Pai died—” Jardel’s anger grew until he was up against my face.
His eyes hardened as he encountered my gaze, empty of any emotion.
Joaquim approached us, stepping next to Jardel, holding onto his arm, attempting to press him back out of my space.
My calm evaporated as Jardel’s reminder of my failures exploded the tentative camaraderie in the room.
“The fuck you want to tell me, Jardel?” My throat vibrated as I attempted to keep my shit together.
“Nah, Jardel got nothing to say that you’re ready to hear.” Joaquim managed to push Jardel off.
“Joaquim, if you gonna speak in riddles, best you leave my office.”
“Riddles? You know exactly what I’m saying.
You have a whole degree in psychology. I’m not gonna break it down for you.
” Joaquim’s usual equanimity deserted him as tensions raised in the office.
Moses and Pedro gave us our space, but Pedro’s aura vibrated with all the words he was fighting to keep inside.
“You cannot let this dude get one over you,” Pedro reminded me.
“We have ways we can approach this, Quentino,” Moses said in his conciliatory tone, his way of keeping his own emotions in check.
“Moses, you and I know if I go toe to toe with LaSalle, people will pay. Privacy will be compromised; members will pull back if he puts public pressure on me to sell. He’ll get creative and make it unbearable for people to attend events. Play in peace. They won’t feel protected.”
“If we close ranks, that can be avoided,” Pedro pushed back, but I could see the seed of worry germinating.
“If we close ranks, we’ll hit him hard. We have plenty of information, and people who don’t owe him loyalty are willing to share things that would hurt his business. LaSalle’ll retaliate with what he has. We can survive it long-term, but the club and members will suffer and y’all know it.”
“So what, we keep sitting, waiting for him to make his next move?” Jardel asked impatiently.
“Trust me, right now, this is the correct move.”
“You ask us to trust you, but you can’t even talk to us, nigga,” Moses said. My sternum tightened at his quiet recrimination.
“We’re trying not to push, but you’re gonna say something soon, right?”
Joaquim’s soft query had to remain unanswered. I couldn’t tell anyone something I didn’t know my own damn self. How did I explain the void that had become my life?
I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest and slumping against the desk.
“This nigga,” Pedro grumbled, exasperated.
“What is that folder? More info on LaSalle?” Joaquim asked, pulling the binder from behind me and flipping it open.
My chest tightened again for different reasons.
The urge to snatch the binder out of his hands and protect my nascent dynamic felt as instinctual as breathing.
But showing my hand in front of a room of my closest friends, men used to reading people and picking up on the smallest tells, wouldn’t be smart.
“Put it down, Joaquim,” I said, rounding my desk again and sitting in my chair.
“Oh…a new sub?” Joaquim asked, not able to help himself. If he wasn’t gonna get through to me on the LaSalle thing, he for sure was gonna try another way. I knew my brothers didn’t appreciate my quietness, but I didn’t have words of reassurance for them.
“None of your business.”
“Yeah, Aisha said his new sub has been going to the classes,” Pedro said, nodding at Joaquim as if I hadn’t just asked to let things be.
“Good, you need something to light that fire again,” Moses said.
“But isn’t this the woman you wanted to date?” Joaquim asked, putting down the binder as I’d asked him after seeing Gisele’s name and connecting the dots.
“Yes, that’s the woman I was dating, but we realized a dynamic works better for us,” I confided in them. The tightness in my chest lightened as my focus shifted to Gisele and our future.
We’d finally reached the stage where we could start our dynamic. After six weeks of her going through classes and then us doing an expedited vetting process, we’d arrived at the final stage.
After she had filled out my vetting questionnaire, I sent her a list of old subs she could contact as well as past flames.
She’d confirmed during one of Aisha’s classes that she’d met with each of them and had her own list of questions she’d gone through, and fuck if I didn’t just want to tackle her right there, take her to my office, and fuck her till she was pliant in my arms. A big reward for being such a good girl. My boa menina.
I shared a shortened version of my past six weeks with them.
The men in this room were my circle of trust, but the darkness I’d been plunged into these past months hadn’t allowed me the type of camaraderie I was used to sharing with them.
Opening up, even if just superficially, cracked open something inside I hadn’t realized needed some oxygen. I breathed easier.
“Damn, so you were okay shortening your vetting? You haven’t done anything less than five months in the past,” Moses said pensively.
“I’d been dating her already, we had been getting to know each other, so…some of the things that I seek to know when vetting I knew through our dates. We were compatible beyond any kink, which is always important to me.”
“Are you sure you wanna do twenty-four seven?” Joaquim asked, the only person who understood some of my concerns in regard to my dominant side.
“It’s what she wants.”
“And you cannot say no to her, can you?” Pedro asked while Moses studied me. Jardel stood by the office door, braced against the wall, arms crossed, impatient to move on to the next thing. As always.
“I chose not to say no.”
Every single one of them made an expression of surprise, Joaquim’s low whistle the most prominent of them.
They knew me enough to know I didn’t fuck with anything outside of my very carefully constructed boundaries. 24/7 was a boundary I’d placed on myself. But for Gisele…for Gisele, I’d be flexible.
They understood me well enough to recognize I didn’t mess with anything beyond my carefully constructed boundaries. 24/7 wasn’t just a limit; it was a line I drew to protect myself, to keep control. But Gisele… Gisele made that line blur. With her, I didn’t just consider bending; I wanted to.
This was why the last six weeks had been necessary. I’d worked out, focused on the club, spent time with my family, fasted, and prepared to keep a tight leash on my emotions. I finally felt ready for her.