The Aftercare
H and in hand, we drove in silence back to my home.
The energy had shifted from anticipatory to something else I couldn’t quite pinpoint.
Gisele sat with her legs folded under her, barefoot, her beautiful dark brown skin glowing after her treatment.
Her eyelashes dusted her cheeks, refusing to let me see what her eyes could tell me.
She was pensive, that was obvious, but what could be on her mind?
She came so beautifully, her body bowed in pleasure a magnificent vision as she let herself go. Fuck, I envied her in that single second when Gisele transported herself elsewhere. I envied her the freedom to do that, to unshackle herself, even if for a second, from everything she was.
The silence lengthened when I shut off the engine once we pulled up to my driveway.
“Plant room?” Gisele asked quietly.
“You know it.”
Not letting go of her hand was the only thing on my mind as we made our way to the greenhouse. Gisele padded barefoot to our secluded cove and plopped herself on the sofa, her gaze inviting me to sit close.
She had so much power over me and she didn’t even know it.
Power dynamics had always been very linear in my previous experiences, but with Gisele there were undercurrents and layers I couldn’t explain.
She was in my head all the time; her feelings were of the utmost importance to me.
Her thoughts and opinions were sacred. Gisele had managed to wedge a space in what I thought was a weary heart incapable of granting more to anyone not already in my circle.
“You want snacks?” I asked, delaying sitting down, my chest tight for an unknown reason.
“No, I want comfort. I want you, Master,” Gisele said simply, and there was nothing but to grant her her every wish.
The sofa yielded to my weight. I sat back and arranged both of us, gently dragging her body over me so she could lay her head on my chest while we both stretched across the length of the sofa.
“This is what I needed.”
“This is what I needed too.”
A breeze played with the leaves of the lush foliage in the room, creating a symphony of nature and calmness. Here in this space, we could both just be us. Or be no one.
“Tell me something I don’t know about you,” Gisele asked.
“Woman, I tell you everything.” I chuckled, my chest shaking making Gisele lift her head in amusement.
“You’re delaying the answer, and I thought we didn’t lie to each other.”
“You right, we don’t. I don’t, boa menina, I tell you what is on my mind all the time.”
“How about what’s in your heart?” Her whispered question hit the target just as she intended.
“I didn’t even think I had one of those for a minute. After my father died…fuck, even before, I had been feeling adrift. Questioning everything I knew and I was. You…you scare me, Gisele Jacquet. You remind me of what it is to hope and pray, and have faith.”
“Oh, Jo?o, is there anything wrong with being reminded of that?”
This woman.
“I stopped believing in anything I couldn’t see or feel a long time ago.”
“How long ago?”
“When my mother died, alone. In Brazil. That is when my faith probably died.
With her. She was the source of wonder and goodness in our lives and our father took that away from us, just to be able to remarry in peace.
My life has a lot of fucked-up memories, so I try to focus on the now.
The present. But not all the memories are bad.
We used to have a blast with my mom, she was such a fun person to be around.
I remember just wanting to do everything that she did ‘cause it looked so cool and it brought her so much happiness. That is why we all garden, and for me…I also followed her passion for church. I…used to be an altar boy with mom. We both served at church.”
“You must have looked so cute with your vestment, all legs and arms and awkward teenage energy.” The rumbling of her laughter soothed me, letting me relax into the story.
“Yeah, you’re right, I looked goofy as fuck, but let me tell you, all the ladies in the church loved them some Jo?o.” Gisele giggled and my fingers itched to produce that sound again. I sank my hands into her soft flanks and tickled her.
“Jo?o! Stop, oh Lord, I’m gonna pee in my pants if you keep it up.” Her laugh filled every space of the greenhouse. I swear the plants all lifted a little as if the sun had materialized inside of here and they wanted some of its heat.
“Damn, we progressed to watersports already?”
“Jo?o!” she exclaimed, gasping for air between her melodic laughter, her soft curves pressing against me, wriggling back and forth, her ass creating delicious friction against my hardness.
“You want to make fun but can’t take the repercussions, huh?”
Gisele was a solid, thick woman but she was no match for me. I turned her over, pressing her against my chest, face to face. Her eyes gleamed with excitement and happiness and something yielded in my chest; a pressure let go that I wasn’t aware had been there.
“You don’t play fair!” Gisele said, trying to tickle me back with zero success—well, if I didn’t count my dick, which was hard as fuck in my pants, but this was not the time for listening to my dick. I wanted instead to listen to my heart; I wanted to do what it told me, even if for this moment.
“Me? What about you, woman, asking me to open up and tell you about my troubles, only to make fun of me when I was an innocent teenager?”
“I wasn’t making fun! Ay! Okay, maybe just a little but…
don’t you wish you could feel some of that happiness again, some of that contentedness you felt in church with your mom?
” Gisele’s relentless kindness would probably be my cause of death on the certificate because she would not stop seeing the me I couldn’t even see.
And I knew myself very, very well, so this experience with her felt so disconcertingly right.
She settled herself on top of me, wriggling her bottom half between my legs, pressing her head to my chest, her warm breath slowing down against my shirt.
Her forever scent of sunshine and home had combined with Helena’s essential oils, a calming mix that worked wonders.
I could stay here with her for hours. I could do this the whole rest of my afternoon.
Fuck.
“I found that happiness in my lifestyle, with my kink. Maybe it’s a different type of happiness, but I did.”
“But…?”
“But lately, I had lost some of that spark…till you.”
The warm gust of air that hit my chest calmed some of the nerves that came with saying that out loud. This woman had me feeling just like that lanky teenager, nervous to tell his first crush he liked her.
Somehow Gisele had me feeling brand new. She kept wiggling herself past my jaded views.
“Oh, Jo?o, I feel it too. I know we both—well, we both have different views of the future, but sometimes I wonder why God would put you in front of me like this for you not to be for me… It just feels cruel.”
“Old Testament God stuff, huh?”
Gisele’s laughter shook me again, and I couldn’t help but press against her softness, the only gift I would allow myself to take right now.
“Yeah, I guess. For now, though, I plan to enjoy you, enjoy us. I’m thankful for the gift of you.”
Fuck, this woman!
“Gisele, I’m—” My throat closed up and I cleared it. “You’re more than a gift to me, I…”
I love you, I’m in love with you, I want to own every single piece of you would probably scare the shit out of her, so instead I sat with these feelings, so big I never knew it could be like this.
Maybe this was why people lost their minds while in love.
This was why people compromised on their own boundaries and desires because there was something bigger, greater than the sum of just them.
I thought I knew.
I thought I understood.