Chapter 2
Two
H er whole body ached. Two hours of running on back roads filled with potholes and random rocks would do that. It wasn’t that she’d woken up wanting to run at three that morning. No. She needed to. More than she needed to take her next breath.
Running helped Abby shut her mind off. And after the nightmare she’d had, that was exactly what she needed. It wasn’t smart to run in the dark, even out in the county like she was, but what other choice did she have?
Was she just supposed to let her mom and brother watch her fall apart? No, that wasn’t an option. Especially not after how broken and cautious they were after her attack.
Besides, she’d been living back at the ranch since the attack, and their closest neighbors were the sheriff and his wife. Hank and Daisy also had an insanely adorable baby girl named Madison, who she’d taken up cuddling with when she needed a break from the ranch. If anything happened, she was confident she could make it to their place for help. Or she’d die trying.
Ten more minutes and she’d be back at the Red River Ranch. Her father had lived for that place. He ended up dying for it, too. Being back hurt deep in her bones. The plan had never been to stay with her mom and brother for so long. She’d gone back to Bell Ridge after finishing college because she loved the town, but she wasn’t meant to live with her family again.
She slowed her pace as she started her cool down. Abby found herself looking at the white farmhouse that sat up on a slight hill across from her family’s ranch. She’d always loved that house. Something about the white siding and the wraparound porch called to her. She could see herself standing there, calling her kids inside for dinner.
Abby shook her head, picking up the pace once again as she rounded the bend onto the road that would take her up to her house. It was a silly daydream she used to have as a kid. That her husband would one day buy her the house across from her parents, and their family would continue to be close. That dream died right along with her father.
In the distance, she could see the front porch light was on. Damn it. The outline of a cowboy resting against the banister told her everything she needed to know. Sam was up, and she was about to have yet another chat with him where he’d end up yelling about her safety.
“Are you okay? Where have you been? Mom and I have been worried sick. She’s pulling tarot cards in the kitchen trying to convince herself you’ll stop doing this soon.”
“You know I like to run in the mornings. I’ve done it since freshman year of college.”
“Not in the dark! How long have you been out there, dove?”
The nickname slammed into her chest and made the nausea from overexertion bubble in her throat. Her dad had first called her that when she was three. It had been her role in the Christmas nativity at their church, and she’d loved it so much she begged to take the costume home.
“Don’t use his nickname.”
“Abby—”
“Dad might be gone, but you didn’t take his place.”
“We’ve all called you that your whole life. It wasn’t just him.”
“Well I don’t want to be called it anymore, Sam!”
She let her body fall into the grass, arm draped dramatically across her eyes. Maybe if she just kept them closed for a few minutes, he would walk away and she wouldn’t get lectured.
“Jesus, what hell happened to my sweet little sister?” he mumbled.
She knew he wasn’t trying to piss her off, but that sent her over the edge.
“She had her neck cut open by a serial killer.”
“Abby. I-I’m sorry.”
Even with her arm still draped over her eyes she knew Sam was staring at her. He sat down next to her, groaning like a fifty-year-old man.
“You know I can just have Zeke run the morning chores. I’ll sit here all morning if I have to.”
Shit. He could be more stubborn than her for sure. Slowly, she pushed her body up, until she was sitting with her legs straight out so she could easily stretch while her brother ran through his usual lecture.
“Maybe you should. You sound like it just about killed you to sit on the ground with me.”
“I’ll have you know I’m in excellent shape.”
“Mm. Maybe have one of the doctors in town verify that.”
“How does this keep getting turned on me? I want to talk about you.”
“I’d like you to leave me alone.”
“Can we please not start the day out like this? I’m worried about you.”
God, she was being such an asshole to him. She needed to figure out a way to snap out of her bitchiness before she pushed away her family for good. It was always just there, simmering under the surface of her skin. This anger that returning to Bell Ridge hadn’t worked out the way she always thought it would.
“I’m sorry, Sam. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I’m stuck. Being here at the ranch… I don’t hate it, but I don’t want to be here forever, you know?”
“I know.”
“I love you, and I love Mom, but I need to figure something out. Being here isn’t what I want. It wasn’t part of the plan when I came back. A family dinner every now and then, I can cope with. But every day is just too much.”
“You will. Give it a little more time. You’re still having nightmares.”
Shit. She thought she’d woken up before she’d screamed. Apparently not.
“You heard?”
“It’s a little hard to miss when it was the only way you’d wake up after the attack. I thought you were past it though.” He scrubbed his hand down his face, and she couldn’t help but think about how much older he’d been looking since she came home. Sam had their entire family’s legacy on his shoulders. “It’s been a little while since you had one. Did something trigger it?”
She didn’t know what to say. Something had, of course, but there was no way she could explain it to her overprotective big brother. He’d make it his life’s mission to find whatever site the FBI had Marco Santoro in and try to kill him for what he’d done to her.
“No,” she lied. “Maybe it’s just my brain trying to let it go so I can move on. At least I hope that’s it.”
“Have you thought about going to therapy? I talked to Emma and she’s got a really great counselor in Dallas she goes to.”
“I can’t take time off from work to drive to an appointment in Dallas every week.”
“I know. That’s why I asked if her therapist does telehealth visits.”
“How the hell do you know what a telehealth visit is? You can barely work your cell phone.”
“Abby, I’m not even ten years older than you. I just don’t use my phone a lot because I don’t want people thinking they can talk to me all hours of the day.”
“It wouldn’t kill you to get someone in your life you want to talk to at all hours of the day and night, you know? You’re not getting any younger, and I want to be an aunt.”
“Jesus.” Sam groaned as he wiped his hand down his face. “This isn’t about me, dove, so don’t even think about trying to make me the center of this conversation. No more running in the dark. No more going to bed anxious without talking it out with me or Mom. No more.”
She didn’t respond, opting to pull at the grass surrounding her.
“Abby. Tell me you understand.”
“What I understand is that I’m a grown woman, Sam, and you are not my father, or my husband. And even if you were, you wouldn’t have a say in how I cope with what happened.”
“I’m the man of this family, Abby. And I run this ranch.”
She stood, dusting the dirt from her pants. “Thanks for making my decision to move out that much easier. I’m heading into town to look at rentals today. Wish me luck.”
“What? Where?”
“Emma told me about a building Seb was renovating into apartments. I can afford the rent on my salary, and it’s what I was planning on doing when I moved back to Bell Ridge.”
“I don’t think you’re ready…”
“Sam, if I don’t go, I’m going to throw Mom’s tarot cards into a fire, and then I might just throw you in too.”
He laughed. “Jesus, Abby. I get it. Promise me you’ll let me look at the paperwork before you sign a lease.”
“Fine. I think I can handle that level of protectiveness.”
“I want a key to the apartment, too.”
“Nope. Too far.” She patted Sam on the back before turning towards the house. “I know you are just trying to keep me safe, and even though it’s totally overbearing and suffocating, I get that it’s coming from a good place.”
“You’re an annoying, mouthy little sister, Abby, but I love you.”
“Love you too, Sam.”
“Hey, babe. The usual?” Emma’s bright smile greeted her as she walked into Sprinkles, the cozy bakery and coffee shop in Bell Ridge.
“For coffee, yes. Can I get a double chocolate muffin today with my blueberry lemon one?”
“A woman after my own heart. Of course you can. I need you to take a bite and tell me what you think though.”
Emma slid the chocolate muffin across the counter and Abby moaned as she bit into it. Crisp top. Gooey center. Oh god, they were orgasmic.
“This is incredible, Em. Honestly. The only chocolate thing I’ve ever had that tops these is Daisy’s brownies.”
“Son of a bitch.”
“What?”
“I’m trying to figure out what’s in her secret recipe. We’re supposed to be best friends, and she will not tell me what makes them so good! I don’t get it. Why can’t I replicate it?”
“Well, if it’s any consolation,” Abby bit into the muffin again, sighing at the way the chocolate danced across her tongue. “I think you’re really close.”
“Is there a particular reason we are going with chocolate this morning, too?”
Abby looked around. The bakery was busy, but everyone was minding their own business. She pulled at the fabric around her neck.
Abby never went anywhere without covering her neck. In the Texas heat, it was horrible, but what was even more horrible was the way she knew everyone would look at her if her scar was on display. It was worth the near daily heat stroke to keep people away.
“Another nightmare?” Emma’s eyes were filled with empathy and just the slightest shimmer of guilt. She shouldn’t feel bad for one second about what happened to Abby, but she knew Emma did. It was her past that came knocking and, unfortunately, found Abby first.
“Yeah. Took a two hour run this morning to get my mind right. I’m going to indulge in some carbs and sugar and chocolate goodness to finish off the self-therapy session.”
“You need to chill on the runs. You’re turning into skin and bones.”
“Em—”
“Nope.” Her friend held up her hands. “I tell it like it is, Abs, and I’m starting to worry about you. It’s not healthy. I mean, exercise is fine, but not this extreme. And you’re not talking about what happened. Not to Sam. Not to me. You still don’t want to talk to a professional, right?”
“No.” Abby took the drink Emma was sliding across the counter top and sighed as the first hit of sweetness slid across her tongue from the hazelnut cappuccino. She hadn’t stopped ordering them since a certain drop-dead gorgeous deputy recommended them to her the first time she was out after the attack. Of course, that same deputy was the one who saved her from dropping dead, so it was likely she was projecting an unhealthy crush on the man.
It didn’t matter how many times Abby saw John Boone since that night, she could not get over the butterflies that swooped and fluttered around in her stomach.
“Have you cried yet?”
“What’s there to cry about, Em? So I’ve got a scar on my neck. Big deal. I’m alive. I’m teaching. My life is good.”
From the way Emma stared, she knew her little proclamation hadn’t done her any favors.
“It’s not healthy to not be feeling an entire emotion, Abby. Sadness is part of healing. You’re running to avoid facing that, and it’s not okay. Sam asked me the other day for the name of my therapist. Maybe it’s time.”
“Sounds like I can just keep talking to you and you’ll counsel me until I’m blue in the face.”
“I absolutely want you to talk to me. You can whenever you need to. But I’m not a professional. Sam really wants you to talk to someone. And I think he’s right.”
“God, he needs to stop. He caught me coming home from my run this morning and lit into me. Just like you. Pains in my ass.”
“Yeah, well, sue me for caring, but I’m not going to stop. And you know Sam feels guilty for not being with you that night.”
“Well, the both of you need to stop feeling guilty about what happened, because it wasn’t his fault, and it certainly wasn’t yours.”
“I am at fault though. And you know my offer always stands. If you want to speak to someone, I will pay for your sessions.”
“I don’t want you to do that. But maybe there is something you could help me with.”
“Name it, babe. Unless it’s going to stress Sam out more. He’s looked so damn defeated every time I’ve seen him lately.”
“I keep telling him he’s going to end up just like our dad. But he won’t listen. Stubborn ass.”
“The absolute definition of ‘it takes one to know one’ my friend.”
Abby laughed. “Yeah. I won’t even argue with you about that.”
“Alright, so spill before the next rush of people come in. What do you need help with? Are you finally going to try that dating app?”
“We’re getting off track, but I totally set up my profile last week. I’m not sure I’m going to find anyone I’m interested in, but it’s been fun flirting.”
“Ah! That’s so great! So, you want my opinion on which one of the guys you’ve been talking to you should invite for a spicy sleep over?”
“No,” Abby giggled before taking another sip of her coffee. “I actually think I’ll be stuck with just myself for the foreseeable future.”
“I happen to know one very smitten deputy who would be more than happy to take care of you.”
“You are so bad. Stop it. I’m not here for love connections. I finally told Sam I’m moving into town. I really think being at the ranch is making things worse for me. And because things are worse for me, it’s stressing Sam and my mom out. I was wondering if you knew how the apartments in the old paper mill were coming along. Is Seb going to be done with them soon?”
“They’re waiting on some permitting, unfortunately. It’s going to be a while.”
“Shoot. I was going to try and fill out an application. It would be a stretch on my salary from the school, but I could make it work if I budgeted right.”
“That would have been good, but I’ve got an even better idea!”
“You do?”
“Yeah! Why don’t you take my apartment?”
Abby smiled. “The one above here?”
“Yes! I don’t use it at all and I’ve been thinking about finding someone to rent to. Seb had his brother Declan oversee the renovations after the fire here and it’s beautiful!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes! This is perfect! Do you want to go up and see it?”
“Right now?”
“Well, yeah. You have time?”
“Of course. But give me my blueberry muffin before you forget that you only gave me half my order.”
“Oh, shit.” Emma opened the back of the display case and grabbed a lemon blueberry muffin. Abby could not live without them. There was something about the tartness of the lemon and blueberry mixed with the large chunk sugar crystals that Emma put on the top before baking that just soothed her soul. They were perfect. She bit in and instantly knew she’d have to save the rest of the chocolate one for later.
“Hey, Mel?” Emma called out to the college student who worked for her. “I’m just running upstairs with Abby. I’ll be down in twenty.”
“Sure thing, boss.”
They made their way into the alley and Emma started up the stairs.
“These are new, too,” she said pointing to the stairs. “Seb really replaced everything, even stuff that wasn’t affected by the fire. He told me it was torture thinking of me wanting to come back to the apartment instead of moving in with him, which made me laugh.”
“Anyone with eyes in their head can see how crazy you two are for each other. Have you set a wedding date yet?”
“No. I still want a long engagement. Something like five years feels right. I have so much I still need to process through in therapy and we are all still settling into life as a family.”
“I think that sounds nice. Long engagements can be really special…” Emma opened the door to the apartment and Abby lost track of what she was saying.
It was on the smaller side, but everything had been updated and upgraded. “Holy shit, Em! This place is amazing!”
“Yeah, I told you, Seb went all out. The only problem is it’s just the one bedroom, but it has its own ensuite that is amazing, and a guest bath just over there.” She pointed to a door off the living room. “So that’s really nice if you were to ever entertain.”
“I haven’t even seen beyond the living room and I already know I’d be so happy here. What do you want for rent?”
“Consider it my ‘welcome back to Bell Ridge’ present.”
“Em, no. I can’t do that. I need to pay rent.”
“But I don’t need the money. How about this? You take care of utilities? I really don’t even want you worrying about that, but they are metered separately, so we could set them up in your name.”
“Are you sure? That seems like such an unfair trade.”
“I know you are going to be an awesome tenant, and this way you can tell Sam you are staying somewhere safe with a great landlord.”
“Does seem like a win-win.”
“Totally. Do you want to see the rest of everything before you say yes?”
“I want you to show me the rest, but I already know I’m saying yes.”
Emma pulled her into a hug. “This made me so happy! Let’s go! You’re going to die when you see the soaking tub!”