2. Jesse
JESSE
I passed the dish of mashed potatoes to my father.
“So, I was thinking I could maybe go with Jerry to the auction and help him look over the livestock and stay to see if any of the horses that come in for the next day’s one show any promise,” I said.
The table stilled. “Why would you want to do that?”
“Because I’ve been helping Jerry with everything else for the past three years,” I pointed out reasonably.
I had, in fact, been doing almost all of the head ranch hand’s work for the last two, as he groomed me to take over for my father one day as the boss.
I also helped Ted, my sister’s husband, with the accounting by doing the accounts for my father, which he then handed over to Ted to scrutinize and make suggestions on how we could lessen our tax liability.
Ted was an accountant and the junior partner in the local tax preparer’s office in town, so that made sense.
“Well, you can keep helping him here on the ranch, but you don’t need to do so off of it. In fact, I was meaning to tell you that your sister will start doing the runs to the feed store and such. You just concentrate on what’s happening here on the ranch.”
I paused, my fork midair. Something about the way he said that and Ted and Lauren wouldn’t meet my eyes didn’t sit right. I narrowed my eyes.
“Okay, what’s going on?”
“Well, you know I’ve been courting Susie Milburn these past eighteen months and all,” he hedged.
“Yes, what does that have to do with me not going to the feedstore or auction?”
He sighed. “I never thought she’d give in.
Before, it was always ‘my Gerald this,” and ‘my Gerald that,’ and the best I could do was get her to sit next to me at the church picnic, and even then I was pretty convinced that only because ours was the only picnic table that had room.
But, a couple of months ago, she agreed to coffee and once she realized I wasn’t tryin’ to make her forget Gerald, but make room for me just like I was for her, we started going to the movies and such. ”
This was news to me, but then again, if he was taking her out on evenings he knew I was going into the city to hang out with friends at the gay bar, there was no way for me to know unless someone told me. Which they hadn’t, and that was suss as all shit.
“Setting aside that you obviously made sure I didn’t find out you were going on these dates, which we can revisit in a bit, I still do not see the connection.”
“Damn it, Jesse,” Dad growled. “Quit being obtuse! She’s a church goin’ woman who never misses a service at High Mount Baptist. She brought it to my attention that folks know you’re queerer than a three dollar bill and it makes folks around here uncomfortable.
This is Oklahoma, and there’s no place for no Brokeback Mountain shit in this town.
Now, I love you, son, but I need you to stay here on the ranch until folks have someone else they like to gossip about.
I was going to invite her for Sunday dinner this week so we could make a proper announcement, but we’re getting married at the courthouse and buying an RV so we can go see America on an extended honeymoon.
And those were her terms. She’s trying to protect you and the ranch, even if you don’t see it.
” He sighed. “So, I’ll be handing the ranch over to Lauren and Ted before we go.
You and Jerry and the other hands can handle everything here for him, and he can deal with the numbers side of stuff like always.
Lauren can do the store runs and bottle feeding anything that needs it as and when, and later, start going with Jerry to the auctions as he’s getting on a bit in years too. ”
My ears were still ringing from the “three dollar bill” and “Brokeback Mountain” BS my father had just spewed.
I tossed my napkin down onto the table. “Nice to know I’m loved and accepted and that all the hard work I put in here growing up as well as in recent years after you asked me to return after college is so very valued,” I spat.
Lauren looked at me sadly. “Jesse, wait. I never thought things would go this way, but you are invaluable, and you know Ted and I aren't like the folks at church. It’s why we stopped going except for holidays and such. You know that. We’ve talked about it when you said why you quit going too.
And it’s not like you will be stuck here forever.
You’ll get to go to see your friends in the city, and after Dad and Susie go off on their honeymoon, Ted and I can revisit the auction part at least.”
“And as Dad just said,” Ted interjected, “Jerry is going to retire soon, probably in the next year or two, and then you’ll be the new head ranch hand.”
I stared at them, not believing my ears.
I’d gone from being the future owner of the Double J Ranch to future head ranch hand.
An employee, while my sister, who’d spent her childhood doing Girl Scouts instead of 4H and whose sole contribution had been helping feed rejected calves and foals while actually working as a beautician at the town salon, and her city born and bred tax accountant husband got the ranch and became my bosses.
“I feel I must decline this oh so gracious offer of employment and instead, tender my immediate resignation.” I turned to glare at my father.
“I hope she’s worth it, as you might have gained a wife, but you sure as hell just lost a son.
” I spun on my heel and strode upstairs, leaving the stunned silence behind me.
I got halfway up the stairs when I heard the low arguing start, no doubt my father calling me ungrateful and Ted and my sister begging him to find a way to smooth things over as they would struggle without me.
Too damned bad. They helped engineer the circumstances that had just blindsided me, knowing full well they were stealing my birthright.
Hell, those two didn’t even live on the ranch!
Probably moving into the master bedroom once Dad leaves with his new missus, I thought bitterly. Lauren will probably open her own little salon here at the ranch. She used to talk about doing that when she first went to beauty school, before meeting Ted.
I reached my room, the one where my mom used to sit and read me bedtime stories as a small child, and Dad helped me figure out the instructions to my model tractors.
Mom would be so ashamed of them all right now. She simply accepted everyone as they were, saying God didn’t make mistakes, only people did.
I closed the door behind me, locking it in case one of them decided to come pester me up here.
They could still pound on my door and shout through it, but I didn’t want to have to deal with them face to face anymore.
I sat down at the desk where I'd spent years doing homework and building models and opened my laptop.
I navigated to my messaging app, and seeing my friend Jase was on, sent him a quick hi.
He responded quickly, asking me how I was doing.
I told him what had just gone down at dinner, and he sent me a virtual hug.
I’d offer to let you come crash at my place, but I’ve got my cousin staying here. It’s my niece’s Sweet 16, and there’s a big family party.
That’s okay. I’m going to pack all my shit up, toss it in the truck, and go stay at the long stay motel place until I figure my shit out. New job and all that.
Another virtual hug quickly followed by a ‘gotta go’ gif.
Mind made up, I looked up the website for the long stay motel chain and made sure they had a room for me and Buster, my German shepherd lab mix.
There was no way I was leaving him behind.
It hurt bad enough that I was going to have to leave both Socks and Meadow behind, my two horses.
Socks I’d had since I was ten, and he was old and retired to the pasture.
Meadow was the sweet little mare Dad had given me when I returned from college.
Unfortunately, both were in his name, and I knew I’d have to fight to get them after what I’d said downstairs.
That was another hill for another day, as I didn’t have anyplace to move them to yet.
Motel America did indeed have a room for us, and I quickly booked and prepaid for it for a full two months, so there was one less thing for me to worry about.
I was sure I’d have a job before our time there ran out, and be able to either extend or rent an apartment.
That left me with less than a thousand dollars in my account and six hundred available on my personal credit card.
Thank fuck I always insisted on using my own card and having the ranch reimburse me. I’d be even more royally screwed right now if I’d accepted a company card.
No one had come up to harangue me yet, so I browsed some job listings for a few minutes.
One of them caught my attention. The Dragonii had seriously placed a want ad for colonists.
I chuckled, clicking on it for shits and giggles.
My jaw dropped open when rolling prairie with blue green grass swayed in a gentle wind with grazing critters of some kind, alien, but obviously what passed there as cattle.
The offer: choice of opening a needed business or a farm or ranch claim.
The only catch? You had to go apply to be potentially mate matched at the local Mylos Scholarship Center.
Well, now the Mylos-Dragonii Education and Colonial Opportunity Center, and isn't that just the mouthful?
I clicked off and got busy packing. I threw all my clothes into my duffle and old, battered suitcase before stuffing my laptop in the laptop bag I’d had since college.
Then, I unlocked my bedroom door and took the back stairs to leave the house.
I could still hear them “discussing” my “willfulness” and “disappointment”.
Damned tootin’ I’m disappointed, but mostly in them. They stabbed me in the goddamned back.
I put the laptop bag in the cab, tossing the rest in the bed of my truck.
It had a cab over it, so I could grab everything else of mine, and it would be safe from thieves and the elements in there.
I grabbed some empty old milk crates we used for hauling stuff around and storing it, and quietly went back up the stairs.
“He’s up there sulking,” I heard Dad say. “He’ll cool down. You’ll see.”
“I don’t think he will,” I heard Ted say.
He was right, of course. Some hurts just couldn’t be healed.
I carefully placed my model tractors and 4H trophies and ribbons in the crates, then carried them stacked down to my truck.
It was awkward doing that with three crates, but I managed it.
Now I just needed to grab my books and photo albums, and I’d be good to go.
There was a large reusable shopping bag hanging by the back door, so I grabbed it.
I didn’t have a lot of books, but what I had barely fit, and it was heavy.
Once that was safely in the back of my truck, I grabbed Buster’s harness and leash and whistled softly for him to come off the porch.
He bounded over to me, and I opened the door to let him jump into the passenger seat.
Normally I’d put him in his harness and fasten the doggie seatbelt I kept in my truck to him, but I was in a hurry to avoid further confrontation.
“I’ll get you some more food, and new bowls and toys,” I said, regretful that I’d have to go in full view of my family to grab those.
Fortunately, while he loved his toys, he wasn’t super attached to any one of them in particular, so I figured he’d adjust. And he could sleep on the second bed in our room so I didn't need to get him a dog bed.
I got into my truck, started it up, and drove away without a backward glance.
They weren’t worth it and had tainted my memories of the place.
If I saw my horses in the pasture, I’d cry, and I refused to give my so-called family the ability to make me cry.
I only got a few miles up the road before they discovered I’d gone and began blowing my phone up.
I pulled over and quickly blocked their numbers and their social media IDs.
If they wanted to speak to me, they could do it through my lawyer once I had a job, a new place to live, and found a stable for my horses and sued to have ownership transferred.
I wanted nothing to do with them other than that, not ever again.