Chapter 31
31
H enry reluctantly met my gaze, releasing a shuddering breath. He nodded, and I followed him out of the study and to his bedroom upstairs.
My limbs began to tremble the closer we got to his room, and I had to grit my teeth and will my legs to move to put one foot in front of the other to make it all the way to his bedroom door. When we walked in, Henry whirled on me.
“We should wait,” he said vehemently, and I scowled. “Sunrise is in a few hours,” he explained.
“And?” I asked, confused, not sure why we had to wait.
“Don’t you want to watch it?” he whispered. “Your last sunrise?”
My skin chilled as my heart squeezed in my chest. I didn’t think Henry was trying to get me to change my mind again. There was tenderness in his eyes and something akin to regret in his voice. I wondered if he wished he’d gotten a chance to watch his last sunrise before he’d been turned. Then I wondered if it would’ve been better not to know what was coming. Because knowing it was my last sunrise made the moment poignant and heart-wrenching.
Still, I nodded, wanting to go with what the Lord had suggested, hoping it would make him feel more at ease. I knew I was asking so much of Henry. I hadn’t been fair when I’d asked him not to take the choice away from me because I was taking away his choice by making him turn me. But he seemed to have accepted my decision, and I felt grateful beyond words. I wondered if I would ever be able to express the gratitude I felt.
Neither of us spoke as we sat in his dimly lit room, waiting for dawn. Strangely enough, there was no fear in my heart. I felt myself go numb as I sat close to Henry, his presence grounding me somehow. I trusted him, and I trusted myself. I believed in my decision and hoped that it would all work out in the end. But if it didn’t…
“I need you to promise me something.” I looked at Henry sitting by my side on the floor.
Our backs were propped against the side of his bed, our shoulders touching.
The look he gave me was tortured. I knew I was already asking so much of him, but there was one more thing I needed him to do. I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced the words out before fear took over, silencing me.
“When I turn,” I said, and Henry grew incredibly still. “If you can’t bring me back to my humanity, I need you to kill me.”
I didn’t need to explain my request. He knew by now I wouldn’t forgive myself if I hurt innocent people.
Henry’s already pale face became leached of all color.
Heavy silence stretched. Henry stared at me with what almost looked like hatred in his eyes. I wondered if he was cursing the night I’d walked into his life.
“I cannot promise you that,” he finally said, his voice thick. “But I can promise you one thing. I will pull you out of bloodlust or die trying. I will not give up on you.”
All words left me as I sat there, overcome with emotion. Someone who I’d thought a monster was willing to go to such extremes for me.
“Why would you do that?” I whispered.
“Because Vincent didn’t give up on me,” he said, averting his gaze. “And if I was worthy of saving, then so are you.”
My heart burst with gratitude to Vincent. He’d lost his life because of the lie I’d told. Even dead, he was still inadvertently saving my life because of the legacy he’d left behind.
A few hours later, Henry pulled open the curtains, revealing the night sky outside.
He stepped to the side and leaned against the wall next to the window, watching me as I rose to my feet and walked closer. I swallowed thickly as the night receded, and the sun crested the horizon, the first rays spilling over the sprawling estate, casting it in a soft pink glow. My eyes watered at the beauty as I imagined the sunlight slowly crawling up the walls of my childhood home and the streets of New Haven.
Feeling Henry’s gaze on me, I turned my head to look at him.
He stared at me intently, his lips slightly parted, and I wondered if he was trying to live vicariously through me at that moment. I turned back to the window.
My last sunrise. The last time I got to watch the world light up with the colors of a new day and feel the sun on my face. Soon, I would be like Henry, forever hiding in shadows.
A tear rolled down my cheek at the thought, and Henry’s hand twitched at his side as if he wanted to reach for me. He couldn’t, of course, not when I stood before the window, bathed in the early morning light.
“You’re crying,” he rasped, his eyes searching my face. “You don’t want to do this.”
I smiled softly as I looked at him.
“I am willing to give up all my sunrises to give my people a chance.”
Sadness was mixed with awe as he studied my features.
“I know,” he said. “I just wish you didn’t have to give up anything at all.”
I wished the same thing, but wishing wouldn’t make it so.
Pulling the curtains closed, I turned to Henry. His gaze was fastened on mine as I took off the locket holding the portrait of my mother and set it on the bedside table. With a rough exhale, he loosened the collar of his black shirt and ran a hand through his hair, disheveling it in the process.
“Lay down,” he said low, and my breath caught when the blue in his eyes began to recede, overtaken by black.
I turned around and lowered myself on top of the covers.
Slowly, Henry approached and sat down on the edge of the bed, close to where I was lying. Leaning over, he gently brushed my hair away from the right side of my neck, his touch eliciting a shiver from me. His eyes were almost entirely black when he met my gaze again. He didn’t say I still had time to change my mind, and I was grateful for that. He did hesitate, though, looking into my eyes as if trying to convince me not to do it without actually compelling me. I stared back at him, my breath surprisingly even as I waited. If he needed another moment to come to terms with what he was about to do, I could give it to him even if every second was torture.
It felt like I was standing on a precipice, one foot hanging over the abyss of uncertainty that was my future. I was ready to take the plunge, feeling like my next breath would not come until I went through with it. Finally, Henry’s lashes lowered, and his lips parted, revealing the hints of his fangs. Another shiver rolled through me as my breathing sped up along with my heart. Anxiety surfaced, but with it was a hint of excitement; a feeling I tried not to dwell on as I released a measured breath.
“Do it,” I whispered.
I expected Henry to strike fast, but instead, he lowered his head to my neck painstakingly slowly. My pulse quickened as his mouth hovered over my throat, his breath cooling my suddenly flushed skin. Holding myself still, waiting for the bite, went against my every instinct, but I didn’t move, didn’t breathe until a startled gasp left me when his cool lips brushed my neck. It was the only warning I got before he bit me, sinking his fangs deep into where my pulse hummed just below the surface of my skin. A spike of pain shot through me, and I jerked, but the discomfort was fleeting.
Henry began drinking from me, each draw of his mouth on my neck making me sink more into the mattress. My limbs began to relax, becoming heavy with liquid heat that warmed my blood and coursed through me, settling between my thighs. Bolts of pleasure darted through me, making my body arch off the bed. Henry’s left arm encircled my waist as his right hand threaded through my hair. His hold on me tightened as he brought me flush with him, drinking as if he were starved. The contact sent shivers through me as I clung to him, finding myself willing to give him everything he wanted and more. He could have it all—my blood, my body—I didn’t care as pleasure built until I was lost in what I was feeling.
It could have been hours or minutes, I wasn’t sure, but suddenly, pleasure gave way to pain when the burn in my blood turned from warm to icy cold. Panic flared in my chest as my body began to ache and not in the pleasant way I’d been experiencing until now. Henry was taking too much—I could feel it. I was losing too much blood and, with it, everything that I was. My essence was seeping out of my body, leaving behind an empty shell. I couldn’t let that happen.
Gritting my teeth, I tried to push Henry off me, but I was weak, and his hold on me was strong. In the back of my hazy mind, I knew this was supposed to be happening. Henry had told me he’d have to bring me to the brink of death, almost drain me entirely of my blood, but laying here and not fighting it was nearly impossible. I began to wonder if Henry was in control and if he would stop before he killed me. I hoped he wasn’t lost in the frenzy of bloodlust and would stop before he took everything until there was not a drop of my blood left.
I trusted him, I reminded myself as I lay there powerless and completely at his mercy, feeling my heartbeat slowing in my chest. Teetering on the edge of oblivion, I felt his draws on my neck slow as I heard a soft “I’m sorry” in my ear before I tasted blood in my mouth, warm and thick. It coursed down my throat as I finally succumbed to darkness…in more ways than one.