December 10
Back in Montana
Kevin arrived in Great Falls early the next morning. He inhaled a breath, basking in the smell of home as he hopped out of the cab. The place he’d tried to escape from now felt like a sanctuary. Dom would probably come by soon to drop off Kay and there were a few things he needed to do before then.
He needed to make peace with all the disgusting things he’d said to Jasmin, find a way to ignore the method and focus on the end result.
She would get over it in a few days. She was resilient like that.
She would forget about him and move on, find happiness with someone who could give her what she needed.
Deep down, he knew it was for the best. He probably wouldn’t be able to forget her and move on, but it had never been about him.
He walked around the house to the backyard, went to his dad’s shed and got a hammer and a few nails. He found a log that adequately represented Jasmin. Small, but flawless, smooth yet still a little rough around the edges, and he took his time carving her name into it.
Once it was perfect, he began hammering in the nails one by one, tainting it with holes, destroying it. Because that’s what he’d done to her. One nail for every vile comment.
“We’re not friends.”
“You’re socially inept! It’s no wonder no one wants to be around you.”
“The concept of we doesn’t exist.”
He hammered each one a little deeper.
“The fact that I indulged you in a pity make-out session before doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.”
“I only fuck real women. Not little girls who are just pretending.”
He was breathing harder now, pounding with more fury. The wood splintered and broke with the force. It was the same thing his words had done to her.
“…the worst thing that has ever happened to you in your entire sheltered existence was finding out that a woman you don’t even know doesn’t love you.”
“…you deluded yourself into thinking I care. I don’t. I don’t give a fuck about you.”
A deep breath was needed for this last one and he tasted the remnants of blood in his mouth before he even started hammering.
“You were just a convenient fuck when no one else was around.”
His arm went wild, smashing it in until the nail was completely embedded in the wood. It would be impossible to get it out, a symbol of how deeply that comment had hurt her.
She hadn’t deserved any of it. The entire trip, she’d been nothing but nice to him. And yesterday, all she wanted to do was help. She should have left when he asked her to. He wanted her gone before the inevitable implosion and instead she got caught in the blast.
He’d made a royal mess of his life and he needed to start picking up the pieces and make amends. Not in a million years would he ever be able to make it right with Jasmin, but she wasn’t the only person he’d hurt. Maybe it was time for a little redemption and it needed to start with one woman.
The backdoor was still locked, but his mother would have left the front door open for Dom.
Kevin walked to the front of the house again and entered as quietly as he could.
He dropped his bags at the entrance of the dining room and headed for the kitchen.
She was there, going about her morning chores with little enthusiasm.
Her shoulders sagged and she looked as distraught as she did the day he left.
“Mom.”
Although it was barely a whisper, his voice startled her and she spun around to face him.
Tears immediately filled her eyes, but she was wary to approach him, scared he might pull away like he always did.
That gesture alone was enough to confirm the damage he’d caused.
He didn’t know if it was irreversible, but there was only one way to find out.
He swallowed hard, bracing himself to take the first step to reach out. “I think I’m ready for those cookies now.”
And just like that she forgave him. She didn’t need any more than that to overlook everything he’d said and done over the last few months. Her heart was big enough to take all that abuse and still love without boundaries.
“Okay, baby.”
She swiped away a stray tear and busied herself, getting out all the ingredients as he sat down at the table on the other side of the large kitchen.
Carrying everything in a mixing bowl to the table, she set them down in front of him.
She remained quiet as she stirred the batter and then she slowly lifted her eyes to meet his.
“How was your trip?”
“It was…hard. I saw glimpses of what my life could be like…but it was just a dream. Yesterday I had to wake up.”
She still seemed wary that he might snap and didn’t push for more details. “Did you do what you needed to do?”
“No.” He shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know what I need to do to get over this, Mom.”
Time. Distance. Keeping it in. Letting it out. Nothing worked.
As if she couldn’t take the space between them anymore, she stopped mixing, walked towards him, and pulled him into a tight hug.
She leaned down and kissed the top of his head, one hand against his head and the other pressed to his chest. She didn’t tell him it was going to be okay.
She didn’t try to comfort him with words.
At that moment, all he wanted was to feel like he hadn’t lost everything and she gave him that.
There were only three things in this world that one could never have too much of. A mother’s love was one of them.
Her tears moistened the top of his forehead, as if mere contact was enough to make her feel what he felt.
Her hand caressed his chest, rubbing it like she knew it hurt.
She always knew. She couldn’t take away the pain, but he wouldn’t keep punishing her for trying. It was time for a little redemption.
* * * * *
Jasmin paid the cab driver and lugged her bags out of the car.
She was back at the South Star in Yellowstone County and felt completely drained.
Montana didn’t look the same. Snow covered the ground and tree branches were draped with thin layers of white.
Crystals of dew glistened in the early morning sun, beautiful in its serenity.
A winter wonderland. So much can change in a month.
It was hard to believe that such a drastic transformation could happen in such a short time and yet she had undergone the same process.
Nineteen years’ worth of experiences had been condensed into one month.
First time being on her own. First taste of freedom. First taste of alcohol. First kiss. First love. First heartbreak. The rollercoaster of emotions a person would normally experience during a two-year relationship was what she’d experienced with Kevin in just one month.
She’d tried to keep herself numb, not think about what he’d told her, but he’d always had a way of making her feel things she didn’t want to.
She’d cried enough in the last few hours to compensate for every tear she hadn’t shed in the last few years.
There was no one to blame but herself. She knew he couldn’t be trusted, but she went against every instinct.
She hadn’t expected a relationship to blossom after their road trip, but she had been hoping that they would keep in contact, call once in a while.
She foolishly thought that he cared about her enough for them to part ways as friends.
But he wanted nothing to do with her. She was just a distraction.
She put a stop to her thoughts there because if she had to replay all the other things he’d said to her, she would burst into tears again.
The trip as a whole had been amazing and she just needed to focus on all the good things that had happened instead of tainting it with the bad.
She lugged her bags back to her room and as she opened the door, she froze.
She hadn’t been expecting to see him there.
They were still two weeks away from Christmas Eve, but he was there, looking tired and weak.
Dark rings encircled his eyes and they were heavy with exhaustion, as if he hadn’t slept in days.
His black hair was disheveled and untidy, a sign of being ruffled too many times by impatient hands.
His unkemptness was unfamiliar, making him look unrecognizable, not at all like the man who’d raised her.
There were two chairs in the room that weren’t there before and when his sad brown eyes met hers, he gestured to the empty chair in front of him.
“Sit down,” he said.
She declined with a quick shake of her head and moved her bags along the corridor to get to the bedroom.
“Jasmintha, sit down.” His voice was soft and calm, but the authority in his tone was an indication that he still saw himself as her father. The fact that she listened and nervously went to sit down on the chair in front of him confirmed that she felt the same way.
She didn’t know how this discussion was going to play out. This was her storm and she had to face it alone, but Kevin had taught her a few lessons during their time together.
Being different wasn’t a bad thing and she didn’t feel the obsessive need to be accepted anymore.
Despite her flaws, she had learned to love who she was, inside and out.
The validation of other people was nice, but not really necessary.
Feelings were there because they needed to be felt.
And this last one wasn’t an easy lesson to learn, but it was a vital part of growing up—she was strong enough to handle even the harshest form of rejection. She was ready for this talk, regardless of the outcome.
“You had me worried,” her father said. “I understand that you didn’t want to talk to me, but to not answer your phone for days was—”
“What difference does it make?” she cut in curtly. “If I didn’t call you, you wouldn’t have even known where I was or what happened because in the last month you only called once. Don’t pretend that you care.”