Chapter 34 #2
I don’t mention that if he had never cut my position, I would have never come to Noel. Or met Liam. Chad doesn’t deserve to know that his buffoonery brought some good things to my life.
“I’m going to need to think about it,” I finally say. “I’m not quite sure that I want to come back to WritInc.”
“Yeah, I saw on your LinkedIn that you’ve been trying your hand at independent editing,” Chad says. “How’s that going for you?” There’s a sneer in his voice that would indicate he knows how not well it’s been going, even though there’s no way he could know that.
“It’s been a great opportunity to meet new clients and edit literature I find interesting,” I say, emphasizing the good points. I don’t acknowledge the panicky failure feelings that start swirling in my stomach.
“Just come in next week and let us discuss your offer. Mr. Douglas would like to present it to you in person,” Chad says.
Relenting a little, I say, “Fine. I’ll think about it and see you next week.”
I’m distracted all day by the WritInc offer as I work with Clara and Emily. As much as I would love her advice, I don’t have the heart to tell Clara. This Christmas festival is her baby, her favorite thing in the world—aside from Clark. And me. And Chase.
I can’t bring myself to burst the bubble of her joy by mentioning that there’s a possibility I could be moving back to Kansas City. Even if it’s slim.
Do I want to return to WritInc? Absolutely not.
As gratifying as it was to hear Chad wallowing in his misstep, I have zero desire to go back to working with him.
And even if my MJE clients have been fewer and farther between than I’d like, I’ve enjoyed editing their content so much more than endless newsletters and postcards.
But . . . accepting the WritInc offer might be the responsible thing to do. I tried to make it on my own—tried and failed. It might have been the wrong move from the very start, despite the positive side effects of bonus time with Clara and meeting Liam.
Liam.
What am I going to tell him? Would he move to Kansas City if I decided to go there?
I mean, he could do his independent consulting from anywhere, right?
And the Kansas City airport would certainly make travel easier than living in Noel.
Maybe I move back to KC temporarily until I get my feet under me.
We could do long distance for a little while—Clara and Clark did.
At least, for a couple of months until the distance was killing them and Clara moved to Noel.
I pace the living room as I wait for Liam to get home. I didn’t have the heart to tell Clara about the offer, but I need to talk this through with Liam.
When he comes in the door, he takes one look at my energy and immediately senses turmoil. Hamlet is meowing at his ankles, but he quickly takes off his dress shoes and crosses the room to me. “What’s wrong, MJ?”
“WritInc called and offered me my job back,” I blurt out.
“Huh?” His brows form a confused line in the center of his forehead.
“The company I worked for that fired me. They’ve had multiple editing errors go out in their content, and customers have been upset, just like you predicted could happen. They want me to come back to my proofreading job,” I explain.
“But you told them no,” Liam states, certainty in his voice.
“I mean . . . I didn’t say ‘no’ right away. They want me to come in next week to meet with the COO to hear the full employment proposal,” I say, my voice wavering slightly.
“But you’re going to turn them down.” It’s a statement, not a question from Liam.
I shuffle my weight on my feet. “Probably?”
Liam makes an exasperated sound that’s half scoff, half laugh. “You’re kidding me, right? It would be stupid to go back to them.”
My defensive hackles rise. “It’s not stupid to consider a stable job offer.”
Liam gives me an incredulous look. “Madison, they fired you. After Chad treated you like garbage working there, they replaced you with a robot. Do you not remember how upset you were about that? How rightfully upset you were? You can’t possibly be considering going back to a company that mistreated you that way. ”
Picking up on the changing energy, Hamlet slinks away toward Liam’s room.
“I have to be a responsible adult, Liam!” I yell. “I tried to go out on my own, and I failed. Maybe I need to make a mature decision, even if it means swallowing my pride and going back to a company I don’t like.”
“What are you talking about?” Liam asks. “What do you mean you failed? You haven’t failed.”
“I have failed, Liam!” I emphasize, chest heaving.
“I didn’t want to admit to you that I’m a failure, that I messed up, but I did.
MJE is nowhere near bringing in enough income to pay basic expenses.
The only reason I’ve been able to survive these past few months is because I was picking up extra shifts at Becky’s and then helping Emily with Christmas Fest.”
Liam’s eyes are clouded with hurt. “Why didn’t you say something? If you would have told me what was going on, we could have brainstormed some new strategies to bring in more clients. I can’t help you fix it if you don’t tell me the honest facts of the situation.”
“I don’t need help fixing it, Liam!” I yell, fists clenched.
“Apparently you do, Madison! And that’s literally what I do—I’m a fixer!” he yells back.
“Maybe I just want you to be my boyfriend and not my business coach! Maybe I didn’t want to admit to the man I love that he fell in love with the wrong girl,” I say, tears stinging my eyes.
I latch on to my anger to keep them from trickling down my cheeks.
“I’m thirty years old—I have to make a grown-up decision.
Be responsible for myself. If I can’t hack it as an independent editor, then maybe I need to go back to a job that gives me a steady paycheck, even if I don’t like it. Sometimes that’s what adults do.”
Liam glares at me. “And what about us? How do I factor into this decision? Or am I not a factor at all?”
I sigh, a tiny bit of my anger fizzling. “Of course, you’re a factor. This doesn’t mean we can’t still be together. If I do take the job, we could always do long distance for a little while. Or you could come to Kansas City. I don’t know—we can figure it out as we go, right?”
Liam’s glare has softened into something that looks more like hurt. And it makes me a lot more uncomfortable than his anger.
“Why wouldn’t you have said something about this sooner?” he asks. “I . . . I opened up to you, to this place. I finally started to feel like I had roots somewhere. With someone. How could you just blindside me when I’ve quit my job to start building a life here? With you.”
I bite my lip, still feeling defensive but also extremely guilty.
He’s right—how could you, Madison?
“Liam, I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I’m not saying I’m going to accept the position. I’m going to stay in Nebraska an extra few days and hear them out at WritInc on Monday, and then I can figure out what to do,” I say.
“So you’re just going to miss the kickoff of Christmas Fest, too, then?
” Liam responds, his tone laced with sarcasm.
“Did you forget that you’re supposed to be helping Becky at her booth all weekend?
Did you forget that we were going to watch the opening night parade together on Friday?
Sure seems like you’ve already made up your mind about this job offer if you’re going to prioritize them over all the friends you have here. ”
His comment cuts deep. His tone cuts even deeper—not quite disappointed. More like an “I should have known this was going to happen” tone.
“Liam, you’re not being fair,” I start. “I haven’t made a decision yet.”
“You can lie to yourself about that if you want, but I’m tired of you lying to me,” Liam says, backing away.
“I haven’t lied to you,” I insist, defenses rising again.
Liam snorts a sarcastic laugh as he crosses back to the entryway. “Lying by omission is just as bad.” He toes on his tennis shoes, which look ridiculous with his navy suit pants and pink dress shirt. “I guess I’ll see you next week when you come back to pack up your stuff.”
“Liam,” I say, a strangled plea.
He closes the door gently behind him. The quiet click of the latch resounds throughout the room louder than if he had fully slammed the door. Because it wasn’t an angry, “I’m so furious this is happening” slam—it was a resigned, “I knew this would happen” click.
It’s the click that breaks my heart.
Because I’ve messed things up with Liam on top of messing things up in my career. Wrong choice piled on top of wrong choice. And now Liam is the collateral damage.
Maybe Christmas isn’t what’s broken. Maybe it’s just me.