Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
In some ways, it hadn’t been the most comfortable night's sleep I’d ever had. Making sure I didn’t jostle Graham’s ribs and not rolling on my side, I never did sleep. But having him lie next to me was worth every moment of discomfort.
“You can stop pretending to be asleep,” Graham whispered.
“Like you weren’t,” she laughed.
“Busted. How about we get up and I make pancakes?”
“How about we get up and have pie for breakfast?”
“Sold.”
We showered together, Graham careful with my wound, and then he rebandaged me. When I teared up, I thought he would lose his mind.
“I’m not hurting,” I insisted. “I’m blown away by your TLC. It makes me teary.”
He studied my face, then gave me a long, lingering kiss. “Expect the TLC for the rest of your life.”
I melted. As we moved to the kitchen, I tried to lighten the mood. “I still can’t believe my mom asked you about your credit rating as we were leaving.”
Graham laughed as he took out the frying pan. “I thought that was a great question. She wanted to know you were taken care of, especially after seeing no furniture in my house.”
“Good point.” I giggled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “She adores you. She only asks invasive questions when she likes someone.”
“And your dad likes me because I know the difference between a carburetor and fuel injection.”
“Dad likes you because you look at me like I hung the moon.” My voice wobbled, even though I tried to stop it. I watched as he started to mix the batter. “You need to add milk, not just water.”
“The box says water.”
“Trust me, they’ll taste better with some milk.”
He shrugged and added some more mix and some milk.
I took the carton from him and poured some into Rosebud’s bowl, she came running.
“There’s my good girl,” I smiled. She allowed me to scratch her behind her ears, but that was about it. I might be the one who fed her, but that didn’t matter. She was a daddy’s girl.
I stood back up and watched Graham start pouring pancake batter into the pan. I started salivating. I had a much bigger appetite than I had last night. “Mom wants to go furniture shopping with us.”
“Us? You didn’t say us, did you?” His voice rose an octave.
“Yep, she said us. That means you too.”
“I was good last night. I was injured when I went to go get you. That should count for something,” he whined.
I laughed. “What are you willing to do to get out of furniture shopping with Mom?”
“Anything.”
“Give me your credit card?”
“Done.” He plated the pancakes and we dug in.
After we were done, my stomach growled, and I blushed. Graham just laughed. “How come I’m not surprised?”
“If you were a gentleman, you wouldn’t mention that I had the appetite of a lumberjack.” I pretended to be upset.
“What would be the fun in that? I like the fact that you’re real. Hell, there’s nothing I don’t like about you.”
I looked into his hazel eyes and realized I felt the exact same way. In my book, he could do no wrong. “Do you think this is just the honeymoon stage? Are we going to end up on one another’s last nerve in six months?”
He laid his hand on top of mine. “Joy, I know you. We’ve been together through one of the most stressful times in our lives. We came out of it loving each other even more. This is real.”
I closed my eyes and savored his words. He was right. I turned my hand so we were palm to palm. “How did you get to be so smart?”
“I’ve been through things like this before. We came out stronger. We’re good.”
“In that case, go get the leftovers.”
He grinned.
The forest was dark, darker than it should be in daylight. My feet caught on roots, branches tearing at my clothes. I could hear her behind me, that sing-song voice that made my skin crawl.
“Joy! Come back to me. We're meant to be together!”
Glenda's voice echoed through the trees. I tried to run faster, but my legs felt like they were moving through molasses. The gunshot cracked through the air, and fire erupted in my shoulder. I fell, rolling in the dead leaves, and when I looked up, she was standing over me.
But it wasn't just Glenda. It was him too. The man from London. His face finally clear after all these years of nightmares. They stood side by side, both holding knives.
“You can't escape us,” they said in unison.
The knife came down, piercing my shoulder again and again. I screamed, thrashing, trying to get away, but my hands were tied with something. The more I fought, the tighter it became.
“Joy, wake up. Sweetheart. Wake up.”
I heard myself screaming, and pain shot through my shoulder as the phantom knife struck again. I fought against them, trying to get away, but I was trapped.
“No! You won't win!”
They wouldn't let go. I struggled harder, kicking out, my fists connecting with something solid.
“Joy. It's just a dream.”
I fought more, then suddenly the restraints loosened. My eyes flew open. The bedroom light was blinding. I could only see a shadow looming above me. I scrambled backward, my back hitting the headboard. My shoulder seared with real pain from the sudden movement.
The shadow shifted, moving slowly to the side, and the light caught his face. Graham. Just Graham.
“Honey. It was a dream. Glenda's dead. You were tangled in the sheets. You're okay.”
I couldn't stop trembling. My entire body shook like I was standing in a freezer. My t-shirt was soaked with sweat, clinging to my skin. Graham slowly reached out, his movements deliberate and careful. It was as if he knew that any sudden move would send me into a complete tailspin.
“Are you with me?”
“I-I th-think so.” My teeth chattered.
“Can I hold you?” he asked softly. My man. So gentle.
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
He approached me like I was a wounded animal, sliding onto the bed inch by inch. When his arms finally wrapped around me, I collapsed against his broad chest. His heartbeat was steady under my ear, and I tried to match my breathing to his.
“This is the fourth dream in ten days,” I muttered into his chest. “How can you put up with this?”
“Easily. Don't think I haven't woken up drenched in sweat, yelling my men's names. I understand.”
“What did you do?”
“Time.”
I shuddered. That was an awful solution. He must have read my mind.
“You went to counseling after your stalker in London,” he whispered into my hair. “Is there some reason you're not thinking about doing that this time?”
“It's different,” I whispered.
He brushed a kiss along my temple. “Tell me how it's different.”
“I have you. I have my family. I shouldn't need a stranger's help.”
Graham was silent. I liked that. He was really thinking about what I said. He didn't just reject it out of hand.
“That makes sense, and I would agree with you if you didn't have these nightmares.”
I gave a weak laugh. “Oh yeah. The nightmares.”
“It'd be best if you could get a referral.”
“Oh great. Then everybody would know my business.”
“Can't you think of someone who has used a psychologist that you might get a name from?”
God, he made it seem so reasonable. “No. But I know who I can ask.”
This time Graham chuckled. “I can guess. It's the woman who knows everything.”
“Yeah. Little Grandma.”
The Down Home Diner smelled like heaven at ten in the morning. Coffee, bacon, and something cinnamon-sweet wafted from the kitchen. Little Grandma sat in her usual spot at the hostess stand, even though she hadn't officially worked here in years.
“Joy, honey. Come sit.” She patted the chair next to her. “You look tired.”
“I haven't been sleeping well.”
Her sharp blue eyes studied me. At one hundred and three, she missed nothing. “The dreams?”
I nodded, not even surprised she knew. “Graham thinks I should see someone. Like I did in London.”
“Smart man.” She folded her weathered hands in her lap. “Nothing wrong with needing help, child. The strongest people know when to ask for it.”
“I just... I don't want everyone in town knowing.”
Little Grandma laughed, the sound like wind chimes. “Honey, half this town has seen Dr. Liu at one point or another.”
“Dr. Liu?”
“She's over in the medical building on Maple. Good woman. Discreet. She helped a friend of mine after her husband passed. Strong woman. You’d never expect she’d need help.”
“Really?”
“Really. Grief is grief, whether it's for a person or for the life you thought you'd have.” Little Grandma reached over and patted my hand. “Trauma is trauma, whether it happened in London or in our own woods.”
My eyes filled with tears. “How do you always know exactly what to say?”
“I've lived long enough to see most everything, child. And what I've learned is this: healing isn't weakness. It's the bravest thing you can do.”
She pulled out her ancient flip phone and scrolled through her contacts with surprising dexterity. “Let me call Dr. Liu and set up an appointment. I’m sure she’ll see you this week.”
“I don’t want to get preferential treatment.”
“I’m just going to explain the circumstances. She’ll fit you in.”
“Thank you.”
“Now.” She put her phone away and fixed me with that penetrating stare. “Tell me about that man of yours. He treating you right?”
I couldn't help but smile. “He's wonderful. Maybe too wonderful. He hovers.”
“Men do that when they're scared. My Patrick was the same way after I had my appendix out in '65. Wouldn't let me lift a dish for three months.”
“What did you do?”
Little Grandma's eyes twinkled with mischief. “I waited until he went to work one day and rearranged all the furniture in the living room by myself. Nearly gave him a heart attack when he came home, but he got the message.”
I laughed, imagining young Little Grandma dragging couches around to make her point.
“The thing is,” she continued, “men like Graham and my Patrick, they show love through protection. It's how they're built. But you got to teach them that loving you means trusting you to know your own limits too.”
“How do I do that without hurting his feelings?”
“Honey, that man survived being a Navy SEAL. His feelings can handle you asserting yourself.” She leaned closer. “The secret is to make him think it's his idea.”
“How?”
“You'll figure it out. You're a smart girl. Now, you want some pie while you're here? Pattie made peach this morning.”
Little Grandma got me in to see Dr. Liu that same day. I ended up seeing her three times the first week, and it was tough, but Graham stayed with me. He was in the waiting room each time I came out, and he didn't ask any questions, he was just there. A comforting presence.
It wasn't until the third week that my anxiety started to dissipate. We were able to go to the Down Home Diner without me checking out everybody in the place. Additionally, that week I didn't have one single nightmare.
But the one thing I hated was how Graham had to be my rock.
There wasn't equity in our relationship.
I talked to my counselor about that. She got me to understand that in solid relationships, the pendulum would swing, and right now I needed care.
She also made me realize that a man like Graham had a great need to protect and care for the people he loved. So this was not a hardship for him.
Still...
“What?”
“What do you mean, what?” I asked as he drove us home.
“You've been looking over at me for the last ten minutes. Something's up. Did you and Dr. Liu talk about me today?”
“She didn't talk about you. I did.”
“What did you say?”
“I'm worried that you've been having to take care of me too much. All I've been contributing to the relationship lately is occasional sex and baked goods.”
Graham's head whipped around to look at me.
“Eyes on the road.”
“You told her that?”
“Well, yes. I'm so sick of you babying me because of my shoulder. I'm practically healed, and you're treating me like I'm spun glass. Seriously, Graham, the only thing I get to do at the house is bake. It's not fair.”
He didn't say anything. The nice thing was I knew he wasn't pouting, he was really thinking about what I said. When we pulled into his garage, he came over and opened the door but didn't lift me out of my seat.
Yippee. Progress.
We made it into the kitchen, and he turned around. “You're right. I think I've been just as tweaked about everything as you've been. My way of coping has been overprotecting you.” He paused. “I can't seem to help it,” he said quietly.
“So, we both have a bit of a problem.”
“Seems like.”
“What are we going to do about it?” I asked.
He gave me a slow grin that made me tingle all the way to my toes. “I have an idea.”
“You want me to bake a cake?”
He shook his head and moved closer, backing me against the counter. “No baking.”
I dropped my purse. “In that case, I'm all on board with your idea.”
His hands framed my face, his thumbs stroking my cheekbones. “First, we're going to go to the bedroom.”
“I like this plan already.”
“And then.” He leaned down, his lips brushing my ear. “You're going to let me show you exactly how healed I think you are.”
My knees went weak. “Graham...”
“And tomorrow.” He pulled back to look in my eyes. “Tomorrow, you're going back to work at the clinic. Part-time to start.”
I blinked. “What?”
“I called Roxie while you were with Dr. Liu. She's been holding your spot, hoping you'd come back when you were ready.”
Tears sprang to my eyes. “You did that for me?”
“I did it for us. You need to feel useful. I need to learn to let go a little.” He wiped a tear from my cheek. “Little Grandma may have cornered me at the diner yesterday.”
“She didn't!”
“Oh, she did. Told me about rearranging furniture in 1965.”
I laughed through my tears. “That woman is something else.”
“She also told me that if I really loved you, I'd trust you to know what you need.”
“And what do I need right now?”
He lifted me onto the counter, stepping between my legs. “Tell me.”
“You. I need you. Not careful Graham, not protective Graham. Just you.”
“Thank God.” His mouth found mine, and it wasn't gentle. It was hungry and demanding and everything I'd been missing.
When we finally broke apart, we were both breathing hard.
“Bedroom?” I suggested.
“Bedroom.” He lifted me off the counter, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.
“Graham?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Thank you. For everything. For understanding. For growing with me.”
He stopped walking and looked at me with so much love it took my breath away. “Joy, we're going to have a lifetime of growing together. This is just the beginning.”
As he carried me down the hall, I realized he was right. We'd survived the worst. Everything from here on out was just learning how to live with the best.
And I couldn't wait.