Chapter Twenty
Judge
GOING TO WREN hasn’t happened over the last few days.
We have a run coming up and everyone has been staying close to the clubhouse as we prepare.
Fury is leading this one while I stay behind to run the club.
We’re still not talking and I don’t know what it will take for us to make things good between the two of us again.
We’ve never fought like this before and we’re both stubborn enough not to make the first move to start repairing the damage that’s strained our friendship.
The only time we talk is when it pertains to club business and even then I can tell Fury doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.
He’d go to someone else if he could. There’s a clear divide in the clubhouse and we need to do something to fix it before a rival realizes what’s going on and they launch an attack against us because we’re vulnerable right now.
“You’ve really made a mess of things, haven’t ya?” Gramps asks me as I enter the common room from my office and take a seat next to him.
Wyatt hands me a bottle of water before going back to cleaning and restocking.
“Don’t know how to fix it, Gramps. Especially with Fury,” I tell him honestly as we move to sit at my normal table so no one can listen in on our conversation as easily as they can if we’re at the bar.
“First of all, you gotta be honest about your feelings for Wren, Braydon. We can all see you’re half in love with her already and yet you say she’s nothin’ more than a hole to fuck.
Never heard you talk like that before and I don’t want to hear it again,” he tells me, his voice sharp with disapproval.
“Gramps, you know how we grew up. Mom and Dad were never around. If Dad wasn’t on a run for the club, they were off traveling the roads on the bike.
Especially when we got older. I had to grow up before I was a teenager to take care of my brothers and still go to school.
I was takin’ care of the household stuff and tryin’ to live my life playin’ sports, goin’ to school, and everythin’ else.
That’s after all the stuff we saw at the clubhouse when we had no business witnessin’ that kind of stuff at such a young age.
I feel as if I’ve been an adult since the age of twelve.
“I know you helped us and made sure you were there for us every single day. Don’t think I didn’t see that or realize how much you were doin’ for us, because I did.
We spent more time at your house than our own once Mom and Dad decided to forget they had children.
Those years were so hard because I feel as if I lost the closeness Nolan, Brice, and I had when we were younger.
I was forced to take care of them instead of gettin’ in trouble with them like a normal kid.
Now, I don’t just own and run a garage, but I’m the President of this club and have way more responsibilities than ever before.
I don’t have time to be there for an ol’ lady and kids of my own.
That’s why I spend as much time as I can with my nieces and nephews,” I say, taking a long sip of my water before replacing the cap and setting it back on the table in front of me.
“I don’t regret anythin’ from my past, Gramps.
I would do it all over again if it meant the boys were taken care of and didn’t have to worry about everythin’ like I did.
I just refuse to be selfish like Mom and Dad were. ”
“Other than feelin’ as if you had to grow up way too fast, what did you feel back then?” Gramps asks me as I lean back in my chair and think about his question for a few minutes.
“I was lonely. Before they started leavin’ us alone on a regular basis, I had friends, went out after practice and games, did more than my homework and helpin’ out my brothers.
As they left us alone more often, I lost all of that.
I had the house, boys, and school to worry about over everythin’ else.
I couldn’t relate when my friends would talk about goin’ out to watch a new movie or hang out after school because that wasn’t an option for me to do any longer.
Nolan and Brice were there at the house with me, but I had to step into that parent role instead of bein’ a kid with them.
So, I felt all alone in the world instead of as if I were a participant in my own life.
And I was so tired. Every single day it seemed as if I had more to do and less time to do it in,” I tell him honestly as he looks at me with a sadness I rarely see on his face.
“I’m sorry, Braydon. You should never have had to deal with any of that.
Your parents were always selfish. Even before the three of you were born, I knew they would always choose themselves and the relationship they had over everythin’ else.
My hope was that when you were born, they would change their ways and grow the hell up.
For a while, it looked as if they were doin’ just that.
I remember them takin’ you boys everywhere with them, always sharin’ your accomplishments, and lovin’ you like they should as parents.
Your dad started takin’ less runs and let the guys without kids go on them over him.
Your mom quit her job to stay home with the three of you as you were growin’ up.
She told me once she wanted to be there like her parents weren’t for her.
Again, for a while, they made it happen.
Then, they simply made the decision to go back to their selfish ways again.
That had nothin’ to do with any of you boys.
You didn’t do anythin’ wrong,” Gramps tells me as he leans forward and rests his arms on the table in front of him.
“I’m not sayin’ we did anythin’ to make them choose the actions they took before their death.
All I’m sayin’ is it was because of their actions that I suffered.
I stopped bein’ a kid and became an adult.
Now, I have Wren, who’s pregnant with my child, and all I keep doin’ is pushin’ her away.
I don’t even know how I feel about her or the situation because I refuse to think about it,” I say as Death and Talon enter the common room and join us at the table.
“You do know how you feel, Bray,” Gramps states and the tone of his voice leaves no room for argument.
“What I know is I can’t stop thinkin’ about her.
She’s in my head all hours of the day and in my dreams every damn night.
I’ve dreamt of havin’ a future with her.
Gettin’ married, havin’ kids of our own, and everythin’ my brothers have with their ol’ ladies.
Then I wake up and I remember what we went through.
Wren already hates me and if we were together she’d only hate me more than she does now.
I won’t have time for her or our kids and they’ll feel the same as I did growin’ up.
I don’t want them to feel as if they aren’t good enough for me to spend time with.
To want to be there for them every single day.
Yeah, I felt that when I was younger a little bit.
Our children would be the ones to suffer because we’d be fightin’ or upset with one another,” I say as Death and Talon accept the drinks Wyatt brings over to them before leaving us alone again.
“You’re fallin’ in love with her, Bray. There’s no doubt about it.
And you’ve already proven you’re so much better than our parents without even tryin’,” Talon says as he leans forward and looks at no one but me.
“Mom and Dad were assholes. They should have been there for us and chose themselves instead. You know how that made you feel and what you went through as the oldest child. That tells me you won’t repeat their mistakes if you choose to live your life with Wren and the baby she’s already carryin’.
You’ve already taken two days to go spend hours sittin’ in the diner she works at just because you couldn’t stop thinkin’ about her and wanted to see her.
Even if she didn’t say a single word to you.
Fury also told us how you spent every damn day in the hospital, waitin’ in the hall because you weren’t allowed in her room.
Mom and Dad wouldn’t have done that shit for someone they weren’t with. ”
“I’m tellin’ ya right now, I will be in that baby’s life, Bray.
Don’t give a fuck what you do, but I will be there for Wren and your son or daughter because they’re family.
The second she found out she was pregnant, Wren became family.
And I know Fury will be there for her as well.
That man can see what a great woman Wren is.
The only reason he hasn’t made a move on her is because you’re his best friend,” Nolan tells me and I know he’s not just saying the words, he means them with every ounce of his soul.
“I’m gonna be there for them as well. And I know Gramps will too.
He doesn’t even have to say a word. Bray, you need to get your head outta your ass, realize you’re so much better than our parents ever were, and talk to Wren about this shit.
She deserves to know why you’re actin’ the way you are instead of thinkin’ she’s done somethin’ wrong.
From what Zach and Tristan have told me, that’s exactly where her head is.
She doesn’t think she’s good enough for you and you’ve done nothin’ but treat her like a Rebel.
Worse than a Rebel if I’m bein’ honest,” Brice tells me as the front door of the clubhouse opens and I look over to see Tristan, Zach, and Wren making their way inside.