Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
“I believe I may have thought of a way in which we might free Mr. Masterson’s sister.”
Nicholas turned from tying his cravat in the tall cheval mirror, his brows raised in surprise at the manner in which Julia had burst into the dressing room adjoining the guest bedchamber without so much as a preceding knock of warning.
A fully dressed Julia, her high-waisted pale lilac gown perfectly fitted to the curve of her breasts. Her expression was composed, with not a curl of her upswept hair out of place. She looked nothing like the disheveled young lady who had shared his bed for half the night.
Nicholas had woken alone shortly after seven o’clock this morning.
A disappointment, but he took heart from knowing Julia had likely gone because she could not have risked being found in his bedchamber this morning.
He would have preferred it if she had woken him and said her goodbyes properly, but otherwise he could not fault her for her need for propriety.
A footman had delivered a portmanteau containing fresh clothes and also the means to shave to the guest bedchamber along with a cup of tea at seven thirty. The footman had explained that the Earl of Ipswich had sent him to Wolfingham Park to collect the necessary items.
As Nicholas had business in London, he had not intended remaining long in the country this visit—only long enough to acquire a fiancée—as such he had left his valet in town. But he kept a wardrobe of clothing for his use at Wolfingham Park.
The dark blue gaze of that prospective fiancée was now looking anywhere but at him, and Julia’s speech and manner were brisk, to say the least.
A totally unacceptable state of affairs.
Nicholas stepped forward until he was close enough to wrap his arms about her waist and mold the stiffness of her body against his as he lowered his head, briefly holding her gaze with his, before he claimed her lips with his own.
For a moment, it seemed as if Julia was not going to respond, but then her lips parted beneath his, and her body gave a shudder before relaxing into his.
As had been the case during the night, her soft curves fit perfectly against his harder muscles, her hands moving up to grip his shoulders as the kiss deepened.
Nicholas ended the kiss reluctantly some minutes later, his forehead resting against hers as they both breathed heavily. “Good morning, Julia,” he greeted quietly.
“Good morning, Nicholas.” Her lips were plumper and colored a deep rose from their kiss. “I trust you are feeling recovered from your injuries?”
“I thought I had already proven that a few bruises will not keep me from doing whatever I wish to do,” he murmured throatily.
Her cheeks were ablaze with color. “Yes, you did. Very thoroughly. But I was unsure if you… I did not know whether this morning you might feel differently.”
“Never be unsure about anything pertaining to me or my feelings, Julia,” he stated firmly. “Last night was, and will remain so until our wedding night, the most memorable of my life.”
She stiffened and pulled away from him, her gaze once again avoiding meeting his. “That’s the thing.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “I am still unsure as to whether I can agree to marry you.”
Nicholas felt too shocked to hide the emotion. “But last night—”
“Because of the restraint you showed last night, I am still in possession of my virginity.” Her hands were clasped together in front of her.
“This, in turn, means that I do not feel compromised into accepting your proposal. Although you have still not made one,” she added scathingly.
“But even if you did, I am still unsure as to whether I would accept.”
“Julia—”
“No.” She turned away to stare out of the window at the garden and grounds.
“I have thought long and hard on the subject since I returned to my bedchamber earlier this morning, and I now know that in my heart, I still harbor resentment toward you for the manner in which Freddie died. He always looked up to you so, and I am convinced he was only trying to impress you by running away and joining a regiment,” she continued when Nicholas would have spoken.
“All he had ever wished for was your approval and admiration.” She drew in a sharp breath.
“I do not believe I will ever be able to forget that, and so Freddie’s ghost will always stand between us. ”
Each word of her rejection, and the reason for it, thrust a sword through Nicholas’s heart.
A rejection he might possibly, if he told Julia the truth, save himself from. But at what price?
He could not betray his brother or hurt Julia more than she already had been merely to save himself.
It took every effort of will on his part to pull up the barrier he had so frequently kept about his heart and feelings in the past, especially where this young lady was concerned.
A barrier that he had necessarily to maintain during the occasions he had acted on behalf of the Crown.
That barrier served him in good stead on this occasion too. “I will make my excuses to your parents once I am downstairs and return to Wolfingham Park shortly thereafter so that I might prepare to leave for London.” He gave her a stiff bow. “I wish you a good day.”
“But what of my plan to rescue Mr. Masterson’s sister—”
“I am sure that between the three of us, your father, uncle, and myself, we will be able to formulate our own plan to rescue her,” he bit out abruptly.
“But—”
“Goodbye, Julia.” He gave another abrupt bow. “I doubt we will speak again before I leave for London.” He left the dressing room before hurrying down the stairs.
The sooner he returned to Wolfingham Park, the better.
Even more importantly, he needed to take himself back to London and deal with the situation of the kidnapping of Masterson’s sister.
The same kidnappers who still believed Nicholas would be brought to them as a prisoner.
Julia had made her position very clear, and much as it pained Nicholas, he knew there was nothing he could say or do in this moment that would change her mind.
* * *
The tears began to fall hotly down Julia’s cheeks before she even had time to register their existence. She had not expected Nicholas to respond quite so…harshly after she had voiced her uncertainty about their future.
Then what had she expected? She instantly rebuked herself.
That Nicholas would listen to her babbling on about Freddie’s ghost standing between them for evermore and afterward still expect him to try to persuade her into marrying him?
If she had thought that, then she was not only a fool, but she did not appreciate the man whom she now knew Nicholas to truly be. Primarily, but in secret, he was a hero. One who publicly posed as a womanizer and a rake but in private had claimed to remain true to her since her sixteenth birthday.
She had never known Nicholas to tell lies in the past, which meant she had to believe him now when he said that he had not touched another woman in the last three years.
Then why had she refused him so decisively and used Freddie to do so?
Because her stupid romantic heart had wanted Nicholas to fight for her, even against the ghost of his brother!
She was a fool. A silly little fool who had pushed away the only man she had ever—
Ever what?
The answer to that was easily found. Nicholas was the only man she had ever loved in a romantic way. And she did love him; that much had become clear to her the previous night when they had kissed and made love.
What she had also realized during the night was that she might not always have loved Nicholas, but she had always been attracted to him. That being rude and insulting about and to him had been her way of preventing anyone else from realizing how attracted she was to him.
Then what was she going to do about it?
What could she do about it?
Nicholas had left after declaring it was his intention to return to London as soon as possible.
Her heart truly felt as if it were breaking, having cleaved apart in her chest, leaving a cavernous ache of longing that she—
“Julia?”
She stiffened and then stilled at the sound of Amanda’s voice, quickly wiping the evidence of tears from her cheeks before turning to face her cousin.
“Oh, my dear.” Amanda’s instant concern in her voice and expression told Julia that she had not done a satisfactory job of hiding how upset she was.
“I have been looking for you everywhere.” Amanda came farther into the room to clasp both of Julia’s hands in her own.
“The last place I thought to find you, and therefore looked, was the guest bedchamber used by the Earl of Wolfingham after he had been rescued. I saw Wolfingham taking his leave of our mothers just a few minutes ago and, having looked for you everywhere else, I came up to this bedchamber as a last resort. I certainly did not expect you to actually be here.”
Amanda’s puzzlement was perfectly understandable when, to her knowledge, Julia and the earl had barely been on speaking terms the last time she had seen them together.
So much had happened in the hours since.
Julia drew in a determined breath. “Tell me truthfully, Amanda, have I always been willfully stupid, or is this a new low for me?”
Her cousin eyed her warily. “Is this a trick question?”
She smiled wryly. “It is not.”
Amanda grimaced for several seconds. “Well, you are most certainly willful. We both are. But I would not have said you are stupid.”
“Perhaps I should have phrased it as being stupidly willful rather than willfully stupid?”
“I am still not sure…”
“Last night, having watched our fathers bring Nicholas to this bedchamber, and after they had retired to their own rooms, I desperately needed to see for myself how Nicholas fared.” She released a shaky breath.
“He was asleep when I first entered the bedchamber, but it was easy to see that he had been grievously battered and bruised before and during the carriage accident. I had meant to leave before he woke, but he opened his eyes, and he saw me before I was able to do so.”