CHAPTER 29
Julian
The private terminal we fly out of is luxurious. I built it to ensure it would provide enough peace from the distractions of the outside world, and peace is exactly what I need.
The Vipers have our first extended western road trip. Five games in eight days.
Distance sounds appealing. I usually wouldn’t go on a road trip this long, but I need to get out of NYC.
I step through the terminal doors rolling my large suitcase and immediately spot Tanner Wylie leaning against one of the chairs near the boarding area, coffee in hand. He’s dressed in a black Vipers quarter zip and looking far too awake for six thirty in the morning.
The second he sees me, he grins. “Boss man.”
“Tanner.”
He takes one look at my face and winces dramatically. “All good?”
“Early mornings aren’t my strong suit.”
Which is a lie. I’m an early riser by nature and believe all successful people are. I just don’t want to explain that I haven’t been sleeping well.
“I’m serious,” he says, pushing off the chair and walking over. “You look like you didn’t get much sleep.”
Apparently, I don’t need to explain it. It’s written all over my haggard face. “I plan on spending the entire flight catching up on it,” I say, offering a weak smile.
Tanner studies me for another second before sipping his coffee.
I’ve admired him since the day we acquired him from Chicago.
Yes, he brings consistency to our lineup every single night, and that’s why we traded for him.
But underneath all the bravado and flirting and nonstop joking is someone who genuinely cares about this organization.
He understands culture and leadership. Part of me thinks if he matures enough, one day he’ll be captain of the team, but he has some growing up to do. Guys like Tanner make teams better long before the puck drops. And that’s captain material.
“You and me both… you ready for this roadie?” he asks.
“As ready as I’m going to be.”
“That’s the spirit.” He gestures toward the runway outside. “Nothing cures January depression like Winnipeg.”
“I’ll alert the tourism board.”
He grins. “See? Morale’s already improving.”
I shake my head while we fall into step toward the boarding gate as players filter through the terminal behind us.
Grizz appears carrying a duffel bag over one shoulder while Canyon Marchand argues loudly with one of the assistant coaches about playoff seeding projections despite it still being January.
Tanner watches them and smirks. “You know what’s underrated?”
“What?”
“Team chemistry.” He nods toward the others. “It’s different this year. Loving the chem we have in the locker room.”
I glance around again, taking it all in. “Yeah,” I admit. “Me too.”
Boarding begins minutes later.
Tanner claps me on the shoulder as we head toward the plane. “Glad you see it too,” he says simply. “I think this team’s about to become a real problem for the rest of the league.”
And for the first time in the last couple weeks, I find myself believing in something, although it’s not enough hope to pull me out of my funk over Harper.
By the time I board the plane, exhaustion has settled into me.
I take my usual seat near the front and loosen my tie slightly before reaching into my coat pocket for the small orange prescription bottle I keep for flights like this. A sleeping pill, noise-canceling headphones, six hours unconscious somewhere over the Midwest.
That’s the plan.
I’m just about to put the headphones on when I lift my eyes and see Grizz boarding the plane.
“Hey, Julian,” he says.
I lift my chin in greeting. “Grizz…”
He starts to move past me but then does a double take, his eyes narrowing slightly. “You good, boss?”
“Fine.” I even attempt a smile, but it falters, causing Grizz’s eyes to narrow even further.
He looks down the aisle, head swiveling to the players boarding behind him, and then to my surprise, plops down into the seat next to me that usually is taken by one of the coaches or front office execs who might choose to travel with us.
Never has a player chosen to sit next to me, not that I would rebuff such a thing.
But today, I’m not in the mood. I start to put the headphones on, secretly trying to will the sleeping pill to work quicker than the normal thirty minutes it takes.
“You don’t look good,” Grizz observes, the second player to call me out to my face.
Give the man a fuckin’ prize, I think to myself. “Yeah, well… nothing for you to be concerned about.”
I’m completely stunned when he takes the headphones from my hand.
“I seem to remember a day not too long ago when I was moping around New York City and you forced me into your home, held me hostage over a Thanksgiving dinner table, then made me talk about my feelings for Daisy.” His fingers tighten around my headphones. “I think I’m going to do the same.”
His temerity irritates me, but for some reason, I don’t force him to leave. Instead, I study him. He looks different than he did a few months ago. More secure. It’s showing on the ice and clearly in his confidence in talking to the man who holds his career in his hands.
A single, unbidden thought enters my mind. Love did that to him. Or maybe being loved properly did.
“I’m glad it worked out with you and Daisy,” I tell him.
It’s the truth. Even though my love life is in the toilet, I want other people to experience it.
I know what it’s like to have the very best love has to offer.
Everyone deserves it at some point in their lives.
Unfortunately, it’s not everyone’s to keep for long.
I shake my head, wondering if the sleeping pill is already messing with me.
A beat of silence passes between us while flight attendants move through the cabin preparing for departure. Then Grizz smirks faintly. “So I hear you’ve got a pretty good thing going with your former chauffeur.”
The statement jolts me. It’s light, teasing, meant to steer the conversation into what he thinks might be a subject that I’ll be happy to talk about.
He has no idea the reason I haven’t been sleeping at night is because of the woman who used to be my…
well, she was becoming my everything… is what’s got me twisted up.
He has absolutely no idea what’s coming next. “We broke up yesterday,” I say flatly.
Grizz blinks. “Oh. Wow. I…”
I turn my head and stare out the window toward the tarmac.
“Sorry, Julian,” he says after a second. Awkward silence stretches between us before he finally asks, “You want to talk about it?”
I shake my head automatically. “No.”
I continue to stare out the window, hoping he’ll just get up and leave. I’m the fucking owner of this team. I should tell him to go, but I don’t.
And because he’s Grizz, and there are no other players with the balls to do it, he says, “Actually… I think you should talk about it. I’m going to stay.”
My head whips toward him, eyes hardening in that way I usually level at people that causes them to piss their pants a little. He stares back at me with resolve.
To add insult to injury, he says, “You’re going to have to fire me to get me to leave, so you might as well spill. We probably have twenty minutes at least until takeoff. Plenty of time to unload.”
A flash of fury rises in me. Not that an underling would defy me, but that my life is so fucked up right now and I can’t figure a way out of it. But then I realize… Grizz is sitting right here and maybe… just maybe… he has the answer to my problems, because I sure as fuck can’t figure it out.
My shoulders drop and Grizz sees it, a small reassuring smile coming to his face.
Players move past us, no one paying attention.
I give in to the urge to spill my guts to someone and lean back in my seat.
“Okay… fine.” I rub my hand across my jaw, trying to figure out how to start my story, but decide the beginning is always the best.
“I had a relationship once and it was…” I exhale softly. “It was the kind of thing that doesn’t happen twice in a lifetime.”
Grizz says nothing, but he leans in as I’ve lowered my voice so it doesn’t carry.
“She was everything… the sort of love people spend entire lifetimes hoping for.” Grizz’s expression softens, and I’m sure he gets what I’m saying because he has Daisy.
I take in a breath, considering how much to share.
It was more than just Kylie. It was Ben too, but I don’t want to go that deep into it.
“Let’s just say I had it, then it was gone.
” The memory doesn’t get any easier to deal with.
“And once you experience that,” I say, “it becomes very difficult to believe anything afterward could survive the comparison.”
Grizz leans back slightly, absorbing it. He doesn’t offer words of empathy or encouragement, and I’m glad of it because I’d probably clam up. He just listens.
“At any rate, I’ve obviously dated throughout the years, but I always kept myself in reserve.”
“Until Harper,” he surmises.
I nod. “Harper started getting close to parts of me I’ve kept shut down for a very long time,” I admit.
“And instead of handling it well, I…” I laugh bitterly under my breath.
“I pushed her away. I got overwhelmed with guilt that I was betraying one memory to pursue another. I got scared that if I reached for something good again, I’d lose it.
I shut down, withdrew, and well, Harper’s the type of woman who won’t put up with that.
Now… she’s gone and I don’t know what to do. ”
I suck in a breath because that was quite the word dump and admittedly, I’m lighter for having released it.
“You remember Thanksgiving?” asks Grizz. I glance over at him and nod. “When I was losing my mind over Daisy?”
“Of course.”
“You told me something that night,” he says. “Actually, you told me a lot of things. But the main thing was that fear makes people stupid.”
This is where my words are going to get tossed back in my face. “That sounds like me.”
“You told me I couldn’t let fear make decisions for me.” Grizz shakes his head slightly. “That if I walked away from something real because I was scared to lose it someday, I’d regret it forever.”
I turn to face him now. Grizz searches my eyes for another second before continuing.
“Look, I’m no genius and I’m definitely no relationship expert.” He chuckles. “But you can’t let your fears prevent you from reaching for what might actually be good… or even great.”
Simple fucking advice that I once gave him and apparently can’t follow. “But—”
“No buts,” he says, cutting me off. “You don’t get to claim different circumstances. Love is the same no matter what.”
Love? Is that what this is with Harper? Is that why I’m torn up over having lost her?
Grizz hammers home his lessons learned. “It might even exceed what you’ve already had. I know it’s hard to imagine that, but life is crazy sometimes. Great things can come from horrible things. You just have to stay in the game and be willing to see it through.”
Of all the things I was expecting this morning pre-flight, getting a life lesson from Grizz wasn’t one of them.
He glances toward the back of the cabin as boarding nears completion, then pushes himself slowly out of the seat. Before he leaves, though, he pauses beside me one final time.
“Don’t let the fear of losing whatever this could become stop you from pursuing a future with her,” he says. “You’ll carry that regret forever, and that’s no way to live your life. You deserve more.”
I look up at him.
“That’s pretty wise,” I murmur.
Grizz smirks.
“Well,” he says, adjusting the strap of his bag over his shoulder, “you’re the one who told me that in the first place. Might be time to take a page out of your own book, Julian.”