The Realization
I arrived home late, as usual, my workaholism being my constant refuge. To my surprise, Julian hadn’t yet returned from the office, so I went ahead with my usual evening routine without him. I ate a cup of hot canned chicken soup, satisfying a craving, then took a hot shower, read a few pages of The Lady of Camellias that Julian had gifted me, and finally went to bed.
I fell into a deep sleep almost immediately, my body surrendering to the exhaustion and desperate need for rest. I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep when I finally felt Julian’s touch on me.
He’d spooned me into a gentle hug, trying not to wake me, but I’d always been a light sleeper. Almost instantly, I spun around, our foreheads brushing as I breathed in the elegant blend of his cologne and the warm scent of his skin, a heady mix that felt like my own personal addiction. Heaven—he was my heaven, no matter how hard it could get between us.
“Didn’t mean to wake you up baby,” he whispered against my mouth. “How are you feeling?”
The Alexa on the nightstand chimed, filling the room with ocean waves. Its display casted a faint glow—it was almost 4 AM, an hour that felt oddly out of place for his return. “I’m fine,” I mumbled, my voice hushed and dry. I needed water, so I reached for my cold tea on my nightstand and chugged the rest of it.
“Were you late at the office?” It was more of a conversation starter because I already knew the answer anyway. It wasn’t unusual for him to pull an all-nighter, especially if he had several meetings scheduled in the Middle East. I also knew he was probably ridden with guilt for taking a month off. When it came to his business, Julian needed to be fully in the driver’s seat.
“Yeah, Lucie, we’ve been reviewing Sophie’s file with Oliver. I can’t stand seeing Jack this heartbroken, and Sophie means a great deal to all of us.”
It was sweet of him to say this because he really didn’t know her that much. “She does,” I muttered, my voice strained with pain. I was almost ready to make coffee and get up, now. Maybe there was more I could do during this search, too.
But I decided not to let go of his embrace. We hardly had moments like this anymore. Julian was still in his suit, the fabric rumpled from the long hours, and he hadn’t even bothered to change. The sharp lines of his blazer were softened by the wear of the night, his tie slightly askew as if he’d been too tired or distracted to care. His gaze shifted to me as soon as he saw the heat in my cheeks, then lingered on my short white robe, and I knew exactly what that look meant.
“Kiss me,” the words were half plea-half demand. His hand slid up my thigh, my quiver now giving away my susceptibility. But sex couldn’t fix everything, especially not with the dragon in my mind.
I met his fiery gaze, reluctant to comply just yet. “Julian, I want to talk about Jazmin.” There was no point in avoiding the issue and letting my anxiety simmer.
Tilting his head, he brushed his lips over mine.
I mentally prepared myself for the bad news.
“I didn’t sleep with her, Lucie.” He flashed me a subtle yet guilty smile.
“Why wait all this time to tell me that?” I pressed. He could have just said this in a message and spared me the overthinking.
“You need to look me in the eyes when I say this.” He inched closer, and a wave of butterflies fluttered in my stomach. He then gently pulled me toward him, positioning me to straddle his hips. I felt heat and moisture between my thighs, and I was no longer sure if I cared about a conversation in the first place.
“Lucie Benton,” he murmured, brushing his finger across my cheek, and my pulse skipped. Even after all this time, it still felt like a wild dream. No one had ever made me feel this way—so exposed, so raw. I couldn’t quite pinpoint whether it was his striking looks or his undeniable power, though it was likely a mix of both—the very essence of who he was. It wasn’t just his success that set him apart; it was the sheer force of his presence, the way he moved through the world as though it bent to his will. There was something undeniably magnetic about a man who had achieved so much on his own. And he had a kindness that the tabloids would never mention, though those close to him knew it well.
“Coming home to you is all I will ever want,” he said, his gaze locking onto mine with a quiet intensity that wouldn’t let me look away. “You need to stop looking for excuses why we aren’t going to work.”
The blood rushed to my core, as I felt him go hard against me. The collar of his shirt parted while he undid the buttons, exposing his strong throat and chest.
“It’s my tendency to look for the worst,” I admitted, my voice softening. “Julian, you haven’t exactly made me feel confident in us .”
He slid off my shoulder straps, pulling them down enough so my breasts spilled out of my ensemble. “The full truth is, Lucie, I was trying to forget you,” he confessed, his voice laced with regret. “It seemed like the sensible thing to do because I was the reason your life was in danger in the first place.”
I closed my eyes and moaned as he stroked my nipples with his thumbs. It was pointless to try resist something that felt so good, and so natural. So what, I pursued my physical needs selfishly.
Yes, he was right, thanks to his business decisions, Tarnakis had almost succeeded at killing me.
“Say more,” I panted. He wasn’t oblivious to the double meaning.
“It drove me crazy to know another man touched you, that I had to give you up to save you,” he growled as he shoved his fingers inside me.
It was the case for me too. I’d never known the depth of jealousy until I met Julian. It wasn’t just a fleeting pang; it was a constant ache because so many other women pined after him. But I had my pride, and I’d nursed these small heartbreaks without fully always admitting to them.
I trembled, now on the edge of what seemed to be an orgasm. “Julian,” I panted.
He searched my eyes again. “I let her give me oral sex, for a moment, only to find myself disgusted with the decision. I didn’t even come, Lucie.”
A sudden stab of pain pierced my heart. So, he was intimate with another woman…
“I numbed myself with drugs, and pushed Oliver to find whoever was trying to hurt you.”
He continued to push his fingers into me, his thumb pressing against my clit. I bent my back, so he could fill me deeper. I never thought he could confess to something like this and I’d still be turned on.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my hips against his, the message clear. Julian’s mouth crashed onto mine, and we kissed like we were drowning, like we were each other’s only source of oxygen.
He spun me, then pinned me to bed, now reaching for his zipper. The sight of him never ceased to leave me in awe. He was glorious, beautiful, and for a brief moment, I allowed myself to savor the quiet triumph of having his love. Truthfully, the year before had tested us both to our limits. I’d found intimacy with Bradley, and perhaps Julian had tried to escape from pain the same way with Jazmin. Did it matter anymore?
“Julian,” I moaned his name.
“Keep repeating my name, baby,” His cock lengthened and swelled, and I briefly took him my mouth, to moisten him, to lick off his precum. He groaned with pleasure. I felt his muscles suddenly flex as he covered my body, just enough not to press me down with his full weight. “My Lucie, I love you,” he drove into me at once.
“I love you too, Julian.” I ran my fingers through his hair, my body now trembling through it all. I didn’t realize how the sudden rapid-fire thrusts would feel, how, because of my hormones, I wasn’t as soft, and everything felt way more sensitive and rougher. Noticing how tense I was, he slowed down, his movements becoming sweet and soft.
“Does this feel good, baby?” He groaned.
“Yeah,” I bit my lip as I adjusted my hips in anticipation of an orgasm. My whole body was now tingling, close to spasming in ecstasy.
“You’re everything to me,” he whispered against my mouth, then ravaged it with another deep kiss. I dug my fingers into his strong back as I climaxed. Pleasure drifted across his face as he’d clearly gotten there around the same time. He let the rest of his cum wet the outside of my sex, then collapsed on top of me. Our eyes locked for just a moment.
“I missed you so much,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around me before pressing his nose gently against my face.
Maybe it was just the time of day, but no matter how hard I tried to convince myself this moment should be filled with hope, it felt heavy, dark. Despite my efforts to stay away, I couldn’t resist Julian, though the shadow of his potential relapse haunted my thoughts, lingering at the edges of my mind. I allowed myself a few extra hours of sleep, alongside him, before another day would begin, before we’d need to face it all.