Chapter 33 #3
Static crackles while my words get tangled in my throat.
“I wanna—” I choke. “She…”
“I know, Junior. I’m not too far from Lucky’s. I figured she made it there when I couldn’t find her at your house. I’ll get her and take her back home with me.”
“I…” I choke out in a deep rasp. “I…I parked in the back.”
“Mhmm. I know. You just hang in there. I’m coming.”
“I…I—”
“I know it hurts. God, I know it hurts and I know it’s heavy, but you’ll survive it.”
She hangs up and gives me all of two minutes to stare at Slim before she pulls into the spot where Arnez’s car had been parked.
My heart drops to my knees.
She pushes out of her car and rounds my truck, yanking the door handle.
“Junior…” Her muffled voice seeps through the glass like Arnez’s did.
“I know, Faye. Just…just give me a minute.”
“‘Kay…I’m ready whenever you are.”
I shake my head, and she holds up her hands. “I ain’t gonna rush you.”
There’s a soft understanding in her eyes as she looks off to the side into the empty field and for the first time in a long time, I remember the way her bloodcurdling screams bounced against the walls in our house while she begged Senior to let her keep him…
to keep us…to keep the life she built with us.
Me and Arnez listened from her room while Senior told Faye how silly she’d be to stay because he was just a dead man walking—all Lovelace men were.
“Fuck,” I murmur, stooping down and planting another kiss on Slim’s lips. “You gotta finish putting yourself back together, baby. Be selfish. Be fuckin selfish.”
She rustles around, burying her face closer into my chest, but she doesn’t wake up, and I’m still that same pussy that struggles to tell her “no” so I can’t even send her back to Chantilly while she’s awake. I don’t think I’ll survive it.
I push out of the truck with her dangling from my arms. Faye turns toward us, and I wait for her to say it—to tell me that this is what’s best for us, but she stays quiet and walks over to the passenger side of her car, opening the door.
Tears cloud my vision on the long walk to her car.
I cradle Slim to my chest. “She got sick earlier—threw up all her food. You might need to make her eat again when she wakes up. Get her a ginger ale or something.”
“I can do that,” Faye murmurs back.
I squat down and slide Slim into the front seat. As soon as I pull my arms from underneath her, her eyes jolt open. They dart from me to Faye.
“Rich…” she garbles, reaching for my bare chest and scraping her nails into my skin. “What’s going on?”
I can’t even look her in the face.
I grab the seatbelt and try to pull it over her body, but she pushes up, digging her nails deeper into my chest. “What are y’all doing?”
Faye grabs hold of the passenger door. “Lovebug…let me take you back home so you can get some rest. Today has been a lot on you mentally and physically. We need to get some food in you and get you cleaned up.”
“I can do that at Rich’s. I…I can eat and take a shower there.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Faye says.
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
I stare at the seatbelt in my hands while they talk over me.
“Why wouldn’t it be, Rich?” she asks. “Why can’t I go home with you and shower and eat?”
“Baby…”
“Don’t ‘baby’ me right now. Did you call her here?”
I swallow what feels like a mouthful of marbles. “You heard Faye. You need to go home and get some rest.”
“Answer me.” She sits up and tries to force her leg out of the car, but I hold it down. “Did you call her here?”
“Lovie—”
“I’m…I’m just going to get my stuff from her and Uncle Kenny’s and then you’re gonna come get me, right?”
I bite down on my swollen lip and shake my head. “No.”
“What? What do you mean, ‘No’?”
“You need to go with Faye.”
“No, I don’t. I need to go with you. I told you what I want. I wanna go with you. You said you’d always give me what I want. Always.”
“Lovie…” Faye raises her voice an octave.
“This is between me and Rich! This is us—not you! Tell her this is between me and you, Rich. Tell her.”
I pull back, but she wraps her fingers through my necklace and pulls it.
“Go with Faye, bab—”
“No.” She yanks my chain harder until it snaps. “No.”
Her mouth gapes open, but nothing comes out. There’s just painful silence until a deep wheeze crawls from the back of her throat, making me shiver.
“C’mon, Junior,” Faye whispers between sniffles, tugging my shoulder. “Let me close her in.”
I pull my shoulder from her grasp and bury my head in Slim’s lap while her body trembles.
“Don’t do this,” I mutter between her legs. “Don’t. You know how I feel when you cry over me.”
Another deep, ugly gasp fights its way out of her chest as she bashes her fist against my head with my broken necklace tangled between her fingers.
I eat every hit because I know she doesn’t really mean it.
It’s just the result of all the fucked-up shit that’s happened in her short life and I guess I should be proud she’s finally balling her fist up and using it.
Faye pulls my shoulder harder until I have no choice but to let go of her body.
I catch a piece of her sweatshirt, digging my fingers into the fabric. “Stop cryin. Don’t you cry over me.”
“Let go. It’s folks roaming around out here. They’re looking,” Faye hisses, reaching between us and peeling my bloody fingers from the fabric. “Let go, Junior.”
Me and Slim stare at each other while Faye digs her fingers underneath mine and pulls them up one by one. I think we feel the last pull in our chests. It makes Slim jerk backward like Faye had peeled our hearts apart.
Faye yanks me up by the back of my neck and pulls me out of the car. As soon as she closes the door, Slim turns her back to us, curling her body into a tight ball.
I pound my forehead against the window. “Baby…don’t turn your back to me.
Look…look at me. You need to understand that I can’t give you no sense of normalcy.
I can’t. I fuckin can’t. This is the only way you’ll get it.
What the fuck you gonna do with a man like me?
You gonna carry my burdens too? You gonna take on my debt?
Yeah, Arnez is grieving and angry, but it’s some truth in the shit she said.
Go live your fuckin life, man. Stop chasing me. ”
Faye grabs my shoulder. “Junior—”
I shrug her off, banging my fist against the window. “Look at me, Lovie. Turn around and look at me. Look at me and tell me you still mine. No matter what, remember? Always mine.”
Her tiny body trembles.
“Junior…”
“That’s my everything, Faye,” I croak, shrugging her hand off. “That’s my life.”
“I know, and I’m gonna take care of her. I promise.”
“I need her to look at me.”
“You need to get in your truck, go home, and stay there.”
“Lovie…” I gasp, staring at her back. “Don’t you fuckin leave me without looking at me. Don’t…don’t do this. Don’t make it hurt more than it has to.”
“Go, Junior,” Faye hisses.