ToniAge 10 – 11 years ago
“Ileave for Camp in the morning, I leave for Camp in the morning, I leave for Camp in the morning,” I whispered over and over again to myself from my hiding spot inside my closet.
I had piled all my toys and stuffed animals on top of me and squeezed myself against the very back wall.
All in the hopes that my father wouldn’t see me when he came looking.
And I knew he was going to come looking. He came every night now.
Before last summer, his visits hadn’t been as often.
But ever since I got home from Agonde, he’d come to see me more and more.
Always late at night. He would wake me up without turning on the lights, even though I begged him not to come in, to let me sleep, that I was tired.
He ignored it every time. First, he would just watch me, force me to look at him.
Then, he made me touch him. Or he would grab my hands so hard it hurt my fingers and use his strength to force me to do things.
When that happened, he would groan and tell me I was ‘helping him’.
Lately though, it was getting worse. Maybe because I was leaving for Camp and would be away from him, mostly, for the next two months.
But for the last two weeks, he had come into my room every night.
Last night he forced me to take down my pjs and show him my underwear.
I told him I didn’t want to, but he got angry, and he squeezed my wrists until I cried and gave in.
But after tomorrow, I was going to be free.
So, for now, I was hiding. I kept my eyes squeezed shut and pictured Cole, Xavi, and Brennon.
I couldn’t wait to hug them all; to hear Cole laugh or Brenny sing for me.
We will be together at Stones Throw and everything will be better.
I told myself over and over again. “Everything will be better,” I repeated it even when my father ripped my closet door from its hinges and snatched me back into the dark with him.