38. Thirty-Eight
Thirty-Eight
Toni
Another death. Another body out there in those woods.
The empty look in Mitchell’s dead eyes was just another addition to my ever-growing inventory of nightmares.
Without Xavi, without his sly grins, his soft touches, and calm voice to make those nightmares vanish, I was just the girl who skinned her knees without the boy who always bandaged her up.
Brennon, my sweet rockstar, did his very best to console me all day.
He practically spoon fed me at breakfast and lunch, and all afternoon, he held me in his arms while I sobbed.
He ended up crying too. Both of us just felt so fucking useless.
Bizarre as it was to admit, the only thing that kept us going all day were Cole’s promises that he would figure it out.
If Xavi’s problem solving was always finessed, calculated, and smart, then Cole’s was brute force.
But sometimes, you fucking need brute force.
So, if Cole had to punch his way to the truth, I would let him, if it brought my beautiful man back to me.
Or so I thought.
Until after the final campfire. The one night every summer when the dining hall was silent and dark.
The air around us weighed down by the sadness that only comes with saying goodbye.
After missing it last summer, tonight was the first time I’d experienced it in six years.
Surrounded by my friends, the reality of what we were facing crept in around me.
Camp would end tomorrow. I had no plan, nowhere to go, and no idea what to do.
I could not go back to the pink prison of my father’s making, but Franklin Barrett’s grip on my life was absolute.
The only thing of my own, the phone Xavier had gifted me, that I’d been carrying around ever since he vanished in some kind of vague hope he’d call.
Or text. Or anything. Not that that would help me in the real world.
A phone couldn’t pay the bills or tuition.
All of that had been easy to ignore with a full summer in front of me. Now, not so much. Now, in the twilight of this summer, without Xav, my naivety seemed to be slapping me in the face.
Just like we’d done the night before, Brennon and I clung to each other while the rest of the staff dispersed.
Bella with her cabin, still one little girl short because we’d failed.
Abbi, off to do her final round of cabin visits.
Michele wrapped her arms around me and squeezed, whispering, “Take care of yourself tonight, sweetie. Things will seem brighter in the morning.”
Ever the optimist, Bren and I waved goodbye to her outside the dining hall. My stomach seemed to take Michy’s message to heart and growled loudly.
“Hungry, baby?”
I shrugged, “I guess so.”
I was, only eating seemed like such a stupid thing to do.
Everything seemed stupid. Other than checking the phone in my pocket.
I’d charged it last night on the off chance that he would reach out.
Every time I’d felt myself sinking into hopelessness, I stuck my hand into my pocket and held it.
Again and again, I reached for it, each time praying I would feel it buzz or ding and there he would be.
My lifeline. My love. The guy who had found his way to me when I needed him the most. Since my brother had ruined my old Agonde sweatshirt, my former security blanket, I was in need of a new one and this phone was it.
A reminder that I was loved. Even in the worst moments of my life, Xavier Rothberg loved me.
My stomach growled again, louder this time.
“Come on, little bird, I know exactly how to solve this problem.” He twined his fingers with mine and dragged me back toward the kitchen, “It’s time for one of my famous sneaky sammies.”
I couldn’t help my small smile, the first one I’d managed all day.
“What’s a sneaky sammie?”
“It’s a sandwich made from leftover bacon stolen from the walk-in fridge. Obviously.” he explained with a quick wink.
We snuck into the giant fridge. It was basically a regular fridge, only big enough that you could have fit my old bedroom from Mom’s apartment inside of it and still have room to spare. The walls were lined with racks and shelves, all filled with trays of prepped veggies and leftover goodies.
While Brennon made the rounds, grabbing leftover bread rolls and bacon, my eyes zeroed in on a tray of brownies.
With Francis around all the time, I’d been too nauseous most meals to properly enjoy dessert, even though that was objectively the best part of any meal, ever.
But now, with Brennon at my back, I was ready to enjoy every bit of chocolatey goodness I’d missed out on.
There was one already stuffed into my mouth, when the fridge door clicked open again. I spun to Brennon, “Wha- wa- tha-”
My mouth too full to ask properly. Not that Brennon was the one to answer.
That was Jack. He filled the doorframe, one hand on the door latch and the other on the light switch.
I swallowed hard, trying to force the sweet treat down instead of savouring it the way Chef Brad’s desserts deserved.
To my right, I could hear Brennon coughing, trying to do the same.
It had always been hard to tell who was a bigger snacker, Brennon or I.
Not that it mattered, because at that moment, both of us struggled to speak.
Not Jack though.
“I’m sorry, Toni. I wish it didn’t have to come to this.”
The words “To what?” were on the tip of my tongue, but they never got out.
Not because I was still choking on food.
But because Jack slammed the fridge door and flicked the light switch at the same time, leaving us in complete darkness.
I stormed across the black room and slammed my whole body into the door, screaming as I went.
“JACK!” I screamed, my throat burning even as I called his name again, “JACK!”
Brennon’s own deep voice joined mine.
“JACK! WHAT THE FUCK?!”
Brennon fiddled with the door latch. This wasn’t a one-way door, it was supposed to be able open from the inside too, but now it wouldn’t budge.
His shoulder banged against mine, so even though I couldn’t see him, I knew he was with me.
Together, we hammered against the closed door, calling out over and over again.
Only stopping for a brief second. In that second, from the other side, I heard Jack again, “I really am sorry. Both of you. But it was either me or you, so it had to be you.”
We screamed his name again. Not that that swayed him. All that granted us were some parting words, “Don’t waste your breath. You’re going to need it.”
“What the actual fuck, Jack?! JACK!” I screamed, but my breathing was rougher than normal. It was harder to get the words out than it should have been.
“What does he mean?!” I looked to Brennon, though, I couldn’t see him in the shattering darkness. He grabbed my hand and pulled me against him, as he whispered against my hair, “I don’t know, baby. I don’t know.”
His arms wrapped around me so solidly. Close as we were, our shared breath pumping in and out of our lungs struggled in mutual agony. I murmured, my voice so tired from screaming, “How are we going to get out of here?”
“I don’t know, Birdie. I don’t know.”
Those were the last words Brennon said to me, though he never let go.
Never abandoned me. Even when neither of us had the energy left to speak.
Or stand. Or keep our eyes open. My last conscious thought before the darkness was that if this was really it, the end, then at least we’d be flying away together, Brennon and I.
But that wasn’t all I did. I moved. Just one arm.
One hand. Like a reflex. I reached out, and so did Brennon.
Each of us was straining for the missing pieces, missing people who weren’t there.