10. Sammy
CHAPTER 10
SAMMY
“Marry you?” My hand flew to my mouth, but it was too late. A sharp bark of laughter escaped through my lips. I didn’t mean to laugh, but did Juice really think that he could drop to a knee, propose, and erase the past with a silver skull ring?
He got to his feet and jammed the ring back on his finger. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I don’t want anything.” That was a lie. There was one thing I’d always wanted from Juice, but he’d never been able to give it to me or anyone else. I wanted his heart… for him to love me, not as a friend, but as a soulmate.
He paced back and forth in front of the couch, his hands funneling through his hair. “I get why you gave up looking for me. If you’d told me back then that you were pregnant, I wouldn’t have handled it well.”
“You would have freaked the hell out,” I said. “Just like you did after the night we spent together. ”
He stopped and looked down at me. “I didn’t freak out about that.”
“Then why did you leave without even saying goodbye?” If he wanted to get everything out in the open, I was more than willing to go there with him. “I think after everything we’d been through together, I deserved more than a note.”
“I told you I’d been offered a spot with that touring company.” His jaw tightened as he dropped back into the chair. “School obviously wasn’t working out for me, so I decided to pursue the one thing I seemed to be good at.”
My heart softened. He’d always doubted himself. “You’re good at a lot of things.”
“Yeah, well most people didn’t care about taking the time to get to know that. As long as I smiled and took off my clothes, they were more than happy to shove dollar bills down my pants.”
When we met, Juice told me he worked at a club on the weekends. It wasn’t until sophomore year that I found out the club was a bar that featured male strippers. A girl in my dorm dragged me there to see for myself. Juice was very good at what he did at that club. So good that as he started making more and more money, he spent less time on his homework and more time on the stage.
“So why aren’t you still performing?” I asked.
“Because I realized I wanted more out of life.” He glanced over at me, his eyes full of truth. “I got caught up in it for a while. Up until then, no one ever thought I’d be good at anything. Seeing my name in lights, dancing up on that stage while women screamed my name… it was enough for a while.”
I felt for him. It always seemed like he had a hole in his heart that could never be filled. All that love he missed out on as a kid left him with a deep, hollow ache in his soul.
“What changed?”
He lifted his head. “I smartened up. Those women didn’t want me. They wanted what I represented. It didn’t matter if I was the one straddling their lap and shaking my dick in their face or if it was another one of the guys. They just wanted to cut loose and feel wanted for a night.”
I captured my bottom lip with my teeth. “So, you quit and moved back to Montana?”
“Yeah. I figured you were long gone, building schools or delivering vaccines to kids halfway around the world. I felt bad about the way I left things between us, but knew you were better off without me. Still, I wanted to be close to where I’d spent the best years of my life. That’s why I came back to Montana… because it reminded me of you.”
The back of my throat prickled, and a new wave of tears threatened. “I was in Silver Creek the whole time. When I found out I was pregnant, I dropped out of school. Then my mom’s diabetes ramped up, and I had to take over the cafe. I did try to find you, though, at least at first. I was so scared.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Juice moved over to the couch and pulled me into his arms. “I’d give anything to go back and change it. I want to know my son, Sammy. And even more than that, I want to get to know you again.” He reached up and cupped my cheek with his palm.
I hadn’t felt a man’s touch since the night Juice and I spent together. I nuzzled into his hand, not trusting myself that he was really there, actually saying those things.
“I want to make it up to you if you’ll let me.” His finger traced the path of the dried tears on my cheek. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”
He might have been saying it just to be nice or make me feel a tiny bit better, but I didn’t care. It had been forever since someone had looked at me as something other than a waitress, a daughter, or a mom. I leaned into him, tipped my head back, and immediately got lost in the depths of his hazel eyes.
His other hand came up to sandwich my cheeks between his palms. His eyes searched mine, looking for encouragement. “I don’t want to fuck this up, Sammy. Tell me what you want.”
“Just kiss me.” I closed my eyes and put him in control.
I expected his mouth to crash into mine, for him to immediately slide his tongue past my lips and remind me of the magical night we’d shared. Instead, his lips brushed the corner of my mouth, so soft and gentle that I wondered if I’d imagined it.
My eyelids fluttered open. Juice stared down at me, his broad shoulders blocking the glare of the bright overhead light. “Will you promise me something?” he asked .
I nodded, clueless as to what kind of reassurance he might need from me.
“Let me love you. We’ve wasted so much fucking time. I can be the man you need me to be now. There’s nothing standing in our way, and maybe once I show you how much I love you, how I’m going to rearrange my life to put you and Oliver at the very center… maybe then you’ll be able to tell me that you love me too.” He waited for me to say something, his eyes shiny with raw emotion.
I’d pictured this moment so many times, him realizing we were meant to be together and crawling back to beg my forgiveness for leaving. In all of those scenarios, I knew he wasn’t capable of loving someone else, not when he hadn’t found the internal courage to love himself.
But he’d changed. I could feel it down in the marrow of my bones. So, I smoothed my hand over his hair and pressed slow, soft kisses to every square inch of his face. “I already love you, silly.”
“You do?” His brows arched, and the corners of his lips lifted in a smile.
“I always have. You just weren’t ready for me yet,” I teased.
He shifted on the couch, gently pushing me back until my spine rested on the soft cushion. The bulge of his erection pressed against my belly. “I’m so ready for you now, baby.”
We both were. Heat pooled in my core while an aching need pulsed between my legs. Juice held my gaze as he reached for the waistband of the yoga pants I’d borrowed from one of the girls at the clubhouse. His fingers grazed my skin, making my flesh pebble with goosebumps.
My nipples throbbed. No one had ever turned me on as much as Juice. I wanted to feel his hands everywhere at once. Craved his touch like it was the only thing that could give me life. As he worked the pants down my thighs, I squeezed my legs together, trying to alleviate the desperate need.
“Patience, baby.” He dipped down and ran his tongue around my navel.
I should have been self-conscious about the stretch marks, but I was too far gone to care. My body needed him like the desert craved the rain. Feeling his touch made me realize how much I’d missed him, missed us.
I threaded my fingers through his hair as he slipped my sensible cotton bikini briefs over my hips. Once my legs were bare, he nudged my thighs apart with his broad shoulders and blew a hot breath right over my clit.
“You’re just as gorgeous as you’ve always been.” His eyes danced, holding mine captive while he slid his hand underneath my ass and adjusted the angle of my hips. “I can’t help myself, baby. I’ve got to taste you.”
Then he lapped at my slit with his tongue, pressed his mouth against the lips of my pussy, and sucked my swollen clit into his hot, wet mouth.