Chapter 30
THIRTY
Jess
I knock gently against the door before entering.
“Hey, Damian,” I start, but the sight before me has me halting in my tracks. It surprises me.
Damian is sitting shirtless on his bed with his lounge pants pulled down around where he’s fisting his cock with one hand, his phone in his other. “Fuck,” I say, and he looks up at me. He’s the one caught in the act, but it’s me who blushes. My cheeks heat and my pussy swells. (A reaction that surprises the shit out of me.)
He doesn’t immediately cover himself up, and I don’t immediately look away.
I’m still standing with the door partly open when he says, “The door.” Oh fuck, right.
“Right. Shit, sorry.” I drop my head, turn around, and quickly slip out the door, even though a part of me is wishing he’d told me to come o ver and sit on his face. (Oh my gawd, what?!) My palms turn clammy and my body heats all over.
Fuck, that was so hot. And what was he watching? And why does that make me jealous? My underwear is instantly soaked and I need to go finger fuck myself while picturing Damian’s cock. (I also need to get laid, apparently.) This is a whole new level of desperation.
I slip into my bedroom at the other end of the basement, but I don’t even bother to get undressed. I unbutton most of my shirt dress, then lie back on the bed and move two fingers under my silky panties into my wet, quivering entrance. (Yes, quivering. Did I mention I was in desperate straits to get laid?) God, I’m so fucking needy for a cock, anything. I need that mindless release. I need someone to help me forget.
I’m grabbing and pulling at my nipples with the hand not in my panties, when the door opens. Oh, fuck.
Damian shuts it behind him, but I don’t remove my hand from my pussy or my nipples.
He’s just staring at me, so I say, “Stay, if you want.” (And I do want.)
“Are you sure?” he asks, but he’s already locking the door and then walking towards me. His hand strokes his cock through his thin pants as he gets closer.
“Yes,” I say. And as he approaches, I can feel him mentally undressing me. Yes . It feels good to be wanted like this.
I need this.
I slide my fingers out and the sound of them popping out of my wet hole is vulgar, but watching Damian watching me with torment, and lust, and longing sends chills up my spine. There’s a thrill that we shouldn’t be doing this heightening it all. (Knowing I shouldn’t won’t stop me, though.)
“What were you watching?” I ask, while I lean forward to slide my arms out of my dress, not even mentally aware that I’ve started stripping for him.
“Nothing.” He pushes his pants down so I can see his cock straining against its own skin.
I laugh, “Bullshit.”
“Fine. Come here and I’ll show you.” So I stand, unclasping my bra, letting it fall to the floor and then pad softly to stand in front of him in nothing but my thong. And when I get there, he pulls me up against him, my back to his chest.
“Now show me,” I say, feeling my skin burn where he laces an arm around my middle. His dick is still out and sitting snugly against the crack of my cheeks when he slides one hand beneath the silky fabric covering my mound and then unlocks his phone with the other.
“ What? ” I ask softly, looking at the image on his now unlocked screen. “Really?” I ask again.
“Yeah, Jess. Really.” His dick twitches against me when he says my name, and then his fingers find my clit, and I relax into the inferno now raging in my pelvis. With a gentle flick, he tosses the phone on the floor and directs all his attention to me.
My head falls back against his chest and I get lost in the pleasure of the moment. My skin tingles, my heart races. This is a new kind of high…and with him no less.
He was looking at me. A picture of us from a vacation probably three years ago. Why or how is it a picture of just the two of us? I don’t know. But it was Mexico, and there were copious amounts of alcohol involved and way too little clothing. In fact, I haven’t seen that bikini in years.
“Why?” I ask, and he slips a finger inside me, roughly. Yes, please. Then quickly adds another.
“Because I still think about our night all the time.” His lips are on my throat now, but the burning isn’t in my pelvis, this time it’s in my chest. I want that…but we can’t be that. Fuck, we shouldn’t even be doing this…
So instead of talking, I flip around to face him. I push him back towards the bed, until he’s lying down, and then I climb over him. Straddling his hips, I bring my hand down to his cock and fist it, running a finger over where he’s already leaking. I catch the bead of cum and bring it to my lips, and he groans.
Without asking, I pull my panties to the side and slip down around him, and he stares at me in awe. He fists the lilac silk of my thong and rips the string, discarding the barrier between us easily. He pushes his pants down, then kicks them off, too. And I don’t even care that there’s a light on and he can see me, all of me. Every stretch mark. Every scar. Damian has seen my mess already, and he’s still looking at me like this .
I slide up and forward and then ease back down, slowly.
“Were you thinking about this?” I ask, as I start riding him up and down, flicking my hips to grind my clit against him.
“You have no idea what I was thinking, Jess.” He sinks his hands around my hips, splaying my ass cheeks. God, the way he says my name…
“Then tell me.” I’ve never wanted or needed to hear this more .
“I was thinking of your tight cunt dripping my cum as you walk around your ex husband and ex fiancé.” Fuck .
“I was thinking about these tits that I’ve felt, but only ever seen in my dreams.” He palms my breast and leans forward to suck on my nipple, making me grind even harder against him. I let loose a little sigh as my walls clench around him over and over. Every nerve ending, every inch of me begging for more. Closer. Harder. Louder.
“Jess, I,” he pauses, fighting for words, but I silence him with a kiss, because that’s not what this is. It can’t be. This is just fucking. It’s primal. This is just about need. (At least that’s what I’m telling myself.)
When I release his lips, he flips us, putting me beneath him. His pecs strain, and his arms flex and fuck , I’ve forgotten how ripped he is.
“I-” he tries again, but I put a finger against his lips and roll my hips against him to prompt him to move.
“I need you,” I say. And he gets it. He understands. And he takes over.
“God, I fucking want you,” he says back. And then he’s thrusting into me, forcefully. And he’s grinding down against me. He’s gripping my hips and holding my neck, and he feeds me the whole time.
“Perfect, Jess. You’re perfect.”
“Didn’t want to stay away from you the other night.”
“This ass.”
“God, you’ve fucking haunted me.”
“You’re choking my cock so well, J.”
His lips brush against the skin below my ear and I swear I hear the faintest whisper of an ‘I love you.’ The way hope flares in my chest at that thought is despicable. I shouldn’t want that as bad as I su ddenly realize I do. Because if there’s one thing Damian isn’t, it’s mine.
I ignore it. Was most likely a figment of my imagination anyways.
“So long, Jess…” he says louder against the sensitive skin at my neck.
I bring my hips tighter against his, gripping onto his flexed biceps, feeling him throb and notch deeper inside me. Wow. Somehow the feelings are quadruple what they were the first time we did this.
I liked Damian the first time I met him. I really liked him. But now…
“What was that, Damian?” I ask, breathy, as he slides his dick in and out again.
“Nothing, J.” He shakes his head. “Nothing at all.” The sense of loss teases at the peripheral of my mind, but then he moves one hand down to my ass, lifting my hips up off the bed to hold me up as he fucks me harder, and I gasp at the new angle.
He immediately freezes and stops. “Are you okay?”
“Fuck! Yes. Don’t stop!”
The smile that jets across his face does something to me. For me. I wonder what it would be like for that smile to be mine. (Very dangerous territory, that thought.)
Please don’t stop. Don’t stop smiling. Don’t stop looking at me like that. Don’t stop…
I’m close. Too close to lose it now. Sensing I’m at the edge, he pulls me in tighter, making sure I can feel him rub against my g spot as he moves into me, and my head falls back. My hips grind against him. My inner thighs clench, my back arches .
“Look how fucking beautiful you are.” And with that, he sends me to a high I’ve never known. It’s an explosion that starts between my thighs and runs up to my taut nipples and down to my curled toes, rocking me. It’s a fracturing of everything hard about me. This man has made me malleable in his hands.
“Christ, Jess.” And then he’s unloading in me and grinding to purposefully send me into a second orgasm.
“Fuck, Damian,” I whisper out before the breath is stolen from my lungs. Again.
My hands are in his hair, and on his back pulling him tighter, closer, clinging to him like I need the feeling to last. Because I do.
“You’ve fucking ruined me, again,” he whispers against my ear as his movements slow. “Fucking destroyed me, Jess.” I just nod against him, because I feel a bit ruined, too.
With my head on his chest, and my body tucked against his, he runs a hand up and down my spine, sending with it goosebumps. I shiver at the sensation and try to get closer to him.
“Did you want to talk about something?” he asks.
“Like in general? Or?” I laugh.
He slaps my ass gently, laughing too. “No, earlier. When you came in, looking for a show.” I smack his chest playfully and go to roll away, but he grabs me, and cements me back against him. “Stop, I’m kidding.”
“I was going to ask when you’re flying back to DC.”
“Oh, umm, I don’t know,” he says a bit uncomfortably.
“I’m moving back…so Eden can be around ‘the dads.’” His hand freezes against m y back. The even rise and fall of his chest falters. Oh. My heart sinks with realization. Reality check. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m not expecting, umm, anything…” I pull my hand back from his chest, feeling a strange burn in my own.
He doesn’t say anything about what I just said, but he takes the hand that I just vacated from his chest and places it back.
“Can I ask about Alex?” he asks in the gentle voice he uses with me. That voice has become my safety net over the last year.
“Sure.”
“Do you love him?” he asks, hand at my back moving again.
“I thought I did.”
“Why didn’t it work out?”
“Because of you.”
“Me?” He sounds surprised.
I shrug against Damian’s warm body. “He thought you and I were…fucking.” (The irony, I know.) “And he just couldn’t get over that night.”
“I’m sorry.” He says it like he means it.
“It’s not your fault.”
“It feels like it is.”
“Well, it’s not.” It's really not. Alex is his own worst enemy, even if he thinks it’s me or Damian. “Tell me what happened with Summer. Please?”
“We’re just in different phases of life.”
“You sound like you’re being polite.” I chide him for giving me a politically correct answer when I gave him the actual messy answer .
He takes a deep inhale like he might tell me the truth, but instead says, “Maybe I’m feeling gracious at the moment.” I look up at him, and he looks down at me and smiles.
“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” I ask, maybe teasing, but he is truly so beautiful. From his blue eyes and auburn hair, to the light dusting of hair on his chest, to his soul. We’ve all made mistakes, but I don’t hold his against him.
“Go to sleep, Jess.”
I laugh and go to roll over, but he doesn’t let me. He keeps me pulled into his side, the same hand that was on my back is now in my hair, sweeping against my scalp. Back and forth, lulling me away from the day, away from this week, away from this year.
In a whisper he says, “I won’t be here when you wake up. I just don’t want you to be surprised, okay?”
“Mmkay,” I say as the last bit of consciousness leaves me. It’s like my body knew what was coming and insulated my heart, pulling me into a deep slumber. It knew if it didn’t, my heart would be hurting.
He told me and yet, I’m still surprised. And disappointed. But it was just sex, right? Right . I take a quick shower so I don’t smell like my best friend's ex-husband and head upstairs.
I’m tempted to knock on Damian’s door, but it was just sex. So I don’t.
“Morning sunshine,” I greet Caroline already at the island with a cup of cof fee. “You’re up early,” I note before opening the fridge to grab the creamer.
“Dad woke me up early to say goodbye.” Oh . My hands fumble the plastic bottle, sending it crashing to the floor. A literal representation of the ride my heart and stomach just took.
It was just sex. You’re not acting like it was just sex, Jessica.
Maybe when you reach a certain age, sex isn’t just sex. Or maybe when it’s one of your closest friends. Or maybe when it’s your best friend’s ex-husband it isn’t just sex. But that’s it, right? He’s ashamed, and doesn't want to tell Brit, so he left instead. Got it.
“Fuck,” I lean down to pick up the bottle that thankfully didn’t crack open. “Did you know he was planning to leave this morning?” I ask nonchalantly. (I’m coming to terms with the fact that I am actually very chalant.)
“No, we were supposed to go snowboarding for New Years, but he said something came up at work.” Definitely ashamed.
I plaster my fake smile on and tell Caroline I’m sorry her Dad left. “It’s okay, I think this whole Summer dumping him thing is getting to him.”
“Hmm,” I hum and nod my head while the inside of my body revolts. We were using each other then. “Maybe.”
“No, I know it is. Summer texted me Merry Christmas yesterday and asked if I could tell him to call her.”
“Oh?” Again, I’m playing it cool. “So there’s hope for them yet?”
“I really hope not.” She cringes. Well okay, that’s a yes, though .
It was just sex. (Yes, I have to keep reminding myself.)
“Good morning, my princesses!” Brit waddles into the kitchen.
“Hi, babe!” “Morning, mom.” We both greet her. “Can we talk real quick?” I ask.
“Sure,” she tilts her head and I lead her to the office for some privacy.
“I’m moving back to DC.” I blurt it out as soon as she’s sitting so I don’t lose the nerve.
“Jess, you don’t have to do that.”
I give her a warm smile. “I know, but I want to.” And I mean that. “Eden deserves a chance at big family holidays in her own home, don’t you think? And I can give that to her, and keep custody if I just relocate. It’s an easy sacrifice to make in the scheme of things.”
“Are you sure? I’m gonna miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too, but I’m sure. It's the right thing to do.”
“Dare I ask when?” She’s bracing.
“Well, I was thinking soon, like in the next week or so…” Brit’s face falls. “But I think I can stick around a few more months till the nugget comes.” There’s nothing there for us yet. “But once Tommy and Jamie are back from Taiwan, officially, I’ll go.”
“Okay. Thank god.”
“In other news, I heard Damian left.” Wow, I just can’t let this go.
Brit rolls her eyes. “Yeah, he said he had something at work, but literally no one is working the week between Christmas and New Years, so I can almost guarantee Summer is giving him a second chance and he jumped.” I nod. Yup .
“Well, good for them!” (I’m definitely overselling it.)
“Are you okay?” Brit examines me carefully.
“Oh yeah, never better.” She arches an eyebrow. “Have you talked to your brother?” (I’m deflecting now, I know.)
She nods, but doesn’t say anything more. That’s fine. I don’t need to know. What I don’t know can’t kill me.
“Do you think if you went to him, you guys could work it out?” she asks, but I’m shaking my head before she’s even done talking.
“He’s married, Brit. I also told him I loved him, and he didn’t say it back…” Brit’s face quakes like she’s fighting back the tears.
“You did?” Her bottom lip shakes.
I give her a sad smile. “It ran its course naturally. I made my bed, and he made his and now we have to go lay in them. Separately.” (Mine, alone-ly.)
“Okay, I just hate this.”
“Why? Just pretend it was six months ago and we couldn’t stand each other. Nothing has changed! It’s just like old times.”
“I guess that’s true…”
“Still love you like a sister,” I say, opening my arms to her.
She stands slowly and embraces me. “No secrets, right?”
I gulp audibly. Bandaid ripping now. “I slept with Damian. It was just sex.”
“You hoe!” Brit breaks the embrace, then picks a throw pillow up out of the chair and launches it at me, laughing as she does. “I fucking knew it! I could see it on your face!”
“Oh my gawd, keep it down. Your children are in the next room!” I whisper-shout. “Truly, it meant nothing. It was just me trying to get over Alex and him trying to get over Summer, and he already b olted. We can all mark ourselves safe from a Jess and Damian union.”
“Mmmkay,” Brit clicks her tongue and gives me a mischievous look.
“You’re not mad?” I was slightly worried she’d actually be mad.
“Literally, Liam is my human Valium. I could not care less as long as nobody is hurting you, or him purposefully. And it was just sex, right?”
“Yup.”
“Was it at least good sex?” Brit arches both eyebrows.
“Oh my gawd, I literally cannot talk to you about this.”
Brit laughs in my face. “Well, too late you already are. And yeah, I can tell it was good, you hoe bag.” She slaps my ass and heads for the office door. “Hey, maybe we won’t be in-laws, but we’ll be sister-wives instead?!”
“Gross.” If she wasn’t pregnant, I would pummel her with pillows.