August 12, Wednesday
THE MOMENT the screen connected, I could tell this call was going to be challenging. Lily's hair was scraped into a messy knot and Josh had a smear of something on his shirt that I decided not to ask about.
"There's literally nothing to eat," Lily announced before I'd even said hello. "Like, nothing. I had crackers for dinner."
"Dad said he'd pick up groceries but he didn't," Josh added. "And my soccer uniform's been in the hamper for a week because nobody's done laundry."
"You can use Instacart to order groceries," I said. "And it's past time you both learned how to do laundry."
Lily gaped. "Who's going to teach us?"
"Try YouTube," I suggested.
"Mom, that's so not funny," she said.
"I wasn't trying to be. You're both smart kids, you'll figure it out." Then I wet my lips. "Where is your dad?"
"Not here," Lily said.
"Dad and Heidi had a huge fight," Josh offered. "He asked her to take the trash out and she went off on him. Said it wasn't her job. They were yelling in the kitchen."
Part of me resented her for being in my kitchen. Part of me respected her for saying no.
"Well," I said, once I'd located something resembling a neutral tone, "how's Tucker doing through all this?"
Lily's mouth fell open. "Oh my God. We're literally starving and you're asking about the dog?"
"You two can manage a few rough days. Tucker needs someone thinking about him."
Josh paused, considering it. "I've been feeding him. And walking him before and after school."
"Thank you, honey. That matters."
"But I might get cut from the team," he said, the bravado draining out of his voice all at once. "I've missed like four practices because nobody can get me there on time."
"I'll talk to your father about that. That's not acceptable."
Lily crossed her arms. "This is so unfair. You get to just sit there while we deal with all of this."
I let that one pass without correction. "Lily, are you studying for your permit test? We talked about this."
"I've been busy." She examined her nails. "There hasn't exactly been time."
Before I could push further, Deputy Wells cleared his throat from his post by the door, the small, unmistakable signal that meant our window was closing.
"I have to go, guys. I love you both. Hang in there."
"You always say that and then you're just gone," Lily said, voice cracking. "Can't you have more time? Just once?"
"I wish I could, sweetheart. I really do."
The screen went dark on Josh's unfinished sentence, something about the uniform, cut off mid-word.
I sat there a moment longer than necessary, staring at my own reflection in the blank laptop glass and felt… relief.
Relief that I wasn't there arguing over who was going to take out the trash and who was going to walk Tucker and preparing four separate meals because everyone wanted something different.
I closed the laptop slowly and waited for the guilt to descend.
But it didn't.