17. Chapter 17
Chapter 17
Milo
I hover outside of Childcare around five, thinking maybe Rose is off work soon and would come to pick up her child, Callum. I’m talking with Trevor at the front desk and borrowing one of the front desk computers to get a few things done for work. But yeah, mostly I’m hoping I’ll see Rose.
What I’m actually tempted to do is to log on to the serial fiction site and see if my latest submission for Zehma has gotten any traffic. The last one I put up had over a hundred thousand reads and almost ten thousand comments from readers. Things like “Please write these faster,” and “Best fantasy serial I’ve read in a long time.” I’ve revamped my query letter to reflect these things. Hopefully that will convince a big agent to take a chance on me. And if it doesn’t, and they don’t take notice of me until after I get my MFA in creative writing? Well, I’ll have to be okay with that.
But I quickly forget all about that when I see Rose, purse banging against her hip, making a beeline for Childcare. I’m sure since she’s been away from her son all day, she’s anxious to see him. She nods at me, a whiff of a smile on her lips as she passes the front desk.
I hear her lyrical voice as the top half of the Dutch door to Childcare opens and she says hello to the babysitters, like they’re old friends.
“Callum!” she cries as she reaches across the small wooden base of the bottom half of the door. One of the staff members hands her a device, she signs Callum out, and then one of the babysitters passes him through the door. He snuggles against her chest. After a moment, he draws his head up and places both hands on her cheeks and gives her a big smooch.
It’s freaking adorable.
And frankly, I do not blame him.
I try not to stare too much as she gathers the diaper bag and Callum wriggles out of her grasp. She holds his hand as he takes waddling steps towards the front doors. Her smile in my direction is small but pointed. She lifts her hand in a wave. It’s all the signal I need.
“Rose,” I say, a little breathless with pleasure before I reach her.
“Hi, Milo.” She glances down at Callum and reaches over to smooth his staticky soft hair with her other hand. “Uh, how are you?”
“I’m doing well. How are you?” I glance at Callum, but I know she’s hesitant to have me meet him, so I take a step back, my hands lightly clasped behind my back. I don’t blame her. But I also don’t want her to think I don’t want to meet him.
“Fine,” she says absently, brushing her hand along Callum’s cheek. He turns and stares, then looks up at his mom, pointing at me.
“You want to meet him?” she asks Callum. Her gaze telegraphs panic before it zips to the floor.
I raise a hand. “I understand that you don’t want that,” I assure her.
“I don’t want him to get attached.” She shakes her head.
I swallow hard. “Of course!” My smile feels tight against my face.
But Callum has other plans. He takes a step back, makes a motor noise with his mouth, and charges me, bumping into me and wrapping his arms around both of my legs.
“Callum! I’m sorry, Milo.” She reaches to try to peel him off of my legs, but he won’t let go. His protests turn into a shriek.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind the tackle. He’s strong.”
She gives me an apologetic look. “Callum, step away from the nice man, okay?” She laughs.
We share a glance before she turns around and gently guides him back towards the door. A group of several people enter, carrying luggage, and Rose has to direct him out of their way.
I wouldn’t mind talking with him, but I’m good with whatever she needs. I know she’s careful with who she allows to be around him.
Once the guests have gone past us and reached the front desk, Callum runs in a circle back to me and crashes into me again, making a watery explosion sound with his mouth.
“Sorry,” she says, her brow wrinkled. She chews at the corner of her mouth.
When I take a step back, he lets go of me and presses against her side. Rose walks him over to the sofas near the front desk, smiles, and crouches down on his level.
She pivots toward me. “I guess I’ll introduce you.” Her smile is apprehensive.
I copy her stance but keep a few feet back.
“Callum, this is Milo. Milo, this is Callum. He’s nineteen months old.” She grabs his hand and helps him make a fist. “Fist bump!” she says, and Callum giggles as she guides his fist to reach mine. She makes an explosion sound upon impact and Callum tries to copy her, drool flying from his mouth. We all laugh. She grabs the top of his shirt and pulls it up so she can wipe some of the spit off his chin.
“He’s getting some new teeth, so he’s extra drooly.”
I smile at her before turning my attention to Callum. “Nice to meet you and your drool, Callum. How was your day at Childcare?”
“Good,” Rose answers for him, sitting in the sofa. “He wasn’t too fussy when I dropped him off this morning, which was a huge relief. I can’t stand to see him crying when I have to leave him.”
I sit in the one across from her. “I bet that’s hard.”
“At least I work in the same building.”
Callum takes a teetering step towards me and climbs onto the sofa. He half stumbles, half sits into my lap, facing his mother.
“Okay, then,” she says. “We’re doing this.” Her smile is brilliant as she eases into a comfortable position on the couch, mirroring mine.
“He’s cute, Rose.”
“I know. He’s hands down the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” The affection in her eyes does something to my insides.
“How was work?” I ask.
Something of a hesitation flashes across her face before she brightens in a smile. “Really good. My new hires are stepping up and doing well. And everyone on my schedule showed up. None of the guests complained about anything, so that’s a win.”
“That’s a big win.” I nod in agreement and tilt my head as Callum starts talking. It sounds like gibberish to me, but he’s pointing across the way. “Is that right, Callum?” I ask. “And what else?” He tilts his head up to look me in the eyes and then smiles, his chubby cheeks rising up nearer to his large dark eyes.
“Twuff,” he says, pointing again.
“Truck? Do you see a truck outside?” I ask.
“Truck!” Rose exclaims. “He’s been saying that over and over again since yesterday, but I didn’t see any trucks, so I had no idea.” She appraises me. “How do you know baby speak so fluently?”
“I do have a four-year-old niece, so . . .” I shrug, as if that explains it. The truth is, though, I wasn’t around Navie, Henry and Quinn’s daughter, much when she was first learning to speak. I was at Columbia University, and they lived in California. And then there was the divorce. None of us really saw her much for the year her parents were apart.
“I heard you have a lot of brothers. But whose child is it?”
“Navie. She’s Henry’s little girl. Henry’s the third son. Or . . . well . . . it’s complicated. We found out my dad had another son before he met and married our mom. So, technically, I guess that makes Henry the fourth son. Still getting used to that.”
“So, Sebastian’s not actually the oldest?” She traps her bottom lip in her teeth. “Sorry, I can’t help but be curious.”
“We Tates tend to generate some curiosity.” And it hasn’t always been welcome, with the amount of money my dad has from his finance company and now Sebastian’s huge success in the resort industry.
“No, I mean, it’s not because you’re the Tates.” She dips her head and reaches over to brush her hand along Callum’s cheek. “It’s because, you know, I’d like to know more about you.”
A warmth spreads along my chest. “Did you get my letter?”
“Yes.” Her eyes search mine. “Thank you. It was very . . . well, I loved it.”
I’d ended up finishing that fourth attempt far too late last night, the version I’d settled on hoping to strike a balance of being clear on how I feel—I’d still love to date her. Finding out she has a son doesn’t change that—and, I hope, a vibe of friendship, since I know that’s what she wants.
I shrug. “I wanted you to know that I like that you’re a mom. It’s cool. And it doesn’t really change how I see you. Not that it would.”
It also doesn’t change how I feel about you, although I don’t add that. I said as much in the letter. But now things are in her court. She can do nothing, which I have a feeling is going to be the case for a while. Maybe forever.
“I appreciate that. And you’re great. You really are. In another life, I’d be all over it.” She giggles, her face flushing. “Not it as in . . .” She waves me away and fans her face. “Sorry! Let’s talk about something else.” She clears her throat. “And now that you know about the most important man in my life—” She points to Callum. “—I feel much better. I never liked the thought of keeping him a secret.”
“No, I know. You were just protecting him.”
“You mentioned something in your letter about the elephant in the room.” She won’t meet my gaze.
“The kiss.”
She places both hands at her neck. “It sounds juvenile. But I liked what you said. About it haunting your dreams.” She laughs. “Glad it was in a good way.”
“You know it’s true.”
She pauses, searching my face. “Anyway, I guess if you put it that way, I’d have to say it’s haunted my dreams, too. I just never thought I’d see you again after that night.”
“I went back to Café del Cibo, you know.”
A look of mock horror crosses her face. “I forbade you!”
“You can’t fault a guy for at least trying to see you again. I know, I know. I said I wouldn’t, but only to respect your wishes.” Callum wriggles off my lap and waddles back to her. “I just . . . Rose, I like you. I respect that you can’t have a relationship right now. But I can’t be dishonest and pretend. The next day, when I hung out here with my family, after the night we spent together? Well, let’s just say my family could tell right away that something had happened. That I was smitten.”
“Smitten?” A bemused smile teases across her face.
“Yeah. Smitten. How could I not be?” I reach up to finger a tendril of her hair but then draw back. We’re in public. With her son. Of course I can’t touch her.
She cocks a brow. “Seriously?”
My face and neck burn in one quick rush. “I’m sorry, but it’s true. They don’t really know anything. I didn’t confirm any of their speculations. They keep trying to figure out who you are.” I shake my head. “It’ll blow over. They’ll forget about it. But they wouldn’t let it go if they knew you work here now.”
She doesn’t meet my gaze as she helps Callum get some toys out of his diaper bag. “I guess if you’re trying extra hard to be honest, I should, too. You’ve come to mind a time or two these past few months.”
“A time or two?” I tease.
She meets my gaze. “Maybe more than a time or two. And yeah, part of me
wishes things could be different. But we live in opposite worlds, Milo. I can’t date casually. I have Callum.”
I blow out a slow breath. I nod, but it’s not without some effort. “Maybe I don’t want to date casually, either.”
“You sure? We lead completely different lives.” She leans forward and taps my shoe with her finger. “I looked these up online. I know it’s dumb. But they cost almost as much as my monthly rent, Milo. It’s like Jenny from the Block meets the Prince of Wales.”
A laugh bursts out of me. “The prince? I’m no prince, Rose. Is that what this is about, our different economic situations?”
She does have a point about the difference in our resources and all that. But it doesn’t matter to me. And frankly, the fact that she thinks that’s a reason not to date makes me like her more. Some family members have had, on occasion, people in their lives who valued the money more than them.
“It’s part of it, yeah. I’m focusing on school right now.” She runs her tongue across her teeth, watching her hands as she fiddles with them in her lap. “When I’m done with that, I might entertain the idea of dating again.”
“A lot of people have relationships while they’re in school.” I hold up my hands. “I’m just saying. And who cares if we grew up differently?”
Callum toddles back over to the sofa I’m sitting on, carrying squishy blocks in both hands. He sets one on the seat and then twists the other one high in the sky, like he’s imagining it’s an airplane.
“And a lot of people who try to manage a relationship while they’re in school? Their priorities get mixed up and they get sidelined and drop out. I’m just not ready to take that risk. And my family’s not like yours, okay? Your parents are still married to each other.
“My mom? She got married three times before she finally wised up and stopped the madness. She’s finally sort of content being single, but it took a lot. And it’s probably because she throws all her energy into helping my sisters with their kids and working at least two jobs at a time. We just do things in ways your family can’t even comprehend.” She gives a wry smile, dropping her head to one side. “And don’t tell me they wouldn’t judge.”
It’s surprising that her mom’s been married three times. But I’m stuck on another thought. “You think my family would look down on you because of your family?”
She gives me a look like, I’m not stupid. Of course they would.
“So, let me get this straight. You and I can’t even go on a single date because you’re afraid my family won’t like you? Or that they’d feel like they were better than you?”
Rose shakes her head and sighs. She reaches out her arms and asks Callum to come to her. He doesn’t, staying near me, squeezing the soft blocks and hitting them against each other. “Fine,” she says to him, narrowing her eyes before smiling. She swallows hard and meets my gaze. “And that they might think I’m only interested in you for your money. So, yes, it’s a long list.”
“I’m not a prince. I don’t come from a perfect family. We have so many problems you have no idea about. Rose, I’m just me. I’m a man who feels a strong connection to an incredible woman.” I gesture to her, my heart pounding. “I don’t know you very well, I get that. But I like what I know. A lot. I like all of it, okay?” I glance at Callum before looking back at her.
“I like you, too. Truly. You’re a wonderful person. But I have a lot of baggage, and I’m not talking about my son, he’s not the baggage. There’s just a lot. I’m sorry.”
She keeps rejecting me, and it hurts every time. So why can’t I just move on? “Don’t be sorry. I appreciate the honesty upfront.”
“You’ve been honest with me, and I was just trying to be honest with you . . . I don’t think there’s any problem exchanging letters, though. And maybe hanging out on occasion as friends? You’re one of the few people I know here in Longdale,” she says with a smile. “Unless you’d rather not?”
“I’d love to hang out as friends.” And I mean it. I’d rather exchange letters than not have any contact with her at all. Even though my stomach burns at her words. Maybe it really is about school, our families, our different upbringings, or Callum.
Or maybe it’s about me . . . maybe she really doesn’t like me in that way. That’s her prerogative, but I can’t help feeling like that would combine with the thoughts I have every time I get a rejection letter from a literary agent—that I’m not good enough.
“Callum’s going to need to eat some dinner soon, so I’d better go.” She stands and gathers her purse and diaper bag.
Callum scampers up, too. When I stand, he takes a couple of steps backward and rushes at me, tackling me. I bend to pick him up in my arms and fall back on the couch again, holding him as we crash. He laughs. “Nice tackle!” I say.
“I’m so sorry.” Rose frowns as she reaches for him. “Callum, it’s not nice to do that to a person without warning.” She picks him up from my lap and sets him on the floor next to her.
“No, no. It was fun. I’m the youngest, so I was always the one trying to get my older brothers to play with me. I welcome any and all tackling.”
“Don’t say that!” Rose teases, laughing at Callum’s laughter. Callum takes a few steps back, his adorable, chubby hands going in the air behind him as he winds up, ready to tackle me again.
“We’ve got a linebacker on our hands, Rose. The kid’s a natural.”
“He does love the rough and tumble stuff.”
“Me, too, Callum. Me, too.” I pat his back before he wriggles down from my lap.
“It’s all well and good until he gets hangry and then watch out. The poor kid goes from zero to sixty fast.”
“He’s one year old. Of course he does.”
She eyes me carefully. “You sure you only have one niece? How are you so good with kids?”
“Actually, I have two nieces and a nephew, but we haven’t met Benson’s son and daughter yet. He wants to ease them into the family slowly. His former wife has requested that.”
“How about you? How’s your hangry threshold?”
“Contrary to what my family probably thinks, I handle my hanger pretty well.”
“Because . . .” she twists her body back and forth. “I was going to say, maybe we could grab a bite to eat at the corner eatery together? They’ve just started serving dinner. Which, I’m sure you already know. But I’ll buy. Consider it a sort of thank you for playing with Callum.”
“You don’t owe me for hanging out with Callum. I’m probably having just as much fun as he is, if not more.”
She gestures towards the eatery. “Alright then. Let’s go.”