Chapter Fifteen
O n the drive home the following afternoon, during a lull in the light, superficial conversation between her and Chase, Lauren turned her head and stared at the NYC skyline coming into view. As happy as she was to be home, she dreaded the moment she and Chase would part ways.
And she knew they would. She’d woken up that morning alone in bed, Chase already in the shower. Even after he walked out of the bathroom—fully dressed—he’d gone downstairs to get them coffee and a light breakfast, to “give her some privacy” to get ready herself.
After everything that had transpired between them, what the hell was up with that? A stupid question, because she knew it was Chase’s way of putting distance between them, creating a tangible and jarring shift from the man who’d made love to her the night before, and the connection they’d established over the last few days. Instead, he’d re-erected his emotional walls and it hurt to the core considering how much they’d shared over the course of the weekend.
Not just sex, which had been the best she’d ever had, but their deep, intimate discussions, and the way they’d both been vulnerable enough to open up about different parts of their past. She understood how painful his childhood had been, and how that had impacted his adult life, and she’d foolishly hoped that maybe she’d given him a reason to believe in them. That together, they had something worth fighting for.
Instead, after he’d returned with coffee, fruit, and some muffins on a tray, he stated that he’d wanted to get an early start on the drive home. He started packing up things and loading the car like he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. That’s when she knew it was over, without the need for conversation. He’d fulfilled his obligation as her weekend boyfriend, and they really were going to go their separate ways.
Her heart ached but she reminded herself that he hadn’t made her any promises. In fact, he’d been painfully upfront and clear about his inability to be anything more than a temporary diversion and affair. “…the reality is, I don’t do long term because I don’t know how. I don’t do commitments because I don’t have that ability. I can’t make you the kind of promises someone like you deserves.”
Clearly, despite everything, those words still held true, and she’d been stupid to believe she could have been the one to pry open his heart and show him everything he deserved.
She closed her eyes and breathed deep, remembering the conversation she’d had with her mother the night before at the reception. About how much her parents really liked Chase, and how they couldn’t wait for them to come and visit again.
“I just want to say, this weekend is the happiest I’ve seen you in years and it fills my heart with so much joy,” her mother had said, as she gently touched Lauren’s cheek. “I see the way Chase has watched you this entire evening, the way he looks at you like he truly adores you…”
Lauren swallowed hard. If only that were true, then she’d be sitting beside a different man. One who hadn’t given her every indication he was about to let her go. A man who would have fought for her.
But despite everything, Chase was a good guy. A victim of a shitty upbringing that had skewed his views on relationships and commitment to a woman, but still a solid, honorable man.
As she felt his car make the familiar turns and stops toward her apartment building, the pain in her chest increased. And since Chase hadn’t mentioned seeing her again, she resigned herself to the reality of their situation. This was the end.
The vehicle came to a stop. The engine shut off, and Lauren forced her eyes back open, glancing at Chase, determined to keep things amicable despite her feeling so shattered inside.
“Thank you for standing in as my boyfriend for the weekend. I appreciate it.” She hated how impersonal her words sounded, but she didn’t know what else to say.
He gave her a very poor attempt at a smile. “I think the weekend accomplished what you needed for your family.”
“Yes, it did,” she agreed, and for that, she was grateful.
She got out of the car, and he did the same, meeting up with her at the trunk where he pulled out her luggage.
“So, what are you going to tell your parents about us?” he asked, his voice low, somber even.
He was referring to their inevitable breakup . She shrugged, trying to remain indifferent when her emotions were a tangled mess in her chest. “That things didn’t work out. People break up all the time.”
He nodded, and she could see the conflict in his eyes. The pained expression on his face told her that he was having as difficult a time letting her go as she was with walking away.
She’d never been the type of woman to beg and plead for a man to want her. But she realized she couldn’t leave Chase without telling him how she truly felt about him—even knowing it wouldn’t change his decision.
She cleared her throat. “There’s something I want you to know, Chase,” she said, holding his gaze. “I care about you. In fact, I’m halfway in love with you.”
He groaned, sounding like a man tortured. “Lauren—”
She cut him off and rushed on, not wanting to hear his platitudes. “I hope you don’t come to regret letting go of something that has the potential to make you happy. You might not think you’re capable of being happy, but I’ve seen it this weekend. I felt it. I lived it with you because you made me happy, too.” She stepped up to him and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “I wish it could have been different for us. Goodbye, Chase.”
His jaw clenched, turmoil swirling in the depths of his eyes, but when he didn’t say anything in return, she grabbed the handle of her luggage and followed the walkway leading up to her building.
At the beginning of this past weekend with Chase, she’d promised to keep her heart out of the equation, but that was before she’d seen the man beneath the fa?ade he put up for the rest of the world. And that man had been impossible to resist.
***
For what felt the dozenth time, Chase attempted to review the prospectus on his computer screen, seeing the financial and investment data, but his brain was having a hard time retaining the information. Which was a problem, when he needed to assess whether this particular investment aligned with his client’s financial goals and risk tolerance.
He groaned in frustration at his inability to concentrate and sat back in his leather chair, rubbing his fingers across his forehead. Being distracted was par for the course the past four days, since watching Lauren walk away from him while struggling internally with all the foreign emotions waging war inside of him. There had been panic and dread at the thought of never seeing her again, and worse was the hurt he’d seen in her eyes because causing her pain was the last thing he’d ever intended to do.
And then there was the crushing amount of regret he couldn’t shake, no matter how hard he’d tried. Telling himself he’d done the right thing was a fucking bitter pill to swallow, especially when he was miserable without her.
Chase wasn’t a man who’d harbored a lot of regrets in his life. Even as a child, when his mother had walked out without so much as a goodbye and his own father had been emotionally and mentally unavailable, Chase had done whatever it had taken to survive and get himself to the point where he only had to think about himself.
Having two absentee parents had forced him to grow up fast. That lack of unconditional love and guidance throughout his formative years had taught him to rely only on himself, to the exclusion of forming emotional attachments with others because he refused to live through that kind of painful disappointment ever again.
He’d held on to so much bitterness over his mother’s abandonment, and then his father’s choice to drown his sorrow in self-pity and alcohol, to the point that those two major blows in Chase’s life had driven him to make sure he became a stronger, more accomplished man than his dad ever was.
Chase had always believed that the anger and resentment pushing him forward made him stronger because it meant no one could hurt him or make him feel so isolated and less than ever again. And maybe, at one point in his life, those emotions had served their purpose to shape him into the successful man he was. But now… that lingering anger and resentment made him feel weak, because he was too fucking afraid to open up to a woman who gave him so much hope for a future he’d never allowed himself to even consider.
He’d always been of the mind that he couldn’t change the past, so there was no sense in wallowing in regrets and wishing that things had turned out differently. Mostly because the situation he’d been dealt when it came to his parents hadn’t been within his control.
But losing Lauren had been based on his decision. His actions. He was responsible for being exactly where he was, alone again , having lost a woman who’d not only pierced his emotional armor, but had given him the sweetest glimpse of what it felt like to have it all.
Instead, he’d been a martyr, so fucking convinced letting her go had been noble, because really, how could a vivacious woman like her fall in love with a broken man like him, one who knew nothing about deep, unconditional love? And now, he just felt hollow inside because he missed Lauren. Her sassy and mischievous personality and her optimistic outlook on life, despite what had happened with her ex. The way she made him smile and laugh and not take life too seriously when he was with her. How she’d been able to forgive her sister for what had happened between them.
And now, when he closed his eyes, he couldn’t stop seeing her standing at the curb when he’d dropped her off four days ago, her heart so open and vulnerable as she told him how happy he’d made her that weekend. How was that even possible?
Chase’s chest tightened as he replayed Lauren’s last words to him in his mind, each one a piercing reminder of how he’d failed her. He’d spent years building walls to protect himself, but now he saw them for what they truly were… barriers to love, to happiness, and everything that mattered.
And Lauren, he realized, mattered most of all. But was he ready to try with her? And if he was, how in the hell did he repair the damage he’d done?
The vibration of his cellphone indicated he had a text notification. The sound startled him out of his thoughts, and he picked up the cell. The message was from Billie, who he hadn’t seen or spoken to since his weekend with Lauren. He paused before opening the text, wondering if his sister somehow knew what occurred between him and Lauren and intended to interrogate him via text.
Dread settled into a hard knot in his stomach, and he swiped open the message to read what she’d written.
How about meeting me for dinner tonight at Luigi’s? There’s someone I want you to meet.
He frowned at the cryptic message, though he was relieved that her text wasn’t about Lauren. He hated to think how disappointed Billie would be with him if she knew how badly he’d fucked things up with her friend.
Exhaling a deep breath, he welcomed the distraction of eating dinner out so he didn’t have to spend another evening alone in his too quiet apartment, immersed in depressing thoughts.
He replied with, That sounds good. Make reservations for 6pm, and I’ll see you there.
The rest of the afternoon passed painfully slow, but at least Chase managed to finish the prospectus he’d been reviewing and gave Victoria his notes to type up into a professional-sounding letter with all his recommendations for his client.
At twenty to six, Chase left the office and drove a few blocks to the Italian place that was one of his sister’s favorite restaurants, more than a little curious to find out who this mystery person was that Billie wanted him to meet, and why.
Chase arrived first, and the hostess brought him to their table. He took a seat so he was facing the entrance, and a few minutes later the same woman escorted Billie and a man he’d never seen before to where he was waiting.
He stood up and gave his sister a hug. As she stepped back out of his embrace, he couldn’t miss her radiant smile and the sparkle of happiness in her eyes behind her black framed glasses. Billie was always cheerful and bubbly, but he had a feeling her guest was the one responsible for her added exuberance, if the other man’s look of adoration toward Billie was any indication.
Interesting.
“Chase, I’d like you to meet Neil Pierson,” she said, introducing him to the gentleman standing next to her, who looked well put together in a navy business suit, wire-rimmed glasses, and appeared to be in his early twenties, close in age to Billie. “Neil, this is my brother, Chase.”
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Neil said, shaking Chase’s hand in a firm grip. “Billie has told me so much about you. All good things, I assure you,” he joked with an easygoing grin.
Chase smiled back. “Good to know. Have a seat,” he said, indicating the other two vacant chairs at the table.
Neil held out Billie’s chair for her, impressing Chase with his social graces when it came to treating women with respect. She thanked Neil, a pink flush sweeping across her cheeks.
They settled in and ordered their meals, and once the waiter had delivered their glasses of wine, Chase glanced across the table at the pair, noticing the way Neil held Billie’s hand on top of the table, not hiding his affection for her.
Chase had no reason to dislike the man, but he had to admit he was feeling a bit protective of Billie. This was the first time she’d ever introduced him to a boyfriend, so he assumed that things between the two had to be serious and beyond a casual date. Which meant Chase intended to do his due diligence in vetting this guy for himself.
“So, how did the two of you meet?” he asked, jumping right into the interrogation.
Billie gave Chase an amused smile. “It’s actually quite a funny story. Neil is the bachelor you replaced at the charity auction.”
Chase’s brows rose in surprise, but before he could respond, Billie continued on.
“Neil would have been Lauren’s date to her sister’s wedding, had he not been sick with the flu and I had to recruit you to take his place,” she said, grinning. “Funny how fate works sometimes, huh?”
Another round of shock rippled through Chase. So, this was the guy that Lauren had been referring to when she’d charged into his office and said to him, “You weren’t my first choice of a bachelor, but I’m stuck with you.” She’d intended to bid on Neil, and knowing that, Chase couldn’t help feeling a little territorial, which was ridiculous. It was definitely a twist he didn’t see coming, and the thought that he might not have ever experienced being with Lauren made him realize what a gift his weekend with her had truly been.
Not wanting his thoughts to travel down that route again, he took a drink of his wine and refocused his attention on the happy couple across the table. “So, how did the two of you end up dating?”
Neil cleared his throat before answering the question. “Well, I felt incredibly bad about having to pull out of the auction at the last minute, so I showed up at the Future Fast Track offices with flowers to apologize, and a donation check. I took one look at Billie and I was quite taken with her so I didn’t hesitate to ask her out for dinner.”
Billie beamed affectionately at him before glancing back at Chase. “We discovered we had so much in common. We both love museums and Broadway shows, and while Neil might be an accountant, he loves the same video games that I do, like Super Mario and Zelda .”
Neil grimaced, appearing a bit embarrassed. “You’re making me look like a nerd in front of your brother.”
“You are, just a little bit, which I absolutely adore about you.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek, completely smitten with him. “You’re this geeky, intellectual guy by day who crunches numbers, but once you leave the office, you are so much fun to hang out with.”
Neil was smiling as he met Chase’s gaze from across the table. “Honestly, it didn’t take me long to realize that Billie is quite literally the dream girl I’ve been waiting for all my life.”
Chase was truly happy for his sister, but the couple’s infatuation with one another was almost too much for him to take. But even though their enthusiasm was over-the-top, he’d be lying if he didn’t admit that he was envious of how the two of them made being together seem so easy and uncomplicated. Billie had far from a charmed upbringing, yet here she was, embracing the possibility of falling in love.
Their meals arrived, and while they ate, the conversation revolved around Billie telling Chase that she’d met Neil’s parents and siblings over the past weekend, and how well it had gone. And how excited she was that she had an upcoming date with Neil’s sister for the two of them to go to a place called Colorful Canvas, which was a wine and design class, whatever the hell that meant.
He listened to her go on, her genuine excitement making him smile. All during the course of dinner, he was both surprised and grateful that Billie didn’t ask about his weekend with Lauren and figured she was too enamored with Neil so the question didn’t cross her mind. Whatever the reason, Chase was relieved she kept up a steady stream of conversation that had nothing to do with him and his sad, wreck of a life.
After their main course, Billie ordered dessert, which she shared with Neil, while Chase opted for an Irish coffee.
When the pair finished the tiramisu, Neil stood up and smiled at Billie. “I know you want to talk to your brother privately, so I’m going to go and sit at the bar. You can come and get me when you’re done.”
“Thank you,” she said, returning the smile with a soft one of her own.
Chase wasn’t going to assume anything about what she wanted to have a private conversation with him about, and kept his tone casual as he asked, “Everything okay?”
She folded her arms on the table in front of her, her gaze direct and more serious than she’d been all evening. “With me, yes. As you can see, I’m great. I’m more concerned about you.”
“Because?”
She pursed her lips together, the faintest amount of annoyance flickering in her eyes, which was something he didn’t see often. “Oh, come on, Chase. Don’t be obtuse.”
He raised a brow and admitted to nothing.
“Okay, fine.” She sighed heavily. “I called the Meridian today to discuss a few things with Lauren about next year’s Future Fast Track charity ball. I know I’ve been in my own little bubble with Neil and should have called you earlier this week, but I didn’t, so when I was on the phone with Lauren, I asked her how everything went this past weekend at her sister’s wedding.”
His gut twisted at just the mention of Lauren’s name. “And?”
Billie held his gaze. “She said I should ask you .”
“It went just fine.”
Her eyes narrowed on him. “Then why did Lauren sound so… sad? And not like her normal, upbeat self? Something happened between you two, didn’t it?” she pressed. “And I’m not talking about sex, because… eww, you’re my brother. But I can see it in your eyes, the same way I heard it in Lauren’s voice. You’ve tried to be present tonight, and you’ve been great with Neil, but I know you, Chase. I’ve seen you when you’re grumpy and annoyed and standoffish, but for the first time since meeting you, you look sad. Maybe even defeated.”
He was so goddamn tired of trying to keep his walls raised high, of denying all the emotions that Lauren had cracked open inside him. “Yes,” he finally admitted. “Something… happened. And it scared the goddamn shit out of me.”
She broke out in a grin. “That’s good .”
He frowned at her in confusion. “Why is that good?”
“Because it tells me that your heart is working, and I don’t mean in an obvious, pumping blood kind of way,” she teased. “Being scared of feeling something means you’re human, and I know it’s hard to let yourself be vulnerable that way. And despite those walls you have up, and how gruff and tough you act, I already know you have the capacity to care very deeply.”
He scoffed. “We’ve discussed my upbringing. What the hell do I really know about love, Billie?”
She looked taken aback. “You know how to love, Chase. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t be here, sitting across from you, feeling like the luckiest sister alive because you searched for me and found me and made me your family. A man incapable of love wouldn’t have done that.”
He sat back, not only listening to his sister, but processing her words. He’d been unhappy, not just for the last four days, but for most of his life. Until Lauren.
“Chase, you can continue to bury yourself in work and tell yourself it’s for the best or you can put that brain of yours to work and accept that things don’t always have to be this way. You don’t have to be this way. You don’t have to be alone.”
His hand curled around his empty espresso cup as he met Billie’s gaze. “What if I hurt her?” he asked.
Billie leaned forward. “What do you think you’re doing now?” she challenged him. “That said, I’m going back to Neil and leave you to your thoughts.” She rose from her seat before he could push his chair back, and walked over and kissed his cheek. “Don’t let this chance at happiness slip away, big brother.”
She left him sitting there with the knowledge that he had one more chance to get this right with Lauren. Assuming she wasn’t so upset with him she wanted nothing to do with him now. But knowing her sweet, forgiving personality, he didn’t have much to worry about.
He just had to find the courage to approach her.