Chapter 20
CHAPTER
TWENTY
KOA
The duffel bag Koa carried was nearly full of clothes, toiletries, and Tutu’s comfort items. He rummaged through the cabinet under Tutu’s bathroom sink to try to find an extra toothbrush, the last item he needed before getting back to the hospital.
Both he and Tutu used electric toothbrushes, but he knew Tutu wouldn’t want the whole big thing plus the charger at the hospital. He knew they kept the spare toothbrushes they got from the dentist somewhere, but he couldn’t find them.
He lifted his head from under Tutu’s sink. They had to be in the guest bathroom, now Mia’s bathroom.
He moved across the hall, grateful he didn’t have to go through Mia’s room to get to the bathroom.
The bathroom had two entrances and he’d take the one from the other bedroom.
He already felt like he was invading Mia’s privacy by just going into her bathroom.
But he just needed to check the storage closet in there, and then he’d be out in a jiffy.
Koa went immediately to the large closet where Tutu kept extra towels and blankets as well as toiletries.
Opening the door, he scanned the items, going to his knees to get to the lower shelves.
Behind toothpaste and deodorant was a lifetime supply of toothbrushes.
Koa grabbed one before standing, ready to back out of the bathroom when orange pill bottles on the counter caught his eye.
His gut roiled.
Orange bottles had ruined his life.
He remembered the very day they’d started appearing in his life, only to steal his mom away.
Koa knew his mom had been different before the drugs. But it was hard to remember those times because when he did, he also had to remember that one day she’d chosen to turn to that bottle, never to turn back to her family again.
There were two orange bottles on the counter.
Mia having some kind of a prescription was totally normal. Not a big deal. The fact that she hadn’t shared it with him, also the smallest thing ever.
It was only because of his past that the bottles were raising any kind of red flag at all.
Walk away, his inner voice commanded. It would be stupid of him to look at those bottles. To snoop on a woman who’d been so good to him.
Koa felt himself walking toward the counter.
It isn’t too late. Walk away!
He knew he was being dumb. No good could come of this. It was Mia’s private space he was invading. He had no right.
And yet…he bent down to read the label on the bottle. It was for a prescription drug people commonly became addicted to.
His heart stopped.
But why was the name on the bottle not Mia’s?
Alice Johnson.
It wasn’t her first name nor her last.
Maybe she had family on the island she hadn’t told Koa about?
By why would she have this person’s prescription?
Koa’s body went cold, his mouth filled with saliva.
He blinked, willing himself not to get sick all over Mia’s bathroom.
The other bottle had a different name. He couldn’t even focus long enough to read what it said, but it wasn’t Mia or Alice.
Behind the mirror was a medicine cabinet.
Don’t open it.
What would Koa find in secret after seeing what Mia had left in plain sight?
Before he could stop himself the door was popped open.
Six more little orange bottles. He didn’t even try to see the names.
Koa bent over, holding his stomach. This couldn’t be. Not Mia.
How had he not seen the signs? He was an expert. Was this a new addiction? Could she be saved?
Koa shook his head as he tried to right himself. It didn’t matter. This was something he couldn’t live with. He could never be in a relationship with a woman who used.
An undertow of pain caught up to him, pulling him under again and again.
His breathing came too fast.
You need to talk to her!
And then what? What could she say that would make this okay? Other than lies. And Koa had lived with these lies all of his life. He couldn’t.
His heart stopped. Mia was with Tutu. In a hospital.
One thing Koa knew about addiction? No addict ever had enough. Mia was in a pill lover’s heaven. He had to get her out of there and away from Tutu. Now.
He pulled out his phone and typed,
Leave the hospital.
He couldn’t explain more. He couldn’t say more. He just needed her gone from Tutu’s side.
What? Are you okay, Koa?
Came Mia’s immediate reply.
Like she cared. Addicts never cared about anyone other than themselves.
I’m fine. I need you to leave the hospital.
He didn’t care where she went as long as she left Tutu alone. He’d have to figure out their future living situation at some point, but for now, getting her away from his vulnerable Tutu was enough.
Koa, you’re scaring me. What happened? Are you okay? Tutu is sleeping but I’d rather not leave her alone.
Alone was better than with her.
Get away from her. Now.
Did you talk to your mom?
What did Koa’s mom have to do with any of this?
Whatever she said we can work through, Koa.
Wait, had his mom seen the signs in Mia immediately? One addict to another. Is that why she’d been so awful to Mia? Had she been trying to protect Koa?
Koa was too confused to answer any of those questions. All he knew was he needed Mia away from his Tutu.
He ran to his truck, throwing the duffel bag in and jumping behind the wheel.
We don’t need to work through anything. It was one date. We won’t be going on another one. If you have any sort of respect for me, you’ll leave the hospital now. Good bye, Mia.
She had to understand the finality of that text. He was done. He was shutting that chapter. Mia hadn’t at all been what he’d thought she was. She’d had him fooled. Just like his mother had for years.
MIA
Mia stared up at the ceiling in Nat’s studio apartment wondering how her life had gone so wrong.
One minute she’d been at Tutu’s side, feeling like she’d finally found her place.
Now mere hours later she was Nat’s long-term guest and Koa, Tutu, and their family were all gone from her life.
Koa hadn’t said anything about moving out of his home in his texts, but as soon as she saw them, she knew she couldn’t stay there. Not after that good bye.
Tears leaked down her face, wetting her pillow yet again.
Nat had been at the hospital in record time to pick Mia up, but Nat hadn’t wanted Mia to leave. She’d demanded they confront Koa together.
But Mia couldn’t do it. He’d already been through so much. And she’d have died having that kind of confrontation in such a busy place.
Mia had explained to Nat what Koa’s mom had said. How she must have somehow gotten to Koa in the time after he left the hospital. Convinced him Mia was all wrong for him.
So fight yourself. For him. Whatever it took was Nat’s answer.
But Mia was tired. She’d been up the whole night before. And Koa had every right to ask her to leave his Tutu. He had every right to decide they weren’t right for one another. It had only been one date after all. So she’d gone to their home and packed up, making sure first that he wasn’t there.
Her life was back in two suitcases and the trunk of her car.
Nat’s studio was tiny, so most of Mia’s stuff had stayed in her car, and it made her appear to be a bit of a houseless transient. But she guessed that was now what she was.
And now she somehow had to go on with life. But how was she supposed to go back to school the next day?
She wiped away her tears.
Nat had wanted answers but Mia didn’t have any.
Finally, Nat had left Mia on the couch while Nat was a couple feet away in her bed.
They were in such close proximity that Mia had to cry silently if she didn’t want to be found out.
Why had Koa believed his mom? Mia was so sure they’d had an understanding. At least that he respected her enough to come to her to talk things out. But he’d pushed her away. Made his choice. What was she supposed to do?
Nat wanted her to fight, but what did that even mean? Go against his express wishes? That seemed counterintuitive.
He’d said good bye. That text had been so final it should have finished with the end.
“I know you’re crying. Just make the noise you need to before your head explodes,” Nat said from her bed.
“I’m not crying,” Mia said, her tears obvious with every word.
“I’m so sorry, Mia.”
Mia heard the rustling of sheets and soon her upper body was being lifted so that she could sit and lean on Nat.
Nat hugged her and they sat in silence for a few long minutes.
“He seemed like such a good guy,” Nat said, betrayal in her words.
“He is a good guy.” Mia found herself defending him.
“Good guys don’t break good girls hearts.”
“They do if they aren’t right for each other.” Mia let out a sob. She just wished she could understand. She was so lost. Yet, he owed her nothing. They’d gone on one date. But it had felt like so much more.
“His mom must have lied about you,” Nat insisted as she held Mia closer.
“So what am I supposed to do? Demand he tell me everything his mom said and then dispute each word?”
“Yes!”
“What if that hurts his relationship with his mom more?”
“That’s her fault. She’s the one who told the lies. Let her live with her consequences.”
“But the consequences won’t hurt just her…”
Koa was such a good man. Yes, he’d hurt her. But she knew he had to have a good reason. And maybe that reason was just that he’d been convinced that all mainland girls were the same. That she’d leave him one day.
And as much as she was sure today that she wouldn’t, what if she did? What if she had to? Mia couldn’t tell the future. Maybe it was better to break it off now than to hurt even more later. Maybe none of the good would have been worth it.
And no matter why he broke it off, she knew she had been smart in deciding to move out. How could they face one another after…after?
They couldn’t. She knew she couldn’t. Koa would be the kind of man she’d stare at wistfully for the rest of her life, until he looked her way and then she’d turn away. Pretend she didn’t know him. She couldn’t do that when he was across the hall.
It would be hard enough to face K.J.
K.J.
She’d stupidly already envisioned him as her nephew. After one date! Granted, her daydreams had begun even way before that date.
Maybe this was God’s way of protecting her from too much too fast.
And yet it had all felt so right in her heart. Filled with a kind of peace only God brought her.
“You need to talk to him, Mia,” Nat finally spoke once more.
Mia shook her head. She couldn’t. Koa was right to say everything over text. She couldn’t face him. She didn’t want to see his face and know he was no longer a part of her future.
“This hurts. So bad.” The pain was overwhelming, in so many ways even worse than what she’d experienced after her divorce.
She held her stomach, hoping that would keep her from falling apart.
“But I need to move on. He needs to move on. If we talk and hash out what was between us, we walk backwards, and I can’t do that.” Because if she went backwards, she’d only want a backwards that ended up with Koa. Even now she only wanted a forward that ended with Koa.
Mia’s heart ached, her entire body weak. Sobs escaped when she couldn’t keep them in any more.
Nat held her, tears soaking her tank top’s shoulder quickly.
Mia couldn’t do this. She couldn’t break again. She was so tired of loving and losing. She was so tired of fighting, of trying, only to fail once more.
But maybe that was her lot in life. Failing in love. Being doomed to lose everyone she loved.
A small voice whispered no one was cursed with that kind of life. She was worth more. She was worthy of all.
But in that moment, that small voice couldn’t win. It wasn’t enough to combat all of the hurt.
Until Nat whispered, “You’ll be okay.”
And with Nat’s words, Mia’s small voice grew a little louder. Just enough for Mia to hope that maybe one day Nat would be right.