CHAPTER 14 #2
Ethan gives his fast-food pitch again, and Virginia acquiesces.
They wave at me as they leave the gym, and I turn to look for Palmer.
She’s standing in the corner, talking animatedly to a man and two women.
The younger one uses a walker and is one of the athletes who had been in the front row.
I see Palmer mouth my name and nod her head in my direction, which suddenly makes me feel almost shy.
I lean over to pet Mouse, who huffs a satisfied grunt.
“Bailey!” Palmer calls out my name.
I look up. The four of them are staring, and Palmer waves me over.
I stand and tug on Mouse’s leash. “Come on, Mouse. Your mother calls.”
The two of us make our way across the gym, Mouse leading the way. Her body wiggles uncontrollably when she reaches Palmer, who greets her with a kiss on the head.
I am suddenly very aware of the number of eyes on me and give a friendly smile. “Hi, guys. I’m Bailey. I’m a… uh—friend of Palmer’s.” I extend my hand to the older two adults then turn my attention to the other woman. “What’s your name?”
She flashes me a big smile and giggles, looking between Palmer and her parents.
“You can do it,” the older woman encourages her.
The woman braces herself against her walker, and Palmer steadies her with an arm around her waist. She pats her fist against her chest twice. “I. Veronica.”
I smile and extend my hand to her. She sets her fist in my hand, and I shake it. “Nice to meet you, Veronica. I’m Bailey.”
“Great job, sugar bear,” the man says with a kiss on top of her head. “We better get headed home. This lady is due for her nightly spa appointment.”
Veronica laughs as she tightly grips her walker and starts unsteadily toward the door.
“Good night, Palmer.” The older woman hugs her tightly. “You’re doing a great job.”
“Thank you, Dee. I’m certainly trying.” Palmer steps around her and catches up to Veronica. She wraps her in a steadying hug, which Veronica returns. “And I’ll see you later this week!”
Veronica laughs and babbles, which Palmer appears to understand because she laughs, too.
She gives her a quick peck on the cheek, then holds the door open for them, calling out after them. “Bye, guys! Have a good night! See you later, Ronnie! Love you!”
Ronnie.
That’s when it hits me.
Veronica isn’t just one of Palmer’s athletes. She’s her high school best friend. The one she told me about. The one who had a scholarship to cheer, but then something happened.
“It was a car accident,” Palmer says as she closes and locks the gym door, almost as if she read my mind. “We were supposed to go on a group ski trip to Breckenridge for spring break our senior year.”
Palmer walks over to the pompoms and starts putting them into the bag. I kneel down to help.
“I was supposed to be there with her,” Palmer continues. “But I was too worried about prepping for my audition, so I told her I’d drive out later.”
“Audition?”
A sad smile crosses her face as she stands up. “I was auditioning for the music program at the same university where Ronnie had been given a cheer scholarship. I wanted to be a star… but if nothing else, I wanted to be a music teacher.”
I take the bag of pompoms from her, and she turns to gather the rest of her things. Palmer motions with her head for me to follow. We start slowly across the gymnasium, tidying up as we go. I pat my leg, and Mouse trots alongside us.
“She didn’t even get an hour out of town.
Her tire blew out on the interstate, and she flipped God knows how many times.
They didn’t know if she was going to make it.
” She pauses, a strange look crossing her face as she locks the door.
“I felt so fucking guilty, like it was my fault. I know it wasn’t.
I know that if I’d been with her, I likely would’ve been hurt just as badly, if not worse.
I just—” Palmer shakes her head and turns out the hallway lights behind us.
“Palmer, you have to know it wasn’t your fault,” I say, holding open the front door for her to walk through. We continue down the sidewalk toward our vehicles together, Mouse’s tags jingling with each step.
“I know. It just felt awful that I was getting the chance to live my dreams or to do whatever I wanted while Ronnie was literally just trying to survive.” She shakes her head.
“I’m not sure why, but I couldn’t sing anymore.
I’m sure it was some sort of psychological trick my brain was playing.
Whatever it was, I physically couldn’t. So, I missed my audition and my opportunity for the music program, but I didn’t care.
I applied to several of the universities in the same area where Ronnie was in the hospital.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but I knew that I had to be there for her. ”
Palmer pops the trunk on her SUV, and I set the pompoms inside.
She closes it and turns back to face me, her back against the car.
The undercurrent of her pain and guilt is palpable.
Even though she says she doesn’t blame herself, it’s evident part of her does.
I lean next to her, and Mouse settles between us.
Palmer leans down and scratches between her ears absentmindedly.
“Or maybe I thought I was punishing myself by not chasing my dream since Ronnie didn’t get to chase hers.
I don’t know. Anyway, so I came up here to Manhattan, auditioned for the marching band, and started college.
A few months after the accident, Ronnie was moved to a rehabilitation center here, and her parents moved up here, too.
I made it a point to visit her several times a week.
She wasn’t the same as she was before the accident, but she’s always been my best friend.
” Palmer smiles softly. “Spending time in the rehabilitation center is what made me decide to become a special education teacher. And Ronnie being my best friend is what really got me into doing Special Olympics cheer. She may not have—” Palmer’s voice falters.
She inhales deeply and tilts her head toward the sky.
Without much thought, I take her left hand and squeeze. She squeezes mine back.
Palmer swipes her right hand under her eye before continuing. “She may not have gotten to go to school on her cheerleading scholarship, but as long as I’m around, she gets to cheer for as long as she wants to.”
When she turns to look at me, her eyes swim with tears. I don’t let go of her hand, just rub the back of it with my thumb. She glances down at our hands then back up at me.
“You know, you’re the first person I’ve ever told that,” Palmer says quietly.
“Well, I’m honored. Thank you telling me.” I give her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it. “And thank you for inviting me to practice. It was so cool to watch, and you were amazing.”
Even in the dark, I can see the color rising in her cheeks.
“Well, thank you for coming. I wasn’t sure if you would,” she says honestly. “You certainly didn’t have to.”
“I fully intend to come again, if you’ll have me. I don’t know how useful I’ll be on the cheering side of things, but I’m always good to run errands and haul things around. It sounds like you found a solution for the uniforms then?”
Palmer gives me a genuine smile, then throws her arms around me and gives me a gentle peck on the cheek. “That would be great.”
As she pulls back, an awkward silence passes between the two of us.
I’m not sure why she’s feeling uncomfortable, but I know why I am.
Instead of relishing the feeling of her lips against my skin, I put all of my mental power into figuring out whether I want to ruin a sweet moment by claiming her mouth with my own and fucking her in the back seat of her car.
While I’m doing the mental gymnastics to figure out if there’s enough room, she’s the first to break the silence. “And no, not yet. But I’m working on it. Virginia thinks that she can figure out a way to make the bows, so that’s one less expense, but uniforms are still pricey.”
“Okay. Let me know if there’s any way I can help. I’d be happy to.”
She nods. “Well, I’ll see you around, Bailey,” she says, taking a step toward the door on her driver’s side. Seems like she made the decision for both of us.
Dammit.
I follow her steps and open the door for her as she slides in. “Thursday at six, right?” I ask.
Palmer’s eyes light up, and she bites her lip as if to hide the small smile on her face. “Thursday at six,” she confirms.
“Okay, cool.” Without so much as a second thought, I duck down and press a firm kiss to her lips before pulling back and stepping away from the door. “See you then.”
The only response I get is an open-mouthed stare, an abrupt nod, and a small wave before she shuts the car door and drives off.
Meanwhile, I’m cemented in place, a raging hard-on straining against my pants, the sweet scent of Palmer lining my nostrils, and the ghostly imprint of her lips against mine.
For the entirety of my drive back to post, there’s only one thought that wraps itself around my brain, over and over:
I want—no. I need more.