CHAPTER 49
Palmer
Bailey twitches, startling me with the sudden movement. He groans, and his breathing becomes choppy like he’s caught in a nightmare. I rest my hand in his, willing him silently to squeeze mine back.
Come on, Bailey, I pray. Just one little squeeze.
His hand rests limply under mine, not even an involuntary movement twitching his fingers against my skin. Only once his body finally relaxes do I remove my hand.
Ofelia’s face is tense as she watches from her spot on the couch; she feels just as helpless as I do.
They warned us it would probably be like this. The doctor said there would be involuntary movements and noises. She also told us he might be agitated or confused when he does wake up, depending upon… well, depending upon the effects of everything his body has gone through.
“We just don’t know.” That’s the phrase they’ve used over and over again. After this, I would be content to never hear it again.
Ofelia and I have been taking shifts sitting at his bedside, just in case he wakes up, while the other person rests. Or at least is supposed to be resting. I don’t think either of us has actually slept yet.
I’m not sure how I thought this would all work. I think maybe I thought they would extubate him, and thirty minutes later, those nearly black eyes that I’ve missed would open to meet mine and everything would be okay.
But that’s not how it works. Not even close. It’s been nearly two days.
“Palmer,” Ofelia starts softly. I look up and she continues. “You need to try to get some sleep and eat something, sweetie.”
The thought of food makes me feel sick to my stomach, and I tell her as much.
She nods understandingly. “I get it, but you’ve got to stay healthy, too.”
I wonder if she suspects. I’ve barely been picking at any food I’ve tried to eat and been sick in the bathroom more than I’d like, but I’ve tried to play it off.
My hand finds its way to my stomach. “We both do,” I tell her.
“This might be a long road, and we’re no good for Bailey if we don’t take care of ourselves. ”
“Fair point,” she says resignedly, then leans forward, balancing on her knees. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll go grab us a couple of sandwiches if you will come rest.”
I open my mouth to protest, but she cuts me off. “I’m not saying you have to sleep. Just rest your eyes.” Ofelia pats the couch.
As much as I want to argue with her, the weight of my eyelids is undeniable. “Okay,” I acquiesce, standing from my chair to move around the bed. “But only until you get back.”
“That’s perfect.”
She smiles, wrapping the thin hospital blanket around my shoulders. Despite its thinness, it might as well be a weighted blanket the way it pulls me down to the couch. I settle against the arm and pull my knees up against my chest.
“Be back in a jiffy,” Ofelia promises then she shuffles out the door.
Even though I’ve denied being tired over the past few days, it is a struggle to keep my eyes open. Every blink is laborious, and I have to force my eyes open again every time they close.
A quick catnap won’t hurt anything. It’ll just be a light doze, and I’ll wake up when Ofelia comes back to force a couple of bites down. If only to make her happy. I’ll just close my eyes for a minute.
I pull the hood of my sweater over my head and lean against my fist, rapidly losing the fight against gravity and my own exhaustion. My breathing slows, and I drift quickly into a deep, dreamless sleep.