Chapter 22 #2
I run my fingers down his chest and to his jeans.
I undo his belt buckle and pull it off. I unzip him and pull his pants down and pull his briefs off so that his cock is there, springing free.
I get on top of his lap and rub myself back and forth on him, his thick length sliding and gliding against my wet slit.
He groans as he looks up at me. He still looks surprised and shocked. I grab hold of him and position him between my legs, and I slide down, taking all of him inside of me.
“Oh fuck, that feels so good,” he calls out. “Mia.”
I ride his cock slowly at first, and he reaches up and plays with my breasts. I move back and forth gently, and then I bounce up and down. He grabs my hips and moves me faster and faster. I lean down and brush my nipples against his lips, and he sucks on them as I continue to ride him.
Then I feel my orgasm coming, and I scream in pleasure as I orgasm on top of him.
He groans a few times, and then he bounces me up and down faster and faster until he is exploding inside of me.
I collapse down on him and then kiss his lips.
I grab his face and kiss him slowly. I want to remember this moment.
I gaze into his eyes, and then I roll off him and head to the shower.
“Wait, what are you doing?” he says as he sits up. “What was that about? You were just angry at me, and then you just fucked me. Mia, you’re confusing me.”
I look back at him and just shake my head. “This is how you made me feel,” I say. “I got mine, and now I’m going to go in the shower, and then I’m going to grab breakfast and go hang out with Juniper and do some work.”
“What? Mia, we need to talk. Obviously, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t want you to feel used in any way. I like you a lot.” He stumbles over his words. “This—it means something to me.”
“Does it, Luke, or was it just sex? At the end of the day, you chose your need to take a phone call over your need to be there for me this morning, knowing that we had done something shocking in our friendship, in our relationship, and we’d crossed so many lines and boundaries.
I would’ve thought you would be there for me this morning. ”
“I’m here for you now, Mia.”
He jumps up off the bed and heads toward me.
He grabs my hand and pulls me into him, but I push away from him.
Our naked bodies are within inches of each other, and I feel like every nerve cell of mine is being activated by every nerve cell of his.
We stare at each other. I’m glaring, and he’s looking confused and annoyed and frustrated.
“So, you’re really just going to fuck me and then leave?” he says.
“Yeah. I mean, it doesn’t feel so great, does it?” I breathe.
He just shakes his head. “Really, Mia?”
He reaches out and touches the side of my face, and as much as I want to hold him to me, as much as I want to make it better, I’m still caught up in my own feelings.
I’m still caught up in my hurt, and I’m still absolutely confused by what I just did.
My body had wanted him—wantonly, passionately—and I had him, and it didn’t feel good.
That didn’t feel like making love. It felt like raw, rough sex, and I knew I was hurting inside.
I just want this to mean something more than it does, but I can’t tell him that. I know I’ve already been acting crazy, and by the look on his face, he is as confused as I feel.
“I’ll see you later, okay? The big party’s tonight, and we need to make sure we’re on for that,” I say. “I think we both want to make sure of that.”
“Okay, so you’ll be back later, or—”
“Yeah, I’ll be back by this afternoon so we can get ready.”
“And we’re not going to talk about any of this?” he says.
“There’s nothing else that we have to say right now, Luke.”
“I think there’s plenty more that we have to say, Mia.
” He sounds angry now. “But I’m going to respect your wishes, and I’m going to let it go for now because I know this has been a lot.
But honestly, Mia, it’s not just been a lot for you.
It’s been a lot for me too. And it’s not just your friendship with me that has been affected by us sleeping together.
It’s also my friendship with you, and I think we’re both trying to figure out how to navigate this space.
” He leans forward and softly kisses me.
“Just don’t lock me out, okay? I may be the only one in this world that actually understands what you’re going through right now because maybe I’m going through it as well. ”
“Maybe,” I say, nodding slightly.
But the simple fact of the matter is, I don’t think he is.
If he knew how desperately and deeply in love with him I was, I don’t know if he’d be able to live with himself.
I know if he knew how deeply I had fallen for him, he’d feel absolute guilt—because Luke didn’t feel that way about me.
The only thing he truly loves more than anything else is work and focusing on being the best that he can be, and I know that.
I’ve known that for a long time. It doesn’t make him a horrible person; it just means that is his priority.
I know he loves me as a best friend. I know he will always be there for me, but I also know that I don’t come first. If I did, he would’ve seen me in the last five years.
He would’ve begged for me to come to New York, but he didn’t.
He hasn’t, and I have to accept that fact, no matter how much it hurts me.