Just Between Us

Chapter Thirty-Five Kai

Halfway through the week, Levi is still on bed rest and even if he is completely fine, Cole won’t let him out of his sight or let him lift a finger. Levi complains and looks at me for help, but I’m on the same team as Cole and selfishly, it’s nice to hold him whenever I want.

I’ve been working from their place since but today, our manager wants to see all of us for an in-person meeting. I feel grouchy as I sit at my desk. The idea of leaving them makes me whinier than I’d like to admit.

Is this what it is to be really in love? I can’t stand being away from them.

By the time lunch rolls around, I’m a little less moody and work doesn’t feel as tiring as it did before. Without the looming cloud of Kenny’s threats, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I completely believe Levi and Cole when they say I shouldn’t worry about him. They have all sorts of connections, and I know they wouldn’t let anything happen to me or my sisters and my mom.

During lunch, I sit with Marie and Connor who look severely sunburned after a stag-do in Marbella which he narrated throughout the weekend via text.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” he asks, munching on a salad.

I almost spit out my yoghurt. “What?”

Next to Connor, Marie’s mouth falls open as he rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on, Kai. I’m not that stupid.” He juts his chin towards my wrist. I’m in a short-sleeved t-shirt and my arms are on full display. The diamond bracelet sits snugly on my left wrist, gleaming ever so slightly from the lights above us.

“You think we all haven’t noticed the ridiculous diamond bracelet you’ve been wearing for well over a month now, a bracelet that conveniently matches Levi Bellamy’s. Or the sneaky holiday to watch the freaking Monaco Grand Prix which you conveniently never mentioned or posted any pictures of.” He pauses. “We make decent money, but we don’t make holiday in Monaco money.”

My cheeks flush and I look down at my wrist then back at Connor. Next to him, Marie clears her throat and shifts. “Ah, no way he’s dating Levi. That’s so ridiculous,” she laughs nervously.

I shake my head. It’s not been a secret really; I just didn’t want people from work to talk whilst it was still so new, but I should have told Connor. He’s one of my best friends.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I say to him. “I’ve been trying to figure it out myself and I didn’t want anyone to judge me for sleeping with the boss, you know?”

Connor looks sympathetic. “I get it, mate. It was pretty obvious you two were constantly desperate to see each other’s dicks. Don’t worry about it.” He pauses, frowning. “So, wait, did you home wreck?”

I shake my head quickly. “No, whoa! I’m dating them both.”

This time Connor’s eyes widen. “No fucking way! This is crazier than you home wrecking. You’re dating them both? Shit, Kai, and Cole’s family own this company.”

Never mind the fact that Cole detests his family. “I know, that’s another reason why I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Damn, I get it. But you three make an insane couple—wait throuple. Oh, this is too good. Please invite me over to watch.”

I should be embarrassed but it’s Connor and Marie, outside Jenna they are my best friends. Instead, I roll my eyes. “Are you positive you’re not the least bit interested in men because you talk about me having sex a lot?”

He laughs. “I did kiss Ollie during the stag-do but it didn’t get me hot or anything so I’m sure, but I’d pay to watch you three though. You know, like those sex museums in Amsterdam.”

“How much are we talking?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Two-fifty, best I can do.”

I shake my head gravely. “Sorry, too low. We only work in the high thousands.”

Connor grins and Marie quietly mutters, “Ew,” and we all burst out in fits of laughter.

Now that all my friends and sisters know, it’s time I tell my mother.

I sit around the table with my mother and the twins. Zara is telling us about a girl she went to high school with who is now a famous model. I watch my mother as she pretends to listen closely, but I can tell something is wrong, her eyes keep glazing over before clearing and smiling again.

I’m on high alert. What if Kenny has threatened her? My stomach twists at the idea.

“So, Kai, when are we meeting your boyfriends?” Zoe asks, turning to me.

My eyes widen as my mother coughs on her food. “Boyfriends? What?”

My cheeks heat as I give Zoe a pointed stare. I thought Zara would be the one to blurt it out, not her. She grimaces, eyes apologetic.

“Um, remember when I told you I was seeing someone?” I ask.

My mother nods, eyes still wide in the way mothers look at you when you say you’re moving across the world. “It was actually someones. We’ve been seeing each other pretty seriously now and they are the ones I went to Monaco with. Well, they took me.”

My mother looks confused for a second. “Wait, you’re seeing two people.”

“Two guys,” Zara corrects. “And they are hot.” She pulls out her phone and scrolls a second before showing my mother the screen. I crane my neck. It’s the picture of Levi, Cole and I in Monaco from Kez’s film camera.

“Wait, how do you have that?”

Zara shrugs. “I airdropped it to my phone when you showed us.”

Of course, she did.

My mother opens her mouth and then closes it again before turning to me. “You look really happy,” she says quietly.

My sisters and I exchange glances. She sounds like she’s about to cry. Mum rarely cries. The only time she cried was when the twins left for university and when I told her about Kenny.

“I am,” I say. “I can’t wait for you to meet them.”

“How does this weekend sound?” Zara says excitedly but Mum still looks a little sad. A lone tear travels down her cheek.

“Mum, are you okay?” Zoe asks.

She looks up and hands Zara back her phone. My stomach knots, dread creeping in.

“I have something to tell you,” she says. She takes in a quiet breath. “It’s your father, he’s—he’s gone. The police found him in this flat this afternoon. I didn’t—I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”

I suck in a breath. “What?”

Mum clears her throat. “It looks like it was an overdose or a bad batch of drugs. They aren’t sure yet.”

Next to me, Zoe stiffens, and Zara covers her mouth with her hand. They had a different relationship with Kenny. He was nice enough to them, but he was also absent and mean at times. Despite that, he was still their dad.

I sit there as my mother continues to speak but I can’t hear her. My ears ring, my heart beating terrifyingly slow. It’s like the world slows around me. Mum goes over to hug the twins and places a hand on my shoulder. They loved him at some point, and they will never fully know what he did to me. I don’t want them to. I’d rather the twins remember him as their father, not the real monster he was.

I watch them, something like relief settling over me and then guilt. I’m happy, but I’m not. Emotions I don’t know swirl inside me, but I know I can’t be here. They need to mourn, and I can’t mourn with them.

I swallow. “I need to go,” I tell them.

Mum looks at me and nods. Zara smiles despite the tears in her eyes but the look on Zoe’s face—I can’t decipher it. Maybe I should feel some resentment that they have some good memories of him, but I can’t find it. It’s what I spent all those years growing up trying to do. I never wanted them to see how terrible it was.

Now, I feel the same relief I felt when he was arrested. I don’t have to protect them anymore. I can just be Kai.

“Of course, sweetheart,” Mum says. “Be safe.”

I nod and give them all kisses at the top of their heads.

Kenny is dead. He died alone in what was probably a filthy flat. I hate myself for thinking it but it’s what he deserves.

Levi is lying with his back against Cole’s chest, slotted between his legs when I walk in. Cole is reading and Levi is on his laptop. They stop when they see me. I’m weirdly keyed up, like I could run a half marathon and be completely fine.

“Kenny is dead,” I say.

Cole looks at me, his face completely neutral just as Levi untangles himself from Cole and walks over to me. A gentle hand lands on my cheek.

“How do you feel?” he asks.

“Weird. Relieved. Confused.” Every emotion under the sun is swirling through me currently. “I don’t really know honestly.”

“What do you need?”

That I know how to answer. “You.”

For the first time, I don’t feel weak for saying it. I feel tears dance in my eyes but I’m not just sad exactly–I’m relieved but I’m sad for my sisters. I’m sad for my mother and the guilt she must still feel.

Levi’s smile is sweet. “Okay,” he says. “You have us.”

I focus on Cole who comes up behind me and presses his thumbs against my hip bones, pulling me against him. I let out a quiet moan as Levi’s lips meet mine and Cole kisses my neck. I whimper again, completely melting into them. This is what I need. I just need them.

“Fuck, I can’t wait to take you both away from here and keep you all to myself,” Cole says.

“That sounds like a threat,” Levi says.

I can’t help but think I wouldn’t mind it. I wouldn’t mind being alone with them all the time, stuck in our world.

“Oh, it’s a promise,” Cole says, letting me go. “Now, what will we do with you, princess?”

I look at them hopefully. “Finish the final Harry Potter movie with me?”

Levi holds my chin. “Is that what you want to do?”

I nod. As much as I love sex, I’m just happy to be with them. To be safe. To be free.

I love them and I’m theirs, just as they are mine.

When we’re done watching the movie, we stay up late talking and at times, my mind drifts to Kenny. Since I was six, he has loomed over me like some dark cloud, constantly threatening to storm and wash me away. Now that he’s gone, I’m not sure who I am without the constant fear that he’s somewhere around the corner waiting to take everything I love away from me.

“Kai,” Cole says, pulling me back.

“Yeah?”

“We wanted to talk to you about something,” he says. “But before we do I need to tell you both something first.”

He doesn’t look nervous or anything but there is caution in his eyes. Levi shifts on the couch to look at him. He doesn’t know what this is about either then. “What is it?” he asks.

Cole runs a hand through his hair and lets out a quiet breath. “When we decided to give this a shot, we promised to be honest and transparent, so I want to make sure I stick to that. But before I do, you should know that I’m giving you both this one chance to leave. I’ll let you both go if you want me to, but only tonight, never again.”

My throat feels dry all of a sudden.

“Why would we leave?” Levi asks.

“Adam didn’t hang himself,” Cole says levelly. “I only made it look like he did. He would have gotten off light and I couldn’t risk him coming back and hurting you again.”

My entire body tenses and without thinking, I reach for Levi’s hand. He clutches it tightly.

“Wait, you…” Levi trails but I know what he means to ask.

Cole nods. “I did and it’s important you know that I’d do it again if it means keeping you safe. It’s also important that you know that I enjoyed it.” Impenetrable green eyes land on me, and I suck in a breath because I know what comes next.

“Kenny didn’t overdose, did he?” I ask.

Cole tilts his head slightly. “No, he did but the drugs were laced with something else. I gave him the choice and he chose that instead of going back to prison because he knew what would be waiting for him there.”

I did think it was a weird coincidence that Adam and Kenny were dead within days of each other, but never in a million years would I have guessed this.

I glance at Levi, and I know his mind is working too, connecting all the dots.

I should be terrified. Cole should scare me, but no matter how hard I try to look for that feeling, it doesn’t come. Instead, I just want to hold him.

“When I was younger, I made sure to suppress every awful part of me until I thought it didn’t exist, but it does. It’s there and it’s who I am. I accept it now.” He takes in a quiet breath. “You both control me and that means you control that awful part of me too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep you both safe. But I understand that this could be terrifying and not what you want, so, tonight is the only time I’ll let either of you walk away if you want to. It's your choice.”

I don’t need to think about it. I throw an arm around him, breathing his scent, tears spilling from my eyes and onto his t-shirt. Maybe it’s fucked up that I only want him more. “I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper against him. “I love you too much.”

When I pull away, Cole is smiling, his eyes so full of love I never thought would be directed at me. My mind flashes back to that night in Mulligans as I watched him with Levi. I badly wanted someone to love me the way he so obviously loved Levi.

For a few weeks now, I’ve known he loves me but now I understand the gravity of it. I understand what Kez meant in Monaco.

There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do to keep you safe.

He loves me and all I have to do is love him back.

My other hand is still clutching Levi’s, and he smiles at me when I look at him. “You’re both the loves of my life and Cole, I love everything you are. I always have and always will.” Levi gets on his knees and holds Cole’s cheek with his free hand before kissing him deeply. “Thank you,” he whispers.

We settle back on the couch, limbs tangled together. I nuzzle my nose in the dip of Cole’s neck, breathing him in. Kenny is gone and so is Adam because of him–because of us. We now hold secrets between each other and outside the bracelet and the life they’ve welcomed me so easily into, I feel like a part of them. I hold both their hearts in my hand just as they hold mine and I’m never letting go.

Next to me, Levi stirs and when I look at him, a wicked smile plays on his lips. His eyes land on me, a hungry glint in them. “Wanna fuck me, baby?”

I sputter. “What?”

He looks between Cole and I and shrugs a shoulder. “You can if you like. I’ve been pretty curious to know what your cock feels like inside me.”

Shit.

I’ve never thought about inserting my dick in either of them but something about it feels hot. Even if Levi bottoms for me, I know he’ll be far from pliable or submissive. My dick twitches at the idea.

“C’mon, let’s give Cole a pretty show,” he whispers, pulling me into a rough kiss.

As if I’d say no.