Chapter 10
“Remind me why we’re here again?” Ryan asks, raising his voice over the noise. “Since neither of us want to be here.”
“Habit? Fuck if I know. I’m in town and this is what we do.”
That’s always been reason enough. I come to Nashville, drag my brother from his gaming console, and we hit up Broadway.
But after being away for a few weeks, the bars now feel different.
Too crowded. Too loud. I’m not sure when it happened, but in the span of a month I’ve outgrown the part of myself who used to love this.
“What’s going on with you, man?” he asks.
“I told you, nothing. I needed to hang back in Singing River for a while. That’s all.”
I take a sip of my beer but lower it when Ryan nudges me, jerking his head to the bar. “Those two at the end keep looking over here.”
I don’t bother turning. “Not interested, dude.”
Ryan’s brows lift and he studies me.
“Quit that shit. It’s not that deep. I’m just not interested tonight. Plus, I might not come up here as often as usual, so there’s no point starting something up.”
Ryan and I both know I only have one-nighters, so that last part is complete and total bullshit. I take another sip of my beer, wishing I’d ordered something stronger, with what I’m not saying sitting between us.
It’s not the bar or the noise, or even the women eyeing my brother and me.
It’s Cassie. And I’d be lying to myself if I said otherwise.
A few weeks have passed since the sky rat incident, and since then Cassie and I have spent at least three nights a week together and every weekend.
She finally beat me in a game of Wii tennis, and I talked her into watching something other than a horror movie.
I selected The Matrix and she loved it so much we’ve finished the entire trilogy.
We’ve hiked several trails near my house, but I never convinced her to jump off Whippoorwill again.
She’s quickly become the person I want to spend all my time with, and damn close to my best friend.
Which is where I need to keep her, otherwise I’ll think thoughts that are better left alone.
But that doesn’t mean I need to be fucking around in Nashville either. Even though I can’t go there with Cassie, getting to know her on a deeper level has ruined the appeal of hooking up with a stranger.
I rub my thumb along the condensation on the side of the bottle and peel back a corner of the label. I know my brother’s watching me again, but I don’t look up. Ryan lets the silence sit for a beat, until finally he speaks.
“Soooo…” He drags out the word. “Who is she?”
Exhaling through my nose, I keep my eyes fixed on my beer, pretending to read the label to avoid responding. “I never mentioned a she.”
“You know,” Ryan begins, setting his beer down, “in all my twenty-eight years as your brother, I’ve never known you to be a liar.” He pauses when my head whips his way. “Also, Mom mentioned something about a woman. Cassie, I think?”
“Mom—what? What’d she say?”
Ryan holds up a hand to stop my stammering and questions. “Calm your tits. She didn’t say much. Just mentioned you’d been spending a lot of time with a new woman in town and you seem different.” His mouth hooks up and he tips his bottle at me. “After seeing you tonight, I get what she means.”
Well, shit. I’ve just been living my life, working at the studio, helping at the bar when I’m needed, and spending time with Cassie when I’m not.
Somehow it didn’t cross my mind people might be noticing how much time we spend together.
I don’t mind people noticing. Hell, I hope people see it’s me she’s choosing to be around.
It’s just been a while since I was the topic of conversation around Singing River.
Ryan takes another sip of his beer, sets it down, and eyes me with one brow quirked.
“Right now…” I say, hating how the words feel even as I’m speaking them. “All Cassie and I can be is friends.”
Ryan doesn’t jump to respond. He sits, arms crossed, waiting to see if I’ll say more.
“It’s not that I don’t want more. I want a hell of a lot more,” I admit. “But Cassie has been through a lot.”
I leave it at that. Her story is hers to tell, and I’m not about to parade it around as proof for why I’m keeping her planted firmly in the friend category. Ryan is perceptive, and when he hums under his breath, a thoughtful sound, I know he hears the things I’m not saying.
“So,” he says at last. “Friends for now?”
I shrug, resigned. “Friends for now.”
He studies me, and by the look on his face, his thinking face, I can tell he has more to say, and suddenly my skin feels too tight, dread curling in my chest. I try to focus on the sounds around us, glasses clinking, the pssft of a can being opened, the bartender calling out an order.
“People heal, Liam.” Ryan starts. “They move on from their wounds eventually. I’m sure she will.
And I know we don’t talk about some things, but maybe this is a sign you should get some help and work on yours, too.
” My eyes narrow and I look away, training my gaze on the rough wood floor of the bar, but Ryan keeps right on talking. “Do you even say her name out loud?”
“Shut it, Ryan,” I bite out. “Not tonight.”
But my brother doesn’t shy away from tough topics. He never has. I just didn’t expect this to be our topic of conversation tonight. I feel blindsided by it. “Is that a no?”
“I said, not tonight!” My voice comes out louder than I intend, loud enough that a couple guys at the next table glance our way.
Ryan doesn’t understand. He tries, but unless you’ve lived it, it’s impossible. A name that’s two simple syllables, but letting them fall from my lips is like trying to climb a mountain, leaving me winded.
Ryan throws up his hands in surrender while I drain the rest of my beer in one long pull.
The bottle is empty, but I keep it tipped back an extra beat, just so I don’t have to look at my brother’s face and see the pity I know is there.
What the fuck is he playing at? He knows better than to bring up my past like this, sitting in a bar surrounded by people.
“And,” Ryan adds, a note of caution in his voice, “if Cassie is as great as you think she is, you won’t be the only guy who notices.”
The thought of Cassie with another man, an unwelcome image, twists something low in my gut.
Cassie laughing with someone else, her attention held by someone who isn’t me.
Something possessive with a hefty dose of fear.
The kind that fortifies my resolve at friendship.
If I reach for more, I’m not sure I’d survive it slipping from my fingers again.
“I just don’t want you to be the guy who realizes he waited too long.”
“Yeah…” I take a deep breath. “I won’t.”
Ryan and I fall silent, listening to the band playing in the corner.
I stand to grab another beer from the bar, keep my eyes straight ahead to avoid the two women who are still trying to catch my attention.
I know how it would go. A flirty wink or smile is all it would take and they’d be at our table. But that’s not what I want.
The bartender lifts the cap from my bottle, slides it my way, and I return to our table. As soon as I sit, Ryan turns to me, all traces of seriousness gone from his expression.
“But I gotta ask, man. If you’re outta the game, how am I supposed to pick up women? They aren’t exactly flocking to parent-teacher conferences.”
I snort out a laugh.
Ryan is a sixth-grade math teacher, introverted, overworked, underpaid, all the things.
He usually stays home grading papers, plays D&D on the weekends, and goes to bed before ten unless I’m in town.
We both know he’s not out trying to pick up women.
He dates here and there, but nothing that ever seems to stick. I have some theories on why.
“Did you see Lilah moved to Nashville?” I ask, just to see what he’ll say.
Delilah Jenkins is Ryan’s high school sweetheart from the D&D club at the library.
Her family was super hippie, homeschooling, making their own essential oils and shit.
Ryan’s senior year, her family moved to be closer to grandparents.
Say what you want about young love, but I think Ryan still hasn’t gotten over her.
“Why are you bringing this up?”
“Just found it interesting. You and her. In the same town after all this time.”
Ryan chews the skin around his thumb. “I don't know why you’d find that interesting. Close to a million people live in Nashville. What’s one more?”
I stare at him, incredulous. He and I both know Lilah is not just one more face in the city.
“Can we talk about anything else? I don’t care what.”
I’ve never seen my brother so flustered so I quickly pivot the conversation to the F1 season, who qualified first and their current standings. I don’t follow the sport closely, but Ryan loves it. It’s familiar ground, shooting the shit with simple talk.
He’s just finished telling me about his shitty fantasy football season when I check the time and only feel slightly disappointed—okay, maybe a bit more than slightly—when I see zero texts from Cassie.
“I hate to cut this wild night short,” I say, setting my empty bottle on the table. “But I need to call it a night.”
Ryan cocks his head to the side and digs his phone from his pocket. “Already? It’s barely ten.”
“Yeah, your bedtime.”
Ryan turns like he’s reaching into his pocket, pulling out his middle finger, and I laugh, resisting the urge to bend it backward like when we were in middle school.
“I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow.”
He nods slowly. “Ah, right. I forgot.”