Chapter 23
I’ve changed outfits three times. Completely over the top for a Thanksgiving potluck, where not a soul will notice. No one will even look at what I’m wearing. But this isn’t just any town potluck.
My mom will be there. And Sam. And in the back of my mind lies a question I’ve stopped asking aloud.
Will Liam show? We haven’t seen hide nor hair of him in weeks.
Not me, not Penny, not Josie. I can only hope his family has.
He’s simply gone, and at some point, I gave up checking my phone for his name.
Sam texted to see if I wanted to ride together, but I declined. I need to drive alone, have an escape route in case today gets to be too much.
Blowing my bangs from my face, I collect the bowl of pasta salad I made, find my keys, and head outside.
My heart rate ticks up as I approach downtown, the sign reading Singing River Friendsgiving coming into view and what looks like the entire town, milling about between rows of folding tables. At the far end of Main Street, a stage has been erected for our very own Austin James concert.
I veer off the road to park at the curb, but I don’t get out right away. My palms are slick with sweat on the steering wheel. From the privacy of the G-wagon, I scan the crowd through the windshield.
I can do this. Shaking out my sweaty palms, I repeat the words aloud. “I can do this.”
A knock on my window makes me jump. With a palm to my chest, I turn to see Sam standing at my driver’s door, that bright smile on his face, holding two Styrofoam cups. Grabbing the bowl of pasta, I open the door and step out, accepting one cup from him.
“It’s apple cider. It was going fast so I grabbed some for you.”
I take a sip, the spicy tartness hitting my taste buds in a burst of flavor. “Thanks!”
“You okay? You look a little pale.”
“Just some family stuff,” I dismiss. “I’ll be fine.”
Sam’s eyes go tender. “Anything you need talk about? What can I do?”
I force a smile. “I just need to find my brother.”
We approach the crowd in silence, but part ways when he spots a fellow teacher he wants to say hello to. I can’t hold back the sigh I let out.
Sam is great. Truly. Over the last three weeks, we’ve been on a few more dates and had a nice time. He took me to the fall festival at the brewery, walked me to my door later that night, and kissed me. Everything about it was fine, not too aggressive or clumsy. And yet I felt nothing.
Still no butterflies or sparks, but…fine.
Just as I’m setting the pasta on the table full of casseroles and salads, my brother’s voice reaches my ears. Slowly, I turn, and that’s when I see her.
Standing next to Aunt Ashley, arms wrapped around Austin’s neck, is my mother. Suddenly the decade we’ve been apart feels like an eternity.
She’s changed so much from the woman I remember. Over that FaceTime call, I knew she looked thin, but next to Austin’s breadth and height, she looks downright bony. The brown cardigan seems to hang on her rail-thin frame.
Austin releases her, and I force my feet to move. Each step feels like I’m wading through water. I’m halfway to them when she looks up, as if she felt my stare.
Our eyes connect and my mom’s face crumples, one hand going to her mouth. My steps quicken until I’m there, facing the mom I’ve longed to see for close to a decade.
“Cassie.” Her voice breaks in two on my name.
Our arms do a brief, awkward dance and then mine are around her shoulders. She’s crying, I’m crying, and to my left I hear Aunt Ashley sniffle. The hug continues, and I don’t want to let go. I can’t let go. Not yet.
“You’re here,” I whisper. “You’re really here.”
“I’m here,” she croaks out.
When we finally break apart, she holds me at arm’s length, like she’s cataloguing all that’s changed, and I wonder what she sees.
“You look so grown up, sweetheart.”
I laugh, a watery sound. “I’m thirty, Mom.”
She laughs quickly, but then her face sobers. “I know. It’s just—I missed so much.” Her voice breaks again, and I take both her hands into mine.
“You’re here now. That’s what matters.”
Penny joins us, and I step aside to let Austin introduce her to our mom. I’m half listening to Austin gush about the studio when my throat constricts with heightened awareness, and every thought eddies from my consciousness but one.
Liam is here.
Don’t ask me how I know this. But I do. It’s as though my body has its own internal compass and his presence is due north.
Scanning the crowd, my eyes slide right past Sam, laughing jovially with a group near the drink table, and land on Liam adjusting a microphone on the stage.
I’m frozen in place, my stomach performing the same flip it always does when I see him. But when he stands, that flip becomes a free fall.
He looks absolutely terrible, yet still so beautiful.
Dark circles shadow his eyes, so pronounced they might as well be bruises.
His black Henley, which would usually fit snug across his chest, hangs loose, and I’m certain his cheekbones are more pronounced than they were last time I saw him.
That messy hair I love is disheveled, like he’s run his hands through it all day.
Even from this distance, I can tell Liam is not doing well.
I try paying attention to what my family is saying. Austin says something about Penny, to which she blushes. I catch the tail end of Aunt Ashley mentioning how good Austin looks. I should pay attention to my family. This is important. But my body and mind betray me.
Don’t look again. Not yet.
But I do. And this time he’s already looking at me, his gaze a physical thing.
Anguish streaks across his face, so brief it’s gone in a flash, replaced by a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Storm clouds that haven’t yet broken.
You okay? I mouth.
Liam lifts a hand, tilting it side to side.
“Cassie, love. Did you hear me?”
My aunt places a hand on my arm and I wrench my gaze from Liam’s, back to my family. “I’m sorry. I missed it. What were you saying?”
“I asked if you’re ready to grab a plate. We’re all starved.”
Austin looks at his watch and up to the stage. “Yeah, I need to get on up there.” He takes Penny by the hand and they disappear into the crowd.
I smile, thinking about the surprise everyone is in for.
A couple weeks ago, Penny confided in Josie and me that she’d be making her singing debut today.
She and Austin have been working on some songs together, and they decided today was the perfect day to perform them together.
Austin gave her his credit card, and the three of us shopped until we found the perfect dress for Penny. And she looks hot as hell in it.
As my family and I go through the line at the food tables, I realize I haven’t seen Tyler yet. This isn’t like him. Tyler is Mr. Punctual, never running late.
“Aunt Ashley, where’s Tyler?”
She pauses and looks around, concern etched across her face. “He didn’t fly with us. He left early this morning and drove—oh, there he is, standing with Penny.”
I look to where she’s pointing, and my relief is instant. Austin cares what Tyler thinks, probably more than anyone else and he’d be crushed if Tyler missed today. My family finds seats at one of the tables, and at the last minute I save a seat for Sam.
Just as Penny starts to sing, he slides into the seat next to me, slightly breathless.
“I didn’t know Penny could sing,” Sam whispers, leaning close. “Did you?”
I shake my head, unable to form words. I’m completely mesmerized by the performance unfolding on stage.
I’ve heard my brother sing my entire life.
In the shower, in the car, on stages around the country.
But I’ve never heard him like this. And Penny.
Her voice is crystal clear, the most beautiful melody falling from her lips.
They sing like they were made to harmonize.
The song comes to an end and everyone goes wild, clapping and cheering. Josie can be heard two tables over, cheering the loudest.
I turn back to my food, but I find all I can really do is push it around on my plate.
I’ve never been happier for my brother, so why do I feel like I’m all twisted up in knots?
My mom, Liam, these lackluster feelings for Sam…
it all loops and braids together until something heavy settles itself within the folds of my heart.
Craning my neck, I look around for Liam, but this time he’s nowhere to be seen.
The next song comes to an end, and murmurs rise around me, but then everyone falls silent when Austin begins speaking.
“Penny. When I look back over the last few months with you, it still feels like a dream. I remember the moment I saw you, chasing me across the parking lot apologizing because you felt like you’d been too mean to me. I knew right then I had to learn everything there was to know about you.”
My ears start to ring and my face grows hot. I know what’s about to happen. I’m flooded with emotion—for my brother who’s fought so hard to get here, for Penny who saved him in ways he’s probably still discovering, for the love that somehow bloomed despite Austin having the worst year of his life.
I try to focus on his actual words, but all I can do is watch as my brother drops to one knee and Penny’s hand flies to her mouth.
Her beautiful face is red from crying, and I reach up to find my own cheeks damp from tears.
Penny shouts the words, “A million times yes,” and every person here erupts into applause and cheers.
Austin and Penny make their way off the stage, both of them laughing and crying at once. When their feet hit the pavement, everyone surges forward. Family, friends, half of Singing River. Everyone wants to hug them, congratulate them and see the ring.